What Is A Player Man? Definitions And Examples

A player man is a man who uses and abuses the kindness of other women to serve his emotional and sexual needs. He does this by sweet-talking women into believing he’s a reliable one in a million kind of guy when he knows that he can’t and won’t commit to women at any cost.

He hasn’t learned to appreciate women, so he’s far from ready to settle down and be of service to another woman. He hasn’t matured that way yet. That’s why he’s living a primitive life controlled strictly by urges and desires.

His strong need for emotional contentedness began in his childhood when his parents failed to give him enough love and attention to feel important. This is the reason why he’s now on a desperate hunt to fulfill his needs from the past and feel important.

The problem is that he’s s trying to feel important in all the wrong ways. In ways that hurt and scar others.

Little does a player guy know that love comes from within and that messing around with women who are looking for a serious relationship is very, very wrong.

If you’re trying to figure out if a guy you know is a player, keep in mind that guys who only care about themselves are usually very skilled at presenting themselves in an attractive light. They tend to be good with words and appear confident because of their assertive, self-centered nature.

Women love them right away—and give them a chance because confidence tells them that they can be relied on.

If only they knew that player men are hiding their true personality behind a facade and that they’re not the caring guys they want others to think they are.

Women who get involved with player men, unfortunately, have to date player men before they can find out what they’re really like. They have to slowly one day at a time unmask the players and their intentions—and reveal the truth that’s hidden deep within them.

So what is a player man? How to spot a player? Can a player man get his act together or is it impossible for him to change? These are some of the questions we’re going to answer in this article.

What is a player man? The definition

First of all, a player man is a person who’s constantly chasing external gratifications and seeking validation from women in order to compensate for the lack of love he received throughout childhood.

He’s a man who’s really only half a man.

One half (the body) has matured to a healthy adult while the other half (the brain) is still mentally underdeveloped. This means that a player guy is not ready to take responsibility for his actions yet.

He may think that he’s ready but the truth is that he isn’t because he only wants to have fun – to have the best of both worlds without paying the price for it.

Like a child who hasn’t matured fully, a player man wants to play with his toys without taking care of them properly. He wants to use them when they’re new and exciting and neglect them or throw them away when they’ve served their purpose.

Basically, a “toy” has no value to a player man if the man’s got many other “toys” to play with. He’s a quantity over quality kind of person. More and newer means better.

That’s why a player man doesn’t play with one woman for very long. He likes to switch things up and play with many women without stopping to see how each and every woman is unique. He’s happy as long as the woman makes him feel good and is new and exciting.

But when the girl or woman turns weeks or months old, the excitement naturally wanes and so does his commitment. All that remains in its stead is doubt and unfulfilled desires.

When that happens, a player man usually immediately starts looking for something new and shiny that could excite him forever. Something that doesn’t age or stress him

Of course, something like that doesn’t exist, but he keeps on looking anyway.

Here’s what a player man is.

What is a player man like in a relationship?

Player men are often all-in from the start. They shower girls with compliments, take them places, promise to never let go of them, and give them love and support.

They appear very giving and almost perfect in every way. Especially when love hormones are raging wild because that’s when women see or rather, feel only the positives in men.

They look at their partner with rose-colored glasses and put him on a pedestal.

But when the excitement of the new relationship wanes and couples encounter various difficulties, things quickly take a turn for the worse as player men unknowingly drop their defenses (pretentious personas) and show their true colors.

They show their partner how they think and behave when they’re stressed, hurt, or under pressure and let their personality speak for them.

This revelation normally occurs a few months into the relationship—and forces women to get a reality check the hard way. It gives them an opportunity to leave their partner before they get even more attached and more hurt.

If they don’t leave the moment the player man starts treating them badly, talking to other women, or withdrawing from the relationship, they, unfortunately, give all their remaining power to their partner and let him decide how to behave and when to leave.

This further increases their unhealthy attachment and makes it even more difficult for them to leave.

But “fortunately,” most player men don’t believe in love nor have the patience to stay committed to a single relationship. They prefer to stay on the move and monkey-branch from one relationship to the next because they like to chase the high of their emotions.

