If a guy left you for someone else and appears happy, that’s completely normal. His new love interest validates him, making it nearly impossible for him not to be happy. She makes him beyond happy because he feels desired by a person he likes and wants to get to know further. His new girlfriend consistently shows him that he’s wanted romantically and that she’s considering staying with him long-term.
This provides him with a sense of security and boosts his ego.
New relationships always feel good. Couples don’t know anything about each other (especially each other’s bad traits, habits, and behaviors), so they focus solely on how good they feel. They do various bonding activities, such as asking deep questions, giving compliments, holding hands, kissing, and having sex. It’s hard for them not to be happy when they’re at the start of a new relationship where they don’t have to put in any effort.
The relationship is practically self-maintained. It runs on autopilot because they enjoy the moment and feel empowered by the newness, attention, and validation. Their autopilot (happiness) takes care of everything, giving them time to focus on things that are working, not the things that aren’t. They can ignore the bad things for now because they feel happier than ever.
Things will get serious when they start facing problems and pushing each other’s buttons. That’s when they’ll find out how they handle conflict and whether they’re truly compatible (long-term). Emotionally, they probably are; otherwise, they wouldn’t have made it this far. But mentally, in terms of maturity and goals, they might not be on the same page. They might later realize they rushed things and that they should have spent more time getting to know each other.
Rest assured that the relationship will stop making them feel elated. It will happen when they get out of the get-to-know-each-other phase and face difficulties. Difficulties could be anything from mood swings, different beliefs and upbringings, and arguments to difficult relationship topics about commitment or the future. Every couple has different problems. Those who lack problem-solving skills and healthy solutions to those problems tend to feel miserable or break up.
Usually, it takes at least a few months for problems to surface and lead to a breakup. Emotionally unavailable or emotionally incompatible couples tend to break up even sooner. Such couples go through a very short infatuation period and realize they don’t feel strongly about each other. The only way they can feel happy and comfortable is to end the relationship and go their separate ways.
So if your ex-boyfriend left you for someone else and is happy, remember that he’s supposed to be happy. He’s in a new relationship and hopes things will stay just as easy and carefree. He’s not thinking about going back to you and discarding his newfound happiness.
It would be really weird if he were unhappy, nostalgic, or depressed at the start of a new relationship. That could happen only if he were still attached to you, still in love with you (which dumpers usually aren’t), or if he found his new girlfriend unattractive, boring, or a total waste of time. His unhappiness would be a huge red flag as it’d indicate that he’s not emotionally ready for a new romantic endeavor.
Try not to overanalyze his happiness and compare it to what he felt when he was with you. It’s normal for long-term relationships to slow down over time and feel less exciting. Human beings are made that way. When the initial excitement wanes, we’re left with love, provided we perceive our partner positively and feel ready to commit and invest.
I can’t say what your partner will feel months from now, but if you want what’s best for you, you shouldn’t stalk your ex online and ask others for information about him. You’ll feel way less anxious if you don’t know what your ex is doing, who he’s dating, and how he’s feeling. That’s because as soon as you find out your ex is doing fine without you, you’ll have a hard time convincing yourself that your ex’s happiness is unrelated to you.
The truth is that it doesn’t have anything to do with you. Your ex merely feels relieved by the breakup and empowered by the new romantic interest. Your personality, capabilities, and overall value are unrelated to your ex’s post-breakup relief and happiness. Relief and happiness have everything to do with your ex’s newfound freedom and ego boost.
When you fully accept that your ex’s happiness is unrelated to you, that it doesn’t define you, and that it makes no difference to how you live your life, you’ll stop caring about your ex’s social life, maturity, and state of well-being. You won’t care whether your ex is happy, indifferent, or miserable because you’ll be preoccupied with your own life and happiness.
If the breakup is new, it’s completely normal to wonder why your ex is so happy while you’re miserable. It’s normal to ask yourself if your ex’s new relationship is special and if it will last. And while neither you nor I know the answers to those questions, there’s no point in digging for answers. The truth will come out a year into the relationship, if not much sooner.
