Getting your baby daddy out of your life may not always be the easiest thing to do. Sometimes, it can be extremely tiring and apprehensive. Especially if your baby daddy is still in love with you and feels extremely comfortable with you.
In that case, forcing your baby daddy out of your life could backfire on you and make you look mean, vengeful, or unappreciative of his efforts.
To not come across as a bad person and to avoid bringing a bad reaction out of your baby daddy, you may want to break up with him/get your baby daddy out of your life in a more patient, yet still stern way.
That way, you won’t trigger the worst emotions of rejection such as anger, nostalgia, or depression in him. You’ll most likely shock him because that’s what separations do. But if you’re careful, you probably won’t make things more complicated than they need to be.
You have to understand that romantic rejections oftentimes bring out the worst in people. They make some dumpees beg and plead for a second chance and others, retaliate in anger and destruction.
People’s reaction, of course, depends on their upbringing, maturity, or simply put, on their personality. The more self-aware, confident, and knowledgeable about relationships and breakups they are, and the kinder the dumper behaves, the better they tend to react.
So make sure that you take a proper approach and treat your baby daddy the way you would want to be treated if you were in his shoes.
Always remember that your baby daddy has feelings and that although he may not be the man for you, he still deserves patience, caring, and respect.
He deserves it even if he’s uncaring and not the most useful to you and your child at times.
Besides, if your baby daddy tends to be impulsive and short-fused, telling him that he needs to pack his things and leave in an angry manner likely won’t make him very happy.
It will probably infuriate him and force him to fight for that which he needs to protect. His ego.
So if you’re going to leave your baby daddy, do so without hurting his ego. Adjust your behavior and do it in a way that it:
- Minimizes the damage you cause to him, yourself, the child, and the relationship.
- Increases the chances of him leaving you and your family alone.
If you’re curious as to how to get your baby daddy out of your life as quickly and painlessly as possible, read on. This article will give you some examples of how to break up with your baby daddy amicably.
When is time to leave your baby daddy?
You can tell its time to leave your baby daddy behind if your relationship stopped evolving a long time ago and if your baby daddy doesn’t want to do anything to improve the quality of your relationship.
It’s also time to leave if your baby daddy isn’t performing his fatherly obligations and seems to be in the relationship for his own selfish gains.
His self-centered behavior should tell you that he’s not the right person for you and your child—and that you’re better off on your own or with someone else.
You might at first feel guilty for leaving your baby daddy behind, but long-term wise, it’s better for your children that they grow up in an affectionate, supportive, and growth-promoting environment.
Children need at least one emotionally and physically present parent or caregiver to care for them. If they have two parents who run a dysfunctional relationship and argue all the time, they can’t learn how to behave properly.
On the contrary, they learn what a relationship is not supposed to look like and use that information to form their own unhealthy relationships.
So weigh the pros and cons of your relationship and discern whether it’s possible to strengthen the foundation of your relationship. If it is and your partner is willing to work on it, you both need to overcome your differences and forgive each other.
You need to stop sawing sawdust and find common ground.
Here are a few examples of when you should break up with your child’s father and get him out of your life for everyone’s health and safety.
Leave him if he:
- neglects you and your child
- gambles, drinks, or does something that ruins your family’s reputation
- argues with you all the time and isn’t open to healthy remedies such as therapy and conversations
- abuses you physically, emotionally, or financially
- doesn’t contribute to the family and doesn’t do his fatherly role
- cheated on you and doesn’t appear apologetic
As a mother, your first priority should always be your child’s upbringing. If there’s a chance that your child’s upbringing could be negatively affected by his or her baby daddy, you need to do what any responsible mother would do.
You need to leave your baby daddy behind and create a healthy environment to reside in.
Don’t get rid of your baby daddy by force
Dear reader, even if your baby daddy did something despicable, don’t lose your marbles over it and impulsively throw him out of the house like a piece of trash. Don’t do it even if he’s the biggest narcissist you know and if he doesn’t care about you and your child.
