How To Get Your Ex Back After Cheating?

Getting your ex back after cheating takes much more than an admission of guilt and a promise to be transparent and loyal. It takes a certain kind of person to forgive you. Your partner or ex-partner must have feelings for you, a forgiving heart, low self-esteem, and/or the strength to be willing to get hurt again.

If your ex isn’t willing to trust you, nothing you say or do will bring your ex back after cheating. It won’t happen because your ex won’t make his or her heart vulnerable and let you close to him or her. Your ex will keep you at a safe distance and may even remind you that you crossed all boundaries and lost his or her love and respect.

Keep in mind that cheating is a serious offense. It’s the worst thing you can do to someone you claim to love and want to grow old with. You can tell your ex you made a big mistake and that you’ll spend the next few years of your life correcting it.

But even that might not suffice.

Harm has already been done. Words can’t change the past and make your ex want to continue the relationship as if nothing happened. Any person with self-respect and decent self-esteem and emotional strength will think long and hard before taking a cheater back.

It doesn’t matter how long their relationship was. If it involves infidelity, he or she won’t be in a hurry to get back together due to the disrespect, pain, and distrust cheating has caused.

Yes, couples can work through cheating and have an even better relationship because of it. They can sign up for couples counseling and get the pain of betrayal out of their systems. But to do that, they must be willing to cooperate and rebuild trust from the ground up.

They must truly love each other and see value in their relationship. If only one person sees potential in the other person, the relationship can’t get back on its feet. Cheating or not, it’s game over because relationships take two to tango.

So bear in mind that getting your ex back after cheating is possible when your ex still loves you and wants you back. It’s possible when the cheatee (the person who gets cheated on) has more love for you than he or she does for him/herself.

Usually, such a person depends on you for self-love and doesn’t have the willpower to let you go. Rationally, he or she may want to, but emotionally, he or she can’t due to damaged/low self-esteem, abandonment issues, lack of romantic options, trauma, or attachment.

Cheatees who give a cheater another chance due so because they feel (rather than think) that their partner or ex-partner can make them the happiest. They prioritize their need to get rid of pain (by taking the cheater back) over their values and security in the present and the future.

In other words, they act on their emotions (specifically pain, insecurities, and unmet safety needs) and run back to their ex for a quick boost of self-esteem. They think they love their ex when in reality, they’re hurt by their ex and rely on their ex for basic human needs.

Because they mistake pain and low/destroyed self-esteem for romantic feelings, they go back to their regretful ex and try to make the relationship work.

Hence, your best chance of getting your ex back after cheating lies in your ex’s hunger for validation, healing, and self-love. If your ex needs you to feel loved and needed, it’s much more likely that your ex will take you back despite causing him or her unimaginable pain.

The more your ex relies on you, whether it’s emotionally, financially, sexually, or physically, the bigger the chance that your ex will consider you a worthy romantic partner after cheating.

However, if your ex is self-reliant and has plenty of self-love, your ex will need something else to take you back after cheating. He or she will need to be willing to take a chance with you and get hurt and disappointed again. Not only that, but your ex will also have to have love and a certain level of respect for you.

His or her friends and family will also have to stay neutral about this incident or not have much influence in your ex’s life.

It won’t be easy to reconnect intimately after you’ve been intimate with someone else. Even if you just cheated emotionally, it will require a lot of courage to give you another chance. Your ex will have to have strong feelings and a fear of losing you. Without feelings and a fear of moving on without you, your ex won’t see a future with you.

He or she will focus on the cheating and the negative things that made the relationship difficult.

So if you want to know how to get your ex back after cheating, know that a sincere apology is a must. Say why you cheated and how much you regret it. You need to apologize to provide and receive closure and present yourself as a self-aware and honest individual (even if your cheating behaviors shows otherwise).

Apologize only once. Make sure to keep it short and not to beg for forgiveness and love. If you beg during the apology, it won’t be a selfless apology. It will be a selfish one because you’ll want your ex to do what you want rather than allow your ex to do what he or she wants.

Once you’ve expressed your regret, tell your ex you love him or her and that you’ll understand if he or she doesn’t want to work through infidelity together. Say that you respect his or her decision and appreciate everything he or she has done for the relationship.

Don’t attempt to make your ex feel bad for you and pity your ex into getting back with you. If you cry and throw a pity party, your ex won’t just feel guilt-tripped, pressured, and disrespected but will also lose respect for you. It’s hard to respect and love an ex who betrayed you and pretends to be the victim.

You’ve made a selfish decision, so act mature and own up to it. Do it respectfully and assertively whether your ex takes you back or not.

Not all cheatees take a cheater back. Many cheatees get so hurt that they put up a wall and repel their ex’s attempts to get close to them. They dislike the idea of trusting a person with their feelings after that person has crushed their heart and started fixing things only when his or her happiness is on the line.

So consider the possibility that your ex may not want you back even if you give a heartfelt apology and do everything your ex wanted you to do when you were a couple. Now that you cheated, your ex’s feelings and perceptions of you have changed. It’s important that you respect and accept his or her feelings and decisions, whether they help you or not.

In today’s post, we’ll discuss how to get your ex back after cheating. We’ll guide you from the moment the breakup happens to the moment your ex takes you back.

How to get your ex back after cheating?

Some cheaters get another chance simply by apologizing and promising to do better. Such cheaters get another chance right away or very quickly after the cheating conversation because their ex still loves them and forgives them.

Their ex needs the cheater to feel valued and loved.

Other times, apologizing (especially excessively) doesn’t produce positive results. It tends to smother and annoy the determined dumper and makes him or her crave even more space and privacy.

If you want to try to get your ex back after you’ve cheated, you need to understand that your ex doesn’t want you to fight for the relationship. The relationship ended, so there’s nothing to fight for anymore. You need to come to terms with the relationship ending and let your ex be in control of the breakup.