This depends on their compatibility, relationship skills, and problems they face along the way.
For now, remember that your ex’s new girlfriend makes him happy not because she has all the qualities he’s looking for in a serious partner, but because she’s his new girlfriend. She fulfills his momentary needs and gives him exactly what he wants.
The real question is whether he’ll stay happy with what he has or if he’ll want more from her. More in the sense of better treatment, more excitement, or deeper connection. If he wants more and she’s unable or unwilling to give it to him, he’ll gradually become unhappy, detach, and lose interest.
Once he loses interest, it’s only a matter of time before he realizes his new girlfriend is holding him back from living the most fulfilling life.
If you want to be with your ex-boyfriend, keep in mind that his return depends mainly on how you handle the breakup, how he perceives you, the negative things that happen in his (romantic) life, and how he copes with difficult emotions. If he tends to seek reassurance externally from other people, he’s much more likely to come back than someone secure or avoidant who deals with problems internally.
Your ex’s attachment style, coping mechanisms, personality, and past choices determine how he addresses the stress, anxiety, pain, or depression that may transpire after he breaks up with his new partner. There’s no guarantee that they’ll break up, but if they do, how he handles it is important. It’s also something you can’t control as your ex is solely responsible for dealing with difficult breakup emotions and ensuring a smooth recovery.
In this post, we discuss why he left you for someone else, why he’s happy, and what you can do about it.
Why did he leave me for someone else?
I lack insight into your relationship, so I can’t tell you exactly what your ex thought and felt before he monkey-branched to someone new. But I can tell you that he developed a strong emotional bond with the new woman behind your back (cheated on you emotionally, if not also physically) and left when he received the opportunity to do so. He essentially waited (strung you along) until the new person showed romantic interest in him and made it safe for him to jump from one moving train to another. The new woman didn’t have to do much. She just needed to get close to him and show him her best characteristics.
Your ex did the rest on his own.
If she’s someone you don’t know, she probably didn’t know he was still with you. Most cheaters/monkey-branchers don’t reveal that they’re in a committed relationship and that they love their partner. They usually say they’re single or pretend that their relationship is not serious or not working. Justifications like that encourage their crushes to go all in and start spending time together, flirting, and even getting physical.
They don’t hold back because, to them, everything seems normal.
Yes, some people intentionally steal other people’s boyfriends and girlfriends, but honestly, this isn’t about them. It’s about the people who fall for their tricks and dump their partners for a person they know nothing about. Your ex-boyfriend is to blame for the breakup, not the girl or woman he left you for. She may have known he was still with you, but if he appreciated and loved you, he wouldn’t have left you for a shot with someone he barely knew.
He would have stopped the connection before it even had the chance to develop. Since he didn’t stop it, he’s solely to blame. He and the new woman developed feelings because he failed to act in time.
They probably thought they were just friends—until their friendship grew into something much deeper and crossed all friendship boundaries. That marked the end of a friendship and the start of adoration and feelings.
Therefore, your ex left you for someone else because your ex took you for granted and allowed his connection with the new woman to grow. He didn’t have the awareness, tools, or the will to step back and create some distance. Instead of focusing on you, he focused on her, hid her from you or the importance she had in his life, and gradually leaned on her for his emotional needs. Eventually, he replaced her with you and left you for her.
He had plenty of chances to back off. But because he liked how he felt, he refused to do the right thing every time he got too close to her and crossed the friendship boundaries.
We could say he lacked morals and the desire to strengthen his relationship with you. It made more sense to him to chase validation from the new person. The new person empowered him, whereas you stressed and/or suffocated him.
Having said that, here’s why he left you for someone else.
Why is he happier with his new partner than he was with me?
