If a guy takes you for granted and you want him to appreciate you and invest in you, ignoring him may not be the most effective approach. Ignoring is a form of manipulation. When he realizes you’re deliberately ignoring his texts and calls to get a reaction and feel cared for, he might take it personally and push back.
He might start playing a power game with you and test your strength, self-esteem, and maturity. In other words, he could double down and turn it into a bigger mind game. That would further increase your pain and wish for him to invest in you and treat you with importance.
Ignoring, therefore, isn’t the solution to his lack of care and affection. Ignoring doesn’t change men’s patterns, maturity, and personality. Those who lack self-awareness and understanding that what they’re doing is wrong or hurtful tend to stay oblivious and unchanged. They can’t change because they lack the plan and motivation to grow. People change when they want or need to change.
And they want or need to change for another person when they’re in love and fear losing him or her. Fear of loss makes people who care (not those who don’t) realize that they’re hurting their favorite person and that they need to stop doing that if they want to stay in a relationship and continue to receive its perks. Ignoring tends to create feelings of confusion and shock. Although it makes a person feel unprioritized and unwanted, a little bit of ignoring isn’t enough to change his or her attitude and communication style.
For example, someone who dislikes texting is unlikely to start liking it simply because his partner tries to hurt him by ignoring him. Most of the time, it takes multiple conversations, open plans, and gradual changes to develop a pattern of responding to texts and checking up on his or her partner. A person must first acknowledge that his or her behavior is wrong/hurting his/her partner, like the idea of talking more often, make plans on how to talk and respond, and do that long enough for it to become a new pattern.
If a person gets ignored without any explanation, it’s extremely unlikely that he or she will understand his or her unhealthy behavior (especially the cause of it) and feel inspired to try harder.
Hence, ignoring is the opposite of what you should do. It’s counterproductive because it shuts down conversations and adopts an eye-for-an-eye mentality. By ignoring, you attempt to hurt a person rather than get him to see why it’s in everyone’s best interest to value each other and grow.
I’m not saying you should let him keep taking you for granted. You’ve probably tried expressing yourself before or even increased your efforts, but despite that, the guy didn’t make any changes. He continued to take you for granted and made you think you should try something more drastic to get him to take you seriously. Something like ignoring him.
I don’t blame you. Some guys don’t listen when their partner or potential partner asks them for time or effort. They consider their partner demanding or controlling and feel even less eager to try harder. Such guys put themselves first as they lack the understanding that they’re responsible for their partner’s unhappiness. They think they shouldn’t have to change just to get along with someone else.
This is a misconception. Healthy relationships require open-mindedness, compromise, and a willingness to grow and adapt. Those who understand their mistakes, feel bad for hurting their partner, and wish to do better outgrow themselves, whereas those who blame their partner for expecting too much and making their lives difficult appear stubborn and immature and struggle to maintain their relationship. They often argue about the same things and eventually break up.
So remember that your ex, partner, or dating candidate probably won’t change for the better when you feel hurt, ignore him, and want him to change. Change happens when two respectful and equal individuals want to be together, communicate about their problems, and express their pain in a healthy (non-ignoring) manner.
I know it’s hard not to want to hurt the guy back and show him how you feel when he takes you for granted, but that’s unlikely to change anything. He’ll need self-awareness and compassion to avoid taking things personally and want to stop causing you pain and discomfort. He’ll need to be quite mature not to react negatively to your negative reaction—and want to put the work in.
Since he hasn’t appreciated you yet, he probably isn’t capable of understanding your ignoring in a desired way. He may see that you’re hurt, but he’ll probably interpret it as anger. And when he sees that you’re angry, he’ll either fight it or ignore it. Either way, it’s not good as it won’t change him at the core. You should expect your ignoring to end up doing more harm than good.
So what can you do if he takes you for granted?
There’s only one thing you can do before you give up on him. Try to approach him in a respectful manner and see what he wants and if he’s prepared to fight for it. If he doesn’t see your value, you should leave him on the spot. No word or action will make him see your romantic worth and force him to try harder. But if he does love you and wants to be with you, then you can politely tell him what you think and feel.
You can tell him you felt neglected recently and that you want to be closer to him if that’s what he wants, too. Avoid saying things like, “You hurt me,” “You don’t care,” and “You need to do better.” Blaming him will make him defensive. You should avoid confrontational words that indicate he’s entirely responsible for your pain. You should avoid them even if he is the main cause of the problem. Remember that you’re a couple, and couples use words like “we” and “us.”
For example, you can say, “I noticed WE haven’t been spending much recently. I think the TWO OF US could really benefit from getting some outside help, like seeing a therapist together.” When you express yourself in a way that acknowledges both your perspective and his, you’re much less likely to cause offense.
