Although men have strong shells on the outside, they’re very fragile on the inside. They get hurt just the way women do. The only difference is that men don’t show it because they don’t want to be perceived as emotionally weak.
They want to be seen as strong individuals who have their life (especially emotions) under control. They basically want to show that they’re capable of taking care of themselves emotionally and physically and that they can take care of others’ needs too.
But just because they appear strong and self-reliant doesn’t mean that cheating doesn’t affect them.
In fact, cheating affects a man in a myriad of ways. Sometimes consequences are so severe that they continue to affect a guy for months or years.
It really depends on two things:
- On how much deliberate or indeliberate damage the cheater intends to cause to a man.
- How confident a man is about himself and how optimistic he is about his future.
Basically, if a man respects and loves himself, and rationally as well as emotionally understands that he’ll be okay despite being cheated on, the damage caused by cheating will be relatively low.
He’s going to process the cheating and get over it.
But if a man has poor self-esteem and thinks that he’s bad at dating or talking to women, then he’s going to find himself in one of the worst predicaments of his life.
He’s going to feel gut-wrenching pain like never before and might initially experience the following physical symptoms:
- Extreme nausea
- Dizziness
- Diarrhea
- Vomiting
- Headaches
- And all sorts of pain and fatigue
But when the initial shock from cheating subsides, the physical pain will turn into long-term emotional pain.
Getting cheated on will cause a man to have:
- High anxiety
- Severe depression
- Lack of energy, will, and ambition
If you want to learn more about the psychological effects behind cheating and how cheating affects a man and his life, read on. This article is for you.
What kind of men does cheating affect the most?
Cheating affects most men. But there are some men who cheating especially affects.
We’re talking about the kind of people who have an anxious attachment style and who are slightly (or very) insecure about themselves.
Such people tend to emotionally invest in their partner with their hearts and souls. They love with such passion and enthusiasm that all they care about is their partner’s love.
As a result, they become codependent on the person they’re with and begin to live for their partner’s recognition.
Questions, such as, “How can I love her more” or “What can I do to make her happier” don’t leave their mind very often. They usually think about what they can do to showcase their enormous love for their partner.
And that’s because they have people-pleasing personalities.
For some reason that stems from their childhood, they developed themselves into the kind of servants that live for others’ appraisal and recognition.
They became people who love making others happy because it makes them happy in return.
It’s truly a shame that vulnerable people who love the most get affected by cheating the most as it absolutely rips their hearts out and makes them lose faith in dating.
What cheating does to a man’s self-esteem
If you take the previous chapter into consideration, you’ll agree that the more of your happiness you sacrifice for a girl, the more you will suffer when a girl cheats on you.
Add insecurities, depression, and other mental illnesses on top of that and you’ll feel as if the world’s come crashing down on you.
You’ll experience such anxiety that you won’t sleep for days. Your brain will turn into mush and you’ll become a zombie for information. All you’ll be able to think about is the fun the girl had when she emotionally and physically betrayed you.
But if you’re thinking about taking the girl back despite her cheating, know that you’re about to face the challenge of your life.
You’ll soon be spending days and nights ruminating about your girlfriend’s loyalty, asking yourself what the guy has that you don’t.
You might even become so insecure that you obsessively stalk your girlfriend’s social media, check her phone when she sleeps, and restrict her from talking to other men.
You could basically develop trust issues and never trust her to go out by herself again.
And this is very bad for a relationship with this (or any) person because trust is key in a relationship. It means everything because it binds the couple together and allows love and respect to form and grow.
Without love and trust, all you have is a person who’s with you for the sake of being with someone—anyone.
This is why putting shackles on a girl won’t help her stop cheating on you. It has to be her decision.
All it will do is help her perceive you in an insecure way and make her lose her remaining respect for you.
So if your girlfriend cheated on you and you take her back, don’t attempt to control her in some insecure, control-freak way.
Tell her that you’d like her to make healthy adjustments and show her that this is her last chance instead.
If she truly wants to be with you, she’ll work on herself at lightning speed. She’ll identify and acknowledge her mistakes and find professional help if she needs it.
She’ll do anything to make you trust her and love her again.
But if she doesn’t sound very eager about bettering herself, then she’ll probably fail to improve her behavior and monkey-branch when she meets a guy that attracts her more than you.
