I Broke Up With Him And He Let Me Go

If you break up with your partner, you must be prepared for your partner to take the breakup seriously and let you go. You must understand that a breakup can destroy the trust and love in the relationship and that your partner may not cry and beg for another chance.

If your dumper has good self-esteem, doesn’t believe in second chances, or is fully or partially detached, he could see the breakup as an opportunity to exit the relationship and distance himself or herself from you. Your ex could show you that you have less power and control than you think and that you won’t get back together on your terms.

So whatever you do, don’t break up with people if you’re not certain the breakup is what you want. Don’t manipulate their feelings just to get what you want. A breakup isn’t a healthy method to get a person to be how you want him to be (although many couples think that it is). It’s a commitment-damaging method that will cause more problems than it will solve.

You can initiate a breakup only when you lose all hope and give up on the relationship. That’s when you can permanently end the relationship and let your ex do what he wants to do. If your ex doesn’t seem to care and wants to let go of you, it shouldn’t bother you. It especially shouldn’t affect your self-esteem, bruise your ego, and make you ask your ex why he let go of you so easily.

Once you initiate a breakup, that’s it. You shouldn’t expect your ex to run after you (even if that’s what your ex did previously) and bend to your will. At some point, a breakup could lose its effect and reduce your ex’s determination to be in a committed relationship with you. In other words, your ex could get tired of breaking up and reject reconciliation or refuse to validate your decision or behavior.

He could turn the breakup around and change into the dumper – the one who loses feelings, pulls away, and does dumper-like things. Things like going on vacation, making new friends, and keeping busy.

If your ex handles the breakup positively, you should consider it a good thing. It means your ex didn’t get super hurt and has probably already detached from you. You have less explaining and reassuring to do, which means you don’t have to be concerned and feel guilty. You can just prioritize yourself and live the kind of life you envisioned to live.

Conversely, if you use the breakup as a threat to make your partner respect you and treat you better, it indicates that you’ve failed at the most fundamental level – communication. You’ve failed to motivate your partner to change and have a healthier long-lasting relationship.

Sometimes ultimatums are necessary in a relationship, but only as a last resort when someone is using drugs, cheating, or exhibiting aggressive tendencies. In such situations, it may be appropriate to force your partner to choose between you or something or someone else. You shouldn’t tolerate unhealthy behaviors.

However, when the situation isn’t so dire, threatening a breakup is a major relationship error. A breakup should not be a part of the conversation. The moment someone brings it up, it challenges the other person’s ego and makes breaking up look more appealing. It makes the couple entertain the idea of breaking up.

Couples should inspire each other to grow and get closer rather than resort to threats and forceful behavior. They should communicate their wants and needs respectfully and work on their flaws and differences. If they do that, they typically don’t feel neglected or misunderstood. They don’t feel the need to threaten a breakup or actually initiate it.

When they consider breaking up, they show that they’re running away from problems rather than working on them as a couple. Their avoidant behavior affects their relationship immensely and makes it challenging for them to get back together.

So if you broke up with a guy and he let you go, try to understand that it’s not something to complain about. As a dumpee, your ex had every right to avoid chasing you and let you go. He was left with no choice but to accept the breakup (whether he wanted it or not) and focus on his new life.

Don’t be upset that he didn’t fight for you. His time to fight was when he was with you. If he didn’t fight despite your attempt to make him fight, then you’ve probably made the right decision. The breakup needed to happen so you would stop investing in him and feeling unheard.

You can now spend more energy and time on things that feel good. This can be anything that returns your emotional investment.

In today’s post, we discuss why he let you go when you broke up with him.

Why did he let me go when I broke up with him?

If a guy let you go when you broke up with him, the guy clearly didn’t feel inspired to fight for the relationship. He likely considered the breakup a serious rejection and decided to protect himself from you. He did this by focusing on himself rather than you and refusing to validate your departure.

Your ex may have been dumped before and learned that running after the dumper doesn’t indicate that he’s emotionally strong and capable of moving on. It reveals that he’s in tons of pain and that he needs you to take him back and make him feel loved and needed.

People learn from the past. Your ex may have learned his lessons from his previous breakups and promised himself never to chase a woman again. Because he previously tried to get his ex back, he now refuses to act desperate and show emotional vulnerability. He’d rather you think that he doesn’t care about you and seems to be doing great.

The reality, though, may be completely different. Your ex may still have strong feelings for you but is afraid to reveal them. He might want you to apologize for leaving and validate his importance.

Another possibility for why he let you go after getting dumped is that he was already partially or fully over you. He may have stopped investing in you and the relationship a while ago and saw the breakup as an opportunity to stop pretending to be interested in working on the relationship. Many dumpers do this. They stay in a relationship even though they lose feelings and want to break up.

