Exes often leave a relationship in mean, uncaring, and selfish manners, hurt us, and make us want to get back at them. They cause us so much pain that we feel victimized and want them to feel how we feel. Pain is the only emotion that can prevent them from getting away with hurting us and give us a fleeting sense of justice.
If you want to know how to get back at your ex-boyfriend, you need to understand that hurting your ex directly won’t make you feel any better, at least not for long. It will only show that the breakup has affected you deeply, brought out the worst in you, and that you have an eye-for-an-eye mentality.
It won’t make your ex respect you and beg you to take him back, but rather, tell your ex that you’re bitter and vengeful and that leaving you was the right thing to do. Your ex will then probably share his breakup experience with his friends and family, further destroying your persona.
I know you want to get back at your ex-boyfriend and that you have a good reason for wanting him to suffer, but don’t take matters of justice into your own hands and do something that drags your ex down with you. If you take revenge, you’ll brand yourself as a vengeful person who acted on pain and resentment.
Not only that; you’ll also invite your ex to play dirty. You’ll start a war with someone who no longer plays a significant role in your life.
If you have feelings for your ex and hope that your ex validates them and comes back, you can forget about it once you’ve taken revenge. Not only will your ex lose all remaining respect and stop doubting his decision to leave, but your ex will also shut you out of his life. Your ex won’t feel the need to be friends, not even on social media.
That’s what happens when you become malicious and burn all bridges. It ruins the relationship and any chance of reconciling as partners, friends, or friends with benefits.
So don’t take revenge on your ex-boyfriend by revealing his secrets, spreading rumors, stealing his documents, refusing to return his belongings, destroying his property, spending his money, denying his right to see his kids, sleeping with his friends, making hate posts on social media, sabotaging his new relationships, and causing him pain.
Even though these actions may provide temporary relief from the injustice you’ve endured, they won’t encourage true healing and growth. All they’ll do is tell you that vengeance is acceptable and turn you into a highly reactive/vengeful person.
You may not see it that way now that you’re hurting and want justice more than anything, but taking revenge on your ex-boyfriend will create more problems for you than for your ex. Your ex currently has no expectations of you. He doesn’t need you to love and validate him and is okay with how things are. You, on the other hand, crave explanations, love, or recognition.
You wouldn’t feel so hurt if he didn’t matter to you. He may be undeserving of your attention and feelings, but you’re probably still attached to him and want to feel less attached by making his life difficult. Unfortunately, that won’t make you feel good for long. In just a few days, you’ll stop feeling empowered and in control.
You’ll understand that you let emotions get the best of you and that you’re not proud of what you’ve done. If for some reason you are proud or don’t care, you’ll fail to learn from this experience and do the same thing to someone else. In simple terms, you’ll become someone who gets back at people who intentionally or unintentionally hurt you.
There are better ways to get back at your ex-boyfriend for leaving and hurting you. And those ways don’t involve ruining anybody’s life.
The best form of revenge is and always will be succeeding in life and finding happiness without your ex-boyfriend. If you keep your composure despite the things your ex has done to hurt you, you’ll prove to yourself that you’re a good person and that you don’t need your ex to be happy.
This won’t necessarily make your ex envious and directly punish your ex for his crimes, but it will let you live a happy life and move on without hurting your ex back. Think about that for a second. If your ex triggers negative emotions within you and forces you to cause problems for him, you’ll have to live with the fact that he occupied space in your mind and brought out the worst in you.
You’ll know that your ex controlled your actions even though you were no longer together.
Don’t give your ex the privilege of controlling your decisions and actions. If you take revenge on your ex-boyfriend, you’ll show him that he got under your skin and forced a negative reaction out of you. This will make you crave your ex’s apologies, explanations, or affection even more and affect your ability to process the rejection.
So even though you feel hurt and tempted to punish your ex for messing with your heart, remember that your ex’s actions don’t determine who you are and how you respond. Your ex may have met someone new and dropped you like a hot brick, but that doesn’t mean you should treat your ex the same way. You should treat him how you want to be treated – even though he doesn’t deserve it.
It won’t feel good to turn the other cheek when your blood is boiling, but you’ll appreciate it later when you accept the breakup and your ex’s behavior. You’ll be glad you refrained from punishing your ex and starting a war in which both parties lose.
I wanted to get back at my ex-girlfriend too. She said and did some pretty nasty things that made me see red. Her lack of care and compassion destroyed my self-esteem and ignored all the time and effort I put into the relationship. Luckily, I had supportive people to open up to and from whom I could receive reasonable advice.
The best advice I received was from my mom. It contained only two words but made a lot of sense. She said, “Be better.” When she said that, I knew that what I was plotting wouldn’t make me any better than her and that I needed to focus on myself instead of her.
This is just one example of why having a mentor in your life is super important. By having someone to look up to and receive healthy advice from, you’ll avoid acting irrationally and shooting yourself in the foot. I encourage you to talk to some wise/moral people and ask them what they think you should do about your ex.
Those who truly want the best for you will tell you to count your losses, learn from your mistakes, and refuse to give them control over you. They’ll advise you to preserve your dignity, keep your karma clear, and prepare for a new relationship.
It’s not worth ruining another person’s life for a short-lived sense of power, justice, and relief. Revenge could make you feel empty, guilty, and ashamed once you come back to your senses and realize that it didn’t improve your life at all.
