If your ex is acting like a different person, it doesn’t mean that your ex has become a different person. Your ex is likely just going through some powerful, although temporary emotional changes that make personal change seem like the most feasible explanation.
You’ve got to understand that your ex is no different today than he or she was before the breakup. Your ex still thinks the same, expresses thoughts and feelings the same, and expects the same things from life.
The only thing that’s changed is how your ex feels and reacts to feelings. Now that your ex is free, your ex no longer cares about your or others’ opinions. People’s opinions stopped mattering to your ex because the breakup empowered your ex and made your ex want to explore his or her newfound freedom and happiness.
Your ex now believes it’s time to leave the old life behind and do more spontaneous and exciting things. Things that distract your ex from the unwanted past and give your ex a feeling of happiness and progression. Your ex doesn’t know that his or her post-breakup emotions are caused by the delayed end of the breakup and that he or she won’t always feel so empowered.
As soon as your ex’s new life becomes repetitive, it will lose its excitement and force your ex to change back into the person you know.
You see, dumpers act like different people because things are new and different. The breakup liberates them from the relationship they don’t want to be in (makes them feel extremely relieved) and urges them to get the most out of life. Many times, they become more social, make new friends, take up new hobbies, post their experiences on social media, and date other people.
It looks as if they’re rubbing their happiness into their ex’s face when in reality, they’re just acting on their emotions. They’re on cloud nine, refusing to think about their ex’s feelings because they believe their life is theirs to live. Their ex is no longer a priority for them. The dumpee has lost their sympathy and has become someone who must fend for himself or herself.
Since they stopped caring, they’re okay with doing things that show they’re much happier on their own or with someone else.
If you see your ex acting like a different person, don’t assume that your ex has changed now that you’re gone. Remind yourself that you’re looking into the facade of a relieved person you never had the chance to see before. What you see is a temporary, superficial, and false persona caused by the end of a restraining relationship. It’s got nothing to do with you making your ex unhappy.
The reason your ex is acting out of character is because your ex had been meaning to escape the relationship for a long time. Your ex felt bad for leaving, responsible for taking care of your wants and needs, or scared of being alone and starting anew, so your ex delayed the breakup for as long as he or she could.
This made your ex unhappy and feel more and more tempted to leave. Eventually, your ex mustered the courage to leave and finally broke things off. The breakup felt so good (so empowering) that it prevented your ex from caring about your feelings and caused your ex to act and look selfish.
You now see your ex as a reformed individual who’s happy and moving on with life. You’re stuck dealing with the breakup while your ex seems to be enjoying his or her life to the fullest. No matter how happy your ex appears, don’t let it scare you or make you feel inferior. The things your ex does after the breakup are unlikely to change him or her, especially into a better person.
Consider your ex’s behavior an illusion – actions that let your ex enjoy the moment and forget the reminders of how he or she felt before the breakup. If you understand that your ex is acting like a different person because of unhealthy pre-breakup thoughts and feelings rather than because you weren’t good enough, you’ll take the breakup less personally and heal quicker.
You won’t let your self-esteem sink so low you think your personality is the reason your ex looks unrecognizable.
So if your ex is acting like a different person and you’re struggling to understand why your ex has changed so much so quickly, remember that your ex hasn’t changed one bit. Your ex has probably just distracted himself or herself with short-term gratifications that boost your ex’s ego and heighten his or her sense of purpose.
Your ex may be happier after the breakup, but ask yourself what dumper isn’t. Only depressed and forced dumpers spend most of their days at home crying. Healthy and detached dumpers feel empowered and focus on people and things that allow them to discover who they are and regain their identity.
This period of self-discovery can be very exciting for them.
They may experiment by engaging in activities they previously disliked or disapproved of. Old beliefs and promises may no longer apply due to a strong need to distance themselves from their ex and the person they were. It’s as if they feel unclean and want to wash away their old selves. They don’t want to remember the past and associate their old lifestyles with themselves.
That’s why they keep themselves busy and look forward to new and exciting things.
Your ex isn’t trying to deceive anyone. Your ex is merely doing what feels right. It just so happens that what feels right to your ex feels wrong to you. This is because you’re tying its meaning directly to your ability to make your ex happy. Your ex’s new and unpredictable behavior scares you and makes you feel uncomfortable and unwanted.
It’s hard for it not to trigger difficult emotions when your validation, security, and happiness depend on your ex. You love your ex, so you don’t want your ex to experience the world without you. You especially don’t want your ex to think that you were slowing him or her down.
You want your ex to think that you can make him or her happy and that getting back together is the most beneficial thing to do.
In this post, we discuss why your ex is acting like a different person and what you should do about it.
Why is my ex acting like a different person?
If your ex is acting like a different person, your ex likely feels happy by the sudden amount of space and independence. Your ex isn’t used to being in complete control of his or her life, so it’s a new experience for your ex. And new experiences tend to be very exciting. It helps dumpers regain their emotional independence and redefine their post-breakup identity.
Think of your ex’s behavior as your ex’s way of coping with the breakup. I’m not saying your ex feels sad and miserable, but your ex may occasionally feel guilty and ashamed. Guilt and shame aren’t easy to deal with. They require effort and time just like any other negative emotion.