How being cheated on changes you as a man?
Men are fixers by nature, so the first thing they worry about when they get cheated on is that they weren’t good enough.
They sincerely believe that the reason their girlfriend cheated on them has something to do with their behavior or appearance—and that they need to improve themselves for their (ex)girlfriend to like them.
Most insecure, yet loyal people think that way. But the truth is that they’re not responsible for their cheater’s poor actions.
The cheater is the only person responsible for cheating and always will be.
Cheatees (males and females) unfortunately, don’t think that’s the case. They often blame themselves so much that they slide into depression.
They find themselves in a dark place with no exit. All they see is darkness that steals their energy and makes their lives miserable.
If you also found yourself in a place with no hope, know that it’s not the end of the world. Your girlfriend or ex-girlfriend cheated on you because of her low moral values and self-esteem issues.
Be glad that she finally showed you her real colors because cheating says bad things about a person.
It represents one’s poor thinking patterns and makes him or her unworthy of your love and commitment.
So once again, don’t suffer over someone who cheated on you. She’s not worth your precious life.
I know it’s probably easier said than done, but if you don’t engrave this into your brain and keep blaming yourself, you will develop self-esteem issues and trust issues that will require professional help to solve.
You could eventually carry your insecurities into your next relationship and have the next girl ditch you when your little demons come to the surface.
Here’s a picture explaining how cheating affects a man.
Men who get cheated on grow inwardly
If you’re wondering, “How does cheating affect a man,” I can tell you that cheating has a silver lining.
Desperation for improvement caused by depression makes men strive for perfection. It helps them realize their shortcomings and makes them become the best version of themselves.
This is especially evident in the breakup world where men think they have no choice but to work on themselves before they can attract their partner back.
But one thing they often neglect is that their ex-girlfriend isn’t receptive to internal and external improvements.
She’s already formed a poor opinion of the dumpee and is too emotionally exhausted to change her mind.
Not willingly, nor forcefully.
She’ll only change her mind if something external affects her emotional state. Some kind of negative occurrence that shifts her focus while a guy patiently continues to follow the indefinite no contact.
So even though growing as a person is incredibly important for all human beings, please keep in mind that it won’t bring your cheating ex back.
It will, however, help you become the person you need to be and attract the right kind of individual into your life.
Getting cheated on by my ex affected me badly
When my ex cheated on me, she didn’t tell me she cheated right away. She first kept avoiding me, hoping I wouldn’t find out.
But when I confronted her about her lack of presence a week later—she had no choice but to tell the truth.
She hesitantly told me that she cheated on me with someone she just met and that it was a big mistake.
Her alibi was that she didn’t mean to cheat; that she was drunk and that the guy she slept with had nowhere to stay.
By doing so, she tried to excuse her behavior and stated that she isn’t a cheater who can’t be trusted.
She appeared as baffled about her cheating as I was.
But to me, her reasoning felt strange because actions clearly depicted her thoughts and emotions.
This was the person who always told me how cheaters suck for not having any guilt and shame.
“I don’t get how people can cheat on their partner and pretend that everything’s okay” were her exact words.
Yet here she was, doing the things she despises the most. Cheating on a person, lying to him, and hiding the truth.
During my confrontation, my ex also told me that she couldn’t remember anything that happened that night.
She even went so far as to claim that someone had spiked her drink.
She ended up putting the blame on the guy she cheated with just because he kept pushing her to cheat. Apparently, he also told her lots of bad things about me and blackmailed her.
Quite the accusations she was making. According to her story, she was a victim who got taken advantage of as she found at least 10 excuses that would justify her behavior and not a single one that said, “It’s because I’m like this.”
She was in such denial that she blamed her actions on anything she could think of – on things that she had no control over.
Oh heck, at some point, she even blamed it on me. She claimed it was me who “made her do it.”
This came as quite a shocker. “How did I bring the guy home and force you to cheat on me,” I thought to myself.
I soon concluded that I didn’t. I was busy around that time working on a project at home and didn’t endorse her cheating, nor take from the relationship in any form.
But despite me not being responsible for her poor actions, cheating affected me very badly. It gave me such overwhelming anxiety that it made me sick.
Not to gross you out, but the stress from the shock caused me so much pain that it gave my bowels a kick and sent me straight to the toilet.