This means that they leave their partner the moment their feelings for their partner normalize and their partner becomes too much for their poor relationship mentality to handle.

You need to understand that player men aren’t very persistent and appreciative of the people they bond with. They’re used to being with lots of women, so dating “just another woman” doesn’t really make them think that their woman is special.

It can’t because they think there’s “plenty of fish in the sea” and that the world revolves around them.

How to spot a player man in a relationship?

Obviously, the easiest way to recognize fake/infatuated behavior in a romantic relationship is through practice—as dating different types of men gives you a lot of relationship insight.

It helps you identify unhealthy behavioral patterns in men and hopefully, makes you understand that if something seems too good to be true straight from the get-go, it’s because it probably is.

Of course, I’m not saying that you should date men just so you can pick up on their negative traits, but witnessing your relationships go through certain stages (infatuation, attraction, neutrality…) will help you spot user men quicker and more accurately in the future.

If you recently got involved with a player man, however, then you likely don’t want to date anyone any time soon. You probably want to prevent the past from repeating itself by learning more about men who have no intention of committing to you.

And that’s perfectly fine and understandable.

Ways to spot a player man

Here are 6 signs of a player man.

1)Impatience

A player man will likely come charging at you full speed. He’ll give you everything you need straight from the start and make you feel great to be alive. He’ll be your knight in shining armor.

But as you know, everything comes with a price in this world—and so does a player’s commitment. That’s why you can be certain that a player man will want something from you in return.

He likely won’t tell you what it is, but you’ll probably notice that he’s bored, lonely, or emotionally and sexually unfulfilled. If you notice that he’s not quite happy on his own and that he’s trying to satisfy his cravings, you’ll have one of the best signs that the guy is a player or a user and that he isn’t in the relationship for the both of you.

He’s in it solely for himself.

So keep an eye on someone who’s all over you straight from the start. There’s a reason why relationships take months to develop. And that reason is that couples have to get to know each other first through conversation and experience, and only then naturally form a meaningful bond.

2)The past

Although you shouldn’t always judge people by their pasts, it’s unfortunately highly likely that a man who used to be a player in the past hasn’t changed his ways yet.

It takes lots of self-reflection, positive thinking, and maturing up to change something so deep-rooted. It requires a strong negative emotional stimulus that is usually created by something painful. Something like a breakup or revenge.

So be wary of someone who had been with many people and/or has had bad relationships with them.

While it’s normal for a guy to find himself in an unhealthy relationship, it’s not normal for him to have hurt, cheated, or manipulated (many) women. He may have gotten involved with one or two women who brought out the worst in him, but that doesn’t excuse his bad behavior towards them.

If he possessed good moral values and decent self-control at that time, he wouldn’t have behaved so badly.

This is why one of the best ways to tell if a man is a player is to put his whole dating life under the microscope. Ask him about the quality of his relationships and find out if he’s made any girls angry, vengeful, miserable, or depressed.

Don’t go about this by contacting every girl he’s ever dated because you’ll make yourself look jealous, controlling, and sort of freakish. The girls will likely tell you bad things about the guy anyway.

Lots of exes do, so just don’t do it.

Discuss the past with the man himself instead—and do so not by prying into his past but by taking an eager interest in his life. If he’s done something wrong, you’ll give him an opportunity to confess and relieve his guilt.

3)He talks to many women

There’s nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite (or the same) gender. But if a guy frequently talks to many people, exchanges photos, or flirts with them, chances are that he’s looking for a way to connect with them on a deeper level.

He could be looking for a way to increase their feelings for him or string them along to feel better about himself. This is especially true if the people he speaks to are his exes.

That could indicate that they’re his backup plans in case he doesn’t find what he’s looking for in you.

Player men often put girls on the backburner and chat with them to inflate their egos. But when they get too close to those girls and/or they get what they want, they quickly disappear and move on to the next victim.

That way, they get to control how much of their attention and commitment they give to people.

So if you’re wondering whether a guy is a player, examine his ongoing conversations. Are most of his “friends” girls? Are his conversations flirty, full of selfies and kissy emojis?

