Here are 9 most common breakup excuses dumpers use to break up with their partners. Comment below if you’ve found yours.
It’s not you, it’s me
Believe it or not, but it’s not you, it’s me is definitely one of the worst breakup excuses on the planet.
Dumpers use this breakup excuse with the intention to soften the blow.
Because they hate seeing their dumpee in tears, they instead take a very tender approach.
Dumpers think that by putting the blame on themselves, their dumpees won’t be very shocked and feel hurt from the breakup.
They sincerely believe that if they can prevent their ex from causing a scene, they will be able to get out of their uncomfortable situation much quicker.
I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore
The dumper says this excuse to clarify that neither the dumpee nor the dumper is to be blamed for the breakup.
They explain to the dumpee how their relationship is making them unhappy and that the breakup is the only option for them.
What this bad breakup excuse really means is that the dumper doesn’t want to be in a relationship with the dumpee and not necessarily with someone else.
I don’t deserve you
This innocent-looking breakup excuse is often more dangerous than it looks.
It usually means that dumpers aren’t attracted to their dumpees anymore and that breaking up is the only solution.
Their loss of attraction could either be due to their depression, someone else being in the picture, or simply because they don’t think that arguments are worth it.
No matter what their reason for the breakup is, they merely appreciate the dumpee as a person, and not as their romantic partner.
It’s just a little break
There’s no “easier way” to ditch a romantic partner than to come up with some quick, dishonest breakup excuse.
This excuse often goes like this. “It’s just a little break. We’ll see how we feel in a month or so.”
What this excuse does to the dumpee is it gives him or her hope.
And that’s because the dumpee honestly believes that his or her ex only needs a bit of alone time to think things through.
Only when enough time has passed and the dumpee hasn’t heard back from the dumper is when the truth finally stabs the heart.
We don’t share the same interests
A dumper that comes up with this breakup excuse doesn’t necessarily mean that he or she has nothing in common with the dumpee.
What the dumper usually means is that the relationship doesn’t interest, excite or inspire him or her anymore because the couple has grown apart.
If this breakup excuse were to be taken literally, it would be like saying “I don’t want to be with you because you have an iPhone and I have an Android.”
It would make no sense.
I need to find myself
This typical excuse is a clear indication of unhappiness in a relationship. Dumpers use this excuse when they need more space to “figure things out” on their own without their dumpees in their vicinity.
They basically want to get out of the relationship so that they can explore the world and see if they will miss the dumpee and/or find someone better.
I can’t trust you anymore
Normally, after something bad has happened in the relationship, dumpers give this bad excuse to justify their reasons for leaving.
Since they have lost faith in the relationship and the dumpee, they blame the dumpee and feel the need to run away as quickly as possible.
Instead of expressing discontent with the dumpee, dumpers instead summarize all of the relationship killers.
They do this in one sentence by saying “I can’t trust you anymore.”
In doing so, they put up a big barrier and expect the dumpee to get the hint that it’s over.
The time isn’t right a.k.a. I’m not ready to be in a relationship
Basically what this means is that the dumper wishes to date others, explore his or her world and see if the grass is greener on the other side.
Oftentimes, this excuse is used after short-term relationships (anything less than 6 months.)
Dumpers using this excuse are not ready to commit to their dumpees and as a result, end up using them.
It’s all your fault!
The last breakup excuse on this list is when dumpers unleash their fury on dumpees and let them hear everything that isn’t working for them.
They tell their dumpee everything they can recall from the time the dumpee lost his or her cool to the time when the dumpee left the fridge open.
Did you break up with your partner using any of the worst breakup excuses or did you get broken up with in similar fashion? I’d like to hear your worst breakup excuses and your experiences in the comments section below.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
It’s crazy how she used almost all the generic excuses to break up with me. “I need to find myself” “right person wrong time” “we are not compatible, we don’t have the same interests” “I don’t deserve you” “I dont want to be in a relationship anymore, i want to be single”. I did so much Zan, financially, emotionally, spiritually. I put so much effort for 6 months only to be discarded. She would tell me so many nice things about me but when our mutual friends asked what happened she’d mention all my faults. I apologized so many times for always yelling during arguments and I did it because of the situation at hand. We are both defensive and argumentative but I am the one who has to take all the blames. She gets tired of the arguments and says she can’t do it anymore. I hate this so much, I do so many stupid things that I regret. I feel like I wasted six months of my life on nothing!
