I Miss My Ex Who Dumped Me! What Do I Do?

It’s perfectly acceptable to miss an ex who dumped you. The breakup has hurt you immensely, put your ex on a pedestal, and triggered your anxiety, fears, and nostalgia. It made you remember the good times you had with your ex and showed you what it’s like to no longer receive your ex’s reassurance, care, and love.

Now that your ex is gone, you don’t know if you should do something to get on your ex’s good side or stay away and let your ex feel what it’s like not to have you around anymore.

If you can’t decide whether to get closer or farther away from your ex, I strongly encourage you to take the latter option. You’ve probably already tried to reason with your ex and show your ex how sorry and committed you were.

But despite giving it your best, your ex didn’t listen and budge an inch. Your ex was completely unreceptive because your ex had already emotionally checked out. No amount of begging, convincing, apologizing, or reassuring was going to change your ex’s mind.

This is because your ex lost feelings and attached negative beliefs to your persona. Negative perceptions not only prevent your ex from seeing you in a positive light, but they also stop him or her from caring about your feelings.

That’s why if you insist on getting back together (pressure your ex), you’re likely going to see a side of your ex you hadn’t seen before. You’re probably going to see how your ex deals with dumpees he or she no longer loves and respects.

So instead of telling your ex how badly you miss him or her, remember that urging your ex to see things from your perspective is going to have disastrous effects. It’s going to disrespect your ex’s prearranged decision and force your ex to treat you no better than you treat yourself.

This means your ex will probably push you away just as forcefully as you’re trying to pull your ex back in. Needless to say, a forceful response from your ex will cause you immense pain and suffering and might even traumatize you.

If that happens, you’ll need much longer to recover than if you just leave your ex alone and miss your ex without your ex’s awareness.

When it comes to attraction, your ex shouldn’t know you miss him/her like crazy. It’s better that you remain mysterious and hard to read because it will make your ex wonder what you’re doing and how you’re feeling.

Conversely, if you profess your love to your ex, tell your ex you’re hurting, get angry with your ex, or threaten your ex, your ex will see that you’re struggling with the breakup and that it’s safer to stay away from you.

Therefore, if you miss your ex who dumped you, keep in mind that it’s okay to miss your ex. You got attached and included your ex in your plans and goals.

What’s not okay, though, is to pester your ex with your feelings and expectations now that your ex is no longer around and on the same page with you. You must remember that your ex is on a different path and that your ex wants and needs to be left alone.

As difficult as this may be to accept, do your best to acknowledge that your ex doesn’t miss you intimately Your ex is the dumper, which automatically implies that your ex is fully detached and okay with the breakup. Not only is your ex okay with it, but your ex also doesn’t see any reason to get back together.

Your ex wouldn’t have broken up with you if your ex had feelings for you and trust in the relationship. He or she would have continued to work on the relationship and do whatever it takes to stay committed.

Since your ex isn’t with you and hasn’t come back to be with you, the best thing you can do is tell yourself that the breakup happened for a reason. Everybody hates that line, including me, but there must be something your ex disliked and failed to fix.

Whether your ex took you for granted, developed a victim mentality, cheated on you, or focused on the negative aspects of the relationship, something wasn’t working for your ex. That’s why your ex initiated the breakup and distanced himself or herself from you.

By doing so, your ex attempted to leave relationship problems behind and embrace the post-breakup freedom.

If you weren’t so hurt, anxious, and attached, you probably wouldn’t miss your dumper ex. You would acknowledge the fact that your ex is a quitter and that quitters shouldn’t be missed and respected. They should be held accountable for throwing their relationship away and having a great time afterward.

The good thing about it is that you won’t always miss your ex. When you disconnect and heal, your perception of your ex will change completely. It will let you see that your ex doesn’t deserve you and that missing him or her is a waste of time and emotions.

When that happens, you’ll start focusing on your ex’s negative points and realize that your ex has done the same,

Today, we analyze why you miss your ex who dumped you and what you can do to miss your ex less.

Why do I miss my ex who dumped me?

You’d think the dumper would be missing his ex and regretting his life choices, but that’s not how breakups work. 99.9% of the time, the dumper is glad the relationship ended and feels relieved whereas the dumpee blames herself for making mistakes and not being good enough for her ex to love her.

Dumpees are the ones who suffer while dumpers engage in fun activities. This shows that dumpers and dumpees feel differently and want different things.

Dumpers want to be free and do what makes them happy whereas dumpees desire commitment with their ex and want to stop hurting. As long as their needs are completely different, dumpees and dumpers can’t coexist. They can’t even get along as friends as dumpees are hopeful and dumpers feel suffocated.

They can feel the same way about each other only when they’ve processed the breakup and realized that their personalities and relationship goals are compatible. That’s when they can both miss each other and crave each other’s affection.

It’s completely understandable and acceptable to miss an ex who dumped you. Your ex was with you long enough for you to develop feelings, cravings, and romantic expectations. You envisioned a future with your ex and enjoyed spending time with your ex.

But now that your ex doesn’t feel happy and comfortable in your presence, you mustn’t tell yourself how great your ex is and that you’ll never find another person as good as your ex. Self-talk like that will only obsess you with your ex and make you miss your ex more.

It will prevent you from letting go of your ex and becoming the hopeless person you’re trying to become.

The thoughts you think, the activities you engage in, and the things happening to you all determine how badly you miss your dumper ex.

If you convince yourself your ex is the kindest, prettiest, calmest, or smartest person on the planet, you’ll hold on to this notion and refuse to acknowledge your ex’s flaws. This will significantly delay your rationality and your confidence in finding a better partner.

