How To Get Closure From An Ex Without Contact?

Getting closure from an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend without contact right after the breakup is not always easy to procure. Dumpers have a tendency to be extremely selfish and act on impulse for months after the breakup.

As you may already know, exes can say and do hurtful things to their dumpees if they aren’t left completely alone. Any form of begging for validation (especially when you are entitled to it) will only achieve the opposite results. It’s truly devastating to know what people are capable of at the end of a romantic relationship.

Dumpers can get angry at you just for looking their way so try to avoid infuriating your ex by going indefinite no-contact straight from the start.

Getting closure from an ex

Extorting closure from an ex by force is a difficult task. Talking about the breakup is the last thing dumpers want to do. All they want is to be left alone so they can enjoy their own lives and worry about their own happiness. Since dumpers are selfish creatures, they don’t wish to be reminded of their dumpees or be asked for favors. They are the happiest when the dumpee disappears completely.

Because of the dumpers’ victim mentality, they believe they are the ones who deserve privileges. Most dumpers don’t think about their attitudes—they simply react to their surroundings. If dumpers’ stimulus is bad (which it normally is), they reflect it.

This is why you must remind yourself that you are not responsible for your ex’s demeanor. What he or she says and does is not your concern. Not only is this person not your partner anymore, but he or she also doesn’t deserve your thoughts and love. It is not your job to help someone become better. Not anymore. The breakup is there for you to better yourself.

Despite it being true that people are responsible for their own happiness, I wish it were as easy as that when it comes to breakups. Closure provides us with the end of suffering and the beginning of a new cycle. Once you receive closure from your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, wife or husband, fiancé or fiancée, you can finally begin the healing process.

Getting closure from an ex withou contact works the same as getting closure after a loved one’s death. In both cases, you are put in a very tragic position with absolutely no choices but to grit your teeth and fight the onslaught of emotions.

How you deal with the horrible post-breakup emotions is completely up to you. If you cry, sulk and feel sorry for yourself, I guarantee it won’t get easier any time soon. If anything, it will only delay the process. The best thing to do in a situation when an ex doesn’t give you closure is to come to terms with it and start working on your well-being.

By doing what makes you happy, you decrease the time it takes to get over a breakup and maximize your overall happiness.

Of course, getting over your breakup sounds easier said than done. This is especially true when you haven’t got closure from your ex. Whether you were ghosted, dumped coldly or you immediately went no-contact right after the breakup, your situation remains the same. You still want closure.

The reason why dumpers don’t give closure

Getting closure from an ex is hands down the most undervalued recovery method a person can receive from his or her ex-partner. It’s so underappreciated, many dumpers think their dumpees aren’t worthy of this treatment.

Dumpers are frequently so caught up in the “me mentality,” they completely disregard their formal partners’ needs and act as if their efforts never mattered and they never existed. Because of the way dumpers often act, heartbroken dumpees feel anxious and starved for answers. No matter what they say, their exes aren’t budging an inch.

Instead of providing their dumpees with solace and comfort, they give them some quick excuse and appear very angry and non-caring. If the dumpee tries to obtain closure from an ex by force, he or she usually regrets asking questions—as it only makes the dumpee feel worse. And if he insists after that, the dumper will often resort to ignoring or blocking.

If this happened to you, try not to worry too much as it’s not your fault. Most dumpers don’t know how to behave post-breakup and almost always use their feelings of revulsion against their dumpees. As a result of these powerful feelings, they hate to cough up closure and instead choose to distance themselves. They become cold and ruthless towards dumpees and sometimes even others.

The truth is that many dumpees aren’t even able to help themselves. It’s a general saying that those who aren’t able to help themselves cannot help others. This saying definitely applies to dumpers.

Instead of persisting on getting closure from an ex, a dumpee often has no choice but to start following no-contact immediately or very soon after the breakup. It’s the only way to stop his or her burning desire to get answers for a million breakup questions.

How to get closure from your ex that won’t speak to you?

You can’t get closure from your ex or from somebody who isn’t willingly giving it to you. No matter how much you curse, beg or apologize, getting closure is not going to happen with your ex as long as he or she feels empowered.

You may have begged for a second chance or perhaps you did absolutely no chasing when you got broken up with. The truth is that exes feel empowered, and at the same time repulsed by your presence—and not necessarily because of your actions.

Have you ever felt that somebody doesn’t like you and you don’t know why? You tried to find the reason why that person feels that way toward you and you couldn’t find it—or perhaps you did and you realized it was out of your control. That person chose to dislike you himself because of his own beliefs. He developed certain beliefs in his upbringing and later “upgraded” them to suit his lifestyle.

Your story is not much different. You were in a relationship with a person who liked you and cared for you. Over time, he realized you are not the best match and decided to break up. Now that he may or may not have a good reason for the breakup, he’s angry and repelled by you.

Your ex likely hasn’t done a lot of soulsearching and figuring out why he feels the way he does. He just knows the thought of you makes him nauseated and so he must avoid you like the plague.

If you’re wondering how you can fight something so deep-rooted in this person, I have to say that you can’t. Nothing you do will make him want to give you closure. You are so powerless, getting closure from your ex won’t happen—especially by means of force.