Hi Augustine.
You may have failed, but you’ve learned lots of valuable lessons. Use this time to improve yourself so that if she does come back, you don’t make the same mistakes. She’s the dumper, and dumpers blame their exes. That’s why they don’t change anything about themselves.
You can’t undo the damage caused by your behavior, but you can preserve your worth and do better in the future.
Kind regards,
Zan
Do you think that last excuse is ever the truth? What about when someone is going through divorce? We only dated briefly (5 dates, talked 7 weeks due to him being away 1.5 weeks) but things were intense from the get go (he was infatuated I think). He showed all signs of wanting a relationship and we are very well matched but he broke things off once he hit some financial stresses and the divorce started getting contentious and he ended up having to care for the kids all summer. However he stayed in daily contact with me (though I could tell that he was stressed and the tone changed) until the last few days which is when I wanted to talk and he broke it off instead. I was initially leery as he hadn’t been separated long. He ended with saying that if he has more clarity and time he hopes to get back in touch with me. I think he’s being honest as he is a really good man and father and seems to have a lot of integrity.
Hi A.
Dumpers believe the breakup was all their fault. That’s why they gave up in the end. Divorce can be a taxing experience. It could have made him emotionally unavailable. You broke up due to stressers from divorce and daily life. He got overwhelmed with responsibilities, so he distanced himself and focused on things he could control.
I suggest you give him space to self-prioritize and get his life back in order.
Kind regards,
Zan
I agree. I’ll continue to live my life and if it’s meant to be he will reach out later
Hang in there and keep me posted, A!
Zan
Hi Zen. I was wondering Does I don’t desver you mean the same what my ex told me when she said to go find someone else?
Hi Michael.
It means she didn’t want you to wait for her because she wasn’t going to do that for you either. Typically, depressed or guilty dumpers use this excuse.
Kind regards,
Zan
My ex and I (we are both in our 70s)had been together for 2½ years, which is when most couples start thinking about the long term. I had planned to ask her to marry me over the holidays, but just before Thanksgiving, she picked a fight over my criticizing her granddaughter’s behavior (my mistake). Suddenly there was a torrent of petty grievances from the past year which she had never mentioned before. Then I get the email saying we wanted different things from the relationship, which was a paradigm shift in an excuse, in which she dumped me.
Our time together was the happiest I have been in years, but I can’t tell if it was a matter of bad timing on my part, or if I dodged a bullet.
Hi Jeff.
She’d probably failed to express the things that bothered her. This is how she became resentful and decided to break up. If she has regrets, she’ll get back in touch with you and apologize for doing this to you.
Hang in there!
Zan
After two and a half years, I believe my ex suffered from GIGS. She was monkey-branching to another dude (I found a receipt where she had taken him out to dinner) and I got the whole “I’m not ready to be in a relationship” and “let’s take a 30 day hiatus” which I did not agree to. I’m currently on day 10 of indefinite NC. It’s tough….
Hi David.
Your ex told you lies to get you to leave her alone. It was a cowardly move, one that lost her a lot of respect.
Hang in there, David. It will get better!
Zan
Is it ok for me to have started no contact after my ex broke up with me via text? I was initially too hurt to respond but after 2 weeks she hadn’t reached out again either…should I still just wait for her to reach out?
Hi Dave.
Yes, you did the right thing by starting no contact. Your ex fell out of love, needed space, and didn’t deserve you anymore. Stay in no contact permanently and keep healing.
Sincerely,
Zan
This website is magic and just described 80% of what my exes said … Even if she is the most honnest person in the world , I guess in this step they allow themselves to lie.
I think maybe they think being “nice” is the same as being truly compassionate.
I got a combo of “it’s not you, it’s me”, I need to step back & figure myself out, & I’m not ready, I thought I was. In a matter of 2 weeks, saying these things, he was with his ex before me who he MAY have dated for two months (we’ve “known” each other for 6 years, and were dating for 5 months when this occurred.