The undeniable truth is that you don’t miss your ex because your ex is the best and most compatible person on the planet. You miss your ex because you invested in your ex (maybe overinvested?) and got your heart crushed. It’s the separation anxiety that makes you think of your ex as your ideal partner.

Fortunately, we both know that your ideal partner wouldn’t have done this to you. He or she would have found ways to resolve problems and difficulties and prevent them from getting out of control.

Another reason why you miss an ex who dumped you is that your ex crushed your self-esteem. By leaving you, your ex affected the way you see yourself and exposed your childhood fears, traumas, and problems. He or she made you remember how you felt when your needs as a child were neglected or unmet.

Not everyone has these problems, but if you do, they’ve probably come to light after the breakup as a child’s upbringing plays a significant role in how adult dumpees view themselves and how they feel. This is because during childhood, children develop attachment styles and coping mechanisms.

If their attachment styles and coping mechanisms aren’t healthy, they tend to carry them into adulthood and wait for them to come to the surface. And the sad thing is that they usually do. When their partner or ex-partner hurts them, they feel overwhelmed with emotions they used to feel as kids and respond in ways that aren’t the healthiest.

This scares their (ex)partner away and makes them indulge in nostalgia.

If you find yourself missing your ex who dumped you, you must understand that you miss your ex because you no longer feel loved by your ex. You don’t get the high levels of dopamine your brain used to reward you with whenever you felt wanted and needed.

Now that you’re an ex, you wish to re-experience the dopamine rush you used to take for granted. Back then, you didn’t even know you were addicted to your ex’s love because you received love daily.

This probably changed a couple of weeks before the breakup when your ex began to question his or her love for you and pulled away a little. That was the time your ex began to starve you for love and recognition.

Your ex denied you the hormones you used to get and made you feel insignificant.

Therefore, one of the biggest reasons you miss your ex so much is that things aren’t the way they used to be. You don’t feel loved and that you have any control over your ex. This lack of control makes you feel afraid for your safety and extremely eager to get the relationship and your emotional health back to the way it was.

Your mind is constantly reminding you that by making you suffer and miss your ex. It’s telling you that by reconciling with your ex, you can stop hurting and get the satisfaction you crave.

What your mind doesn’t tell you, though, is that you want your ex for the wrong reasons. You don’t want your ex because you love him or her badly, but because you have trouble loving yourself. You don’t see how you could be happy alone, so you want your ex to take you back and fill the void in your chest.

That means you’re hoping your ex will notice your value and end your heartache.

You also miss your ex more than usual if you keep analyzing your ex’s social media behavior. Stalking your ex’s social profiles makes you anxious (especially if your ex is having fun) and does the opposite of what you need to detach from your ex.

It makes you dependent on your ex for healing and consequently, hinders your ability to see your ex’s flaws and mistakes.

Here are 5 reasons why you miss your ex who dumped you.

If you miss the ex who dumped you, remember that you miss the good parts, not the parts that complicated the relationship and caused the breakup. You’re currently focusing on how your ex made you feel when things were going smoothly and completely ignoring your ex’s shortcomings, relationship-destructive thoughts, and negative behaviors.

This is making you feel hopeful and less keen on accepting that your ex isn’t perfect and the one for you.

What to do when you miss your ex who dumped you?

If you miss your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend, you can do a lot of things to decrease your nostalgic cravings. Firstly, start by unfollowing your ex on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or whichever platform you use to receive updates on your ex’s life.

You mustn’t know what your ex is doing, who your ex is talking to, what your ex thinks about you, and how easy it is for your ex to stay away from you. You must stay away from that and any information that gives or destroys hope, hurts you, and makes you even more eager to get validated.

Secondly, remember that you miss your ex because of the rejection and the negative effects the rejection has had on you rather than because your ex is your flawless partner. You may miss your ex a lot, but don’t think of your ex as the most valuable person and someone who can save you from your misery.

Think of your ex as a person you’ve put your trust in, but then he or she refused to fix relationship problems and do everything in his or her power to avoid breaking up. That way, you won’t blame yourself for the breakup and keep your ex high up on a pedestal.

Thirdly, find ways to deal with separation pain. If you stay at home all the time, you’ll be forced to obsess about your ex and wonder if your ex ever thinks about you and misses you. Although these thoughts are normal (every dumpee has them), it’s not normal to just sit on them day after day without interruption.

Your anxious mind needs a break once in a while. It needs some sort of distraction that gives it a break from all the overthinking and worrying. Make sure your mind gets plenty of vacation time. Do that by engaging in captivating hobbies and avoiding places and things that remind you of your ex.

You’ll feel much better if you’re able to forget about your ex even for 5 or 10 minutes a day. Getting over your ex will take time. But if you purposely distract yourself, it will be easier than if you think about your ex all the time and do nothing productive with your life.

And finally, make sure to journal and sign up for therapy. It may seem counterproductive to deliberately talk to someone about your ex, but it will actually let you vent and feel relieved.

Don’t underestimate the power of therapy and journaling as it works the same way (or perhaps even better) than talking to your friends about your ex. Friends are great, but they probably won’t listen to you talk about your ex for hours at a time.

Therapists, on the other hand, will. They exist for that purpose and will be able to answer your questions and appease your nostalgia.

Do you miss your ex who dumped you? When do you miss your ex the most? Share your thoughts and emotions in the comments section below.

However, if you’d like to talk to us about how badly you miss your ex, sign up for therapy/coaching with us here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.