If your ex is trying to make you jealous, you need to know that intentional post-breakup jealousy serves only one purpose: to provoke a negative reaction from you. Your ex wants to see that you’re still attached and that his or her words or actions still affect you. When they affect you, your ex gets to feel powerful and in control of the situation, even though you’re no longer together.
It’s not very common for dumpers to try to provoke jealousy. Most dumpers are detached and don’t need their ex to validate them. They’re okay without their ex’s validation because they crave space and don’t want to be reminded of their ex. The last thing they want is for their ex to feel insecure and give them a hard time about moving on so quickly. Mature and detached dumpers don’t mess with their ex’s head. They mind their own business and appreciate the space their ex provides.
Only immature, insecure, jealous, or manipulative dumpers try to make their ex jealous. They pretend to be happier than they are and make sure their ex notices it. Oftentimes, they post pictures with other people, hug or kiss people next to their ex, dance with them, or simply show they’re having a good time. By displaying happiness, they try to outshine their ex’s joy and hurt him or her in the process.
Their ego doesn’t let their ex be happy or happier than them, so they compete romantically. Deep inside, they think that finding a replacement for their ex means they’re better than their ex. They have no clue that a new partner empowers them only temporarily and that real long-term happiness comes from self-investment, self-love, and maturity.
So if your ex is trying to make you jealous, remember that your ex isn’t truly happy. As long as he or she is trying to fake happiness or prove that he or she is better off than you, your ex is actually very unhappy. He or she can’t be happy until you react strongly, prove that you crave what he/she has, and validate his or her importance. An ex like that obsesses over you and is on a mission to bring you down with him/her.
It’s in your best interest to stay away from your ex and avoid his or her provocations. Jealousy games are for the weak-minded. People who respect themselves and others don’t resort to cheap tactics. They know that they’re no better than others and that they should put their energy toward more productive things. Things that make a lasting difference in lives.
Competing with ex-partners doesn’t change their lives for the better. It merely boosts their egos and turns them into insecure, vengeful, validation-seeking individuals.
The same is true for dumpees. If they believe their ex has wronged them, they can simply walk away without sinking to their ex’s level. By refusing to hit back and starting a battle no one can win, they not only show emotional strength and self-control but also prove themselves to be the bigger person. They, their ex, and others get to see that they don’t want to fight with a hurt, attention/validation-seeking ex. They’d rather focus on themselves and those who make them into better people.
If your ex is trying to make you jealous, I strongly advise you not to take the bait. Instead of taking your ex on like a rival and wasting your energy and time trying to prove things that don’t matter, focus on healing and growth. Pursue your hobbies, make new friends, and set new goals—and I guarantee that you’ll get more out of your life than if you spend your precious post-breakup time watching your ex and seeking his or her approval.
As tempting as it may be, the breakup should make you a better person, not a worse one. You should learn to control your emotions and forget about your ex. If you handle the breakup right, you’ll avoid fighting fire with fire and set yourself up for success.
So do your best not to make your ex jealous. Your ex already feels that way, otherwise, your ex wouldn’t be trying to show off. If your ex were happy, he or she would be staying away and making new memories. Exes who turn breakups into competition don’t deserve your energy and time. As Mark Twain said, they drag you down to their level of maturity and then beat you with experience. You’d have to be much more insecure and manipulative than they are to come out on top.
Hence, fighting them is pointless. You’re better off acknowledging their immaturity and refusing to stoop to their level.
It’s okay to feel jealous at times; we all do. But acting on jealousy to empower yourself through your ex’s suffering is far from moral. It’s immoral because the goal is to make your ex’s life so bad that yours seems better. That’s not how exes should excel in life. If they want to do better and be happier, they must invest in themselves and become the best versions of themselves.
They shouldn’t opt for quick solutions that feel good but aren’t good for them in the long run. Jealousy tricks are something weak, insecure, and manipulative people do because they lack the courage, strength, self-control, morals, and determination to succeed in life the right way – by working on themselves and improving the things they need to improve.
Such people attempt to manipulate others into feeling inferior, scared, or unwanted. Basically, they want them to feel how they feel.
In today’s post, we discuss why your ex is trying to make you jealous and how you can respond.
Why is my ex trying to make me jealous?
The obvious reason your ex is trying to make you jealous is that your ex feels insecure due to your success, happiness, or the lack of attention you’ve been giving him or her. Your ex didn’t think you’d handle the breakup so well, shut him or her out of your life, and focus on moving on. Your ex expected you to cry, beg, and feel stuck.
