My Girlfriend Is Clingy. I need Space!

Guys who perceive their girlfriend as controlling, demanding, needy, insecure, anxious, or jealous, often murmur to themselves, “My girlfriend is clingy. Why is she acting so insecure?”

They do this because they rationally discern that their girlfriend is overstepping relationship boundaries and disrespecting their privacy, freedom, and the need for space.

But the truth is that women in a relationship may not necessarily always be needy despite appearing that way. In fact, it’s perfectly normal for them to appear slightly clingy and a bit on the emotional side at times.

Especially when they’re feeling unhappy. That’s when they typically show their strong emotional nature and overwhelm their partner.

This occurs because women oftentimes use their emotions to express themselves. They’re different from guys that way. It’s what makes them women.

But guys don’t get that.

Guys seem to think that they’re dating a guy in a woman’s body and believe that their woman should not get more emotional than they do.

But that’s just not going to happen. Women are hormonal by nature—meaning that they’re much more emotional by default. They experience pleasant and unpleasant emotions to a much higher degree.

And for that reason, they certainly don’t deserve to be called oversensitive and irrational. They deserve patience and love—and require an emotionally mature guy to understand them.

This post is for guys who think that their girlfriend is too clingy or too needy.

My girlfriend is very emotional! Why are women so emotional?

A lot of guys don’t see it or agree, but women can be just as rational as men; oftentimes even more. And that’s because rationality is not exclusive to men. It actually varies for each person.

Some people are more rational than others—and others, more emotional. No two people are alike.

But as a general rule of thumb, the more mature, confident, self-aware, and self-fulfilling a woman is, the lower the likelihood that she’s going to operate chiefly on impulse.

The same goes for guys.

Guys’ behavior also depends on the effort they put into shaping their personality. More effort generally means more self-control and more premeditated behavior.

We call those who develop the ability to control their emotions emotionally mature people. It’s truly a shame that most people don’t take the time to look within and develop themselves.

They usually grow their emotional maturity indeliberately and unknowingly with the passage of time or when circumstances require them to.

To get back to the point, the most noticeable difference between males and females isn’t that females are emotionally weak or that they’re high maintenance as some guys blatantly state.

The biggest difference between the two genders is that the emotions running through females’ bodies are oftentimes more intense than they are in guys.

This means that women experience jealousy, envy, disappointment, depression, and discontent much more severely. They also remember negative events longer than guys.

As a result, they have a tendency to be more expressive. They openly communicate their problems, worries, and concerns—and in the process, oftentimes unknowingly put pressure on their partner.

When they do, guys immediately notice an increase in emotions and instinctually initiate their self-defense mechanism.

They do this to protect themselves from a highly emotional situation and to avoid unwanted comments and snarky remarks.

Guys expect their clingy girlfriend to be more like them

It’s no secret that unlike women, guys aren’t born with the gift to understand emotional behavior. It’s not in their nature, so instead of trying to learn more about it, they usually disapprove of it and react poorly to it.

They simply expect their woman to be more like them (more rational) and in consequence, fail to provide security to the woman they claim to love.

That’s when a couple fails to satisfy each other’s needs and desynchronizes on a fundamental level.

That’s why a girl who’s clingy, anxious, and overly emotional may not necessarily be missing the ability to take care of her needs and live contentedly on her own. She may just not be getting the attention, support, and recognition that she deserves.

As a guy, you need to understand that whenever a girl acts needy or insecure, she does so for a reason. And that reason either stems from her childhood, her past relationship/s, or her current relationship with you.

If you’re in a relationship with a woman, it’s your job to figure out why she feels underappreciated and do something about it to ease her uneasiness.

Keep in mind that in a relationship, guys oftentimes raise their defenses, distance themselves, get angry, or shut themselves off the moment they see their girlfriend act emotional around them.

They do this because they interpret their girlfriend’s emotional behavior as a form of disrespect, so they immediately retaliate in whichever way they’re used to.

Guys with decent self-control and relationship knowledge talk to their girlfriend and ease their girlfriend’s worries.

Guys who feel mistreated get angry.

Those who were disciplined strictly in their childhood shut down.

And those who are highly emotional, sensitive, or depressed get sad.

