If you’ve been dumped, you probably think about your ex 24/7 and wonder what you can do to make your ex love you and want to be with you again. You’re afraid that if you do nothing, your ex will form a strong connection with someone else, move on, and forget about you.
Although your ex could move forward with his or her life (your ex has detached from you), your ex won’t simply forget about you. Your ex has a history with you and will occasionally think about you and wonder what you’re doing and how you’re coping with the breakup.
Your ex won’t think about you as frequently and intensely as you think about your ex, but your ex will nonetheless remember you and contemplate reaching out (breadcrumbing you).
Look, it’s okay to think about an ex who left you. Your ex rejected you romantically and made you feel unworthy of his or her time and affection. It’s nearly impossible not to think about the person who has hurt you so deeply and made you blame yourself for your mistakes and the breakup.
The dumpee typically obsesses over the dumper for a few months. The length and intensity of the obsession vary from person to person, but most of the time, they depend on the dumpee’s self-love, breakup mistakes, and the information he or she receives from or about the dumper.
If the dumpee communicates with the dumper or asks friends and family for updates on the dumper’s life, the dumpee tends to learn something he or she isn’t emotionally ready to learn. I’m talking about something that makes the dumpee feel unimportant and insecure.
From my experience, the dumpee usually discovers that the dumper is happy, talking to other people, acting differently, and doing new things. This makes the dumpee question his or her importance and wonder if he or she held the dumper back.
If your ex looks, feels, and acts differently, rest assured that it’s not because you were boring and prevented your ex from having fun. It’s because your ex felt trapped and wanted to leave for a while. Your ex couldn’t obtain the freedom he or she craved, so your ex developed negative views of you and the relationship, left, and felt immensely relieved.
The breakup instantly canceled your ex’s (moral) responsibilities and gave your ex the space to self-prioritize and live an independent life.
It’s normal to not be able to stop thinking of your ex. Your ex triggered various insecurities from both your childhood and adulthood. It will take some time to process the rejection and improve your self-love and independence. Most dumpees stop obsessing over their ex when they rediscover their worth and hold their ex accountable for his or her mistakes.
You’re probably looking at a few months of strict no contact. You’ll still think about your ex a few months later, but not constantly. You’ll have many moments where you focus on the present rather than the past. This will tell you that you’re healing and moving on from your ex.
So don’t worry if you find yourself spending most of your days unintentionally thinking about your ex. You can’t help it because your ex suddenly stopped your production of happy hormones and made you rely on yourself for happiness. Because you couldn’t instantly replace your ex’s love with self-love, you’re now stuck in a loop of self-blame, anger, reliving the breakup, and looking for ways to get back with your ex.
You can’t get your ex out of your head and enjoy your life.
That’s understandable, considering you just had a traumatic experience. The breakup destroyed your world, disoriented you, and forced you to fend for yourself. You’ll need some time to wean off your ex and find your purpose. You definitely won’t feel this way forever. Once you’ve processed the pain caused by rejection and abandonment, you’ll get rid of your obsession with your ex and find better things and people to obsess about.
You’ll realize that thinking about your ex is no longer beneficial to you and that it helps you mostly at the beginning of the breakup when you’re in denial and want closure. Months after the breakup, it doesn’t do much because you grow stronger, regain your zest for life, and convince yourself you couldn’t prevent the breakup.
Slowly but surely, you get your confidence back up and learn that your ex is just as responsible if not more for how things unfolded.
So keep in mind that even though you’re thinking about your ex a lot, it doesn’t mean that you’ll always do that. As soon as you detach and improve your perception of yourself, you’ll decrease the number of ex-thoughts running through your head and focus on people who deserve your attention.
Your ex won’t matter to you because you’ll come to terms with the breakup and establish routines that have nothing to do with your ex.
In this article, we talk about how to stop thinking about an ex who left you. We’ll help you get your ex out of your system as quickly as possible.
How to stop thinking of an ex?
To stop thinking of an ex, especially in a positive way, you must understand why you think about your ex so much and in such a way. You must learn that you’re obsessed with your ex not because your ex was an amazing partner, but because the breakup traumatized you and convinced you that your ex was the best person to walk the earth.
The breakup destroyed your self-esteem, concealed your ex’s flaws, and made you put your ex on a pedestal.
You now think about your ex and miss him or her because your ex withdrew his or her love, support, and commitment and ruined your relationship goals and purpose in life. You don’t know how to carry on without your ex, so you constantly obsess over your ex and want your ex to fill the void in your chest.
