5 Ways To Stop Obsessing Over Your Ex’s New Partner

To stop obsessing over your ex or your ex’s new boyfriend, girlfriend, partner or whatever their status is, you must become aware that you are the creator of what you think and feel. The damage and pain you are experiencing over 90% of the time are self-inflicted.

The reason for that is because curiosity, loneliness, self-esteem, anger, and everything related to your well-being are feeding your obsession. They are the culprits of mental self-torture, so they must be dealt with swiftly to minimize obsessive thinking.

Some of the symptoms of obsessiveness over your ex’s new partner are:

• obsessive thinking, such as repeating the past scenarios and changing outcomes
• endless comparisons (positives and negatives)
• feelings of uncontrollable jealousy with what one had/could have
• extreme possessiveness (thoughts, words, actions)
• loss of belief in one’s abilities, self-esteem, confidence
• demeaning, hurtful, as well as self-harming intentions

Because the majority of exes don’t care about your well-being, you must take responsibility for your own health. Just how you take care of your hair, teeth, hygiene, you must also put a stop-loss on your mental suffering.

This means you must rationally decide just how much stress your ex’s new partner is worth and prevent it from driving you insane. If you feel professional help would be able to assist you, don’t be afraid to speak to your doctor.

Over 80% of all doctor visits in the US are because of stress and mental reasons. Please don’t take this issue lightly.

1)Apply the strictest no-contact rule

Before you get yourself involved with the indefinite no-contact rule, make sure you first gather your strength and the dedication required for this difficult task. This is a self-imposed restriction that you will have to follow from beginning to the end, down to the T.

First, find the motivation and explain to yourself in your own words how breaking your addiction with your ex is going to increase your overall health. Will it help you wake up in the morning, making you feel refreshed? Will you be able to perform your daily tasks better by being able to concentrate?

Write down at least 3 reasons how breaking the habit of worrying is going to aid you on a daily basis.

Now that you’ve written down at least 3 points, ask yourself – how would that make you feel?

You would likely feel happy, anxiety-free and invigorated to be free of this obsession.

Surely you realize that as long as you keep feeding your obsession with your insecurities, you are stuck in a loop cycle. In this way, you prevent thingsto from changing for the better.

For that reason, a strict no-contact rule must be put in place. It will allow you to give yourself the treatment you deserve. That treatment is called “Out of sight, out of mind.”

2)Keep busy

Here’s an interesting fact. Did you know your mind can only think of one thing at a time? Right now, you are reading this article, interpreting the written words. Later you will be busy thinking about how to prepare a meal, what to say to your friends, and how to do a certain task, etc.

The only reason why you may feel anxious towards your ex right now is that anxiety and pain tend to last, both on conscious and subconscious levels. Just how a physical wound will be constantly reminding you that something is wrong with your body, so will mental suffering.

Since your brain can only think of one thing at the same time, it also comes with a disadvantage. The human mind cannot think of nothing. That’s right, even when you space out, for example, and feel as if your brain is inactive, there’s always something going on on a subliminal level.

It’s impossible to shut down your brain like some sort of computer. It doesn’t work that way. If you try to force yourself to stop obsessing about your ex, it will have the opposite effect.

The law of attraction states that we become that which we think about. So when you focus on not thinking about your ex, you will think about it more and more to the point of obsession (if not stopped).

Here’s a task from me to you. Try not to think about a dancing polar bear. Give it your best shot and don’t think about its crazy, weird moves on the hind legs. Give it your absolute best!

This psychologic process is called the Ironic process theory. It proves that the human brain cannot distinguish between wanting and not wanting something, and will, therefore, treat both positive and negative thinking the same way.

Because our brains are meant to deal with one task at a time, there’s a solution to solve obsessive thinking. Not only is it an amazing therapy for solving obsessions, but it also does wonders with depression and many other mental disorders.