But almost all guys (especially emotionally immature guys) despise highly emotional confrontations. In fact, they hate them so much that they’d rather not deal with them at all.

In the relationship book called, Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, the author differentiates gender differences very clearly.

He states that when girls talk about the things that make them unhappy—for example, about not getting enough attention or about their boyfriend talking to other women, guys often take their girlfriend’s emotional approach very personally.

They perceive it as a direct attack or an insult—and immediately raise their guards to block all incoming words from hitting them where they feel the most vulnerable – their ego.

Guys essentially go on the defense when they think that they’re being judged. Judged for not being a good boyfriend and for not being trusted enough.

I admit that I used to dislike women’s strong emotional reactions too. I used to expect my partner to use logic and reasoning during arguments and important conversations—and to always be in control of her emotions.

Needless to say, this almost never happened. Instead, it caused big misunderstandings between us and eventually, made us realize that we weren’t compatible long-term.

It was only until later that I had an epiphany and discerned that gender differences mustn’t be underestimated.

I learned that guys are guys and that women are women. If we try to expect one to be the other, we usually misinterpret our partner and oppose his or her communication style.

We (guys) say something like, “You’re wrong, needy, insecure, clingy, or overly emotional” whereas women say, “You’re too direct, insensitive, uncaring, rude, selfish, etc.

Such sharp remarks brand our partner as incompetent and make it more difficult for us to bond with him or her.

The point I’m trying to make is that just because you think your girlfriend is needy or excessively clingy, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she is. She could just be trying to tell you that her relationship expectations are not in line with yours and that she’d like you to fulfill her cravings.

Cravings that your lack of attention/affection has increased for her.

On that note, your girlfriend may not actually be needy. It could just be her way of telling you that she’s not happy and that it’s your moral obligation to make sure she’s happy with you.

Always put yourself in your girlfriend’s shoes and figure out how hurt she must feel when she feels neglected. Imagine how you would feel if your girlfriend called you needy, insecure, jealous—and if she pushed you away every time you craved her attention.

Something tells me that you wouldn’t be too happy about that. You’d likely feel underappreciated. So make sure you give your girlfriend what she needs to be content.

You won’t appear beta if you do. In fact, you’ll appear like a true alpha; like someone who’s capable of taking care of his girlfriend’s basic relationship needs.

And you won’t even have to sacrifice a whole lot to achieve that. You’ll just need to find joy in making your partner happy. That’s what relationships are all about. They’re about caring and wanting to help your partner.

So help your partner and make sure you enjoy it.

To summarize this chapter, guys usually perceive their girlfriend as needy because of their ego.

That’s why they completely miss the point when their girlfriend raises their awareness about something that bothers them. Instead of validating the girl as a person of high value and helping her feel better, they take it personally and usually end up hurting the girl even more.

Now that we’ve made that clear, let’s talk about how to know if your girlfriend is clingy.

Signs your girlfriend is clingy

Before we get to the actual signs, always remember that a clingy girlfriend is usually a very thoughtful girlfriend. She gives a lot of attention and in return, expects much of the same.

She strives for equality and balance—and is willing to go to great lengths to make the relationship suit her and your needs.

This is why she might sometimes appear needy and oversensitive to criticism, rejections, and the amount of intimacy she receives.

Without further ado, let’s now talk about 3 big signs your girlfriend is too clingy. Please bear in mind that these signs are extreme because as we said before, a little bit of clinginess, neediness, and the desire to bond is normal.

It’s what makes us human.

1)Your girlfriend doesn’t have a life of her own

One of the biggest signs of a clingy girlfriend is when your girlfriend’s life revolves entirely around you. If it’s all about your actions and what you do together as a couple, your girlfriend clearly expects you to take care of her.

She expects you to boost and maintain her internal happiness and wants you to provide her with the strength that she herself currently lacks.

2)Low self-esteem

Someone who’s clingy acts needy for a reason. Most of the time, that reason stems from childhood, adolescence, or from distressful self-esteem shattering recent events.

If your girlfriend has low self-esteem issues, she’s likely trying to make herself feel important in her eyes. She could be doing this by possessing you, controlling you, and maybe even by changing the way you think and act.