Now you can imagine how badly cheating affects a man and how destructive it can be for his health.
There’s nothing worse than betrayal.
Long-term consequences of cheating
Since I was young and foolish and believed in the one and only concept, I accepted the cheater back. I told her I’d like to try one more time but under one condition.
I wanted her to do some soul-searching and prove her loyalty to me so that I would know she’s serious about dating me. She immediately agreed to my request and said she’ll do what it takes to win my trust back.
The only problem was that my uneasiness, insecurities, cautiousness, and feelings of betrayal didn’t go away.
They still haunted me as I feared that she would cheat again.
Maybe not right away, but eventually when she stops valuing me.
This premonition just wouldn’t go away no matter how hard I tried. It always came back in the evening before sleep and lasted about half a year altogether.
This is why I wouldn’t wish the psychological cheating effects on anyone. Not even on my worst enemy because they deprive a person of his or her self-esteem.
They hurt a person so badly that they cause him or her to experience the worst physical and emotional pain.
But if a person has poor or mediocre self-esteem like I did at the time, then he’s in for a nasty treat.
He’s going to suffer a lot like me (or more) and probably take his girlfriend back even if she cheats on him, insults his family, and burn his house down.
Do you agree with how cheating affects a man? Have you been cheated on and has it affected you in a bad way too? Comment and let us know.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Thank you for this great informational blog.
Im currently in a relationship,where my boyfriend was cheated on and also taken his ex back a few times. They were 10 years together. Eventually he has a child with his ex, a beautiful boy 6years of age. His carrying so much emotional resentment. That their parenting relationship is so toxic.
On one point, if feel like his ex is trying to win him back. On the other point I see no hope of myself and him together because of unresolved issues. His a great guy, but go in between emotional episodes, which I don’t know how to support him with. This situation is building so much of insecurities in side me. He doesn’t talk much about what happened and I believe that he still has feeling for his ex, because his is so full of anger when I ask question
on the parenting subject involving the mention if his ex and their child.
Its emotionally draining and I just don’t see hope in this situation I’m currently in.
Hi Lezaundra.
He and his ex has a lot of history together. Their history may be unhealthy, but it’s keeping them dependent on each other. They also have a son together, so they need to communicate. The guy needs to let go of the past and learn to support himself. When he does that, he’ll make room for your support as well. Until then, figure out if he’s worth fighting for.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hey Zan,
Came across your blog today morning. Most of it, if not all makes so much sense and validates how I feel at this current moment/state. Thank you for sharing this and coming up with such a great write up. I hope the best for you and in your undertakings. Thank you once again for being an insight to others in need. Mahalo mate 🙌
I’m in a bit of a conundrum, my girlfriend of 10 yrs (no kids, 6 dogs, nice home) had an emotional affair with a colleague at her new job, I confronted her and she accepted but told me this was no more than a crush and she was going through a phase since we were in the same circle of friends/family for the last 20 yrs and that meeting new people took her a blaze but that she would get over it, obviously it’s hard to hear the woman you love saying she has the hots for someone at work but I decided to give her a chance hoping this would fizzle, after this I found out they followed each other on IG, and the guy liked a bunch of her photos (obviously not the ones where we are together), I told her I was pissed and she told me to relax, that she wasn’t going to throw away a 10yr relationship over a “crush”, I told her if she felt she had a chance with the guy I would take a step back and let her go, she said no, the next couple of weeks every time I saw her on her phone I couldn’t help but think she was talking to her crush, I got to note she wasn’t over protective with her phone, she left it lying around the house so I saw the messages that came in, then I started to notice that as soon as she left the house her phone was always busy and she was making lame excuses just to leave the house for a couple of hours, after that I told her I had enough and that I was leaving, again I was met with tears and pleads to not leave her but this time she obliged, she told me maybe we needed some time away from each other so I left the house, after not contacting her in a week I felt the urge to go to her work place and see once and for all if they were together just to get some closure and move on with my life, to my surprise she was alone so I decided to talk to her and in between tears she told me her crush was being nice to her just to get her to lend him some money and she cut off ties with him but insisted that didn’t change nothing on our front, that she still needed time so she would have the freedom to do whatever she wanted, either stay at home watching Netflix or go out with friends, I walked away so crushed, just seeing her crying for another man really took me a back, next couple of weeks I couldn’t eat, sleep, I began to smoke, I was in a rut, I also saw that even though they had that episode they still followed each other on social media, I decided to seek professional help and it helped me a lot, I got into cross fit and decided to learn Portuguese but I couldn’t help to think about her once in a while (I mean it’s 10 yrs!!), yesterday after having a couple of beers I decided to get into her social media and noticed she doesn’t follow him anymore on any platform, now I don’t know if it’s a good time to text her or just show up and ask her how she’s doing, obviously I’m not going to bring up any “let’s get back together talk”, ask him about the guy or nothing of the sort, I just genuinely want to know if she’s ok and I also miss my dogs dearly, a part of me really thinks it’s a bad idea and I should hold on for at least another couple of weeks, but the other thinks that you really just live one life and if I really love her I should fight for her.
