He Said It’s Over. Will He Come Back?

How finished a guy is with a relationship when he says it’s over usually depends on how calmly he says it. For example, if he says it out of anger and fury, he’ll probably come back after he’s cooled off and realized he still loves you and wants to be with you.

But if he’s rational, yet cold and distant, then he likely won’t come back any time soon. Like most guys, he’ll start going through the breakup stages and appreciate his new single life too much to risk coming back and getting hurt again.

You can probably tell if a guy will come back by studying his behavioral patterns. If you discover that he tends to handle arguments or differences impulsively and then comes back to apologize and fix things, he’ll probably return because that’s what he always does. He’ll want things to go back to normal and be lovey-dovey with you.

Eventually, though, he’ll likely stop doing that and leave for good. He’ll run out of patience and love. That’s because for many people, arguments tend to get progressively worse. They keep increasing in intensity and precariousness, which means that they develop unhealthy opinions and resentments. When those resentments get out of control, they usually lose feelings for each other and hold on to anger for power and control.

That’s when they decide to leave the relationship and feel extremely relieved and elated.

Whether your relationship is over or not, you should keep in mind that there’s a big chance a person who says it’s over or keeps saying it’s over repeatedly will eventually end things with you. Every time a guy thinks or says it’s over, he convinces himself a bit more that he needs to get away from you and by doing so makes it easier to leave.

All he needs is a good opportunity to leave after he’s developed enough doubts. For most people, a good opportunity is anger, resentment, and unhappiness whereas for others, it’s finding someone who loves them.

So if your boyfriend said it’s over just recently and you’re wondering if he will come back to give the relationship another chance, give the guy a little bit of time to get hold of himself. A day or two should be more than enough to see how he thinks and feels because if he doesn’t come back after a day or two, you’re most likely dealing with a breakup that involves a person whose opinion of you was damaged beyond repair.

No matter how hurt you are, you must stay away from someone who says they are done with you. There’s nothing left for you to do other than pack your things and leave. The guy might decide to come back after a while if it’s just a fakeup (a temporary breakup), but if that happens, things won’t magically improve. He’ll still be the same person inside and will repeat the same patterns in the future.

Today’s article is for those who wonder what it means if he said it’s over.

He said it’s over. Will he come back?

When a guy with a partner says, “It’s over, I’m done, I can’t do this anymore,” he’s saying some of the most relationship-destructive things he could say. Sure, it’s not as bad as “I hate you, I don’t ever want to see you again, Don’t talk to me,” but it’s nearly as bad as he’s hurting you on purpose and convincing himself that the relationship is not good for him and that he needs to abandon it for his own good.

The unfortunate truth is that he’s serious and means what he says. People usually do as they express what they think and feel when they’re frustrated, impatient, and overwhelmed. They may take it back later, but you shouldn’t underestimate the things they tell you when their emotions run high. Their emotions reveal what kind of thoughts they’ve thought and beliefs they’ve adopted without your awareness.

If this is the first time you’ve heard your boyfriend say that the relationship is over and you’ve been with him for quite some time (for a year or longer), it’s definitely alarming. The guy may have detached from you and no longer sees a future with you. He may have figured it’s better for him to just focus on himself and look for happiness elsewhere.

If that’s the case, he’s probably already stopped interacting with you and craves alone time. You mustn’t force him to talk or you could bring out his pent-up frustrations. The best thing you can do is to leave him alone and let him come to you.

Remember that you’re dealing with a breakup and that your only option is to treat it as such. A breakup indicates that the guy’s feelings are gone (or on the verge of being gone) and that it’s not your job to make your ex feel something for you.

He’s the one who made feelings go away, so he’s the one who must make them return. But to make them return, he must first find a reason to do that.

This could take time though. Time that you don’t have now that you’re hurting and need to look after yourself. The only way you can recover from this is if you stop waiting for him to return. Instead of looking for signs that your ex wants you back, do your best to accept the breakup and stop seeing your ex the way you do right now.

It won’t be easy at first because you’ll want your ex back very badly, but do remind yourself that you deserve commitment and love and a person who thinks positive thoughts, not someone who gives up when things get difficult.

