Why Did My Boyfriend Cheat On Me?

If your boyfriend cheated on you and you’re wondering why he did that, you should talk to him about it. He’s the one with all the answers and explanations, so ask him why he took you for granted and betrayed you.

You can search for answers on the internet, but you shouldn’t have to do that if he plans on staying with you and regrets sleeping with another person. A guy who regrets cheating on you wants to make things right. He wants to grow as an individual and communicate his reasons for betraying you.

And he wants to do that so you can forgive him, trust him, and give him what he wants from you.

If he’s not telling you why he cheated on you, this clearly indicates a lack of honesty and regret. It’s a sign that the relationship isn’t going to last much longer even if you decide to forgive him and give him another chance.

A cheater who doesn’t express any regret and explain how, where, with whom, and why he cheated isn’t ready to grow up yet. He feels comfortable being who he is and is probably going to cheat again or just leave and pursue someone else.

So before you even think about getting back with a guy who cheated on you, measure his levels of regret, honesty, initiative, and interest in you. Figure out if he’s still in touch with the person he cheated with and if his words match his actions and the person you want to be with.

If they don’t, it may be best to end the relationship on a cheating note and leave it at that. Trying again when he’s not prepared to change is a waste of time.

That said, the biggest reason your boyfriend cheated on you is that he stopped valuing you and thought someone else could make him happier. He stopped thinking about the life ahead of him and prioritized temptations and feelings in the present moment.

He completely ignored the fact that he was in a committed relationship and didn’t care that the relationship with you could fall apart. Not at that particular moment at least because he liked the attention the other person was giving him.

The guy basically cheated because he got an opportunity to cheat and wasn’t ready (developed) or willing to say no to sex. It felt like the right thing to do at the time because he wanted to feel desired again.

Maybe your boyfriend wasn’t happy with the way things were going in the relationship with you and used his unhappiness as an excuse to get under the sheets with someone else. Perhaps he thought a distraction was what he needed to make himself happier and sexually fulfilled.

Little did he know that cheating was going to devastate you and make things worse for both of you. It was going to make him into a cheater and you into someone who doubts his/her self-worth.

Cheating never fixes relationship problems. It makes existing problems worse because it creates trust issues bigger than most people can handle.

Those who forgive their partner oftentimes do so because they’re attached and lack the strength to pull away and find happiness elsewhere. They think their partner is the best they can do even though they’re just hurt and dependent on their partner.

So if your boyfriend cheated on you and you can’t figure out why, know that you don’t need to know the exact reason. You just need to know that a person cheats because he loses sight of your importance and doesn’t care about the consequences of cheating.

This means he’s okay with the relationship ending, you getting hurt, and him being branded as a cheater for life.

Some people say they get bored with their partner and cheat because of lack of stimulation, but what they really mean is that they stop appreciating their partner and bonding with him or her. They stop investing in their partner, take their partner for granted, and get closer to someone who on the surface has more to offer than their long-term partner.

This tempts them into getting to know that person on a deeper level or makes them eager to sleep with their crush, which in turn, puts their self-control and morals to the test.

If they aren’t developed as people and grateful for what they have with their partner, they usually ignore their values and commitment to their partner—and do the deed.

Today, lots of relationships end because of cheating and monkey-branching. Many people just don’t have the gratitude and loyalty necessary for maintaining a serious romantic relationship. If they develop feelings for someone, they immediately assume something’s wrong with their relationship or partner rather than with them.

They shift the blame away from them onto something or someone else.

You need to be careful about people who can’t take responsibility or you could get burned. You could not just get cheated on, but also let your romantic partners dictate how you feel about yourself.

In this post, we discuss why your boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend) cheated on you and what you can do about it.

Why did my boyfriend cheat on me?

First of all, your boyfriend cheated on you because he wanted to cheat on you. He allowed himself to get infatuated with the person he betrayed you with and was okay with cheating. In his mind, his feelings came first whereas yours didn’t matter to him at all.

If they mattered, he wouldn’t have cheated. He would have realized that what he was feeling was wrong and that he needed to step on the brakes and distance himself from the other person.

Because he lacked respect for himself, you, and probably the person he slept with, he let his crush grow to the point where it allowed him to meet up with the person in question and sleep with him or her.

He essentially created a situation that allowed him to take things a step further. That was when he said yes to the situation he’d secretly been hoping for/working on and betrayed you in the worst way possible.

By cheating on you, he showed you he didn’t care about you and the relationship and that he just cared about fulfilling his sexual urges and making himself feel good.