Your ex may be dealing with negative emotions indirectly – by ignoring them and acting on his or her feelings of relief. Relief helps your ex stay in the present and allows your ex to focus on things that feel good.
At the moment, anything that distracts your ex from you feels good. This includes hanging out with friends, drinking and partying, talking to other people, and doing things that previously seemed outside his or her comfort zone. I don’t know what your ex is doing that makes him or her look like an entirely different person, but if your ex is doing a lot of things at once, they may serve as a distraction for your ex.
Your ex may be knowingly or unknowingly engaging in activities that evoke positive emotions. The stronger the emotions your ex feels, the less he or she has to worry about your health and well-being.
Another explanation for your ex’s change in behavior may be the people your ex associates with. If your ex met new people or changed work or home, your ex may be under the influence of a new environment. New people, locations, or conditions may influence his or her thinking and urge your ex to want to impress people.
When people want to impress, they often pretend to be someone they’re not. They want others to think highly of them and respect or validate them. Because they don’t know the new people yet, they feel excited and act differently. It takes them a while to stop feeling and acting that way, especially when they meet a new romantic prospect.
So consider the possibility that your ex has met someone else (a friend or a partner or potential partner) and that your ex wants to get to know that person. The new person could leave your ex feeling infatuated and unrecognizable to people who know your ex. The stronger the connection your ex forms with the new person, the less recognizable your ex will become to you and others.
Moreover, if you’re reaching out to your ex and asking for things your ex isn’t ready or willing to give, your ex may be acting cold or different due to the pressure you’re putting on your ex. Your ex may be treating you poorly because you’re not giving your ex space and letting your ex do the things he or she wants to do.
Your expectations may be coming off as demands, forcing your ex to shield himself or herself from them.
Some exes say mean or rude things whereas others ignore or block. What form of defense your ex chooses depends on his or her morality, beliefs, and breakup knowledge as well as the approach you choose. If you beg and plead for another chance and show no consideration for your ex’s feelings, your ex likely won’t pull any punches.
He or she will be direct with you, reject you, and force you to accept the breakup the hard way.
Your ex’s hurtful behavior isn’t a sign of romantic feelings, but rather a sign that your ex has lost them. It indicates that he or she needs space and is committed to getting it no matter what you want or don’t want. As the dumper, your ex doesn’t fear hurting and disappointing you. Your ex has no expectations of you, which allows your ex to put himself or herself first.
You can’t and shouldn’t try to change that.
You should let your ex feel the emotions triggered by the breakup and the people he or she associates with. That way, your ex will feel in control of his or her life and be allowed to talk to you when or if he or she wants to.
With that said, here’s why your ex is acting like a different person.
What should I do about my ex’s change in behavior?
If your ex stopped caring about you and is acting like a different person, you shouldn’t accuse your ex of being selfish and disrespectful. Attacking your ex’s personality and conscience will likely cause your ex to shut down emotionally or treat you even worse.
Since your ex feels free and happy, your ex doesn’t want to be judged and pressured to invest in you. Your ex wants to be left alone and continue to focus on new people and things. New people and things make your ex feel good whereas your requests or presence suffocate and guilt-trip your ex.
Whether you want your ex back or not, you must let your ex feel free and respected so your ex can go through all the breakup stages. If the breakup just happened, your ex is probably still in the first or second stage and needs a few months to stop feeling empowered. Once your ex has processed the initial stages and stopped feeling empowered by the separation and new lifestyle, your ex will enter the neutrality stage.
In this stage, your ex will revert to his or her usual self and reveal that he or she has not actually changed. That’s when you’ll stop blaming yourself for your ex’s happiness and strange behavior.
As a dumpee, it’s important not to talk to your ex and analyze his or her behavior. You shouldn’t know what your ex is up to and how your ex is feeling. The more you know about your ex’s new life and the happier your ex appears, the worse you’ll feel and the longer you’ll stay obsessed with your ex.
That’s why I encourage you to ignore your ex’s strange behavior. Remind yourself that your ex hasn’t grown or changed permanently and that your ex will soon return to the person you knew. Instead of watching your ex online or in person, set some post-breakup boundaries. Unfollow or delete your ex online, hang out with mutual friends alone, and stop talking to your ex.
Go no contact and show that you don’t feel threatened (even if you’re scared to death). Your ex shouldn’t know what you think and how you feel. Your ex should think you’re doing fine and moving on. That could make your ex curious about you and eager to reach out.
So don’t contact your ex and accuse your ex of having no empathy and care. Don’t tell your ex that you’ve been watching his or her every move and that you’re hurt. You’ll make a better impression on your ex if you preserve your worth and make your ex wonder where you are and what you’re doing.
This is the time for you to focus on the things you can change about your life. Focus on improving your flaws, ambitions, and relationships with yourself and others. Worrying about your ex won’t change anything. It will just keep you obsessed with your ex and delay your recovery.
Feel free to give positive affirmations a try. Remind yourself that your ex isn’t the person he or she is pretending to be and that your ex will soon lose the momentum to stay elated. When that happens, you’ll see that it was a huge waste of time to think about your ex’s changes and that you should have focused on yourself instead.
Are you struggling to understand why your ex is acting like a different person? What do you think might be causing this? Comment below and let us know.
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My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
