How Long Does The Relief Stage Last For The Dumper?

If you were recently broken up with, you’ve probably noticed a significant change in your ex’s behavior. You’ve noticed that your ex has changed and may be acting differently from what you’re used to. Saying your ex is acting “differently“ may be an understatement because your ex probably acts relieved and happier than ever. He or she acts as though he or she has just been set free and is excited to start a new and exciting life.

The reason your ex feels relieved and acts strange is because your ex wanted to leave the relationship for a long time. While your ex wanted to abandon you, your ex felt pressured and stressed and wanted to get rid of unwanted thoughts and feelings. But because your ex was scared and uncertain about leaving, your ex prolonged the breakup for days or weeks.

He or she stayed with you despite feeling a strong need to walk away and focus on himself or herself. This led to increased feelings of suffocation and a reduction of patience, care, and commitment. That’s why the moment your ex finally managed to pull the trigger and break free, he or she experienced a huge wave of relief. Your ex felt like he or she was on cloud 9 and may have thought that he or she should have ended the relationship sooner had he or she known the breakup would feel so empowering.

Staying close to you and acting sad after breaking up was not something your ex could do. Not after he or she finally mustered the courage to leave. Freedom felt way too good for your ex to pursue friendship or reconciliation. Freedom changed your ex’s priorities and encouraged your ex to abandon his or her relationship identity and get the most out of life.

Hence, your ex decided to follow his or her instincts and became open to post-breakup exploration. This includes hobbies, interests, and beliefs your ex previously wasn’t open to. If your ex disliked travel, your ex may now want to give it a try. Especially if he or she has joined a new group of friends and feels accepted and the need to prove him/herself to them.

The breakup can make dumpers do things that make them look like entirely new people. Their new interests combined with a lack of care toward their ex make them appear unrecognizable and emotion-driven. This doesn’t mean they’ve changed but that they’ve made some (temporary) changes in their life. These changes are a part of their relief stage and usually don’t change their personality and maturity.

They just keep them busy and distracted for a while.

Relieved dumpers often:

• pick up new hobbies
• make new friends
• dress differently
• learn new words
• talk badly about their ex
• date people they used to find unattractive and have little in common with

They do these things to impress new people, leave their old lives behind, and feel like they’re progressing in life. A sense of progression tells them they’ve made the right decision and that they deserve the best the world has to offer.

The relief stage of a breakup for the dumper tends to last between 1 – 2 months but can last longer if the dumper gets involved with another person. Another person can prolong the relief stage by another two months or so, depending on their relationship dynamics.

Altogether, the relief stage can last 5 months. I personally haven’t noticed any dumper acting relieved for that long. For the dumper to maintain such a sense of relief for that amount of time, he or she would have to meet another person 2 – 3 months after the breakup – at the end of the relief stage of the breakup. That could potentially extend his or her feelings of relief for a while longer.

As you probably know, new relationships tend to be very exciting. Dumpers feel validated by their new love interest and obsess over him or her. They can’t take their mind off their new crush as they want to get to know him or her completely. The new relationship excites them and brings out the best in them.

Well, at least initially. Over time, love hormones wane, so they lose the drive to impress their crush. When that happens, they start to show who they are and how they deal with unpleasant thoughts and difficult emotions.

So if you want to know how long the relief stage lasts for the dumper, know that it typically doesn’t last longer than 2 or 3 months. Most of the time, it lasts between a month or two, followed by another month or so of elation. The relief stage is merely the first stage the dumper encounters. Once he or she has gone through it, the dumper experiences elation.

As the name suggests, the dumper feels happy and satisfied with the decision to leave. He or she doesn’t have any anxiety, shame, guilt, or regret. Such feelings may arise later when the dumper processes negative breakup emotions and reflects on his or her actions. That’s when the dumper may reach out and try to obtain forgiveness and validation.

In this post, we talk about the length of the relief stage and factors that may increase or decrease it.

How long does the relief stage last for the dumper?

The relief stage of a breakup can last a few days or a few months. It depends on the dumper’s pent-up emotions, mentality, coping mechanisms, and post-breakup experiences and expectations. If the dumper takes risks, experiences a lot of pain, and lacks the tools to deal with negativity, he or she may stop feeling relieved and elated sooner than expected.

This implies the dumper may be forced to engage in introspection and get through the relief stage relatively quickly. Compared to a dumper who enjoys life to the fullest, a hurt, sad, or depressed ex may not need months to stop feeling relieved. He or she would only need to see that life didn’t improve without the dumpee.

So don’t expect the relief stage to end simultaneously for everyone. Some dumpers need months to naturally process relief whereas others need to hit a snag, reflect, and realize they aren’t as amazing and incapable of failure as they’d thought. Pain and unhappiness can force them to open their eyes and learn the lessons they’d been refusing to learn.