I’m sorry, it’s worse when you lose a friendship after the heartbreak. The combo I got was “it’s not you, it’s me” and “I’m not ready to be in a relationship right now” in less than a week. And it was all after breaking up, getting back together, then breaking up again within that same week. We only dated for a month but we started things like half a year ago. I’d rather miss a friendship than to have my heart toyed with.
I woke up to a text with this exact combo from mine. The part that bothers me is that I gave him a second chance after he messed up the first time. His apology for the first time included that he was ready for a relationship. I approached his text as being understanding and that the only way he’ll be able to contact me is by phone number since I don’t want to see him on social media to help me get over him. Apparently that upset him and he just started spitting out excuses. At this point, I’d rather hear the truth from him that he was using me.
all of these are all my dumper said to me and im so sad to go through this. i feel so lost. and i hate how he knows im sad yet he doesn’t care.
She told me 6 out of 9 excuses here, do I win a prize?! LOL
About 7 of these excuses are a variation or close relative to “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse. Most people want to avoid conflict and try to be “nice” but being dumped by definition isn’t a nice experience!
I was initially shocked and hurt being dumped just the other day, but inbetween the teary depressive episodes, I can actually see being dumped is an inadvertent kindness (it’s not my first rodeo). She didn’t value what I brought to our relationship and into her life, and that’s her loss!
For everybody who’s been dumped: A diamond is still a precious stone no matter who throws it into the dirt! Never mark your price tag down and expect your full value to be recognized by cheapskates!
I love the precious stone analogy. I hope you are healing. 👍🏼
My ex bf and I dated for five years, we were long distance but I travel to his place once a month. He’s kind of depressed because he doesn’t have a job. I supported him throughout our relationship. I paid for his rent, bills etc,. January of this year, I caught him cheating. He cheated on me with this girl who he plays online games with. He said that he wants to be with this girl. He told me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’, ‘i don’t deserve you’ and i don’t love you anymore excuses. He also said that he cheated because he wanted to end our relationship. (Monkey branching?)
I was really heartbroken but I decided to move on. He didn’t block me on facebook since he said he’ll pay his debts when he finds a job.
I don’t know if this is a case of GIGS. But with a cheater like him, I don’t want to waste my time getting him back. But I still love him.
Hi Zan…
How about this one as a lame excuse:….” I cannot have a man in my life right now…and I want to dedicate all my precious time to my daughter”…this after 2 months of intense love bombing on her part with everyday declarations of her love and affection like I was the greatest thing that ever happened in her life, and she had never met a man like me before!!…This breakup excuse was served to me via a text message (…) just 2 days after she came back from a week’s vacation to see family in Boston. She could not even meet me to tell me this…and this from a 36 year old seemingly smart and stable career woman!
Totally blind sighted….
Greg
How about the excuse “we’re not right for each other”? My ex-girlfriend of 1.5 years unleashed her fury on me and blamed me for everything, after a fight was triggered because I was late and got angry when she left before I could find her at the meetup spot. After the fight, I acknowledged I was in the wrong and didn’t handle the situation well, but she refused to accept my apology and ignored me all week. Finally when I messaged her telling her I loved her and wanted to make up, she broke up with over text, saying I contributed nothing to the relationship and didn’t respect her because I made her wait. I asked to talk things out in person, but she refused. She then said “we’re not right for each other” and that she doesn’t want to do anything for me anymore. Before this fight, she had never even uttered a word of discontentment, so I feel she was just using it as an excuse to break up because she was too cowardly to admit she didn’t love me anymore.
Quick question, I dated a girl for four months and I was infatuated with her everything was great and it got to a stage we were both getting really comfortable with each other and then she started freaking out. I think there was interest from another party to be honest and so she finishes the relationship. To be fair to her she was polite, came and talked to me and I flipped out (not necessarily that badly just kind of begged and pleaded a little bit and tried to change her mind)! I know pathetic lol but I have dated many people before and never felt like this. Normally I am quite composed at these things but this one hurt and you know I changed probably her perception of me in that emotional state plus I was under a lot of stress with family and work at the time. Anyway I was into this one and she said finishing with me that I was everything she wanted but she was not ready (GIGS I know).
