9 Signs He Loves His Ex More Than You

If your boyfriend or the person you’re seeing has been acting strange and you’re looking for signs he loves his ex more than you, know that there are several signs to look out for.

The guy may be desperately trying to hide his feelings for his ex and may even have told you that you have nothing to worry about, but that doesn’t mean he’s told you the truth.

He may be afraid of telling the truth because doing so could weaken your love for him, reduce the validation he receives from you, and threaten his security in the relationship. It’s much easier to pretend that he loves you and that the problems you see are only your imagination.

If he gaslights you, he essentially wants to hide his unprocessed feelings for his ex to protect himself. He’s afraid of losing his ex and you and being left alone to deal with abandonment.

A guy like this isn’t ready for a new relationship. He’s looking for ways to heal from the end of his relationship rather than trying to invest in you and be an equal partner. His goal is to distract himself from his problems, obtain validation, and get another chance with his ex.

His love for you could eventually prevail over his love for his ex, but it could also not. If he lacks an understanding of breakups and the emotions that ensue, there’s a good chance he’ll get tired of being expected to invest in you and quit on you.

I suppose the main question is whether he’ll get back to his ex. Many people do. They just need an opportunity to be with their ex.

So bear in mind that if your partner loves his ex more than you, the guy will go back to his ex the second his ex comes back into the picture. He’ll leave you for his ex and destroy all the work you’ve put into the relationship.

To protect yourself, you need to look out for signs he loves his ex more than you. The guy most likely won’t tell you he still has feelings for his ex. You’ll have to do a bit of digging yourself. You’ll have to take the initiative, ask him some questions, observe his behavior, and do what’s best for you now and in the future.

Don’t think it’s wrong to doubt his love for you. If you have a feeling something’s odd and that he’s not putting as much as he should into the relationship, he may not just be busy and overwhelmed with life. The guy could be having difficulties disconnecting from his ex and connecting with you.

That could indicate that he’s dating you solely for himself and that he won’t give you what you’re looking for anytime soon if ever.

In this post, we talk about 9 signs he loves his ex more than you. We also provide some advice on what to do when you’re certain the guy loves his ex more than you.

1)He has photos of his ex in his wallet, home, and social media

If a guy has photos of his ex in his wallet, online, or in his home, he hasn’t just forgotten about them. The guy has been intentionally holding on to them as he’s still anxious and hopeful his ex will return.

He’s secretly hoping that his ex will realize his worth and come back to date him.

Photos of his ex show that he’s thinking about his ex and that he likes being reminded of her. Reminders make him feel nostalgic and give him something to hold on to.

Pictures of an ex-partner aren’t just pictures (especially if they’re romantic). They’re proof the guy has unresolved feelings for his ex and that he looks at them from time to time.

As you know, an ex-boyfriend shouldn’t be looking at his ex-partner’s pictures and thinking about the past. He should be focusing on his new partner, which is his present and future. If he isn’t doing that, he’s still in love with his ex.

So bear in mind that his looking at his photos of his ex is a sign he loves his ex more than you and that unless he detaches, throws away all photos of his ex, finds your worth, and commits to loving you, he will leave when he exhausts himself, meets someone else, or gets an opportunity to be with his ex.

Most guys do because their new relationship doesn’t make them feel as strongly as they’d like to feel. As soon as they develop doubts and cravings for more or different kinds of affection, they take their partner for granted and look for better or different ways to keep themselves busy.

2)He initiates conversations with his ex (especially at night and in secret)

When a guy reaches out to his ex behind your back, it shows he’s focusing on building a connection with the wrong person. He’s getting closer to the person he was supposed to be over with and move away from.

Since he’s not permanently ending things with her (or him), he’s not letting you relax and giving you much to trust him. He thinks you should just accept that he talks to his exes and that it doesn’t mean anything.

In essence, he wants you to cut him some slack and have blind faith.

The guy doesn’t understand that you can’t fully trust him until he’s cut his exes off (especially the exes or recent ex who dumped him). Until he proves he’s over them and not trying to get back together, you have every to scrutinize his actions and doubt his intentions.

