My Boyfriend Still Loves His Ex But Loves Me Too

If your boyfriend still loves his ex but loves you too, you need to know that your boyfriend is in a state of confusion. He claims to love two people at the same time, but the truth is that he only loves one person. He loves the person he’s connected with on a deeper level.

And that person, most likely, isn’t you. It’s his ex because she broke his heart or conversely, forced him to break hers.

That means that your boyfriend ignored the importance of working on himself after the breakup and just did what felt right. He did the most selfish thing he could think of which was to rush into a new relationship.

By doing so, he distracted himself from fixing his issues and focused on receiving love instead.

So unless your boyfriend does the internal work he needed to do when he broke up with his ex, know that things might not end well for you. Your boyfriend might leave you for his ex (or for someone new) when he gets the chance to do so.

It may not be now or in the next few months, but if your boyfriend doesn’t engage in introspection and improve his emotional processes, he may eventually reconnect with his ex and dump you for her. Keep that in mind so you know what to expect if your boyfriend still loves an ex with whom he had a great connection.

The truth of the matter is that the majority of people just aren’t capable of loving two people at the same time. They can’t do it because they crave a connection with the person who makes them feel the strongest emotions. Usually, that person is the one they respect, love, and need the most because that person can influence them emotionally (hurt them and make them anxious).

So if you found out that your boyfriend still loves his ex, don’t be naive. Chances are that he’s with you because he’s out of dating options and that he’ll leave when your relationship gets old or when his ex wants to catch up.

In this post, we’ll talk about what to do when your boyfriend is still in love with his ex. Just bear in mind that some people confuse pain for love and that they go back to their ex because their ex eases their anxiety and makes them feel stronger (although not necessarily healthier) emotions.

My boyfriend still loves his ex but loves me too

You should be extremely careful about a guy who still loves his ex. Not only is this person obsessed with his ex, but he’s also taking everything you’ve done for him so far for granted. He’s practically got one foot out of the door already and will keep it out until he’s processed his feelings for his ex or fallen out of love with you.

It could go either way, but it’s much more likely that the guy still craves his ex’s affection and that he’ll leave you for her when the time is right.

I’m not trying to scare you, but this is serious. When a guy loves his ex, he isn’t fully committed to staying in a relationship with you. He’s got a lot of doubts in his mind and is not into you as much as you’d like him to be.

If you ask me, a guy who loves his ex doesn’t love you and shouldn’t be dating anyone. He should be figuring himself out and learning how to be fair to all parties involved.

You, on the other hand, should be thinking about whether this is what you want. Do you want to stay committed to someone who’s being held back by his unprocessed past and hope that things turn out in your favor or do you think you deserve better and want to be with someone who can fully commit to you?

Give it some thought.

Polygamy is rare in most places around the world. So don’t think that your boyfriend is unique and capable of loving two women at the same time. Your boyfriend is most likely just hurt and confused and would rather be in a relationship with you than be single.

Why does my boyfriend still love his ex?

Before we talk about the reasons why your boyfriend still loves his ex-girlfriend, you need to know that the exact reason why he’s still in love with his ex isn’t that important. What is important is that he didn’t take the time to detach and put in the effort to move on from his ex-girlfriend.

He just moved forward, thinking it was a good idea to sweep all his old and new problems under the rug and get involved with someone new right away. Clearly, your boyfriend lacked the patience and determination to invest in himself and do the right thing. That’s why he just monkey-branched straight to you without addressing his emotional concerns.

Concerns that would have freed him from the past and allowed him to focus on the present and the future.

Had he focused on loving himself, correcting his flaws, and detaching from his ex, he wouldn’t love his ex and you at the same time. He’d love only you because you’d be the only person he’d want to fantasize about and spend time with.

But instead, he’s focusing on both of you and causing your position in the relationship to shift around. When he’s happy, you’re his number one, but when he isn’t, you become his second favorite person.

And that’s because his ex caused him pain, anxiety, or a loss of identity and is as a result, now forcing him to reminisce about her in his times of hardship.

Let me ask you this. Have you ever wondered why you sometimes can’t help but think about angry, disrespectful, or disinterested people? Why you feel so interested in them even though there are people in your life who love you and bring stability to your life?

It’s because those people catch you off guard and create stronger emotional reactions. They force your brain to obsess about them and tell you to look for solutions to the problems they’ve caused you by obsessing about them.

And it’s the same for your boyfriend. He’s still holding on to his ex because the separation left a void in his chest. It hurt, angered, or confused your boyfriend and made him crave the validation that he used to receive daily.

