How To Handle An Ex Coming Back?

If you want to handle an ex coming back well, there are a few things you need to do.

Firstly, you need to keep your composure and show your ex that you haven’t been waiting for him or her to come back. You may find it difficult to hold back your excitement, but it’s crucial that you remain level-headed and show your ex that you respect yourself.

The more you respect yourself and the better you portray yourself, the better your ex will think of you and consequently, feel toward you. Don’t forget that respect is earned.

Secondly, you must accept your ex back on a trial period and tell your ex that you’ll be monitoring his or her behavior for the next few weeks. This will achieve 2 things.

1)It will make your ex self-aware of his or her actions and 2)Remind your ex that you’ve given him or her one final chance to make things right.

When your ex understands that you’re not going to keep breaking up and getting back together, you should also tell your ex everything that bothers you about him/her.

By telling your ex what you need to be happy, you’ll be able to take matters of reconciliation into your own hands and make your ex slightly scared of messing up and losing your trust. This is important as fear and anxiety will make your ex realize your strength, value, and capabilities.

You won’t be playing any games with your ex if that’s what you’re thinking. All you’ll do is stand up for yourself and as a result, make your ex know that you play an important role in his or her life.

A role that he or she can’t afford to lose.

And lastly, you must get over your insecurities and hold onto your power until your ex has learned his or her lessons. If you appear hurt, insecure, and desperate for love, know that your ex most likely won’t learn much from the breakup. If anything, he or she will probably take you for granted again and detach from you the moment you validate your ex.

That’s when history will repeat itself and you’ll find yourself hurting once more.

So if you want to know how to handle an ex coming back, do what confident people do. Exude high self-esteem the moment your ex comes back and prove to your ex that his or her return isn’t something you need to be happy.

Make the reconciliation seem like a want, rather than a need.

This article is for those who are wondering how to handle an ex coming back.

How to handle an ex coming back?

If your ex wants you back, you probably want to jump back into a relationship with your ex and resume where you left off. You want to continue the relationship as if your ex never left and show your ex that he or she has made the right decision to come back.

If that’s what your emotions are instructing you to do, I completely understand how you feel. You’ve been hoping your ex would come back so badly that you’re now eager to seize the long-awaited opportunity and bond.

I get that. You’re starving for a connection.

But before you act on emotions and resume your relationship, know that there’s a perfectly good time to do that. And that time, unfortunately, isn’t right after the reconciliation when you’re craving intimacy. It’s when you’ve detached from the outcome and made sure that your ex has learned his or her post-breakup lessons.

Lessons such as:

• Why your ex fell out of love and left
• Why your ex came back
• What your ex desperately needs to improve and work on
• How the breakup disrespected you
• And that rebuilding your trust will take time and effort

If you went no contact after the breakup, chances are that your ex has already learned everything he or she needed to learn. The time away from you could have made your ex reflect on the relationship and inspired him or her to self-improve.

But here’s the thing.

Even if your ex has become the person he or she needed to become, this doesn’t mean that you should run back to your ex the second you get the chance to do so. Your ex may have learned his or her lessons and improved, but your ex hasn’t proved it to you yet.

As far as you’re concerned, your ex is still his or her old, underdeveloped self who besides promising to treat you better hasn’t really done much.

Your ex is still your ex – a person you shouldn’t blindly get involved with.

For that reason, don’t get back with your ex just yet. Don’t rush back into the relationship just because your heart tells you to.

If your ex loves you and is serious about you, your ex won’t leave just because you want to take the new relationship slowly. On the contrary, your ex will secretly admire you for putting yourself first.

6 tips on how to handle an ex coming back

Here are 6 tips you need to follow to maximize your chances of a successful reconciliation.

1)Take charge of the reconciliation

You may not be the kind of person who enjoys taking the initiative, but taking charge of the reconciliation will help you a lot. It will prove to your ex that you’re not going to tolerate another breakup and that your ex needs to step up his or her game.

A great way for you to handle an ex coming back is to speak up and be honest with your ex the very second your ex wants you back.

You can say, “I’m glad that you see value in this relationship. There’s a part of me that wants to give it another shot too. But unfortunately, you’ve given up on the relationship so easily before and made it extremely difficult for me to trust you again. You took me by surprise and made me question my value to you.” (Don’t say you were in pain).

“For that reason, I can’t accept you back right away. I first need to see that you’re serious about the relationship and that you’re going to correct your mistakes. If you’re not going to be the person you’re promising me to be, you should probably leave right now.”

I know that the last sentence sounds harsh, but harsh is exactly what your dumper ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend needs. He or she needs it to take you seriously and to return your lost power back to you.

2)Tell your ex what needs to change

If you want to know how to handle an ex coming back and handle it well when the time comes, one of the best tips I can give you is to be brave. Sit down with your ex and talk about everything that needs to change in your new relationship.

Start by saying that you’re not trying to hurt him or her, but that there are certain things you’d like him or her to change and improve. Things that will increase your trust in your ex and make you feel more hopeful about the relationship.

Once your ex agrees, tell your ex at least 3 of his or her habits or characteristics that irritate or hurt you. This can be anything from talking to an ex and lying to anger issues, handling arguments poorly, and taking you for granted.

