My Ex Doesn’t Want To Get Back Together

Although people sometimes need a little push to do something, this is usually not the case with people who broke up with you or got broken up with. People generally don’t want to be coaxed into thinking and feeling differently. They like how they perceive others and the direction their life is heading as doing so gives them a say in their life, minimizes the risk of getting hurt/annoyed, and prevents them from getting out of their comfort zone.

Both dumpees and dumpers sometimes don’t want to get back together. But dumpers definitely take the crown in this regard as they’re emotionally detached and want time to themselves. They’re so done with the relationship that they don’t even want to think about getting back together. The thought of giving the relationship another chance smothers and repulses them.

It makes them run away from their exes at lightning speed.

Dumpees, on the other hand, reject their ex because they get out of denial, heal, realize their worth, and develop pride. It’s not just that they don’t trust their ex but that they don’t want to emotionally depend on anyone (especially not on an ex). They want to be in charge of their emotions and decisions and do what feels right to them.

If your ex doesn’t want to get back together, it’s extremely important that you don’t push your ex to commit. One rejection from your ex (the breakup) is all the proof you need that your ex has reached a tipping point and that your ex won’t be persuaded back into the relationship with you.

Your ex took your ability to persuade away from you by associating negative opinions and feelings with you and deciding to leave you. So no matter how badly you want your ex to be with you, don’t tell your ex that the relationship deserves another chance.

Don’t tell your ex you’re working on your problems either because you don’t need to sell yourself. Your ex already knows who you are and how you make him or her feel. Getting desperate certainly won’t bring a tear to your ex’s eye and make your ex want to be with you all of a sudden.

It will just pressure your ex and make him or her feel extremely uncomfortable. And when your ex feels uncomfortable, chances are that your ex will respond impulsively to those unwelcome emotions and do something that hurts you. Many people do because they’re so familiar with their ex and impatient that they don’t need to watch their mouths.

They can say what’s on their mind and show their worst side.

If you aren’t ready for your ex’s worst side, don’t talk to your ex about getting back together. Instead of conversing with your ex, implement a strict regimen of indefinite no contact and let your ex come to you. As long as you’re on the offensive, expect your ex to be on the defensive.

This post covers the reasons behind your ex’s rejection and shares some tips on what you can do to recover from it.

Why doesn’t my ex want to get back together?

If your ex dumped you, the reason that your ex doesn’t want you back is very simple. Your ex fell out of love with you and thinks the relationship is unfulfilling and not the way it should be. Its perception of you simply isn’t good enough because your ex associates more negativity with you than positivity.

Negative emotions are sadly much stronger than positive ones. They affect people more, hence why your ex thinks about bad memories a lot and probably mentions them at times too. This happens when a person detaches, feels victimized, and craves a lot of alone time. It happens to many dumpers who felt unhappy towards the end of the relationship and felt trapped.

Dumpers can feel trapped for many reasons. But the most common reasons tend to be them:

• failing to express themselves properly
• lacking understanding of themselves
• wanting to bond with someone else
• being forced to act the way dumpees want them to act
• being guilt-tripped and questioned
• craving space

The explanation for why your ex doesn’t want to get back together is simpler than you probably think. Your ex doesn’t want to return to the relationship in which he or she is going to be unhappy. Your ex would rather stay elated, relieved, or even neutral than risk getting hurt or feeling uncomfortable.

Whether you’ve improved yourself and become much more capable of maintaining the relationship doesn’t matter to your ex anymore.

This isn’t about who you’ve become and are going to become in the future. It’s about the person your ex is convinced you were and will always be. Your ex doesn’t believe in personal growth. And if he or she does, your ex doesn’t care if you’ve grown. There’s too much water under the bridge for your ex to forgive, forget, and start from scratch with no grudges or negativity.

I don’t mean that the relationship can’t be fixed because the relationship itself is innocent and has nothing to do with the breakup. It’s your ex’s understanding of you that’s preventing your ex from giving it another go. Your ex is focusing on the bad aspects of the relationship too much to see your good traits and the light at the end of the tunnel.

He or she will have to slowly stop thinking about the bad things by prioritizing his or her needs and forgetting about you for a while. I know you don’t want to “be forgotten,” but your has to take his/her mind off you. By doing so, your ex can process the breakup naturally (go through the dumper stages).

That means you mustn’t keep asking your ex to get back together and reminding your ex you’re still around. Every time you ask for attention and love, you refuse to give your ex space and make it harder for your ex to respect you and want to be with you.