This one-in-all cure is called “getting busy.” Yes, this simple, underrated treatment is the best cure to obsessive thinking. It is especially effective when your ex has a new partner and you can’t stop comparing yourself to him or her.

Keep busy. It’s the cheapest kind of medicine there is on this Earth—and one of the best.

Dale Carnegie

Do what you love

Everybody has different hobbies and activities, and you certainly do as well. In the table below are examples of some hobbies.

Sports – running, swimming, hiking, skiing, tennis, basketball, football, gym

Socializing – going out with friends, shopping, volunteering, helping those in need

Indoor activities – dancing, singing and music, drawing, computer/board games, family

Outdoor activities – photography, camping, traveling and sightseeing

Others – collecting, studying, pets and animals, gardening and plants

By becoming engrossed in what you enjoy, you will temporarily distract yourself from obsessive thinking. If you are just out of a relationship, you could find yourself struggling despite being extremely busy.

It’s completely understandable as your wound is still fresh. However, as days go by and you stay busy, you will eventually beat the habit of worrying. As long as you choose to persevere and focus on yourself and what you love, you will eventually break free from this repetitive never-ending cycle.

3)Comparing yourself to others is pointless

Comparing and checking up on your ex and his or her new partner can be tempting, yet very destructive at the same time. The harder you try to stay away and prevent yourself from stalking your ex’s social media, the more difficult it seems to get.

These perpetuating, obsessive thoughts stack on top of each other high up in the air like dominos. And once anxiety and curiosity build up high enough, your weakness takes over, making you feel as if you must absolutely have a look to find what’s new in your ex’s life.

A little bit of envy and jealousy in life is considered healthy as it can motivate you to try harder. Anything more than that is extremely destructive and completely pointless. The sooner you realize this and convince your emotional side of the brain, the more jealousy/envy-free life you will live, regardless of your marital status.

Any mind over matter situation – especially obsessive thinking and stalking your ex profusely, can be overcome with the brute force of willpower. Sometimes, all you need is a little push or a distraction.

Zan

Whenever you feel the urge to scan through your ex’s comments and pictures, I suggest you ask yourself these three questions:

1. is stalking my ex something I absolutely need to do?
2. how will seeing the worst things imaginable make me feel?
3. what is the likelihood of regretting my actions as soon as I check?

If you find it hard not to keep tabs on your ex on social media, it would be wise to unfriend him or her. You should always prioritize your well-being no matter what your long-term plans with your ex are.

When you are continually comparing yourself to your ex’s new partner and it’s driving you crazy, I urge you to ask yourself some important questions:

1. is overanalyzing him or her going to help me feel better and move on faster?
2. since there is nothing I can do about my ex’s new relationship, is it worth my efforts?
3. not only is it completely out of my control, but it is also undeserving of my attention. Does my ex deserve my thoughts?

The quality of our questions determines the quality of our life.

Tony Robbins

Now that you’ve answered those questions and thought about the answers, you should take a second and remember that your ex’s new partner is a human being, capable of sinning.

This person you are obsessing over, analyzing in and out, is full of imperfections. There is no need to put your ex’s new boyfriend or girlfriend down and spend more of your time and attention than he or she deserves. Instead, avert your attention inwardly and focus on your great qualities and the person you are.

Have a look at the traits and qualities table below and find some of your amazing, unique and beautiful characteristics.

CHARACTERISTICS TRAITS AND VALUES
TRAITS	VALUES
Adventurous	Sincerity
Helpful	Kindness
Humble	Patience
Independent	Faithfulness
Confident	Fairness
Conscientious	Determination
Meticulous	Optimism
Dependable	Spirituality
Discreet	Awareness
Optimistic	Tolerance
Encouraging	Persistence
Exuberant	Loving
Sociable	Generosity
Fearless	Cooperation
Trusting	Loyalty

Type at least 3 traits and values that you possess:

Forget about what your ex’s new partner is like. It doesn’t matter. All you should focus on is the things you can control. Direct your attention towards becoming the best version of yourself by fixing your shortcomings, increasing your confidence, and crawling out of your comfort zone. These are the things that matter as they are what define you as a person. Everything else is irrelevant.