Your ex needs to feel heard and respected and focus on himself or herself for a while. This is how your ex can avoid feeling pressured and forced to converse and invest in you. The quicker you leave your ex alone, the smaller the odds that your ex will feel trapped and react negatively.

In other words, your ex won’t find reasons to resent you and treat you badly if you don’t push your ex into a corner and force your ex to respond impulsively. If you tell your ex you’ll give him or her space to think things through (and actually let your ex think), your ex will like you more because you won’t appear demanding, pushy, needy, and insecure.

Your ex won’t move on more than he or she already has. You won’t lose your ex more simply by leaving your ex alone and focusing on yourself for a while.

Of course, your ex might determine that fixing the relationship would require too much work and that it will be easier to start anew with someone else. But that doesn’t mean that you should have tried to convince your ex to be with you. Convincing is unlikely to change your ex’s mind. Not when your ex has given up on the relationship and developed an unhealthy perception of you that prevents him or her from wanting to give and receive love.

If you want to learn how to get your ex back after cheating, you need to understand that there’s only so much you can do as a cheater and a dumpee. Your ex has all the power and a mind of his or her own, so telling your ex he or she is making a mistake is a bad idea. The second you tell your ex he or she is wrong and that you’re right, you’ll lose the remaining credibility and respect.

So keep your sentiments to yourself and let your ex decide what’s best for him or her. If your ex decides that being single or with someone else is better, respect it. You don’t have to like it, but you should listen to your ex and act appropriately. An appropriate response entails leaving your ex alone (going no contact) and doing whatever it takes to regain your happiness, self-esteem, and purpose.

If your ex doesn’t want to be with you, you shouldn’t want to be with your ex either. You should be healing from the breakup and allowing your ex to think, feel, and do what he or she wants.

Your ex might do things you disapprove of and appear unrecognizable for a while, but don’t let that bother you. Think of it as your ex trying new things, enjoying independence, and living life on his or her terms. Now that the relationship ended, your ex is in complete control of his or her life and doesn’t need to worry about you anymore.

Getting your ex back after cheating won’t be easy because it will depend on your ex way more than you.

Other than apologizing, leaving your ex alone, and working on yourself, you won’t be able to do anything to bring back your ex’s feelings. Your ex will have to redevelop feelings and come back on his or her own. And your ex will do that if he or she is able and willing to forgive you for cheating and making his or her life miserable.

To take you back, your ex has to believe that staying with you will make him or her happier than separating from you. He or she has to see your romantic value and fear losing you and moving on without you.

It will take a lot of love and desire to avoid pain to get back together with you and invest wholeheartedly in you. You’ll need to give your ex time to think about the relationship and discern if he or she can be happy with you.

A few days should be enough for your ex to take you back. If your ex doesn’t come back, you can conclude that your ex doesn’t want you back at this point and that you need to keep giving your ex space and working on detachment.

Having said that, here’s what to tell your ex during the breakup (the only time you should talk to your ex).

If you missed your chance to apologize, accept the breakup, and say you’ll leave him or her to think things through, don’t worry too much. No contact will send the message that you respect your ex’s decision and value yourself, which are some of the most important parts of getting back together.

Other parts include love, regret, fear, pain, and the need for validation, support, relationship goals, and purpose.

Be patient and wait.

When I say “Wait,” I don’t mean that you should stay hooked on your ex and keep waiting for your ex to have an epiphany and come back. I suggest that you give your ex time to process cheating and see if he or she regrets leaving and losing you. If your ex is capable of forgiving you and willing to work on rebuilding trust and respect, your ex will contact you and express his or her pain, worries, and expectations.

Your ex will tell you how he or she feels and what you can do to regain his or her trust.

You don’t need to reason with your ex and convince him or her that it was a one-time thing and that you deserve another chance. If your ex thinks you deserve another chance and that he or she can trust you and love you, your ex will come to you and start the reconciliation process.

How to maintain a relationship after cheating?

Now you know that there’s no such thing as getting an ex back after cheating. A cheatee ex has to come to you (not vice versa) and give you a chance to show your determination to change and rebuild trust. He or she must have romantic feelings and faith in you as a partner.

When your ex wants you back romantically or is thinking about coming back, you can explain yourself and let your ex hear the things he or she needs from you.

You can:

• apologize sincerely
• answer all of your ex’s questions
• be completely transparent
• listen and empathize
• give your ex power but not all your power (you don’t want your ex to pity you and feel forced to take you back)
• express internal change and promise to change
• say how you’ll win his or her trust and respect back
• suggest couples and individual therapy
• ask your ex what you can improve

If your ex takes you back after cheating, your ex could feel insecure at times and appear unhappy with what you did or how you behaved. If your ex has a hard time loving him/herself (feels depressed) and trusting you, don’t get upset and lose your patience.

Remember that your ex is looking for reassurance and that you should provide your ex with it 5 or 10 times a day if needed.

Don’t tell your ex to get over the cheating, man up, or improve his or her self-esteem. Your ex will do that when he or she heals and is able to trust you.

Most people need a few months to get over the betrayal. It can take them even longer if they have trust issues due to previous betrayals or unresolved abandonment/childhood issues. Your job as a cheater is to take it slow and be patient. Remain transparent, apologize, and express love and reassurance when needed.

Love and reassurance are needed when your ex is in pain and wants your help. It will take time for things to go back to normal. So give your partner as long as he or she needs to process the cheating and see that you’ve learned your lesson.

What’s your opinion on getting your ex back after cheating? Do you have any tips to share? Post them below the article.

And if you’d like to talk privately about your or your ex’s cheating and ways to rebuild trust and love, get in touch with us via our 1-on-1 coaching programs.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.