How To Get An Obsessive Ex To Leave You Alone?

Breakups are difficult for both parties. Dumpers feel a strong need to get some space from their ex whereas dumpees feel the opposite. They want to get closer to their ex so they can feel less rejected and unwanted. Because they’re in pain, they want their ex to change his or her mind about the breakup and acknowledge their worth.

Sadly, their obsessive behavior tends to annoy and anger their ex and make him or her want to get rid of the dumpee.

Sometimes the dumper attempts to stop communicating with the dumpee nicely by explaining things and asking for space, while other times, the dumper simply stops responding or blocks the dumpee. The ignoring and blocking methods obviously aren’t the best approaches.

Not only do they make the dumpee feel even worse, but they also turn the dumper into a selfish person who mistreats exes. The dumper is likely to feel guilty about his or her actions weeks or months after pushing the dumpee away by force. If the dumper isn’t a person with a strong moral compass and doesn’t feel guilty, then he or she is likely to learn nothing from the breakup and do the same thing to someone else.

He or she will hurt another person and risk getting punished for it. Eventually, someone will find his or her behavior uncaring and disrespectful and fight back. That’s when the dumper will get his or her karma in the form of revenge.

If you’re a dumper and you want to know how to get an obsessive ex to leave you alone the right way without hurting your ex, you must first understand that you’ve already hurt your ex. You’ve broken his or her trust in you and triggered pain and feelings of denial and hope. The breakup has caused your ex immense suffering for which you must take responsibility.

You must acknowledge your ex’s pain and apologize for it. Apologize not just for the pain you’ve caused but also for the life you’ve forced your ex to live. Clearly, your ex’s life has changed completely. It was forced to take a different, much more uncertain and precarious route. This new route scares your ex and makes your ex crave certainty, stability, and safety.

Your ex would rather be with someone he or she feels close to and safe with (you) than start anew with a completely new person. Don’t forget that your ex is still in love with you and scared at the thought of losing you. The breakup has caused your ex to put you high up on a pedestal and made your ex obsessed with you.

Instead of thinking of your ex’s obsession as strange and repulsive, consider it a natural part of the breakup. The majority of dumpees fantasize about reconnecting with their ex and having a loving relationship with him or her. They are blinded by pain, so they tend not to care about their ex’s bad traits and all the bad moments they endured.

They just want to get back with their ex so they can obtain recognition and love. They want their ex even if their ex is bad for them and can’t give them what they deserve.

Dumpees are irrational – purely emotional and wish to feel how they felt when the relationship was at its peak. They miss bonding with their ex and feeling desired and needed. They can’t just turn their feelings off. It took them months to develop a strong bond, so it will take them months to break it.

You shouldn’t expect your ex to be as rational as you are.

Your ex didn’t have months to detach. And even if he or she did, your ex was the one who got rejected and dumped in the end. Your ex will need to go through the dumpee stages of a breakup and learn how to function independently. While he or she is learning how to do that, you’ll need to be kind and patient.

Even though you want to distance yourself from your ex and focus on yourself, it’s in your best interest to help your ex accept the breakup and get over you. This doesn’t mean you must befriend your ex and spend the next few months talking to your ex, holding his or her hand. But you must give your ex closure (answer his or her questions) and encourage your ex to rebuild his or her self-esteem and independence.

If you treat your ex like a person of importance rather than a random person you dated for a while and failed with, your ex will feel cared for. And when your ex feels cared for, your ex will process the separation, take you off the pedestal (stop obsessing over you), and leave you alone.

In this post, we talk about how to get an obsessive ex to leave you alone and move forward with your life.

How to get an obsessive ex to leave you alone?

If you want your obsessive ex to leave you alone, you must give your ex what he or she needs to leave you alone. Of course, you can’t give your ex physical or emotional intimacy because you no longer love your ex, but you can give your ex something else. You can give your ex clarity, sympathy, and empathy—and reduce your ex’s suffering.

When you reduce your ex’s suffering, you’ll also make your ex less obsessed with you and cause your ex to leave you alone. Your ex won’t bother you when he or she no longer has a reason to. Your ex will find better people and things to focus on.

Your ex won’t depend on you forever. Over time, his or her dependence on you will subside. It will decrease so much your ex will improve his or her self-love and lose interest in you. When that happens, your ex will stop reaching out and making you feel uncomfortable.

Chances are, you’ll become curious about your ex and feel tempted to contact your ex.

So ask yourself why your ex keeps contacting you and asking things from you. Upon reflection, you’ll realize that your ex feels anxious, unwanted, scared, and perhaps even depressed and is trying to ease his or her suffering. Your ex wants you back, but since you don’t want to get back together, you need to find a different way to help your ex.

You can do a lot just by being nice to your ex and showing your ex you don’t resent him or her.

I know it’s hard to be nice when all you want is to get away from your ex, but put yourself in your ex’s shoes and ask yourself what you’d want if you were your ex. You’d probably want your ex to be understanding and empathetic. You wouldn’t want that person to ignore your calls for help and treat you like you don’t exist.

If you wouldn’t want your ex to treat you like a nobody, don’t treat your ex that way either. Think about your ex’s feelings and respond with maturity and integrity. Your ex will respect you for it, and so will you because you’ll know you’ve fulfilled your moral obligations.

So to get your obsessive ex to leave you alone, start by helping your ex understand why the breakup happened. Explain that you’ve decided to break up and that your decision is final. You don’t want to make your ex think you’re open to reconciliation and give your ex hope. Once you’ve told your ex you’re not changing your mind, apologize for hurting him or her, offer to answer questions, and ask if there’s anything you can do to further ease his or her suffering.