Chances are that your careless actions will trigger his self-defense mechanism and make him reciprocate with fury. It could cause you a lot of problems, so just don’t do it.
The reason I’m telling you this is that many immature dumpees and sometimes even dumpers take revenge. They feel so victimized that they take matters of justice into their own hands and do something that changes their lives forever.
Such people let emotions control the fate of their lives and start a war with a person that they can’t possibly win; at least not by causing pain. The pain only demands more pain in return, which is why people who cause pain don’t know what true happiness is.
Due to their eye for an eye mentality, they tend to react badly to unwanted emotions and live a life ruled by emotions.
So if you’re going to take revenge, the best way to go about it is to keep your hands clean and let karma do its job.
It’s not worth ruining your karma and branding yourself as a vindictive ex who can’t move on without causing pain back.
If you think that you need to hurt someone to teach him or her a lesson, you, unfortunately, haven’t grown up yet. You still think that fire should be fought with fire and that you must settle the score before you can move on.
If you’re going to get your baby daddy out of your life and you respect yourself as a person, do so in a way that compliments your moral values and encourages self-growth.
Be the person you are/want to become and solve difficult situations in mature, respect-worthy ways.
How to get your baby daddy out of your life?
Before you get your baby daddy out of your life for good, arrange a time and a place when/where you can freely express yourself. If the person in question is calm and responsible, you can do this at home in private—because that way, you can show him that you care about him as a person.
But if he’s known for his reckless behavior and you’re certain that he’s going to get very very angry the moment you deliver the bad news, then you may want to do it in public where he can’t say or do something that would hurt you.
That way, you can protect yourself and your kids and have someone take his belongings out of your house so that he needn’t come back inside to collect them.
To properly break up with a baby daddy who doesn’t make you happy, start with a thank you, followed by an apology. Say that you’re grateful that he stayed committed to the relationship during some difficult times and that you’re sorry you weren’t your best self all the time (mention a few instances and make sure that your apology comes from the heart).
After that, proceed by saying that you’ve been thinking about the relationship and that you haven’t been happy for a long time.
Say that the two of you have stopped growing as a couple and that you’ve been hoping the relationship would change for the better.
But because it hasn’t and it’s taken a toll on your well-being, you’ve now decided that you need to go separate ways, spend time apart, and reinvent yourselves.
This should tell your baby daddy that you’re serious about leaving and that you’re not going to change your mind. If he insists that you do, tell him why you’ve decided to terminate the relationship in more detail, provide closure, and remain firm with your decision.
Don’t go back on your word if he attempts to sweet-talk and guilt-trip you into feeling sorry for him. Don’t fall for his “I’ll change” promises either. If he’s been promising to change for a while and he’s over the age of 30, he probably won’t change on his own without much effort.
On the contrary, he’ll need lots of time and one heck of an incentive to change. An incentive that is fueled by a painful fear of loss and/or shattered self-esteem.
In other words, if you know that your baby daddy is incapable of changing, don’t give him more chances than he deserves. You can give him a final chance only after he’s actually improved for the better.
But don’t do it during a breakup because it won’t inspire him to change.
Here’s how to get your baby daddy out of your life as respectfully and painlessly as possible.
The breakup could transform your baby daddy into a better person
The truth is that if your baby daddy really loves you but didn’t or couldn’t show you love whenever you wanted him to show you, he’ll probably want to show you after you’ve abandoned him.
His separation anxiety will have rushed through his veins, forcing him to make you happy and take responsibility for your child. Just like most dumpees, he’ll realize your worth only after he’s lost you.
A lot of people, unfortunately, take their partner for granted. They get so used to having someone by their side that they completely neglect his or her importance.
They only realize their partner’s worth when they see/start to imagine what life is like without that person in it.
Here are some essentials people take for granted on a daily basis:
- Good health
- Romantic relationships and friendships
- Air, food, water, shelter,
- Education, medicine, electricity
Since breaking up with a person who loves you hurts him and oftentimes forces him to grow inward, make sure not to use this knowledge to manipulate your baby daddy into being more productive, supportive, patient, or kind.