This made your ex feel inferior to you and caused him or her to seek your approval. Jealousy games are essentially pleas for attention, respect, and adoration. They don’t mean that your ex wants you back, but that your ex isn’t happy with how things turned out and wants you to make things better. Better in the sense of handing out all your remaining power and boosting his or her ego.
A jealous ex views the breakup as a competition and sees himself as the victim. He can’t let you go without having the last word or the last laugh. He’s the kind of person who challenges people and brings out the worst in them. If you give him what he wants, he’ll feel good about himself and may even come back for more.
Always remember that he wants to see you jealous because he feeds off people’s negativity. Negative responses empower him and give him a sense of accomplishment. If he were mature and understood his reasons for craving validating responses from exes, he wouldn’t be making your life difficult on purpose. He’d be supporting you, asking for support, or leaving you alone.
Hence, you should consider him immature and unworthy of your time. Think of him as someone who can’t let you be happy unless he’s happier than you. He has to have a partner or a better partner, a better job, more friends, longer vacations, and other superficial things people post on social media to get noticed.
Your ex sees jealousy as a means of control. When you’re jealous, you show you haven’t yet moved on and found internal peace. A part of you is still attached to your ex and depends on your ex for certain emotional needs. That makes your ex happy because it gives your ex additional time to create a fulfilling life.
Your ex may also be testing your feelings. He or she may be trying to make you jealous to see if you’ve moved on. If you have, your ex won’t be able to trigger your nostalgia and unprocessed feelings. That means your ex will stop relying on you for ego boosts and have no choice but to find a different source of validation.
Lastly, your ex may just be trying to get your attention. He or she likely sees that you’re detaching and that you’ll soon get over the breakup. Your ex knows that when you’re over the breakup and feel better, there’s a chance you’ll give up on him or her altogether. You won’t need your ex in your life, even as a friend, and may pull away completely.
When that happens, your ex will lose all the perks provided by you and will need to find a replacement.
Having said that, here’s why your ex is trying to make you jealous after a breakup.
What to do when your ex is trying to make you jealous?
Whether your ex is intentionally trying to make you jealous or is doing it unintentionally, remember that calling your ex out on his or her behavior isn’t the right way to deal with jealousy. If you respond with jealousy and anger or simply tell your ex to stop bothering you, your ex will just see that you’ve been watching him or her. This will make your ex feel validated and perhaps even tempted to tease you some more.
Instead of fighting back or acknowledging your ex’s attempts to make you jealous, remember that you can’t win the jealousy game and that it’s best not to react at all. Keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself and showing that you feel perfectly comfortable with who you are and what you have will make you look confident, mature, and in control of your emotions.
It will make your ex think about what or who is keeping you busy, validated, and happy.
Forget about your ex’s tricks and instead, focus on staying in control of your thoughts and emotions. Self-control will make you emotionally stronger and help you process the breakup. It won’t bring your ex back on its own (if that’s what you want), but it will make you look mature, in control, and also attractive. It could make your ex curious about you and urge him or her to reach out when the time is right.
Typically, the time is right when the dumper encounters problems and pain.
Hence, I encourage you to ignore your ex’s provocations on focus on things you need to focus on. Things like self-improvement, detachment, friends, hobbies, and ambitions. You need to take your mind off your ex and realize that your ex belongs in the past. The things and people in the present and future are what you should be investing in and looking forward to. They’ll determine how happy and successful you are months down the line when your ex stops occupying your mind.
So don’t do anything once you’ve determined that your ex is actively trying to make you jealous. The best thing you can do is ignore your ex in person, unfollow him or her online, and ask your friends to keep you out of the loop. This will boost your healing tenfold and gradually return your confidence, self-esteem, and power. The longer you go without reacting to your ex, the less your ex’s jealousy tricks will affect you.
Make sure to keep detaching and staying busy so that you don’t do something stupid when you have a bad day and feel vulnerable. Learn to manage your anxiety, depression, and jealousy—and you’ll be better equipped to handle the emotional challenges caused by manipulative ex-partners.
Your goal should be to grow and leave your ex behind.
You’ll know you’ve succeeded when your ex’s attempts to make you jealous no longer trigger anxiety, obsession, or the urge to reach out. Instead of embarrassing yourself, you’ll simply laugh it off and shift your focus to things that actually matter.
Is your ex trying to make you jealous? What do you think your ex gets out of it? Share your thoughts and feelings in the comments below. We’ll respond shortly.
However, if you’d like to confide in us about your ex, feel free to do so after subscribing to private coaching. We’ll navigate your breakup together and create a plan tailored to your unique situation and relationship dynamics.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