I think men who have been cheated on take things way too personally.
Usually, a woman cheats out of her own specific unmet need. Like Lack of marriage or a serious engagement commitment from their partner or lack of attention.
It’s definitely a selfish act to cheat and in no way shape or form is it tolerated even by the cheater who usually often does not condone cheating.
However, sometimes in life if you are not married… it’s healthy to be figuring out what’s best for your life and future. This could result in an unplanned accidental slip up like the one explained in this article.
And usually most often “if” a woman cheats it is usually because of alcohol hijacking the brain!
Men do not realize Scientifically women’s brains are completely affected by alcohol in a far different fashion then a mans brain is affected.
Women loose control of their actions and lack the ability to break down and process alcohol which absolutely makes them easy targets for a man to take advantage of them sexually. Usually a woman cheats because a man forced himself upon her while she is drunk and incapable of making sound judgements & decisions.
I highly disagree with the mindset that a cheater is not worth your time or the idea that once a cheater, always a cheater is to be true.
Life is a series of experiences and circumstances that each and every one of us is trying to figure out. Nothing is black and white.
A serial cheater obviously is a different issue but an accidental drunk cheating situation, absolutely deserves the persons attention who has been cheated on to look outside their hurt feelings… as more often than not, it’s the one who cheats that bares most pain, heart break, remorse & guilt.
I’ve been loyal through out all of my relationships except for my last.
Every relationship I’ve been in 💯 percent without ever cheating, I wound up getting cheated on in some sort of fashion, either cheated on with drugs or sexually.
However, my last relationship was the opposite.Sadly, I actually wound up cheating on the love of my life before he proposed to me out of “fear” that he was never going to marry me because he mention several times to me that he could not see himself marrying me etc.
Then as I Cheated and with out him knowing and stepped out of the relationship, he finally proposed… I said yes and never told him about the cheating. He eventually learned of it and ended our 2 year engagement.
Every circumstance is different but I can assure people that who have been cheated on that your cheating partner may actually hurt more than you through the cheating experience.
YOU are not the only one hurting or deserving a chance at a solid healthy relationship. More often than not your cheating partner deserves a second chance but only if they can make the changes and effort you need to make you feel secure enough to move forward in a stronger more committed relationship than before.
I’d much rather be cheated on then wind up being the cheater!
Just food for thought!
“I think men who have been cheated on take things way too personally.”
So you think men don’t suffer from Post Infidelity Stress Disorder? Presumably not real men that is?
“Usually a woman cheats because a man forced himself upon her while she is drunk and incapable of making sound judgements & decisions.”
Um…no Kat. In my book that’s called RAPE!
In the Cheaters Handbook I guess the ‘I was drunk’ defence is pretty high up there for both men and women.
Thanks Kat for your food for thought. I guess we all have our own perspectives on the rich tapestry called life.
You’re naive, I hope you never have to experience the full betrayal of a person you’ve given your heart to. You won’t be so flippant then.
Men who are apt to take their SO’s infidelity very seriously should get counselling. It is too late for me, although I wouldn’t have made a different choice to stay or go given the circumstances at the time, but I can see where it might have helped rebuild my thoroughly broken self image and confidence. I fell into a deep depression that I am only now, I think, coming out from under. Thirteen years out from my wife’s last infidelities, I still have no desire to ‘be’ with a woman again, her or any other. They are just like beautiful paintings on a museum wall; you can look, but nothing good occurs if you try to touch. The following words were part of a Reddit post and, although they aren’t mine, they perfectly describe me.