Leave him only if he’s bad for your or your child’s health and you’re left with no other option.
And after you’ve left him, remain open-minded and make certain that you don’t develop resentment for him. That way, you’ll live a more peaceful life and give your baby daddy an opportunity to get his act together and grow as a person.
I know for a fact that most dumpers won’t follow this advice and that there’s a high chance that you won’t either. You’ve probably been unhappy for so long that you’ve already built up resentment, suffocation, and a victim mentality.
If that’s the case, at the very least do yourself a favor and forgive your baby daddy for his flaws and unhealthy behaviors.
Learn how it affects your child
Depending on your child’s age, your partner’s bad parenting/sudden disappearance could take a toll on your child’s brain development.
It could affect your child’s:
- Cognitive abilities: language, thinking, talking, and learning
- Social skills: interactions with others
- Physical growth: the development of the body and the way it functions
- Emotional growth: how the child perceives others and expresses emotions
So before you get your baby daddy out of your life for good, think about the aftereffects it could have on your child. Consider the bond your child and your partner have—and act accordingly.
For example, if your partner is your child’s biological father, you’ll probably have to talk to your (ex)partner frequently after the separation, get along, and share custody with him.
You’ll need to be flexible for the sake of your child and (if possible) tell your child that mom and dad love him/her very much and that they are going to live in separate houses.
If your child asks why you can simply say that you don’t get along very well and that you’ll both love him exactly the way you do – with all your heart.
You should be honest with your child and reassure your child if needed.
However, if the person you’re with is not your child’s father, is a good person, and has a good relationship with your child, then you may want to take a slightly different approach.
You may want to communicate with your child about the end of your relationship and gradually lessen the number of times your child interacts with your partner.
This could prevent your child from experiencing separation anxiety and developing abandonment issues.
I hope that this article has provided you with useful information on how to get your baby daddy out of your life without causing difficulties for yourself, your child, and your partner. If it has or if you have your own ideas and experiences to share, comment below this post. Your insight could help many mothers who are trying to figure out what to do.
And if you want 1-on-1 help getting your baby daddy out of your life, you can check out our coaching options here.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
I didn’t read the hole thing. But I think this is ridiculous. If you want to break up with your baby daddy then so be it. But if he wants to be fully involved in the child’s life and wants to do his part 50/50. Then it should be no up hill battle at all, this is the problem with modern baby mamas, the all act so entitled when it comes to their children. ” My way out the high way” this is so fucked up
I agree with you, Kay.
Thanks for commenting!
Zan
wish i would have had this to read years ago…. just the other day i told myself that the only reason he stays is because his ego and his pride!!!!
This is the most insensitive article I’ve ever read! “So if you’re going to leave your baby daddy, do so without hurting his ego”. Seriously???? Screw that man’s ego! Why does society constantly have to baby men and their ego?? Men don’t care about women’s ego; they do what they please and expect us to come out being the bigger person ALL the time while they go around acting like little men children. Now obviously this isn’t ALL men but if a woman wants to get rid of their baby daddy out of their life completely, then it’s clearly for a logical reason.
Do you have children? Lol. Toxic femininity right here. There is no loss in being reasonable, especially if you have a child with this person. Who hurt you? Cause not all men and not all bad relationships are in such extreme conditions that require such harsh reactions. Clearly, this article is not for you, but that does not mean it isn’t good advice for some women out there. Also, being the bigger person says more about the woman than it does about men. Its called grace, you should try it. Sorry to bother you internet stranger, but this comment is such a big misrepresentation of what feminism should be about and it’s stuff like this that ruin the credibility of the feminist movement.
If men are disappointing, we don’t need to stoop to their level. We should be showing them that women are not bitter and angry and unreasonable by behaving like it. Only then will our logic be credible.
This is so helpful for people that has children! Thank you for thinking for very best articles Zan 🤍
Hi Linda.
Thank you for your kind words!
Zan