Losing Feelings After Being Cheated On

It’s quite common for cheatees (those who get cheated on) to lose feelings after being cheated on. Although cheatees initially feel invalidated and desperate for attention and love, they don’t stay desperate forever. When they get used to being their partner’s top priority and process the pain, they accept the cheating and fall back in love with themselves.

Sometimes they recover to the point where they question their importance and long-term safety in the relationship and wonder if their relationship is worth their time and investment.

If their partner betrayed them once, they know that he or she could betray and hurt them again. Because of potential pain and the self-esteem issues cheatees go through, they start looking for ways to protect themselves. Soon, they learn that they’ll suffer less if they depend less on their partner and more on themselves and others.

They’ll be happier if they have other backup plans (people and interests unrelated to their partner). This is why they decide to invest in themselves and think thoughts that may not be the best for the relationship.

Thoughts such as:

• I need to protect myself
• I don’t want to suffer like this again
• I’d rather be single than go through so much pain again
• Maybe this relationship isn’t the right one for me
• Maybe there’s a better person for me out there
• I want to love myself more than my partner

Although there’s nothing wrong with self-love, some cheatees go to the extreme. They develop trust issues and decide to only love themselves. They don’t let their partner into their heart out of fear that their partner will betray their trust and destroy their self-esteem.

They want to be one step ahead of their partner and be ready for cheating.

And they can be ready for it (not get affected by it) by no longer being attached and in love with their partner. Love and attachment are the reasons they suffered so much. If they didn’t love so strongly, they wouldn’t have suffered so much either. They would have avoided taking the cheating personally and accepted the cheating much quicker.

That’s why some cheatees emotionally distance themselves from their partner and hope to guard themselves against behaviors that could hurt them. They don’t realize that guarded behavior creates emotional distance and that it’s unnatural for their relationship. It’s bad for the dynamics of the relationship and love in general.

If they don’t resolve their trust issues and stop keeping their partner out of their heart, they or their partner could eventually lose all feelings and attraction. This means they could cheat, monkey-branch, or just leave.

Who leaves first depends on their opportunities to leave and their commitment to the relationship.

The least attached and committed person tends to abandon the relationship first as he or she has no fear of being alone and feels good at the thought of being free of commitment and obligations.

Some cheatees lose feelings because they lose trust in their partner. Because they talk to friends who disapprove of their partner and/or tell themselves their partner doesn’t respect them, they slowly convince themselves their relationship has run its course and that it’s better for them to be with someone who hasn’t cheated on them.

They want a loyal partner and a pristine relationship they can be proud of rather than scared of and uncertain about.

Because their relationship doesn’t give them that, they start questioning the quality of their relationship and their love for their partner. Eventually, they determine that their partner isn’t ideal for them and that they don’t want to invest any more time, money, and feelings into their partner.

When they stop investing, it’s only a matter of time before they lose the determination to stay loyal.

In this post, we explore why couples lose feelings after being cheated on and how they can save the relationship if they choose to do so.

Losing feelings after being cheated on

Cheatees may lose trust in the relationship after being cheated on. They may not show it at first, but they could become doubtful after they’ve recovered from cheating and determined they deserve better. Doubts are extremely hard for them to work through. When they have doubts, they often enjoy them more than they dislike them.

Doubts give them a feeling of detachment and strength, so they continue entertaining them until they fall out of love. When they fall out of love, they start acting disinterested and strange and wait for an opportunity to exit the relationship. They normally find a chance to leave during an argument or with the help of another romantic prospect.

The point is that cheating sometimes changes cheatees’ determination to work on the relationship. It ruins the innocence in the relationship and makes them love themselves more and their partner less. Their decreased love and devotion to the relationship stop them from maintaining the relationship and staying together when things get tough.

They make them abandon ship and fend for themselves.

So bear in mind that losing feelings after being cheated on is a common cheating problem. Cheating destroys trust and commitment and urges cheatees to develop self-reliance and self-love. If they lose respect and love for their partner on their journey to self-discovery, they could leave when doubts overwhelm them and affect their love for their partner.

It may take them a while to disconnect completely, but when they leave, there’s no changing their mind. They feel certain that love is gone and that leaving is the right thing to do.

If you don’t want to risk breaking up, you must value your relationship while it’s still in its mint condition. Take it seriously by remembering that cheating and other big issues could change its dynamics and kill trust, innocence, and reasons for its existence. If you neglect your relationship when things are good, your partner could do the same after you’ve patched things up.

That’s because issues such as cheating destroy standards in the relationship and tempt the other person to invest and care less.