It’s important that you point out your ex’s shortcomings and propose changes otherwise your dumper ex could not find the incentive to work on himself or herself. Your ex could continue to be the person he or she has always been and as a result, put a strain on the relationship again.

Unfortunately, that’s not something you want. You want both of you to function better this time around. So muster up the courage and tell your ex what needs to change.

The success of your new relationship depends on how you handle your ex coming back.

3)Make sure you ex sticks to the reconciliation plan

Obviously, you and your ex will both have things to work on. You as a person who got dumped will have to process breakup anxiety and get rid of trust issues and your ex as a dumper will have to work on correcting his or her flaws and growing as a person.

Provided that you’ve already done the work on yourself and regained your self-esteem, you should now feel much stronger. You should have the influence to make your ex stay on his or her path to self-improvement and that things don’t go back to the way they were.

You have to understand that many reconciled exes break up again because they neglect the importance of self-growth. They merely carry on as if they never broke up, so, of course, it’s only a matter of time before they encounter the same mistakes and break up again.

For a relationship to work the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time, you must both be different people by the time you get together. Especially your ex because his or her thinking patterns initiated the breakup.

A good way for you to encourage your ex to grow mentally is to frequently remind your ex what you’d like him or her to change and either make your ex slightly anxious or have your ex change of his or her own accord.

If you can go with the nice option (the latter option), then that’s completely fine. But as we mentioned before, for your ex to change willingly, your ex needs to be mature and self-aware enough to choose this path.

Your ex has to want to change.

4)Don’t appear weak and needy

Whatever you do, don’t tell your ex that you’ve been waiting for him or her to come back.

Your ex doesn’t need another ego boost. That would only make your ex feel good about himself/herself and give your ex the power to control the flow of the new relationship.

Instead of admitting you’ve been dying from pain, say that the breakup has given you the motivation to improve your shortcomings. This will tell your ex that you’ve been focusing on yourself and actively moving on with your life.

In addition to that, you should also mention a few activities (old and new) that have been keeping you busy after the breakup. The more passionate you sound about life, the better an impression you will make on your ex.

So make sure you appear enthusiastic and in control of your life as nothing will attract your ex more than seeing you happy and successful.

5)Show your personal improvements

If you want to handle your ex coming back like a pro, make sure your ex isn’t the only one working hard every day. You should also strive to be the best version of yourself.

So show your ex everything you’ve managed to accomplish since the breakup by demonstrating that you’re better at:

• compromising
• expressing yourself
• handling difficult situations
• controlling your emotions
• prioritizing yourself
• enjoying life

When your ex sees that you’re improving alongside him or her, your ex won’t think it’s unfair that you want him or her to change. Conversely, your ex will appreciate you and feel inspired to keep improving.

6)Relax and gradually give your ex his/her power back

When you notice that your ex has changed for good (2 or 3 weeks after the breakup), it’s time for you to return some of your power back to your ex. You can do this by telling your ex that the relationship is better than it was before and that you’ve decided to stay.

But only under one condition.

Your ex must continue to self-improve and invest in the relationship otherwise you won’t be very happy. This should tell your ex that you won’t stay in the relationship if he or she reverts to his/her old ways and makes you unhappy.

In all honestly, you shouldn’t want to stay with someone who isn’t prepared to be more mature anyway. You should run away from such a person because he or she is sooner than later going to disappoint you and drag you down with him/her.

Anyhow, once you’ve laid down the relationship rules, it’s probably a good idea to leave the past behind. Stop telling your ex everything he or she has done wrong in the past and instead, just remind and encourage your ex to keep growing.

Say that you’re happy that he or she is taking the reconciliation seriously and try to relax a little.

In order for you to stay with your ex, you’ll need to forgive your ex and trust him or her. This, of course, isn’t something you’ll be able to do right away, but if your ex continues to make things right, you’ll have to restore your faith in your ex.

You’ll have to do your best to forget about the past even though your ex has destroyed your trust in him or her and hurt you.

It won’t be easy to open your heart to someone who broke it before, but trust is one of the most important elements in a relationship. Without it, there is no relationship.

So if you see your ex investing in the relationship, I strongly encourage you to do the same. Overcome your fears and anxiety and invest back in your ex. Your ex needs to see that you want the relationship to succeed and that you want him or her to be equal to you.

For a recap of how to handle an ex coming back, be sure to save or memorize the picture below.

Be prepared and keep your expectations low

When your ex wants you back, the last thing you want to do is to drop everything you’re doing and laser focus on your ex. Not only will this tell your ex that you haven’t detached and found purpose outside of the relationship, but it will also increase your expectations of your ex fulfilling your needs.

Putting your happiness on your ex’s return can be very dangerous for you as it can give your ex the ability to hurt you. It can overwhelm your ex, give your ex a huge ego boost and lots of power, make your ex realize that he or she doesn’t need you, and ultimately, force your ex to leave you again.

If that happens, your ex will crush your unrealistic expectations, make you suffer, and for the second time—leave you with no choice but to move on.

So to avoid getting your self-esteem ruined, focus on yourself. Find something more important than your ex to stay busy with and you’ll be okay whether your ex stays with you or not.

Have you learned how to handle an ex coming back? Has your ex come back before? Share your story with us below.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.