In this article, we explore how to get back at your ex-boyfriend the righteous way. I hope it helps.
How to get back at your ex-boyfriend?
If you want to know how to get back at your ex-boyfriend, the best way to do it is to create a successful life without him. Find internal peace, become emotionally and financially independent, grow within, make new friends, take up new hobbies, learn new skills, stop obsessing about him, and forgive yourself and him.
Forgiving him will take time, but once you’ve realized that hatred is hurting you, not your ex, you’ll understand that you must do something about it. You must learn to manage your thoughts and feelings and take back control over your life.
Letting your ex empower you with anger day after day is simply not good for you. Anger floods your body with stress hormones and affects the quality of your life. It’s okay to dislike your ex, but don’t ruin your health over him. He mustn’t have that kind of control over your body and mind.
Remember the consequences of extreme hatred whenever you feel betrayed and angry and want to take revenge on your ex.
Moreover, think about the consequences of hurting your ex. Your actions will make you look like a bad/impulsive person, even if your ex did something deserving of a strong reaction. Others won’t see you as a victim, at least not any longer. They’ll think you were the problem and that your vengeful actions finally revealed your true character.
If I were you, I wouldn’t ruin my karma over an ex who hurt me. I wouldn’t do it even if she cheated, monkey-branched, and talked badly about me to my friends and family. Most people close to me would understand that things aren’t as one-sided as my ex is trying to make them seem. My closest friends and family would either take my side or see things more objectively.
As for those who allowed themselves to be manipulated by my ex and refused to adjust their views, I’d let them go. There’s no point in telling them they have the wrong impression when they’re unsupportive and convinced my ex is the victim.
Your ex may be trying to get people on his side, but that doesn’t mean you should start calling people to get to them before your ex has a chance to poison their minds. You should wait for your ex to reveal his hateful nature and let him dig his own hole. He’ll fall into the hole when he comes off as resentful and mean.
This isn’t the time to compete with your ex, but you should prove your ex wrong. You should work on yourself and become the best version of yourself. By improving your flaws, expanding your horizons, getting a promotion, and weaning off your ex, you’ll show the world that you were able to reach your goals without your ex.
You just needed to commit to them long enough.
When your ex notices the positive changes in your life, your ex will likely feel envious. He’ll wonder what or who motivated you to become highly successful without him. If your ex is struggling in areas where you’re thriving, he might even reach out to see what’s going on in your life.
That will be the time when you notice that you’re far ahead of your ex in terms of self-development and happiness—and get your revenge. That is if you still want it. You may not care about your ex when you’re such a different person that you no longer associate yourself with the person your ex abandoned. You only want revenge now that you feel victimized by your ex.
When you’re able to turn your suffering into positive long-term improvements, you may even thank your ex for dumping you and giving you the kick in the but you needed to excel.
So rest assured that you’ll get back at your ex-boyfriend as long as you set some new goals and diligently work on yourself. You’ll either make your ex jealous or envious when life gives him lemons, or heal and outgrow your ex. When that happens, you’ll know that your ex has hurt you in the moment and helped you in the long run.
So use this time to get over your ex and avoid seeking revenge directly. You’ll have your revenge if you put in the effort to correct your mistakes and succeed in your personal and professional life.
With that said, here are my tips on how to get back at your ex-boyfriend.
Karma will take care of your ex
Even though you want to take control of the breakup and do something to punish your ex for his lack of commitment, care, or respect, it’s not your job to hurt your ex. You don’t have the privilege to hurt your ex for hurting you. If you hurt your ex back, you’ll ruin your own karma for someone who’ll never be a part of your life again.
At the moment, you may not care much or at all about your karma, but one day you will. When you recover from the breakup, you’ll remember the things you did or didn’t do. You’ll know whether the breakup made you stronger or highly reactive. If you have good moral values, you may feel guilty and ashamed. However, if you’re not very moral, you’ll probably fail to learn from your mistakes, become more reactive, and make the same mistakes in the future.
Always remember that karma will take care of your inconsiderate ex. It won’t punish him just because he hurt your feelings, but because he’ll continue hurting people. One day he’ll hurt the wrong person and face his or her wrath. Hopefully, you’ll be completely over him by then and won’t get any pleasure from seeing him hurt.
The point is that mean, considerate, and vengeful people get punished for their misdeeds. You could get punished too if you try to hurt your ex directly. Your ex could see that you became vengeful and want to see him unhappy.
So don’t do anything that would attempt to complicate your ex’s life. Even if your ex appears happier than ever, remember that your ex feels relieved because of the breakup and that you have no right to punish him for it. Your ex will face his punishment when he treats someone else the same way.
That’s when he’ll get another chance to learn that he might have messed up badly with you. Whether he learns depends on his self-awareness and maturity in general.
My advice is to work hard on letting go of control. As a dumpee, you can’t control how your ex thinks and feels. You can’t change the past either. But you can ensure that you stay true to yourself and refuse to react to your ex’s negative behavior.
If you can do that, you’ll pull through the breakup and be glad you didn’t react negatively to your ex.
Did you learn how to get back at your ex-boyfriend? Do you still want to punish your ex for the pain and problems he’s caused you? Let us know in the comments below.
And if you wish to further discuss ways to get back at your ex, do so by subscribing to our coaching services.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