Your ex’s new partner is likely somebody who hasn’t worked on himself very much thus far. People don’t just improve on their own over time. Not much, anyway.

So if you take self-development seriously, I guarantee you won’t have to compare yourself to this person. He is a challenger who has already lost before your “competition” even began.

The only person you should try to be better than is who you were yesterday.

By fixating only on yourself and become obsessed with yourself (to a healthy degree), you automatically become better than your ex’s new girlfriend or boyfriend. In this way, you become one of the few people on this planet who isn’t affected by what he or she thinks, has and does.

In this world of social media, everyone wants to be like their idol. They want to look like them, act like them, be as smart as them, and think like them.

You don’t need to become like your idol (ex’s new toy) and you certainly don’t need to know what he or she does. This person may be with your ex, but that doesn’t make him any better. Not unless you give this person a reason by doing something stupid, like threatening him/her or showing up at their place unannounced.

By remaining cool and collected, you portray strength – indifference. Not caring is the strongest message you can convey. It’s stronger than crying and begging and it’s stronger than getting angry and impulsive. Simply not caring about things your ex does with this person is what allows you to heal and finally move on from the past.

It can be hard to stop checking up on our exes and see if he or she has posted something new. Overwhelming curiosity is what makes us want to investigate our exes until we finally cave into temptations and check.

Sadly, in a matter of seconds, this curiosity turns into anxiety, or even worse — pain. The sight of our exes hugging and kissing another person shivers us to the bone and immediately fills our broken hearts with regret.

4)Self-encouraging affirmations

Affirmations are a great way to emotionally support ourselves in difficult situations. Everybody uses them, mostly without even being aware of it. We say things like “Come on, I can do this, just a bit farther, almost done.” Affirmations are what make us endure the hardships by keeping us composed.

You can apply the same technique with your thinking obsession. When your mind starts racing and you feel like you’re losing control, sit down, take a deep breathe and (if possible) loudly repeat these affirmations:

• I am happy living my life without stalking my ex
• I will not compare myself to my ex’s new partner
• I am amazing the way I am
• the longer I stay away from my ex’s profile, the stronger I become
• my ex has no control over me
• my ex’s social media doesn’t interest me at all
• I will avoid looking and getting hurt
• my ex’s new partner is not my concern
• I will focus on myself and heal

Remember, you aren’t just telling yourself a bunch of words and sentences. The key is to believe what you’re saying. Put feelings into your words and your anxiety and temptations to obsess over your ex and his/her new partner will subside.

For the maximum effect, combine affirmations with relaxation techniques, such as yoga and meditation. Do what you must to prepare yourself mentally prior to practicing affirmations. This way, you will increase the effectiveness of repeating affirmations and stop the unhealthy obsessions.

5)Develop perseverance

By becoming aware that checking up on your ex is a bad habit – a pattern, you can begin to put in place the correct treatment. Breaking a bad habit — especially one of such difficulty will take time and perseverance. By no means will it be solved by sleeping on it. This is especially true in the early stages of a breakup.

Patterns take conscious efforts to break. They are difficult to correct because they often stem from our childhoods. They are so deeply-rooted, we sometimes require professional assistance to solve them.

Breaking a pattern consists of:

1. becoming aware of a habit
2. wishing to solve the problem
3. remembering when the pattern occurred and the reason behind it
4. gathering motivation and determination
5. taking appropriate actions

By following the points in this article, you are going to lay down a strong foundation required to beat this habit. Go no-contact, stay incredibly busy, remember that comparing yourself is pointless, self-encourage, and do your absolute best and persevere!

If you find yourself obsessing over your ex, try these 5 tips and post your thoughts in the comments section.