He’s happier with her because things are still fresh. He hasn’t seen her flaws yet and thinks the relationship will feel this way forever. Little does he know that he’s merely in the infatuation phase of a new relationship and that things will get serious when he, she, or both develop romantic expectations. If someone can’t fulfill those expectations or if they get into nasty arguments, they could realize they overestimated their ability or readiness to be in a long-term relationship.
There is no such thing as an easy relationship. Relationship dynamics vary from couple to couple, but all in all, each couple is responsible for resolving problems and maintaining the connection. This typically becomes clear to couples two or three months into the new relationship because that’s when couples get used to feeling validated, experience their first problems, and put their relationship skills to the test. They test how they respond to stressors and learn where their limits are.
If your ex is happier than he should be, he probably hasn’t yet gotten to this part with his new girlfriend. He’s still discovering her bad side and hasn’t seen the full picture yet. He’ll stop feeling excited once she loses her shine and starts saying or doing things he doesn’t expect or isn’t ready for. The relationship will seem much less interesting and fulfilling than it does right now.
So don’t think that he’s significantly happier with her than he was with you. He may like her more and act super excited around her, but that’s because she still empowers him and makes him feel desired. Once this stops being the case, you can expect him to look, feel, and act no different than any other committed person.
Expect him to take her off the pedestal and live for himself again.
Only guys who feel neglected, unprioritized, or unloved (often due to low self-esteem or trust issues) keep their partner on a pedestal permanently/until they evolve.
Also, don’t forget that it’s normal for him to be happy or happier. He left so that he could get the most out of life. The new woman merely met his wants and needs and allowed him to feel fulfilled. If he weren’t happier, he would likely have come back. Many dumpers do once they realize there’s more to the new person than just the excitement.
Such dumpers come running back like greased lightning, asking for forgiveness and another chance.
What should I do if my ex is happy with his new girlfriend?
First of all, don’t take your ex’s post-breakup happiness personally. Even if he’s happier with her, it doesn’t mean that she’s better than you. All it means is that she has more in common with him or that she’s more compatible, especially short term.
Your ex is going through different stages of a breakup. While you’re depressed, your ex is relieved and can’t feel down. It’s impossible because the breakup freed him from obligations. He can feel down only if he felt forced to leave and/or fell into depression before or after the breakup. But if that were the case, he wouldn’t be jumping up and down in joy. He’d probably be isolating himself and avoiding everyone.
Some dumpers try to cloak their insecurities and unhappiness, but they can’t do it forever. Sooner or later, they come out and affect the relationship.
You should know that your ex’s excess happiness will soon fade. When it does, you’ll see that it was just a stage of a new relationship and that they have to invest in it if they want to stay together.
I strongly advise against checking up on your ex. If you’re talking to your ex, go no contact. If you’re checking your ex’s profiles, unfollow (or even delete your ex if you can’t resist the temptation to check). If your ex is breadcrumbing you, ask for space and/or warn your ex that you’ll block him if he doesn’t stop. If you’re hanging out with the same friends group, stop doing that and meet your friends without him. And if your friends talk about your ex, ask them not to update you.
You must keep your ex out of your head. That way, you’ll dwell less on his happiness with his new partner and start focusing more on yourself. You’ll begin to rebuild your self-esteem from the ground up and eventually realize that your ex can’t help you feel better. He can only open your partially closed wounds and make your healing much harder.
If you want to feel better, you must act like your ex doesn’t exist. Do this long enough and eventually, your ex won’t matter anymore. He and his new girlfriend won’t mess with your head and make you anxious. While you’re learning how to do that, remember that no matter how happy he is, he’s a cheater and a monkey-brancher and that his new relationship started on immoral terms.
They’ll likely feel guilty, struggle with trust, or end up in another cheating or monkey-branching situation.
Did your ex-boyfriend leave you for someone else? Why do you think he did that? Share your thoughts below the post, and we’ll respond as soon as we can.
And lastly, if you’d like to talk to us privately, you can do so after subscribing to private coaching.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