“I no longer have a great deal of sexual confidence with my wife. Our bedroom is slowly dying. Again, we don’t need to get into the details of that here. What I can go into detail on is how my wife’s conduct changed my own sexual confidence as it may apply to your husband:
When you kiss, he will wonder in the back of his head who else your mouth has been on-not just kissed.
When you don’t initiate sex more than him, he will assume it’s because he’s not good enough.
When you do initiate sex, he will assume that it’s “pity sex” or some sort of concession on your part-you’re letting him have sex with you even though you’d rather be with your secret partner(s) (who is/are always amazing sex gods compared to him).
He will assume that you fake most of your orgasms, because how could you enjoy sex with him if you’re willing to ruin your relationship to have sex with someone else?
He will lose interest in pursuing sex with you in the future, whatever that means. For me, it means I’d rather rub one out and go to bed than feel like I’m begging for sex from someone who chose another man over me.
Most of us men are basic animals, including how we feel when we’re cheated on. Reducing it to primitive terms, your cheat partner will always be the bigger/better dick. He will always be the sex beast that was so impressive, he was worth you risking your relationship.
That’s what your affair has done to your husband’s sexual confidence. He doesn’t want to be condescendingly consoled by you. He wants to feel like a virile man again. He wants to feel like he wasn’t so lame that fucking other men was the only way you could cope with your marriage.
You’re at a juncture now where you’ve made your husband feel like a safe bet rather than an exciting wager. If he’s going to regain that feeling of sexual relevance, it won’t be with you.”
Only one of my ex’s didn’t cheat on me (that I know of at least). I’m very accustomed to it. And I think another effect it has Zan is that when it keeps happening it makes you become extremely backward looking. Instead of driving forward, the new cheating event makes you think of the previous one, which brings an entire cocktail of feelings back. Combined with the new scenario, I think over time they have really made me start to dislike the idea of future romance with women. I add up all the situations where this has happened and along with the inevitable “something is wrong with me” thinking, I also start to think about how all the worst moments in my life emotionally were the result of loving a woman openly and nakedly – and her just smashing my heart in.
This is a very dangerous place to be, obviously, and it is usually only temporary for me, but as one of the commenters pointed out, the long term result is becoming susceptible to the likes of Incels and MGTOW.
The other thing I would say is, the guys who are the most loving and giving are the most cheated on because love is extremely cruel. Fantasy and movies tell women they want a guy who is like that but they don’t. They want a guy who gives love but takes more than he gives. I think they see guys who are very giving and loving as weak, putting too high a value on them.
How sad is that? The female gender often claims they just want good men who will love them, not cheat and adore them – but they want nothing of the kind.
You can call the men insecure but in my experience, these men can often be very selective in the women they choose. As a result, they then fall really hard for them because they love so much about them, see them as extremely special and care for them deeply.
In my experience of dating, this really attracts women in the early stages of love. They can’t believe their luck. But then, when you don’t act selfishly when they think you should, they pull away. When you don’t criticise their bullshit, they pull away. When you don’t assert your needs on a regular basis, they pull away.
It sounds counter intuitive but it happens every time to me. Women just want a guy who is a bit of a selfish, entitled, opinionated brat. This is why bad boys are liked.
The deep lovers can appear like bad boys at first I think, as their confidence is usually not as low as you suggest, particularly if they are highly educated, well spoken, well dressed and successful. Then when they reveal their loving nature inside, the women are initially thrilled. But then they realise they miss the bad boy…
“In my experience of dating, this really attracts women in the early stages of love. They can’t believe their luck. But then, when you don’t act selfishly when they think you should, they pull away. When you don’t criticise their bullshit, they pull away. When you don’t assert your needs on a regular basis, they pull away.”
Dear James,
I think, the essence of the problem that you find yourself battling with, lies within these sentences.
First of all, I beg you to distace yourself from making conclusions that stem from your past relationships and, as a result, assigning the assets your past SO’s had to any and every woman on Earth. I am sorry you had to endure being cheated on repeatedly by varous of your SO’s. I can only imagine how hurt and wary you must feel and I would never wish that upon anyone.
But reading your comment, I really found myself thinking of the picture you were painting of yourself as a partner, here. Because basically you said that you are a man who never acts to his own benefit emotionally, who let’s their partner act as crazy and selfish as they please without ever saying a word, and does not assert his needs on a regular basis.