If you want to have a successful relationship, you have to maintain or raise your standards. Instead of cheating, lying, and stealing, you must make your partner feel safe, loved, and respected. You must do so by continuously showing him or her that you value the relationship and that you’re in it for the long hall.

If you cheat or do other impulsive and hurtful things, there’s no guarantee that the relationship will be the same afterward. You can apologize, promise to change, sign up for therapy, and be more attentive and loving, but if your partner doesn’t fully trust and forgive you and has unresolved issues from the past, you could get rejected/dumped on the spot or months later after he or she has recovered and grown stronger.

There’s no telling what will happen. But if you cheated, you must be prepared for the possibility that your boyfriend or girlfriend will lose feelings and leave you. You took a chance when you cheated, so be prepared for the worst. Be prepared for things not to go according to plan.

The same goes for your partner. If your partner betrayed you and made you lose feelings instantly or over time, your partner was aware of the dangers of cheating. He or she knew that betrayal would be one of the most difficult/traumatizing experiences of your life, but decided to cheat anyway.

Your partner didn’t care about your feelings because he or she put his or her temptations and feelings first.

You now have to decide if you’re okay with losing feelings after being cheated on or if you think the relationship can be salvaged. It will take a lot of work to forgive and trust each other. But if love is still there and you’re willing to put the work in, you can overcome anything, even cheating.

You just have to want to. That’s what you should figure out now that you have doubts.

That being said, here’s why you’re losing feelings after being cheated on.

If you’re losing feelings after being cheated on, you have to get to the root cause of the problem. Are you having trouble trusting your partner after his/her betrayal or are you not trying hard enough and expecting your partner to do all the work?

If you’re taking it passively and merely waiting for your partner to save the relationship on his/her own, you’re not investing in the relationship enough to create feelings of love and excitement. You’re just expecting the relationship to fix itself.

Don’t forget that relationships take a ton of work even if there was no cheating or serious issues. Relationships that experienced cheating, on the other hand, take two or three times as much work. Cheating couples need to identify their reasons for cheating, practice forgiveness, learn to trust each other again, and stop being afraid of betrayal/breaking up.

It can take them years to fully process cheating and act as if the betrayal didn’t happen. The speed at which they process cheating depends on their communication, trust issues (from the past), self-esteem, and of course, the amount of work they put into overcoming cheating.

How to stop losing feelings after being cheated on?

If you got cheated on and feel that you’re losing feelings after forgiving your partner, bear in mind that you can avoid complete detachment by understanding why you’re losing feelings. It’s important to understand the reasons for detaching and why you feel that you’re losing feelings and interest in your partner.

When you understand your reasons for losing feelings, you can then begin to work on those reasons.

If you lack trust, you must communicate and obtain reassurance. If you feel angry and resentful, you must talk about your feelings with your partner and/or a therapist. If you’re talking to someone else and enjoying the connection with that person, you must terminate that connection and focus on your partner. If you lost trust in the relationship and developed doubts, you must express gratitude and love and create a stronger bond with your partner. And if you lost respect for your partner and don’t desire his or her closeness, you must decide if you have any fight left in you.

Not every relationship deserves another chance. Some relationships need to end so that cheatees can heal and restore their dignity and self-love.

Cheating is a big sin and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Before you contemplate regaining feelings or stop losing feelings, make sure you really want to be with your partner. If you love your partner and feel determined to give your partner a chance, it will be a lot easier to stop falling out of love because you’ll crave your partner’s intimacy.

Feelings will occur naturally; you won’t have to force them.

But if the relationship is falling apart and you’re not sure how to fix it (it happens to many couples), then therapy and lots of communication and bonding may be your only options.

When you’re losing feelings and on the verge of breaking up, you have to gather the determination to resolve the issues that prevent you from loving your partner. If you treat the problem as unimportant, you’ll most likely fail. Most couples fail because they go to therapy only for the sake of going.

Their body is present but their mind isn’t. Such couples soon learn that therapy and effort are a waste of time and that they should break up.

So if you have no desire to resolve problems with your partner, you may as well give up now. Don’t waste each other’s time just to break up in the end. If you want to stay with your partner and have a loving relationship, act now before it’s too late.

Talk about things that bother you and see if your partner can help you feel stronger feelings. You probably both have things to talk about, process, and improve. So start talking about your problems and maybe you can resolve them before you lose feelings completely and give up on the relationship.

In conclusion, communication is key. Spend time with each other, do exciting things, and recreate the spark. If you focus on each other long enough with the proper attitude, you may be able to fix the issues that prevent you from developing feelings.

Are you losing feelings after being cheated on? Did you find the reason for it? Share your realizations, questions, and solutions below.

And if you want our help discovering why you’re losing feelings, get in touch with us here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.