The guy had thousands of chances to say no. He could have said he was committed to his relationship and that he loved you. But instead, he probably hid you from the new person and presented himself as a single person.

It doesn’t matter if the new person knew he was taken. It was your partner’s responsibility to resist the urge to sleep with someone else and create some distance. In all honesty, there shouldn’t even have been an urge to cheat.

If he understood his moral responsibility and kept his distance from the other person, he would have stopped his and his sexual partner from developing feelings, urges, or expectations. But instead, he continued to bond, felt validated, and took the opportunity to cheat once they got comfortable and ended up alone in the same room.

Because he lacked the self-control to stay away from this person, it was only a matter of time before they ended up sleeping together. He just didn’t feel the need to pull away because the morals and reminders to remain loyal were missing.

All there was was an urge to keep getting closer and closer to the other person. Like an obsession, he continued to build rapport and bond until they started meeting up, flirting, and putting themselves in positions to cheat.

When it comes to cheating, it doesn’t just happen for no reason and out of nowhere. Cheating happens in stages.

Normally, it goes like this:

• a guy meets someone he likes
• he asks questions, gives compliments, flirts
• realizes he feels attracted
• refuses to acknowledge fault and pull away
• hides his feelings from his partner
• makes plans to meet up
• convinces himself he deserves to be happy or that his partner hasn’t made him happy
• cheats

The way people develop feelings for someone else in a romantic relationship is the same for heterosexual and homosexual relationships. The underlying fact is that people feel understood and desired by the person they have a crush on.

They like the attention they receive, so they keep talking to their crush until they cross the point of no return. That’s when cheaters typically start feeling guilty and wondering whether to tell their partner or keep the cheating going/hidden.

The most moral cheaters tend to tell their partner they cheated whereas the cowardly ones keep the cheating from their partner and hope their partner never finds out.

Many cheaters also leave their partner for the person they cheated with. They realize their feelings are stronger for the new person and that it’s easier to monkey-branch than it is to confess to cheating and work on rebuilding trust.

Starting anew with someone they made no mistakes with is much easier than repairing a broken relationship with broken trust. Guilt alone isn’t always enough for cheaters to stop cheating and start being better people.

When a person sinks low enough to cheat, it’s hard for him to raise his standards and commit to being a better person.

With that said, here’s why your boyfriend cheated on you on hurt you so much.

Should I take him back after cheating?

In my book, a guy who cheats (for any reason at all) doesn’t deserve another chance. He had his chance when he was with you. If he didn’t make use of it when you both had trust and respect for each other, he doesn’t deserve it now that things are falling apart either.

He should just walk away and learn his lessons if he thinks there’s something to learn from it.

The saying “once a cheater always a cheater” is often true. It’s especially true for guys who don’t explain why they cheated and how they’ll work hard to regain your trust.

A cheater needs to give you control and power in the relationship. That’s how you can tell he’s realized his mistakes and that he’s committed to proving his worth to you.

Before you take him back, the first thing you should do is take into account whether he told you he cheated. A cheater who tells you what he did typically thinks you deserve to know the truth, feels bad, and is having a hard time accepting his behavior.

Such a person may be able to improve his morals and shortcomings and do better next time he feels tempted to cheat.

On the other hand, someone who hid the cheating from you and made you discover it on your own probably doesn’t regret what he did.

His only regret is that you found out about it and that he now has to pay for it.

The next thing you should pay attention to is his overall attitude toward you. If he respects you and cares about your feelings, he’ll directly show you that. He’ll talk to you more and better than before, ask you if you’re happy, and make sure that you forgive him and want to work on the relationship as badly as he does.

Know that it will take some time to get over being cheated on and stay together. It will require blind faith, healthy communication, and weeks if not months of doubting your partner and his ability to stay loyal in the future.

But if you decide to give him one last chance, you must let him back into your heart when you think it’s safe to do so. You can’t keep him out of your heart and hungry for your validation forever. After a while, you need to show him you forgive him and that you’re ready to start over provided he shows you a new side to him.

Taking back a cheater is always risky. That’s why you need to understand who your boyfriend is and what kind of person he wants to be now that he cheated. Is he trying to improve himself as a result of infidelity or is he blaming you or others and not making any significant changes?

Take a couple of days to figure out what he’s doing with his time and you’ll know if he can be trusted again.

Are you still wondering why your boyfriend cheated on you? Did you find the answers you were looking for? Let us know in the comments section below.

And if you prefer to talk to us about the breakup, click here to sign up for coaching with us.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.