Anyway you will hate this next part, I wasn’t so much worried after the breakup about what I had done wrong in the relationship but I was horrified in the days, weeks after the breakup about the way I handled it. I accused her of being poor in a relationship, I pointed out her doubts about even finishing it I know immature. Anyway these things weighed on me so I sent a letter (6 weeks later not asking her to take me back) but simply explaining that those things were wrong and that I wish her the best. I simply explained that I enjoyed our time together and hoped one day she found what she was looking for. I know you should never write letters but I felt so ashamed about my break-up behaviour and like I say I have always been quite composed, and this one weighed on me. Anyway I am not sat around waiting for her to come back nor am I putting my life on hold (and I am okay with never seeing her again now), I have been working on my health physically and mentally, I have been reading more, listening to podcasts, not necessarily chasing women as trying to focus on myself and kind of let that happen naturally.
Though, I would be lying if I said i didn’t have some hope that she might come back after her GIGS runs out, I have no doubts that we had something good and these days I have enough confidence that I know that there isn’t much better than me out there (arrogant maybe so) but I think this shows how far I have come.
Anyway I know you cannot give definitives, but in your experience do people ever come back after short term relationship even with so many post-breakup mistakes, lol I genuinely liked this one. I should add to the below post that apart from the letter and one text I haven’t contacted her since, I honestly did not expect a reply from the letter I just needed to get it off my chest.
Hi Jacob.
Some come back after short-term relationships but not too many. The reason for that is that they lack an emotional bond. So if a relationship has ended after a month, for example, the odds of the dumper wanting to try again are very slim. There’s just nothing binding that person to the dumpee.
In your case, she could come back if your relationship was okay and she didn’t associate too many negative emotions to you.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi Zan
Thanks for the comeback. I found it all very strange one minute we are good, next we are finishing. I think there is an issue of maturity on her part and a desire to see if something better is out there. I know now from reading your article that yes we were probably nothing in the end which hurts and it hurts to know that she probably used me but unfortunately thats the world we now live in. But during it I felt and (I honestly believed she was in to me) though it may have been a show and fear drove her away as she genuinely saw a possibility with me. If your article is correct (which I don’t doubt it is) I guess there will be a time when she reaches a reality stage whether alone or in her new relationship that perhaps the grass isn’t greener just different.
I guess all this is to say thanks. Your articles do help with closure and moving on and I guess in her case we will see.
Thanks Zan
Hi again, Jacob.
Everything depends on what she goes through in the upcoming months.
She might hit the realization stage once she’s put in a situation that requires her to think.
And if she comes back, she needs to work on her gratitude otherwise it will fall apart again.
Best regards,
Zan
In your opinion, can the trust excuse be turned around? I’ve read from a couple of sources that this reason is actually used by insecure people, or by dumpers who have actually done the bad deed themselves and are now emiting this on you (eg. they cheated on you or are about to cheat so they instead blame you to be the cheater). My ex is doing this trust issue thing right now and making herself the victim even though i never gave her any real reason not to trust me nor has cheating ever crossed my mind.
Hey Twist.
You are right. Sometimes cheaters, liars and manipulators project their fears caused by paranoia onto their partners. If your ex was guilty of this, she would have accused you of cheating or something specific whilst still in a relationship.
The “I can’t trust you” is just a powerful anger-filled excuse. When someone is angry at you, he or she is acting so to protect himself or herself. The same goes for your ex.
She doesn’t want to change her mind because of her gut feeling, signaling her not to reopen the idea of getting back together.
Best,
Zan
Thanks Zan,
Would you say that this essentially boils down to a loss of attraction (with the trust issue being used as a reason) or is it truly a problem in their heads and a problem they have to solve with themselves? Did you have clients who got their ex back with trust being the issue?
Hi Twist.
Although trust issue is a serious thing, it doesn’t normally mean it can’t be overcome. There is usually a different reason behind the excuse, such an argument or in some rare cases a loss of attraction.
It’s definitely something exes have to solve on their own.
I think your ex used it as an excuse to put the blame on you for something you’ve done and for you to leave her alone.
I recall having clients that were given this breakup excuse which was almost always just an excuse—except in one middle-aged couple where the man really couldn’t trust again because of repeated cheating.
Some have gotten back together and many haven’t.
Best,
Zan