Some are scared of the reaction their ex will give them during the breakup, so they treat their ex poorly and wait for their ex to do the dirty work for them. They’d rather get broken up with and accept the breakup than break up with their ex and feel confronted and bad for breaking their ex’s heart. From that perspective, it’s easier to be the dumpee than the dumpee as the dumpee doesn’t have to worry about the dumper’s feelings.

So don’t think that all dumpees beg and plead for ages before they accept the breakup. Some dumpees already have someone new lined up. They don’t feel the need to get back with an ex they disconnected from and replaced with a new, shinier person.

The new person validates them and gives them the relationship experience they crave, so they think that their ex did them a huge favor. He or she let them end a relationship that wasn’t working for them and made it easier for them to move forward with a clear conscience.

A guy will let you go despite being dumped when he loves himself or someone else more than you. He won’t hesitate to leave the past behind because he’ll look forward to new opportunities. Don’t forget that attached exes struggle to let go of their ex. Emotional attachment forces them to need their ex to be happy and see their ex as a perfect being.

Detached people, on the other hand, usually don’t want their ex back. They think their ex doesn’t make them happy, so they stick with the breakup and keep their distance. They don’t beg because they wanted or half wanted a breakup. They just lacked the push to initiate it.

You should have been prepared for any reaction from your ex, including the possibility that your ex won’t seek validation. You should have considered that your ex might not chase you and boost your ego. It’s easy to say what you could or should have done, but that’s all in the past. Next time you consider breaking up with a person, remember that your ex might let you go or pretend to let you go.

If your ex just pretends to let you go, your ex will likely stop pretending not to care if you reach out and ask for another chance. He’ll tell or show that he still wants to be with you but that he didn’t have a choice but to hide his emotions and focus on himself. Of course, don’t contact your ex if you just want to feel important and have no intention of getting back with your ex.

Your text or call could make your ex super anxious and cause your ex unnecessary suffering.

Reach out only if your ex wants closure, if you have something important to discuss, or if you want your ex back. That’s when you can contact the ex you left and express your reasons for reaching out.

All in all, the most feasible explanation for why your ex let you go when you broke up with him is that your ex had no choice but to respect your decision and start moving on with confidence. Surrendering his remaining power wasn’t an option, so he chose to walk away with his head held high. It was the only way for him to preserve his worth and make you respect him.

Having said that, here’s why he let you go after you broke up with him.

Should I ask my ex how he was able to let go of me so easily?

Don’t contact your ex and risk hurting your ex just because you expected your ex to have a hard time coping with the breakup and letting you go. Don’t ask your ex breakup-related questions, confuse your ex, or give your ex hope. The breakup probably isn’t easy for your ex. It’s likely making your ex think about you obsessively and wonder if you miss him.

If you reach out to ask why your ex is doing great without you, your ex could assume that you’re also having a hard time coping with the breakup and that you may want to get back together. This kind of thinking could encourage your ex to profess his feelings and ask to get back together.

Hence, it’s in everyone’s best interest to avoid talking about feelings. Avoid asking your ex things like:

• How do you feel about me?
• Do you miss me?
• What do you miss about us?
• Did the breakup even affect you?
• Do you wish we could go back in time?

Don’t give the impression that you’re doubting the breakup and thinking about getting back together. Don’t do it unless you regret leaving your ex and want to get back together. But in that case, you don’t need to ask your ex how he feels. You should be brave and tell your ex how YOU feel. Your ex should hear it directly from you so that he can decide if he can love you unconditionally and want to get back together.

My advice is to avoid talking to your ex altogether, not just about feelings. Let your ex be so your ex can focus on letting go and healing. He may seem okay, but he probably still needs time to himself to process the breakup and move forward. If you talk to him, you could give him mixed signals and complicate his recovery process.

Exes should spend some time away from each other. If they give each other space, they can forgive each other, get each other out of their systems, and perhaps even be friends. Friendship is not recommended, but they can talk to each other without feeling hurt and bitter.

So if you broke up with your ex and he let you go, remember that your ex has decent self-esteem or stopped feeling attached to you long before the breakup. Either way, the breakup didn’t affect him enough for him to resist the breakup and beg for forgiveness and love.

He remained in control of his emotions and decided to focus on himself instead.

You should leave him alone unless you love him and want to be with him, not just crave an ego boost. Remember that your ex is the dumpee and that he’s probably going through one of the most challenging periods of his life. You shouldn’t make it even more challenging for him by asking him questions that are likely to cause him to overanalyze your intentions.

Be considerate of his feelings instead and focus on things that make you happy.

Did you break up with him and he let you go? Why do you think he didn’t chase? Share your thoughts and feelings in the comments section below. We’re excited to hear your opinion.

However, if you’d like to chat with us about the reasons why your ex was able to let you go so quickly after the breakup, consider signing up for a private coaching session. We offer various communication options, including email, texting, and calling.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.