How you start the conversation is also important. Your chance of getting your point across and convincing him to try harder will increase significantly if you start with praise. Say, something like, “I want you to know how much I appreciate it when you do things around the house.” Guys run on sincere compliments. They love feeling needed and appreciated for their efforts.
If you want to have a productive but not-so-easy conversation with them, let them know you care about them before you tell them they don’t seem to care about you.
People grow up in different environments. Some lack role models and may not realize that a healthy relationship requires constant work and investment. Some people don’t know they can give their partner what he or she needs without changing themselves completely and abandoning their identity. They need to learn to view their growth as a positive evolution, not a negative change, and a step in the wrong direction.
Mature people understand this and happily adjust their attitude and behavior. On the other hand, less mature individuals tend to make excuses, lie, make empty promises to improve, get defensive, or accuse the other person of trying to change them. They avoid taking responsibility by projecting their problems onto their partner.
If your partner consistently makes you feel like you’re the problem despite expressing yourself politely, it might be better/healthier to end the relationship. That way, you’ll be able to focus on healing and eventually find someone willing to grow and work with you. The right partner will hate to see you hurt and feel motivated to evolve as a couple.
In this post, we continue to discuss why you shouldn’t ignore a guy who takes you for granted and what you should do instead.
Don’t ignore a guy who takes you for granted!
Ignoring a guy you like doesn’t make him realize that you’re disappointed or hurt because of his behavior. It usually makes him think you’re angry with him and that you blame him for your problems. The stronger and longer you ignore his texts and calls, the more you show him that you’re the problem and that you lack the maturity and skills to express yourself properly.
He won’t see the things he’s doing wrong, but the things you’re doing to hurt and anger him. When he sees that you’re the problem, he’ll feel even less motivated to reflect and work on the things that bother you.
He’d have to feel really insecure and afraid of being abandoned to want to talk to you after you’ve ignored his efforts. He’d have to be emotionally attached to keep reaching out and trying to start a conversation. Don’t expect him to care just because you pretend not to.
If he’s semi-detached, stubborn, and annoyed, he might not reach out ever again. He might think the ball is in your court and that you need to make things right. If that happens, you will play unnecessary mind games and wait for a response that never comes.
That’s why, instead of ignoring him, you should first try to talk to him and see if you can make him understand you’re hurt and the reasons you’re hurt. If he understands your pain and wants to do something about it, you won’t have to escalate things. You might be able to talk like grownups and make concrete plans.
If talking to him patiently when he’s free and relaxed doesn’t work, it’s clearly not your fault. The guy either doesn’t see things from your perspective, doesn’t care, or doesn’t want to change. He leaves you no choice but to pull away or break up with him. Usually, I’d suggest breaking up right away because the odds of him changing are slim. Someone who takes you for granted and ignores your feelings won’t change with the passage of time.
But if you love him and think there’s a chance he might change if you remove your attention for a while, then consider pulling away. Either tell him you’re struggling to see reasons to stay or simply pull away without a word. If he doesn’t miss you and make an effort soon, it’s probably best to give up and break up. Waiting around for him to have an epiphany after you’ve expressed your love, pain, and intention to leave the relationship if things don’t improve is just a waste of time.
Having said that, here’s why you shouldn’t ignore a guy who takes you for granted.
Don’t ignore a guy who takes you for granted. Ignoring won’t make him respect you more, change his behavior, or urge him to fall back in love. Ignoring is manipulative and tends to make things worse, not better.
Feel free to give him time if he’s going through something difficult. But if he’s doing fine, doesn’t care about your pain, and thinks you’re just complaining, it’s best to save yourself time and effort by walking away.
Women who think they can stop a man from taking them for granted by constantly explaining their worth or deliberately ignoring him often end up feeling even more unappreciated. Instead of earning his respect, they chase his validation and become even more dependent on his care and affection. Such women keep getting taken for granted and feel worse because of it.
If you don’t know what to do about a guy who neglects you and the relationship, I suggest that you first try to talk some sense into him. See if he understands where you’re coming from and why it’s important for you and him to feel connected and respected. If communication fails, it may be a sign that he lacks both the gratitude and the emotional tools to appreciate what you bring to the relationship.
He might still learn to value you if you pull away or, in the worst scenario, break up with him. Just don’t dump him to manipulate him into doing what you want him to do. He might not care enough and could choose to walk away from the relationship. If you want to be with him, talk to him before you consider distancing yourself from him and risk losing him. Create some distance only when you want to show him you’re serious or when you’re actually done.
Are you wondering whether you should ignore a guy who’s been taking you for granted? What are you planning to do to stop feeling hurt? Post your thoughts in the comments section below. We’ll respond shortly.
However, if you want to talk to us about ignoring a guy you like, feel free to reach out by subscribing to coaching services. We’ll take a closer look at your situation and help you understand what’s really going on.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