You should think about your past and figure out if you obsess over your ex more because you have unresolved childhood traumas and fears. If you were abandoned by your parents or grew up in an unhealthy environment, you may be thinking about your ex all the time because your ex triggered your unmet cravings and reminded you of your parents.
That would mean that your ex hogged all the power and control and put you in a helpless/inferior position.
Naturally, you badly want to get out of this situation, so you put your brain in overdrive mode and search for solutions to your problems. You think about your ex day and night and hope to recover mentally and emotionally.
Understanding this will help you gradually regain your emotional independence and allow you to stop thinking about your ex. It won’t happen overnight, but if you know where your obsession comes from, you’ll have an easier time resisting it and blame yourself less.
It’s also important to work on forgiving yourself and your ex for his or her abandonment and inconsiderate behavior. Let go of any ill feelings toward your ex and focus on healing. Anger and resentment don’t help at all. If anything, they fuel your obsession and prevent you from focusing on yourself and others.
If you’re not angry, but rather depressed, you also need to work on your internal happiness. Sign up for individual therapy and find ways to boost your self-love. It’s important to think positively of yourself and realistically of your ex. Self-love is necessary for detachment from your ex and self-improvement. If you don’t love yourself, you’ll stay hooked on your ex and give your ex power over you.
So keep in mind that how you perceive yourself is extremely important. Self-perception determines how you interact with people and how badly you need your ex to complete you. If you need your ex a lot, you’re bound to put your ex above you and do things that make you look unattractive and push your ex further away.
Whether you want your ex back or just stop thinking of your ex, you need to keep your composure, project strength, and focus on yourself. You’ll recover quicker if you act confidently and avoid thinking negatively of yourself.
Furthermore, set up some new goals. Your life needs a purpose outside of the relationship with your ex. You need to have a reason to get up in the morning and stay busy throughout the day. That way, you’ll live with purpose and stop making your life revolve around your ex.
Again, no one says you need to get over your ex in a couple of weeks. But you must want to detach from your ex and regain your enthusiasm. Your goal should be to put yourself first and let your ex do what he or she wants. By letting go of control and putting your ex in charge of his or her life, you’ll slowly get your happy self back and stop thinking of your ex-partner as your savior.
Always remember that your ex isn’t waiting for you. And because your ex isn’t waiting, you shouldn’t be either. You should be carrying on with your life and learning to live without your ex. While you’re doing that, remember that your ex is solely responsible for discovering your value, reaching out, and asking for another chance.
With that said, here’s how to stop thinking of an ex who left you.
What to do to make an ex think about you?
If your ex left you, you can’t do much to make your ex think about you, especially in a positive light. Your ex’s perception of you is fully formed, which means your ex knows who you are or thinks he/she knows. Changing your ex’s opinion of you or making your ex think about you more will be nearly impossible.
Even if you could make an ex think about you, you shouldn’t do anything to force yourself into your ex’s life. You should be staying out of it and preventing your ex from resenting you. Too many social media posts, calling your ex, and perseverance in general could make your ex think you’re desperate and incapable of moving on.
The best way to make your ex think about you is to leave your ex alone and let your ex become curious and nostalgic. Time and space could slowly make your ex realize that you’re not chasing and that you’re worthy of his or her respect and time.
It’s hard to say what will happen if you play your cards right, but if you let your ex come to you rather than go to your ex, your ex could slowly let go of negative thoughts and feelings and become nostalgic. Your ex might even redevelop feelings and return to invest in the relationship.
I don’t want you to stay hopeful, but some dumpers return because their ex leaves them alone and appears mysterious. Lack of information on their ex’s life causes them to think and feel positively. That’s your best bet whether you want your ex back or simply get through the breakup.
If you left your ex, on the other hand, you shouldn’t want to make your ex think about you. You should stay out of your ex’s life and let your ex heal. Healing is your ex’s top priority, whether he or she knows it or not.
Your dumpee ex needs to reduce his or her relationship thoughts and overall obsession with you. The best way for him or her to do that is to prioritize people and things that promote his or her independence. The less your ex thinks about you and needs you, the sooner he or she will recover emotionally and live a happy life.
Did you learn how to stop thinking of an ex? Share your discoveries in the comments below.
However, if you have questions and concerns and need additional help, consider signing up for our coaching services via our coaching page.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