With that said, here’s what it means when your boyfriend says it’s over.

So if a guy tells you he’s done, know that he’s not as great a guy as you may think he is now that you’re hurting. If he comes back in a matter of days, remember that he has self-control issues to work on. However, if he doesn’t come back, then he just failed or refused to maintain the relationship and fell out of love. Either way, he focused on the negative parts of the relationship and didn’t do anything about them.

Whether he’ll come back after saying he’s done isn’t even the most significant question. The thing you should be more concerned about is if he can break this pattern of “being done” and if he can improve his negative perceptions of you and communicate better next time.

Lots of people are comfortable being who they are, so they don’t identify their shortcomings and improve them. They prefer to blame others and resist change like the devil.

Does he really want it to be over?

Look, some guys will say they’re done with you when they’re frustrated and overwhelmed. Such guys just need a bit of space to come back to their senses.

The guys you should take much more seriously are those who aren’t prone to saying they’re done. Those guys tend to be much less expressive and usually say highly emotional things when they can’t hold them inside anymore. They feel they’ve reached a point of no return and that they must worry only about themselves.

You must take all kinds of guys seriously – expressive or non-expressive. You don’t know what’s going on inside them, so do what they ask or expect of you. “I’m done” normally means that they don’t wish to stay close to you anymore and that you must give them lots of time.

How much time they’ll need is hard to say, but to be safe, give them more than they need. They may be angry with you for something you did or didn’t do, but that doesn’t mean you must apologize and seek their forgiveness soon after the breakup. Breakups can’t be fixed that easily.

When a person (the dumper) is done, he’s not looking for closure and healing. That’s what you want. What the guy wants is nothing but space and time so that he can stop feeling the way he did when he said he was done. That means he doesn’t want to hear any apologies, self-blame, guilt-tripping, or talking about the relationship. Such things make him feel uncomfortable and trigger his need to self-prioritize.

When a man says he’s done with you, he’s not secretly looking for love and care from you. Sure, sometimes insecure and argumentative people hurt each other to make each other care, but this may not be the case in your situation. If he doesn’t come back in a matter of days, he’s looking for time away from you rather than validation and respect.

You must give it to him so he doesn’t say and do even more hurtful things.

Will he ever come back?

If the guy doesn’t return after he’s calmed down, he may never come back. It depends on the quality of your relationship, the kinds of predicaments he gets himself into, and his ability to reflect and let go of the past.

Right now, it’s probably too soon to tell if he’ll ever come back because you don’t know if he’ll find happiness on his own or with someone else. But if he doesn’t find it, chances are that he’ll want to reconnect with you and come back to invest in you.

You don’t know what he’ll go through in the future, so I suggest that you don’t think about the things that could happen and instead think about the things that have happened. Focus on the situation in front of you because that’s in your power to control.

Your ex will have to go through a lot of bad stuff to discern your worth and feel something for you again, and there’s no guarantee that your ex will do that. He might just continue dating other people and eventually settle down with someone he gets along with.

You don’t know how things will unfold for yourself, let alone your ex, so don’t even try to predict the future. The future is too uncertain for any accurate predictions. You’ll be much more productive if you think about things that are happening in the present moment.

And what’s happening now is that you’re suffering from hormone withdrawal. You’re so focused on the “Will he come back” part that you’re neglecting your own healing in the process. It’s obvious that you want your ex back because you want to heal (stop the pain), but you’re going about it the wrong way.

You’ll do much better in the long run if you focus on detachment, which requires you to see reality for what it is.

I know that you want your ex back, but if it’s been a few days since the guy said it’s over, the relationship is over. You need to distance yourself from your ex and prepare yourself for life without your ex. That’s the only surefire to be happy and okay with your ex not coming back.

So focus on yourself and ask yourself what you can do to stop analyzing your ex’s words and wondering if he’ll come back.

Did your boyfriend/ex-boyfriend say it’s over and you’re trying to figure out if it really is? Let us know what you think and fear below the post.

Also, if you’re interested in Magnet of Success breakup coaching, take a look at our services here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.