People in relationships have certain eating and physical activity habits. They eat specific food, exercise at certain times and in certain ways, and to some degree, copy their partner’s lifestyle (especially those who live together).
Couples essentially adjust to each other and form behavioral patterns that wouldn’t exist if they weren’t with a person they admire and feel happy with.
And just how couples form patterns when they’re happy in a relationship, we could also say that they break those patterns when they’re not happy and not together.
This is because ex-couples (at least dumpers) wish to separate themselves from their partner and find themselves again (regain their identity). They want complete and utter freedom which they can get only by moving on from their ex and leaving the past behind.
Depending on the influence couples have on each other, the breakup can have a variety of different consequences on them. It can inspire them to learn more about relationships, cause them to develop a better understanding of themselves, and even enable them to gain weight, lose weight, or maintain weight.
For most ex-couples, the weight usually changes a bit as they’re forced to adapt to a new way of living.
How big that change usually depends on who dumped who (who got hurt) and who got motivated to self-improve the most.
Many dumpees almost always initially lose some weight as dumpees experience difficulties eating, sleeping, and functioning for a while. They feel devastated by the breakup, so they involuntarily minimize their calorie intake and sometimes even vomit and get diarrhea – which further decreases their weight.
Dumpers, on the other hand, tend to remain the same or gain a bit of weight. What happens to their bodies really depends on the things they think, feel, and do after the breakup.
For example, if they feel extremely relieved and start drinking with their friends, eating loads of junk food, and taking life easy because they think they deserve a little break from their old life, they usually gain a few pounds.
They neglect their health, worsen their lifestyle, and as a result, lose muscle and gain fat.
Bear in mind that the opposite can occur as well. Dumpees can gain weight from (emotional) stress eating and feeling lost—and dumpers can lose weight from trying to get in good shape.
This is the less common outcome, but it does occur from time to time. Especially when dumpees have a difficult time letting go of someone they love and when dumpers try their best to get in shape to impress someone new.
So if the breakup occurred not too long ago and you’re wondering why your ex gained weight, know that the separation has affected your ex’s lifestyle. It’s caused your ex to relax/stress, eat more/worse food, and exercise less.
In today’s article, we’ll go into detail about why exes gain weight after the breakup.
My ex gained weight after the breakup
When your ex was still with you, your ex kept up with your way of living. Your ex looked up to you, wanted to impress you, and without realizing it, adopted your (healthy) routines and habits—and tried to be more like you.
Your ex had a lot of love and respect for you, so your ex mimicked your behavior. It’s what people in love do. They try to get closer to their partner by doing the things their partner does and loves.
After the breakup or even slightly before the breakup though, your ex’s adoration for you went up in a blaze. That’s when your ex stopped associating with you (even with your good points) and decided to make a big personal change.
This is because your ex figured that the breakup calls for a complete restart – a fresh start and that your ex must improve his or her living conditions in order to leave the old, unhappy or unfulfilling life behind.
The thought of being fully independent and stress-free had made your ex very happy. So much so that your ex got extremely comfortable and started to neglect the importance of daily exercising and a healthy diet.
Of course, your ex didn’t gain weight on purpose. It just happened naturally over time because your ex completely disassociated from a person who’d been intentionally or unintentionally promoting a healthy lifestyle.
You’ve probably heard of the phrase that too much of a good thing is a bad thing. If you haven’t, it basically means what it says. Anyone who does something too much and too long usually neglects other just as important parts of his or her life.
In your ex’s case, your ex had too much free time for relaxation and enjoyment, so your ex neglected his or her own physical health in the process. Your ex took it for granted and focused on something or someone else instead.
This is something that befalls many dumpers. Dumpers feel so relieved from the end of their long-term relationship that they think they should rest and take their time to find themselves.
They don’t realize that they should limit their fun time or there could be consequences in areas of their lives that they aren’t paying attention to.
Reasons why exes gain weight
The reason why people gain weight after the breakup is that they switch from a healthy lifestyle to a convenient lifestyle and slowly let themselves go.
They change their mentality and habits and focus on having fun.
Dumpers, in particular, are often guilty of this. Unlike dumpees who tend to battle fears and anxiety, dumpers look for shortcuts and solutions that require very little work.
They oftentimes see themselves as victims and blame their ex for the way they feel. This is why it’s very hard for them to improve themselves as they lack the emotional drive (which is one of the best incentives) for personal growth.
So if you still want to know the reason why your ex gained weight, it’s because your ex felt no reason to keep working hard. Your ex felt exhausted from the delayed end of the relationship and decided to loosen up and indulge in his or her feelings and desires.
Here are a few things exes do to put on weight:
- ordering food instead of preparing it
- (over)eating in front of a computer
- emotional eating (common for breakups caused by stress)
- random eating from having too much spare time all of a sudden
- driving to places instead of walking
- drinking and trying lots of new things
- distracting themselves with new people and unproductive hobbies
If your ex gained weight, keep in mind that your ex focused too much on things that feel right and not enough on things that look right.
Because of a change in mentality, habits, and cravings, your ex essentially looked for quick/effortless gratifications and distractions—and ended up putting on weight as a result.
This tends to happen to those who think their relationship was holding them back and even to those who suffer from depression and various mental illnesses.
According to Harvard Health Publishing resources, here’s why people gain weight.
My ex gained weight months after the breakup
People don’t gain weight overnight. They may change certain habits and routines very quickly, but the effects of those changes take time to show.
For your ex, they took months because that’s how long it usually takes others to notice a person’s physical changes (weight gain). It’s highly likely that your ex has already noticed the weight gain and other downsides to the breakup, but hasn’t mentioned it to you.