This isn’t rocket science. Force anyone to do something he doesn’t want and you’ll notice that person getting annoyed and/or distancing himself from you. Maybe you’ll have to demand things for a while, but eventually, the person you persuade will see that you don’t understand him and respect his decisions or boundaries.

In breakups, no means no. Your ex will get irritated very quickly if you don’t accept your ex’s refusal and keep trying to change your ex’s mind about the breakup.

That said, here are 5 reasons why your ex doesn’t want to get back together.

What can you do when your ex doesn’t want to get back together with you?

When your ex rejects you, you must avoid making your ex feel unwanted emotions and bringing a bad reaction out of your ex. You can do this by accepting the breakup. Accepting it and being okay with it will be extremely challenging at first and the opposite of what you want, but you don’t have to do it right away. You just have to do your best to stay composed as doing so exudes confidence and proves that you respect yourself.

How you present yourself could determine how your ex thinks of you and feels about you. And these two things could determine whether your ex runs back to you when life gives him or her lemons.

Your ex and people in general aren’t very good at reading others’ emotions. They don’t know how you feel inside unless you verbalize it to them or show them you need them through desperate actions. Actions such as begging and pleading, frequently texting them (especially long texts), and commenting on their social media posts.

You’ve got to keep in mind that dumpers don’t want to invest time and energy in a broken relationship. They abandoned the relationship so they wouldn’t have to maintain it anymore. You mustn’t give them the feeling that you expect and need something from them or they’ll show you a side to them you didn’t know existed.

So what do you do when your ex doesn’t want to take you back?

You thank your ex for his or her time and walk away with confidence. Before you walk away, tell your ex you’ll be focusing on yourself and that you’ll let your ex know when you’re ready to talk. Be very careful about your tone when you’re cutting your ex off.

If you sound angry and bitter, your ex will probably pick up on it and feel zero remorse for ending things with you. You should sound as indifferent as possible so that your ex doesn’t think you’ll wait for him or her to have an epiphany.

Although your ex could eventually have an epiphany, you don’t want to let your ex know you’re at his/her mercy and incapable of taking care of yourself emotionally. You want to present yourself as someone who’ll be okay with or without a relationship. That could one day pique your ex’s interest, impress your ex, and reattract him or her.

It all depends on the value you preserve, how your ex perceives you, your ex’s ability to process negativity, your ex’s maturity, and the things happening to your ex. The less prepared your ex is for difficult situations in the future, the higher the chances that he or she will want to get back together with you when the world comes crashing down on your ex.

You don’t know when or if that will happen. But if you want your ex back, you probably shouldn’t destroy your chances by reaching out to your ex and hoping your ex says yes. Dumpers who say yes would sooner than later come back on their own. They would commit because they crave their ex’s recognition and can’t risk their ex moving on.

Show your ex you don’t need to get back together

Nothing makes a better impression on the dumper than a little bit of reverse psychology. You don’t have to play jealousy games and pretend you’re happier than ever, but if you show that you’re moving on and enjoying your life, your ex might stop feeling pressured, develop respect, and want to know what you’ve been up to recently.

The key is to be confident and focus on anyone and anything other than your ex. Spend time with your friends, participate in various activities, travel, exercise, discover and improve your flaws, and figure out what you want out of life.

Now that your relationship ended, you need to put yourself first. So invest time, effort, and money in who you are and want to be, and don’t look back. Your ex needs to see that you’re set on moving forward with your life and that you’re not waiting for him or her to return and love you.

If your ex sees you’re waiting, you can be certain that your ex will take all the time in the world to date other people and see if he or she can have a good relationship with them. And that could be dangerous for your well-being and detachment process.

So rest assured that your ex will find a way to check up on you if he or she really wants to. Your ex will stalk you on social media or ask your friends and family about you. You don’t need to force yourself into your ex’s life for him or her to know you’re doing okay.

Your actions (which include not chasing) speak for themselves. They tell your ex you’re not waiting and wasting your life for someone who doesn’t want you. That’s the strongest message you can send your ex. And you can send it by starting no contact.

The sooner you go no contact, the quicker you’ll let your ex breathe, let go of your ex, and put yourself and your loved ones before your ex.

Does your ex not want to get back together and it’s hurting you? What did you do that got you rejected? Write your comment below the article.

And if you still have questions that need to be answered, consider signing up for breakup coaching here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.