Dumpers’ emotions and the speed at which they process them are conditional. The worse they feel, the quicker they deal with anger, resentment, and even relief. When they encounter problems and difficult emotions, they tend to stop thinking highly of themselves and lowly of their ex. They stop resenting/blaming their ex because they urgently need help dealing with their own problems and feelings.

So remember that the length of the relief stage isn’t the same for every dumper. Dumpers prone to anxiety, depression, and pain can stop feeling relieved rather quickly. They can stop feeling relieved days or weeks into the breakup or skip the relief and elation stage altogether. Those who break up because of depression and other mental health issues often cry and close themselves off emotionally.

They do so to protect themselves from perceived danger and pain.

Some of the things that typically stop dumpers from feeling relieved are:

• mental health problems
• poor social life and loneliness
• death in the family (grief)
• fallout with a friend or family
• high/unmet expectations
• pressure from the family
• pressure to find a partner, get married, and have kids
• guilt
• shame
• regret

Many unpredictable and painful things can stop dumpers from feeling relieved. But the reason most dumpers take weeks to naturally stop feeling relieved rather than stop feeling relieved by force is that they feel super empowered by the breakup. They feel incredibly euphoric and can’t suffer so much that they prematurely end their relief stage.

For dumpers to end the relief stage ahead of time, they must encounter an issue bigger than their problem-solving skills and newfound happiness can handle. Typically, they must experience shock, confusion, and self-doubt. Something must knock them off their high horse and show them they won’t be happy on the path they’re currently on.

So remember, you’re likely looking at somewhere between 30 – 60 days of relief. The timeline could be extended or shortened, depending on your ex’s post-breakup experiences and expectations.

Having said that, here’s how long you can expect the relief stage to last.

Don’t keep an eye on your ex’s emotional progress

You may really dislike seeing your ex relieved, but that’s why you shouldn’t keep watching your ex’s every move. You shouldn’t keep your eyes glued to his or her social media and wait for your ex to stop feeling and acting relieved. If you watch your ex, you won’t only stay obsessed with your ex. You’ll also stay in love with your ex and wait for your ex to develop feelings for you.

Emotionally, you’ll stay dependent on your ex for happiness and put your detachment, healing, and growth on hold. Your ex will feed your brain with unnecessary information and become the person responsible for your recovery.

So don’t check your ex’s social profiles and talk to your ex. If your ex hasn’t contacted you and shown any signs of emotional improvements yet, your ex isn’t ready for it. He or she is still processing the breakup and focusing on things that distract, empower, and entertain him or her. As long as your ex feels relieved and tempted to explore other options, your ex is incapable of communicating with you and helping you feel better.

Knowing what your ex is thinking, feeling, and doing won’t help you feel better. It will just remind you that your ex is living a good life and that he or he doesn’t want you back. This will, in turn, overload your brain with insecurities and anxiety and hinder your self-love and detachment.

If you want what’s best for you, you must avoid stalking your ex, communicating with your ex, and asking others for updates on your ex’s life. You must remember that your ex needs time to either naturally process the breakup or face an issue he or she lacks the ability to resolve. Either way, you need to leave your ex alone and prioritize your well-being.

When you pull away from your ex and block out information that hurts you and resets your healing, you’ll be better prepared for breadcrumbs, setback days, as well as reconciliation with your ex. That’s because you’ll have fewer expectations of your ex, better control of your emotions, and be prepared for anything the breakup throws at you.

You won’t overanalyze everything your ex says, does, thinks, and feels.

By all means, think about your ex and talk to friends and therapists about these matters. But don’t dedicate your whole life to figuring out how long the relief stage lasts for the dumper. You’ll benefit more if you use this time to invest in yourself and those who deserve your mental energy. Self-investment and investment in other things and people will let you move forward whereas obsessive thinking about your ex will keep you stuck in the past.

Hence, I encourage you to talk about your ex’s post-breakup thoughts and feelings when you’re anxious and hurt. Open up to someone who listens and cares. He or she will ease your separation anxiety and fears. But when you’re doing okay emotionally and don’t cry and obsess over your ex, it’s best to keep your mind off your ex.

Do so by keeping yourself busy with friends, hobbies, and activities that encourage emotional independence and have nothing to do with your ex.

Things will get much easier when you stay physically away from your ex and keep your ex out of your head. Every day will feel slightly better as you’ll learn to rely on yourself and wean off your ex. Occasionally, you’ll still miss your ex and want your ex to validate you. That’s expected. Despite the difficulties, remain level-headed and remind yourself that healing takes time and that you’ll soon stop caring about your ex’s thoughts and feelings.

When you recover emotionally, you’ll care more about yourself than the person who abandoned you and hurt you immensely.

Still wondering how long the relief stage lasts for the dumper? What are you hoping to achieve with your ex? Let us know in the comment section below, and we’ll get back to you shortly.

Lastly, for advice specifically customized to your breakup situation, reach out to us directly. We offer coaching services to suit individual needs.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.