You shouldnt mention it to your ex either.
If your ex left you and you’re still in pain, you shouldn’t even be stalking your ex on social media and asking your friends about your ex. You should be making sure that you receive as little information on your ex as possible and that your lifestyle is as healthy as it can be.
A good way for you to do that is to stop analyzing your ex on social media by unfollowing or deleting your ex. It doesn’t matter how you stop information about your ex from reaching you as long as you do something about it and stop thinking things like, “my ex gained weight” or conversely, “my ex lost weight.”
To you as a dumpee, it doesn’t matter what happened to your ex physically or even emotionally. All that matters is that you get your happy self back.
I know this sounds egocentric, but it’s actually very self-caring. Your job is to get over your ex as quickly and pain-free as possible. Your ex’s job, on the other hand, is to willingly offer closure and leave you alone afterward.
If your ex reaches out months after the breakup and asks you for help, you can help your ex if you’ve healed. You can help him or her with losing weight or anything you want, just don’t expect your ex to come back because of your generosity.
Emotional, physical, and financial favors almost never lead back to a relationship. They usually just make dumpees feel used and belittled.
My ex gained weight years after the breakup
If it’s been years since your ex broke up with you, then the breakup probably doesn’t have anything to do with your ex’s weight gain.
Your ex probably bulked up because your ex formed unhealthy habits on his or her own (or with someone else) and stopped looking after himself/herself.
Your ex basically gained fat for the same reason other people do – out of self-negligence.
So don’ look for answers as to why your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend gained weight after the breakup. Maybe your ex would have maintained his or her weight if you didn’t broke up – or maybe your ex wouldn’t.
It’s impossible to predict how things would unfold under different circumstances, so forget about your ex and do everything in your power to make sure that you stay in good shape.
I hope you’ve learned why your ex gained weight. Let me know what you think about this article. Comment below.
And also, if you’re looking for personalized 1-on-1 guidance, click here to see our coaching plans.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
I recently experienced this. My ex and I broke up 4 years ago. She gained probably 10lbs during Covid.
I thought it was just Covid. Now, 2024, I was sent a picture of her by a friend (unwanted) – with her new bf.
She looks probably 60 pounds heavier than when we met (minimum).
It’s very sad seeing. I feel like the old person I knew basically died. I also think, if somehow on earth, we ever got back together, would I even be attracted to her? I doubt it
I still secretly care for her but idk what to do anymore. Lost.
Just need to vent badly
I always check your articles when lost
Thanks for the mental experience and help
-Zack
Hi Zack.
It looks like she changed her lifestyle. She’s not thinking about the consequences of eating what she wants because she lives in the moment. This will eventually catch up to her and put her in a situation to choose whether to prioritize health/looks vs her impulses.
The connection would probably still be there but the attraction may not. It depends on your preferences.
Sincerely,
Zan
My ex regained over 100 pounds during Covid, and added 35 more. I was stunned and shocked when we had dinner – she had doubled her weight. But still dressed beautifully, hair and makeup and nails. Just this enormously obese person now. Went from about a size 6 to a 22. That was three years ago. Saw her recently and she hasn’t lost a pound, I guess she is cool with it. It’s just still shocking to see such a radical transformation – you wouldn’t recognize her.
Hi Tony.
She probably went back to her old eating/exercising habits or simply let herself go. You can consider yourself a positive influence in her life.
Best,
Zan
Great article – very insightful.
My story is I had a tiny girlfriend who was obsessed with men with big bellies, and I just let her fatten me up while we were together. Friends and colleagues were shocked but the bigger I got, the more she chased me around the house, and the sex was intense – I felt like a rock star! When we broke up I naturally started eating less and my belly went way down – my fat reminded me of her, it was “our fat.” And I wanted to be rid of her, and by association, my big stomach. I had been a 34 waist and she got me up to 46.
Hi Josiah.
I understand her habit that was of sexual nature, but your body is yours not yours and hers. You need to take care of it and make sure you’re healthy. Perhaps now you can bring your weight down and be attractive to other women as well. I’m not saying other women won’t find you attractive, but you’ll probably get more attention if you’re in shape.
Sincerely,
Zan
After my ex left me I lost approximately 30lbs in about 3 months. I made drastic changes to my diet. I eat oatmeal every morning and a salad for every lunch. Fruits for snacks in the day. I drastically increased my exercise regimen.
My ex on the other hand has put on at least 10lbs. She was already struggling with a weight problem but it’s gotten visibly worse. Her diet has gotten visibly worse. The frozen pizza has become a staple part of her diet. She lathers her pizza in ranch dressing to ensure that as many calories as possible are consumed. I believe she picked up this bizarre practice from her current boy friend. She has all but given up on exercise. She drives everywhere, even the shortest of distances. I believe she will become one very large lady.
This article is spot on.
Hi Beet.
What matters is that you take care of yourself and grow as much as you can from the breakup. Your ex won’t make any or many improvements and will have to do the work later when she gets dumped.
Best,
Zan
10 pounds? OMG call the police. Geez.
Hey Zan,
Do you think you can do an article about when your ex friends influence your ex to break up with you
Done 🙂
Well I don’t know how you read minds Zan hahah! My ex gained weight and looks bad. But I’m doing my best to be in shape and take care of myself.
Have a good day Zan :))
Hi Linda.
What matters is that you stay in shape. Now, it’s about your health and well-being.
Zan
LOL, I swear sometimes I think you write these blogs just to make my day 😂 If your ex gains weight, just know that karma is just warming up! 🤣
Glad to be of service, DK.
Thanks for reading!