Your ex will probably see it as an opportunity to learn more about the rationale behind the breakup and ways to feel important.

If your ex wants to be friends or engage in lengthy daily conversations, you may not be okay with that—and that’s okay. Simply tell your ex you’re willing to answer any questions and provide reassurance, but as far as frequent communication goes, it’s not good for either of you as your goal as exes is to process the breakup and regain your identity.

Your ex will understand what you mean if you express yourself empathetically. An empathetic response isn’t necessarily a rational one. It’s a response that reveals you care about your ex’s feelings. You can show that you care by choosing your words carefully and watching your tone. Your attitude will demonstrate whether you value your ex or consider him or her a nuisance.

If your ex gets the feeling that he or she is the source of your irritation, your ex could increase the frequency and intensity of his or her texts and calls and try to change your mind/behavior and feel important. That could leave you feeling trapped with your ex and increase your frustration and need to be alone.

So don’t try to get your obsessive ex to leave you alone by ignoring his or her feelings. Although you can probably get rid of your ex by blocking, ignoring, and deleting your ex, it’s not the right way to handle the situation. It will most likely hurt your ex deeply and may even lead to in-person stalking and fake profile messaging.

Try to remember that most exes are obsessed and that most of them stop being obsessed when they see that their ex respects them as human beings. They don’t heal overnight, but they feel important enough to do what’s best for them and leave their ex to his or her devices.

If your ex is interfering with your work, friends, or some other part of your life, you should explain to your ex how that makes you feel and that you’d appreciate it if he or she contacted you the next time he or he is struggling to cope with the breakup. By showing that you care and want to help, your ex may feel supported and stop doing things you don’t like/agree with.

Most exes understand they went too far when they feel heard and get what they need.

If your ex does crazy things despite your best efforts to make him or her feel cared for, I suppose you can report your ex to the police and get a restraining order. That should be your last resort when communication and empathy fail. You can push your ex away and protect yourself and those who feel threatened by your ex.

If your ex is like most dumpees, though, a restraining order won’t be necessary. You will be able to get an obsessive ex off your back just by convincing yourself your ex is looking for closure and care and that your ex will leave you alone when he or she realizes that staying in your life is bad for his or her hope and detachment.

If you want an obsessed ex to leave you alone as quickly as possible, you should avoid giving your ex reasons to feel insecure and unworthy of love. This means you should avoid dating other people, getting angry with your ex, and doing things that make your ex feel ignored, neglected, and forgotten. Try to remember that your ex’s self-esteem took a nose dive and that your ex will stop relying on you (aka bothering you) when your ex increases his or her self-worth.

My advice is to reply when your ex reaches out and needs answers. Tell your ex the things he or she wants to know and needs to hear to feel important. But when your ex wants to talk without a reason or asks for things you’re not ready for, say you both need some time to process things and that friendship is not good, nor possible at the moment.

There’s no quick and easy way to help your ex leave you alone, but with the right approach, you can reduce the number of obsessive thoughts running through your ex’s head. If your ex gets the answers or support he or she needs, your ex will likely love him/herself more and like/need you less.

Your ex will realize that chasing you is a waste of time and that he or she should spend energy and time on more productive things instead. Things that are more likely to give him or her emotional fulfillment.

Having said that, here’s how to get an obsessive ex to leave you alone.

Give your ex time to get you out of his/her system

If your ex is obsessed with you, your ex is in love with you. He or she holds you in high regard and needs lots of time to let you go. Your ex may seek answers and empathy from you. If you provide them to your ex, your ex will have less work to do alone or with a mental health expert.

Although your ex can recover without your assistance, it will take your ex longer. Not only will it take longer, but it will also be harder as your ex will likely blame him/herself for your lack of care.

So keep in mind that your ex could really use your help. Helping your ex may not be what you want as you’re probably tired of talking to your ex and want to distance yourself from your ex, but if you help your ex now that your ex needs you the most, you’ll help your ex need you less in the future.

Your ex will get what he or she wants from you and move on with his or her life.

The opposite is also true. If you convince yourself your ex’s pain doesn’t concern you, you’ll keep your ex hungry for validation and may even bring a negative reaction out of your ex. A reaction that increases your guilt or anger and hinders your self-growth and future relationships. It really is in your best interest to be there for your ex when he or she needs you.

Talk to your ex when he or she is anxious and leave your ex alone when he or she is not. That way, your ex will come to terms with the breakup and get used to living without you. A recovery is not a matter of if but when. If you treat your ex with respect, your ex will feel respected and rebuild his or her self-esteem and zest for life.

Try not to expect your ex to get over you in a matter of weeks. Expect your ex to heal at his or her own speed and depend on you a little bit less every day. Soon, your ex will stop seeing the point in reaching out to you and move on for good. That’s when you’ll know you’ve done everything in your power to help your ex guide you through the breakup.

Some exes are more obsessed or attached than others, but they’re still human. They need a little more understanding and time to get back on their feet. Once they’ve recovered, though, they keep their distance from their ex because they know their ex won’t give them the love they deserve.

You need to be patient and wait until your ex has reached a point where he or she feels strong enough to carry on without you. It could take days or weeks, depending on your ex’s coping mechanisms, but if you do things right, your ex should gradually feel better and need you less.

Of course, if your ex is super obsessed, dangerous, or inconsiderate of you and your loved ones, you can always tell your ex you won’t respond anymore and/or just stop responding. You don’t have to provide emotional support when your ex is undeserving of it. Support your ex only if he or she treats you well and wants the best for you.

Did you learn how to get an obsessive ex to leave you alone? Do you have any suggestions of your own? Share them below the post.

However, if you want to talk to us privately, do so by subscribing to our coaching services here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.