He needs to prove he can be trusted and that he’s a safe emotional investment.

So if you see a guy not just talking to his ex but also reaching out in secret, know that something’s not right. He either developed a fear of talking about exes when one of his partners caught him conversing with an ex and exploded at him or he still has feelings for his ex and wants him or her back.

Either way, he has some work to do and shouldn’t expect you to be okay with it. He should be putting himself in your shoes and doing his best to earn your trust.

It’s wrong to text ex-partners, let alone text them at night without your partner’s knowledge.

Texting can lead to flirting and emotional cheating, destroy trust and commitment, and cause their loyal partner to develop trust issues.

With that being said, here are some texting signs he loves his ex more than you:

• He keeps reaching out to his ex
• He texts her when you’re not around
• He hides her text messages
• He lies about who he’s texting
• He uses 🥰💖😍😘🤗 emojis
• He calls her pet names

3)He’s dating you and his ex at the same time

A guy’s heart is only big enough for one person. If he’s seeing you and his ex and making it seem like he can invest in two people at the same time, he’s deceiving you both. He’s not being honest about the fact that he’s confused and that he wants to take his time in deciding who to be with.

Typically, the person a two-timer chooses is the one who makes him feel the strongest emotions. And the person who makes him feel the strongest emotions is the person he feels emotionally bonded with.

This is usually the new partner (at least in the beginning) because the new person makes him feel validated and excited. But if his connection with his ex was strong (genuine or codependent), then the guy may choose his ex.

He just needs to realize that his feelings for his ex were stronger (even if they were stronger because the relationship was unhealthy).

Sometimes exes come back even though their relationship was toxic as they prioritize negative feelings over positive ones. They do this because negative feelings, followed by positive ones (ups and downs) make them feel stronger emotions and addict them to instability.

They don’t understand that they appreciate the wrong feelings and that they need to break the pattern of chasing highs after lows.

Also, if they have a pattern of getting back together, they may have a strong (unhealthy) bond that leads them back to each other. This isn’t love, but codependence and a lack of romantic options.

Anyway, if the guy in question is seeing you and someone else at the same time, know that the guy is still shopping. He’s looking for a person to be with and doesn’t see how his selfish actions affect you and his ex.

All he cares about is getting attention and validation.

Whatever you do, don’t fight for his love. A guy who doesn’t give you his full attention doesn’t deserve to be with you. He hasn’t earned this privilege and should be kept at a distance.

4)He avoids serious topics

When a guy avoids serious topics, it could mean that he’s not emotionally ready for a new relationship. This could be due to stress, pressure, fear of commitment, unhealthy attachment styles, or unresolved feelings for an ex-partner.

You need to know that someone who loves you will be open to discussing just about anything. He’ll love topics that include him and you as a couple as such topics will tell him you’re on the same page emotionally and that you want the same things.

You both want to get closer to each other and feel connected/secure with each other and don’t see yourselves being with anyone else. That’s love, whereas avoidance is a sign that you’re not a priority and that he may not be ready for a new relationship with you.

The guy may still love his ex and want her back. Since he can’t be with her, he’s currently with you to avoid being alone. He doesn’t feel any love, but he does feel entertained, cared for, and respected. It isn’t ideal, but it’s better than dealing with post-breakup blues alone.

Some topics a guy who loves his ex more than you could avoid are conversations about:

• feelings
• the future
• the kids
• moving in together
• getting married
• things he needs to work on
• ways to make the relationship better

So if a guy avoids serious topics, bear in mind that he’s not ready or interested in taking the relationship to the next level. The guy wants things to stay as they are so he can stay in his comfort zone and plan his next move.

5)He doesn’t want to go anywhere and do anything

Guys who are still in love with their ex are tired of hurting from the breakup and lack the willpower and energy to invest in their new partner. For the most part, they just want to stay inside and chill. They’re not one bit interested in getting to know their partner and bonding with her.

That’s why you should know that someone who loves his ex more than you will go through the new relationship stages of a relationship very quickly. He’ll appear to be super interested in you at first, but won’t stay interested long.

After a couple of months, he’ll look tired, bored, disinterested, detached, doubtful, and confused. He won’t be even half as energetic and eager to converse as he was when things were new.