If they are, the man in question is likely a player who is:

1. Stringing girls along to have a plateau of security and feel better about himself.
2. Trying to have lots of girls fall for him so that he can choose who to get involved with next.

4)He talks to you mostly at night

If a man texts you only at night, he’s probably hiding his real intentions from you and is not very serious about you. There’s a high chance that he’s talking to you late at night because he wants to fulfill his fantasies and/or invite you over as soon as you trust him.

To discover if this is the case, tell the guy to text you or call you during the day whenever he’s free. If he does that and continues to message you throughout the days, he’s probably not trying to use you just for sex.

He probably respects you as a friend or a potential partner.

5)Mistakes and impersonations

Player men often live double or triple lives. They create false personas to impress their victims and keep them emotionally hooked.

But sometimes, they forget what they’ve discussed with one of their victims and talk about an experience with another woman.

Keep a lookout for false memories and personality irregularities—and you’ll be able to spot a player.

6)He makes excuses

If you think you got involved with a player man and you’re not sure where his loyalties lie, there’s a very easy way to discern what he thinks and feels about you. All you have to do is offer him something that he’s already getting from another woman.

Now, you may not know exactly what another/other women might be giving him, and that’s okay. You don’t need to know if you start fom the beggining.

Simply invite him out twice a week; once to the movies and once for dinner.

If he makes excuses both times, two weeks in a row (says he’s tired, working, busy), you have the answer you’ve been looking for. He’s most likely cheating on you with other women. Or perhaps he’s cheating on other women with you. It doesn’t really matter.

You should terminate your relationship with the player immediately and heal from his abuse immediately.

But if the guy doesn’t make any excuses and agrees to go out with you, then you might need to analyze his interest levels a bit further.

The next step is to test his affection. Lean in for a hug, kiss, and tell him how much you love him. If you get the kind of response from him that you always get, he’s passed the second test as well.

Remember that a player guy is an impulsive guy and that he won’t be able to fake his feelings for you forever. Pretending will make him feel sick.

The only thing left for you to do at this point is to discern if he’s happy to have sex with you and if his emotional health is how it should be. Sometimes guys pull away from girls a little and appear different because they’re depressed and feel smothered.

Talk to him about his stressors.

Examples of a player man

A player man is basically a person who pretends to be in love with you while he’s planning several relationships with other women at the same time. He could be on a date with another woman on your birthday, tell you he’s at work, and call you to tell you he loves you.

If you’re in a long-distance relationship, a player man could also tell you he’s going to sleep and stay online for another hour or two to text other women.

There’s no telling what a player man will do behind your back and how he’ll treat you. But one thing’s for certain. He won’t have any shame for cheating on you and hiding it from you.

If he’s an immature guy, he might even blame you for his actions. He might say that you’ve had it coming and that if you were better to him, he wouldn’t have done it.

If this ever happens to you, don’t let the cheater get to you. You aren’t responsible for anyone’s behavior. Especially not for a person who’s lost his respect for you.

Can a player man stop being a player?

A player man just like every healthy human being has the mental capacity to change and improve. But the unfortunate truth is that most people who use others don’t change their ways very often.

They don’t see the need to change because in their eyes, they don’t think they’re doing anything wrong.

They’re certain that they’re good people and that they have the right to do whatever makes them happy. For those reasons, player men usually continue to play with women until a woman (or many women), take revenge against them and hurt them so much that they stop playing with women out of fear, pain, and inconvenience.

It’s unfortunate, but most people just don’t learn, develop sympathy, grow, or change their ways unless they’re put in an uncomfortable situation that forces them to reflect.

They have to first go through hell before they can stop giving people hell.

So don’t expect a player man to change when he doesn’t want to change. He’ll change or rather, be forced to change when he crosses paths with someone who makes him regret his selfish behavior.

Just don’t be that someone who feels obliged to teach him a valuable lesson. He’s not worth the trouble nor your suffering. Let a woman who’s sick of users take care of that while you focus on getting over the player and develop yourself into a better person.

Do you now know what a player man is? Can you spot a player and tell a player from a nice guy? Post your thoughts and experience with a player man below. ?

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.