And a man who does, automatically becomes a “a selfish, entitled, opinionated brat”?
My dear friend, according to your own words, in a relationship, you put your SO’s on a pedestal they cannot step down from, much rather than treating them like an equal, you act as though you were their servant, not another individual with needs. And that is, to say the least, extremely unhealthy.
By no means do I intend to say that you made your exes cheat on you or treat you badly. It always takes two in a partnership, and they had their fair share in causing your connection to crumble. Cheating must NEVER be forgiven. However, I have learned that, with behaving a certain way and letting people treat you the way you do, you might attract persons that are going to take advantage of you like it has happened to you in the past.
In order to build a functional, healthy relationship, it is crucial for both parts to come together as individuals who are of equal power and importance. A relationship and the people in it can only thrive if both treat their partner as equals, but also voice their feelings and emotional needs. And yes, that includes telling your partner they are acting selfishly when you feel, you or other people will get hurt in the process!
For a relationship to thrive, it is necessary for the people in it to make clear what their needs are, both emotionally and physically. Because, guess what, if you don’t, you put all the power in your partner’s hands, ultimately leaving it for them to define the nature of the relationship, the needs that are of importance and need to be met.
You’re not even giving them the chance to be the partner that you deserve. To treat you with respect, to take your feelings into account. Nobody should have that much power over you, because they will only be bound to fail you. Neither is it healthy, nor fair to them. And you are bound to get disappointed.
I, even though I am a woman, cannot speak for us as an entirety, nor can you. So, to say that “WOMEN want this” and “WOMEN want that”, is incredibly unfair. However, I can tell you of the many people, women AND men, I know and the experiences they have shared with me. And let me tell you, of course, all of them want a partner who loves and adores them. But to every single one of them, that includes being a person that respects themself first, sets boundaries and voices their needs in order to get the respect and love they deserve from their SO. Someone, who adds their values to the partnership and helps them grow as a person. And yes, that includes calling out your partner on their bullshit, so that they get the chance to reflect on their errors and change for the better.
Does that mean being entitled? Of course, but entitled to be treated the way you deserve to be treated. With love and respect.
Opinionated? Maybe, but you’re talking as if that was something bad. Guess what, it’s not.
None of that makes you a selfish, egocentric brat. None of that makes you a “bad boy”.
It makes you a person that respects their own boundaries in order to add to a relationship of value and be treated the way you deserve and want to be treated.
You want you SO to step down on you, have their way with you and betray you and treat you as they please without ever taking into account YOUR feelings, YOUR needs, YOUR mental, emotional and physical health? Then please, go ahead as you did before. You’ve already shown just how happy you’ve been in the past with that.
You want to be treated with respect? Then respect your feelings and needs and make them be heard. Voice your opinions, as they are of crucial importance to the status of your reltaionships and to your emotional well-being. Help ypur SO be your equal, the partner you want and need. Give voice to your feelings and listen to theirs, as well. Your partnership will only grow, if both parts put in the work and help each other grow.
Best regards,
Elena
Man James! Your articulation is 100% correct. And this happens to you because your soul is pure and because you are a man who believes in true love and is willing to put it on line every single time. At the cost of sounding a bit uncharitable, I would say that no girl/woman will ever acknowledge what you have expressed here so succinctly. And btw, I have a feeling that you generally end up digging the intelligent ones! All I can say is that I wish you could have been my drinking buddy.