Keep that in mind so you know why your boyfriend is still in love with his ex. Remember that the breakup affected him badly and caused him to create powerful emotions. Emotions such as nostalgia, fear, regret, guilt, separation anxiety, and even poor self-esteem.

Your boyfriend was responsible for dealing with these emotions. But because he didn’t or couldn’t, he’s now confused about his feelings for you and has no idea who to be with. He’s got no clue what to do.

I can tell you that his feelings for his ex are strong and that he’ll most likely choose her over you.

He won’t have a reason to reject his ex because he’s been longing for her for a long time and has unprocessed emotional business with her. In simpler terms, he still needs her to be happy and is most likely going to remain emotionally dependent on her for love and recognition.

Reasons why your boyfriend still loves his ex

There are many possible reasons why your boyfriend still loves his ex.

But the most possible explanation is that he got dumped and hurt by his ex-girlfriend—and now desires her love and validation. He feels that he loves her and that he must be with her because she destroyed his self-esteem and made him obsessed with her.

Another reason why he’s still in love with his ex when he’s with you is that the guy jumped the gun and got in a relationship with you way before he got over his ex. He didn’t think that his feelings for his ex would be a problem until he got through the love stage with you and realized that he has trouble letting go.

That’s when he noticed that his ex is still in his system and that he loves both you and her. I say “loves,” but I mean that he’s emotionally dependent on his ex and needs her to enjoy his life.

Your boyfriend probably still has feelings for his ex because he hasn’t been following the indefinite no contact rule. He must have been communicating with his ex-girlfriend behind your back or doing something that brought out his old feelings for her. If this is what your boyfriend has been doing, you should probably have a chat with your partner.

Ask him if he knows why he still loves his ex and see (don’t ask) if he’s willing to get over his ex and focus on you.

Furthermore, your boyfriend might also have feelings for his ex because he hasn’t been able to connect with you. It’s possible that he just wanted to be in any romantic relationship and that you allowed him to do that. You may have been at the right place at the right time.

Either that or he isn’t as happy with you as he thought he’d be.

And lastly, your boyfriend could still love his ex because he’s depressed and thinks that his ex can help him feel better than you.

No matter what your boyfriend’s reason for loving his ex is, the truth is that your boyfriend didn’t do the work on himself and that he doesn’t deserve to be with you right now. He first needs to figure out why he still loves his ex and then do something about it.

This is a self-discovery journey your boyfriend needs to embark on alone. Talking to him about it when he’s confused about you won’t do him any good. It will just show him that you’re dying to be with him and that you’re ready to compete with his ex-girlfriend.

And that’s not good. You should never raise a guy’s ego like that because if you do, he’ll take his sweet time to decide what’s best for him and make you think you should fight for his love.

Anyway, here are 5 reasons why your boyfriend still loves his ex.

What to do when your boyfriend still loves his ex?

If your boyfriend still loves his ex, the last thing you should do is criticize him and push him to fall out of love with his ex and commit to you. If he hasn’t done that by now on his own, he won’t do it with your help either. He’ll just get closer to his ex-girlfriend.

Please note that there’s a difference between being in love with an ex and being attached to her. The former means that a person wants to spend time with his ex now and in the future, whereas the latter means that he’s having a difficult time not thinking about his ex because she’s hurt him.

This is why you need to figure out what exactly your boyfriend wants. Does he want to be with his ex-partner and get serious with her or is he attached to her because she broke his heart and made him crazy obsessed with her?

If you learn that your boyfriend is attached to his ex because of the breakup but wants to be with you, you need to be patient and allow him to move at a pace that he’s comfortable. You need to be supportive and reassuring and encourage him to express himself to you.

Your boyfriend, on the other hand, needs time, a healthy mindset, a good attitude, and the right approach.

He needs to accept you for who you are and give himself time to get over the pain. He must do that by keeping his ex at a distance and perceiving you in a positive light. Only then will he be able to forget his ex and give your relationship a chance to flourish.

But if your boyfriend loves his ex and wants to be with her, then you obviously shouldn’t be staying with your boyfriend and hoping that things will change. You should break up with him and distance yourself from him so you can start getting over him and find a person who loves you.

So again, learn what it is that your boyfriend wants and feels so you can take the right course of action and get what you deserve.

Did your boyfriend show you or tell you that he still loves his ex? What are you planning to do about it? If you’d like, post your comment below the post and I’ll get back to you.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.