I can’t stress this enough. Gaining closure from an ex that won’t speak to you isn’t going to happen. I know how it feels to get ignored and belittled by the person you love. You would do anything to get closure from your ex and stop feeling so hurt. Perhaps getting back together with your ex is no longer your priority and you only wish to heal and be whole again.

If you’re having a really dificult time, don’t give up on yourself! There are ways to get over a breakup and I will show you how.

I need closure from my ex!

You may not be surprised to hear that everyone feels the need for closure from their ex. Most people feel this overwhelming desire for answers. They want answers and at the same time, feel deterred to hear the truth and find answers they don’t need to hear.

Some of the things dumpees wish to ask they dumpers are:

• is there somebody else in the picture?
• did you ever love me?
• why do you feel this way?
• when did you start feeling this way?
• …

From my observations, it seems to me that people who get treated very badly in a relationship have a greater need for closure than those who had nice relationships and got broken up with in a decent manner.

Now, you may be thinking, “this makes perfect sense because some people are given closure on a silver platter.” Allow me to confirm that “some” indeed are.

Dumpees with functional relationships usually need closure a lot less than those who had ups and downs throughout their relationship. Romantic relationships can also work on a traumatic bonding basis. This means that if the relationship had lots of arguments, the couples bonded through them.

Every time the couples overcame a problem, they bonded through that experience. They kept bonding and bonding until the dumper called it quits and left the broken-hearted dumpee in pieces. This particular dumpee had become addicted to ups and downs throughout the relationship and now needs an “up” more than ever. This kind of bonding sort of works like a drug. The only problem is that the cure isn’t coming anymore so the dumpee has no choice but to suffer from withdrawal symptoms.

Whether you bonded normally or through some difficult way, I want you to know that you don’t need closure from your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. You may want it, but you certainly don’t need it. What you need after the breakup is to find efficient ways to recover.

How to move on without closure?

You can move on without closure just how you can go a day without food and water. It won’t be easy but life isn’t always a cakewalk. Most of the time, it’s full of challenges no matter how much money you have or what your social status is.

Famous people are living proof of the previous statement. Many rich and successful people don’t find happiness despite having fortunes and many opportunities “normal” people only dream of.

Celebrities’ standards and needs differ from yours because they expect different results. But fortunately, there’s one thing they want just as much as you — happiness.

So how can you be happy when odds are significantly against you?

You create them from nothing. That’s right. If your ex didn’t give you closure, it’s time you give it to yourself. Grab a piece of paper or open a notepad on your computer or phone and start asking yourself some important questions.

Ask yourself things such as:

• why do I think the breakup happened?
• what can I do to improve my unfortunate situation?
• do I absolutely need my ex’s explanation to move on?
• how will hearing a bunch of excuses from my ex aid my recovery?

Once you have answered these simple questions, it’s time you give yourself the closure you deserve. Create your own scenarios and believe things occurred the way they did for the most feasible reasons you can imagine.

Was your ex talking to another girl for a month before you broke up? Write down why you believe your ex lost attraction toward you and state the reasons why you assume he started gravitating toward the new person. Get creative and go in detail! You are your own therapist. Put down every single detail and write as if every word helps you detox.

Did your ex-girlfriend say she lost feelings and left you devastated? Write down how you can’t control the thoughts and actions of another person and why your ex may have lost feelings.

Please, don’t undervalue this simple, yet effective technique. You want answers right? Give them to yourself!

You don’t need your ex’s explanation. You are wise and smart to figure out the parts you wronged in and give them a good explanation. Once you’ve identified your shortcomings, start working toward becoming the best version of yourself.

Not getting closure makes you stronger!

Today, you may not care about 2 or 3 months from now, but allow me to explain why not getting closure from your ex might not be the worst thing in the world.

Since you have no choice but to persevere without closure, your brain works extra hard to provide answers and remedies for you. The more thinking, analyzing and planning you do, the more your brain develops. Combine excruciating emotional pain with your overthinking and you’ve got yourself an improved version of yourself.

Yes, breakups not only toughen us mentally, but they also make us smarter, wiser and often more careful. People who truly choose to learn something from their traumatic experiences usually succeed in one way or another. I often describe breakups as trampolines because they quickly and efficiently boost our personal development.

Many dumpees initially blame themselves for the end of the relationship. What they don’t realize is that they are blessed with amazing new opportunities which they aren’t even aware of. Some quickly become aware and others, unfortunately, don’t.

Since breakups are so painful—especially those without closure, we can use that pain to our advantage.

If you examine the parts of your life that need improving after a breakup, I guarantee that your chances of succeeding in life are 100 times higher than on your average day.

Breakups are highly emotional states. Some would say dumpees often become crazy and uncontrollable after the breakup because they chase after their dumpers like there’s no tomorrow.

If dumpees turn that motivation toward themselves instead, they can truly achieve such great things they would never want to go back to their old relationship if it meant losing them.

So if you haven’t received closure from your ex, I encourage you to look at your unfortunate situation from a different perspective and thank your ex for treating you horribly. Thank him or her for showing you his/her true colors and continue working on yourself.

I’d like to hear whether you got closure from your ex. Please leave a comment below.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.