Hi Zan! My comment isn’t relevant to the article but i need your help!I was with someone for 2 months, everything was fine, he was so happy, I was happy and he was doing future plans, he was showering me with compliments, he was saying that I am perfect because I am not needy and clingy, I was myself with him but overenthusiastic and I couldn’t control it. My attachment style is anxious and his is avoidant. Because i didn’t have a job at that time, we were speaking on the phone or with texts all day so I was fully available for him. He has a full day due to his job. And then we broke up. It was kind of mutual and then I regretted it. He broke up with me when I said that I want to spend more time with him to get to know eachother more. And he said that is better to breakup because he didn’t have time for a relationship due to his job and his personal issues. And he said that to our common friends too. I think my mistake was that I rushed things and he said before to take things slow but he first put the label of relationship from our first date. He broke up with me by text and then ghosted me. I didn’t text him anything offensive or beg and plead and he simply deleted my number. He has only WhatsApp and not other social media. After breakup I did no contact for 1 month and after the month passed, I texted him first and he responded but with short responses. He is reading my texts immediately and replies immediately even when he is in his job, and he was doing that during our relationship, so the pattern didn’t really changed. He ignored some of my messages but when I send again he replies but not initiating first. Our texts were only funny memes about his job due to pandemic and he started to make some humor and then went cold. I haven’t mentioned anything about our breakup and I talk to him casual. I did the mistake to text him everyday for 3 weeks but with short texts with excuses about his job and tech stuff and I try to cut the convo first. I texted him everyday and I tried to cut the convo short. 2 months have passed since our breakup and because he is really secretive I don’t know if he has met someone else for serious relationship, but with this time length probably he is with someone. He used to tell me that all his relationships lasted only for 6 weeks and I was his longest. I feel lame about the texts because I don’t know how to start the convo and everything that I text him about his job looks like excuses to talk to him. I feel lame and that I look desperate and so available. I want him back but I think I have pushed him away, and he maybe thinks that I am the crazy ex, that chases him and that there is no chance getting back and that it’s too late to change his mind. I deleted the app yesterday to stop texting him, because I feel he is annoyed, to give him space again. Through our relationship, when he needed space I was giving it and reaproched him after a few days. I should completely lose hope and move on and block him and delete his number or try again after no contact? I am doing again no contact and it’s day 3. I really need your help!
Hi Niki, You might not like to hear this but looks like he is not interested and dont want to have relationship with you. Relationships are like a team, both players have to put same amount of efforts in it, otherwise it fails. You cant force anyone in this world to like you or love you.
My advice to you is let him go and focus on yourself and if he really mean to be in your life, he will come back to you.
Never ever give your time and attention to someone who does not care.
Ryan
Thanks Ryan for your reply! I know that he is not interested. I just tried to be with good terms with him but I will let him go. There is nothing that I can do anymore. I was the one that I was putting the effort through our “relationship” and when he didn’t like something he was always pull away and blame that he didn’t have time. So yeah, I will focus on myself from now on.!
Hi Niki, You are welcome and always remember people will always have time for you if they are interested in you.
You are the only person who can love yourself unconditionally.
have a great day 🙂
Ryan
Best solution of avoid being cheated on is to go MGTOW. I have read all of your articles Zan and i have also read lots of books on woman’s behaviour. Woman are wired to Hypergamy and its very easy for them to cheat or Money branch with no remorse.
i was cheated on and i went through lots of pain and anxiety but i found Magnetofsucess and started reading books on human’s behaviours(Specially women) i gained so much knowledge that i still go out, date girls but never take anything serious and avoid being serious to anyone.
once you have all the relationship knowledge and you know people’s behaviour you can easily understand people’s action.
it was nice to know your personal story too Zan. i am sure that you would not have created this articles and collected all this info to share with us if you were never been cheated on.
Hi Zan,
Yes it was quite a shock to find out my wife of only a little more than one year cheated on me doing a co worker. A big giveaway was her buying sexy lingerie that she had foolishly left in the laundry. She of course initially denied anything was occurring but then also found out she was seen walking in a park with some other guy. The other guy was someone that I knew that had performed maintenance on my car and also was her co worker at a hospital. She finally confessed to me that she wanted a divorce and soon left weeks later. I was pretty upset for several months but I had some very good friends and family for support. What was really hard was I really liked her family and they liked me. Her parents said they had to support her for fear of losing their daughter. I really developed insecurities that affected some other future relationships after that. I am now married 25 years with one son and lo and behold I get a message from the ex wishing me Happy Birthday and wanting to be friends on Facebook a few months ago. There was never any remorse, apology from her during the past years- I got a kick she just wanted bygones to be bygones. Of course I refused any contact, my life has gone pretty well since! Life does not end with a few bumps in the road!
Zan,
Here’s a twist to your article…
How about when you girlfriend cheats on you with a female.