You need to take that seriously and consider it a sign that he may love his ex more than you. Of course, don’t jump to conclusions and immediately accuse him of playing with your heart, but do stay aware of the possibility that he may be bringing you along for the ride.

6)He compares you to his ex

It’s normal for couples to talk about their exes once in a while. Talking about our previous partners helps us reaffirm what we don’t want and allows us to appreciate our new partners.

What’s not normal though is to talk about our exes all the time and compare them to our partners. For example, it’s a huge red flag if the person you like says something like, “I liked it a lot when my ex brushed my hair and cooked me lunch. She made me feel important.”

Comparisons like that are signs that the person you’re seeing (or want to see) is dissatisfied with you, thinking about his ex, and reminiscing about being with her. They’re signs that he doesn’t really want to be with you and that he wants another chance with his ex.

Some things a guy who loves his ex more than you could say are:

• I miss going to the beaches I went to with my ex (positive associations to places he went to with his ex)
• My ex was much better than you at planning things
• I miss my ex’s cooking
• I wonder what my ex is doing right now

7)He keeps his ex’s personal gifts

Bear in mind that many people keep gifts from their exes. They don’t throw them away because they like them and don’t care where they came from.

But when they keep personal gifts such as letters and necklaces with their ex’s name on them, that’s a completely different story. They appreciate the thoughtfulness, time, and effort their ex had put into the gifts.

Such people tend to still love their ex and don’t want to get rid of the gifts. Their gifts have sentimental value and are good signs their ex is more important to them than their new partner.

When people are done with their ex, they get rid of most reminders of their ex. They don’t want jewelry, love letters, and birthday wishes near them as they remind them of their ex. They want them gone so they can start a new chapter of their lives.

So if your boyfriend hasn’t gotten rid of gifts that seem very personal, know that your partner/crush could still be in love with his ex, waiting for his ex to reach out. When she contacts him, he may agree to meet her and get back together with her.

8)He talks badly about his ex

As I mentioned earlier, it’s okay to occasionally mention some of our ex’s bad traits, behaviors, and habits. Doing so helps us feel more connected with our current partner. But when we talk about our ex with anger, resentment, and contempt, we don’t just dislike our ex.

We feel hurt and abandoned and typically want validation and love from our ex. Although some bitter people are done with their ex, many people trash-talk their ex because they still want to be with their ex.

They want their ex to come back and give them one more chance.

Strongly expressed emotions are often a sign that a dumpee loves his ex more than you and that he doesn’t mind his ex’s negative traits. He’s willing to forget about them if his ex comes back and mends his broken heart.

So pay close attention to how angry, sad, depressed, and emotional in general your partner appears. The stronger his emotions when he speaks about his ex, the more likely that his feelings are stronger for his ex than they are for you.

9)He doesn’t love you and can’t commit to you

If the guy you’re seeing and his ex broke up recently (a few months ago) and he says or shows he can’t commit to you, the guy just doesn’t love you. You have to understand that he’s with you for himself and that he’ll probably leave when he recovers from the breakup.

You shouldn’t waste your time and wait for him to pack his bags and leave. You should do what’s best for you right now and break up with him as soon as possible. You need to get rid of him so you don’t develop romantic expectations and get attached.

Even though the guy could eventually process the separation, it could take him a very long time. I’m talking about months or longer (depending on when they broke up, how serious their relationship was, and his coping mechanisms).

Unfortunately, you don’t have months of time to waste on him. You have to detach from him as quickly as you can so you can find someone who can love you—and only you. That person will give you everything he’s got and not hurt you.

So don’t keep waiting for a guy who’s still in love with his ex and doesn’t appreciate you. Make sure to love yourself first otherwise, you could get dumped and your self-esteem crushed.

Trust me, it’s not a nice feeling to get left for an ex. Cheating sucks and takes a very long time to process and trust again.

Do you have enough signs that he loves his ex more than you? If you do, what have you decided? Post your opinion and decision in the comments section below.

However, if you aren’t sure what to do yet and want our help, sign up for a coaching session with us.