This has hurt me more than being cheated on with a guy. It’s very confusing and messes with your head especially when you’re ex still has feelings for you, says that they love you and desire you sexually. She wanted to have it both way but I walked away, It was a total emotional mess because the same girl that was after my ex was also after her sister as well. My ex is not a lesbian neither does she likes female but this girl got in her head. She says she’s not but she likes this girl and its confuse why she feels this way she does towards the lesbian girl. She was confused and in a emotionall rollercoaster I was too, hence why I walked away…It’s been 6 months and still hurts, confuse, and struggling with anxiety because I still reliveeverythinglikea movie. I’ve been in NC this whole time, but is been so hard because she looked for me after two months still saying she loved me and wanted me, but I’m staying away from that mess because she was still involved with the girl. Till this day she stalks me on social media and watches all my stories. I’ve done radio silence periodically on social media and she’s always the first one to look at my stories. So confusing…I still love her and care for her, but betrayal hurts like hell doesn’t matter how it happened.
Zan, I would like to speak with you in details about this situation. There’s a lot I left out.Maybe you could write an article about it to help future readers deal with this emotional rollercoaster.
Thanks for your articles they have helped me a lot through this process.
Hi Yoz.
I’ve encountered a few almost identical breakups to yours.
What happened in those cases was that the girl got confused with a lesbian girl and left her man out of curiosity and newness.
The dumper basically left to explore and see what it’s like to be with the same gender. The biggest issue for the guy was that she kept breadcrumbing him whenever she had doubts about her new relationship or whenever they argued.
I don’t remember how the stories ended. All I know is that the guys had to cut their ex off for a while because sweet “I miss you” messages wouldn’t stop coming.
I might write an article about it so stay tuned.
Best,
Zan
I’ll look forward for your to write about this topic as there’s not much information about this issue.
Thanks for all your articles!
This hits hard. Two wives have cheated. The current, soon to be ex, I had told her a few years back that should she want a divorce (we were going through a difficult time and I had caught her in the begging of an emotional affair) to come to me and we go our separate ways like two adults. Fast forward 2 years and we never really recovered from our rough spot (she didn’t want to put in any effort) and I tried to talk to her about fixing our marriage only to have her tell me she wanted a divorce. A week later I learned she was involved with another man. I knew I should have divorced her back when I caught the first emotional affair and she did not want to put in any effort.
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time”
- Maya Angelou
Hi Brett.
I’m sorry you’ve gone through that.
It’s impossible to work on marriage when a person is unwilling to do anything about it. So if you ask me, she gave you an opportunity to find someone who will communicate with you and continue to build the relationship.
And yes, you saw her characteristics when she first emotionally cheated on you. Once again, she didn’t do anything about it so she cheated again when an opportunity presented itself. People follow patterns and she followed hers.
Best wishes,
Zan
Zan thank you for article
Probably this applies also when woman are cheated on…
But what if he cheats and don’t even want to work things on relationship? You as a person who has been cheated(cheatee), can’t be the one to say I would want to work on relationship, right? The idea should be from the one who cheated you….
Because he didn’t took any effort or willingness even to say I want to make things work Zan.
And yes sometimes I’m finding myself in darker places
Is a way to bring cheating ex back? Or just indefinite no contact rule it’s the only way?
Haha and yeah my ex was same person who told me how cheaters can do such a lower thing blah blah blah and yet in the end did same
And I’m so sorry that you went in same situation… I never could imagine that can be that hard :/
And you are the first professional breakup helper that founded articles like real articles to help the cheatees and I’m extremely grateful for that
Thank you 🙏🏻
Hi Linda.
When a cheater leaves, he does this of his own accord—and can’t be reasoned with. All you can do is create a life without him and see if he ever changes his mind in the future.
There’s no “working on the relationship” because the relationship is gone. The only thing you have left is yourself, so invest in yourself and you soon won’t need him anymore.
I’m sorry he cheated on you and left. 😢
Best regards,
Zan
Hard true but thank you for helping us to open the eyes…
❤️
I have a question about men who get cheated on. I have an ex who every single woman he had been with before Me cheated on him. I know that this caused him a lot of emotional turmoil because I had to deal with his baggage. He ended up cheating on me and not with any of his cheating exes but just straight up cheating. Could this be in some sick way the cause of being cheated on so much?
Hi K.
Although your ex had to deal with the consequences of cheating, I don’t think this has anything to do with him cheating too.
The pain he experienced probably prevented him from loving you fully because it made him insecure and anxious. But other than that, it always comes down to moral values. They were were too low for him to respect you.
Kind regards,
Zan