A clingy/needy girlfriend with low self-esteem would basically do whatever it takes to bring significance and meaningfulness to her life—and by doing so, better the way she and others perceive her.

It’s extremely important to note that not all girls with low self-esteem project their anxious thoughts and feelings onto their boyfriend and attempt to control/manipulate the guy.

Some just try to ease their anxiety by obtaining the recognition that they strongly crave.

This takes us to our next point.

3)An insatiable urge for control

Clingy girlfriends feel such a strong desire for love and connection that they cling onto their partner and attempt to control the flow of the relationship. They don’t do this because they want to be in charge of the relationship, but rather because they’re afraid of losing the connection with their partner.

To extremely clingy girlfriends, the bond they have with their partner is everything to them. It’s so important to them that they lose themselves in the relationship and start to operate out of fear and trepidation.

If your girlfriend is clingy, you’ll probably notice that your girlfriend is always on edge, trying to remain one step ahead of the relationship. She could be planning marriage and kids early on into the relationship—and be doing her best to tie you down for her own sense of safety.

Here are 6 signs of a clingy girlfriend.

Is my girlfriend needy?

As you know, it’s nearly impossible for women to act like men and for men to act like women.

Both genders are biologically wired differently and have gender specific roles.

That’s why a lack of gender differences knowledge is often the reason why so many guys take their women for granted. They just don’t understand the way women function, so they don’t sympathize with women and ease their anxiety.

Guys don’t understand that women require investment. They need to feel valued and fulfilled in romantic relationships. When they feel fulfilled and appreciated, they normally quickly stop asking their boyfriend to spend time with them and to give them affection.

So before you try to figure out if your girlfriend is needy or clingy, ask yourself if you truly understand your girlfriend and if you’re contributing to her life enough.

Do you truly care about the way she feels when she’s hurt? Do you support her well-being in good and bad? Are you being patient with her?

If you’re doing everything you’re supposed to be doing as her boyfriend and your girlfriend isn’t doing the same, then your girlfriend’s probably being too clingy.

She’s restraining your freedom by being interested only in what makes her happy.

Is it bad to be a clingy girlfriend?

First of all, a clingy girlfriend isn’t necessarily a bad girlfriend. She’s merely someone who requires a bit more love and attention until she creates a more self-sufficient life for yourself.

This might happen when she makes some new friends, discovers new hobbies, lands a new job, or decides to work on her clinginess.

So don’t condemn a girl that’s needy or clingy. She’s likely already hurting that you’re one of her only sources of joy in life.

Know that there’s nothing wrong with being clingy, but being overly clingy and incredibly reliant on someone for happiness can be a bit too heavy for someone to carry in a relationship.

Especially if a guy lacks awareness, relationship experience, and gender differences knowledge. In that case, he’s most likely going to perceive his needy/clingy girlfriend as a very demanding girlfriend.

And when he does, he’s going to attach negative thoughts and emotions to her persona and lose love and respect for her.

That’s why the best way I can answer whether it’s bad to be a clingy girlfriend is to say that it’s bad if your boyfriend is the wrong guy for you. If he keeps telling you that you’re needy, clingy, insecure, jealous, etc, and he doesn’t stop telling you that, it’s bad because he’s not on the same wavelength as you.

He’s judging you for your lack of personal strength and doesn’t possess the willpower, nor the ability to support you.

What does it mean if your girlfriend is clingy?

Clingy girls may be attention-seeking and slightly needy at times, but they’re also very loving, caring, and highly emotional girlfriends. They often invest in the relationship to the point that they neglect themselves.

So if you think about this, you should realize that they don’t deserve harsh criticism. On the contrary, they deserve acknowledgment for their efforts as well as emotional reciprocation.

All clingy girlfriends want from you is to show you that they love you and care about you. They want to emotionally and physically express to you that you matter to them and that they appreciate their relationship with you.

I know that a relationship with a clingy girlfriend may seem difficult at first, but I assure you that as soon as you understand that your girlfriend is just a human with emotional needs, things will become much easier.

You’ll no longer perceive your girlfriend as someone who restricts you or makes you feel smothered, but rather as someone with the capacity to love you deeply and respect you profoundly.

If you decide to stick with a clingy girlfriend, you’ll discern that your girlfriend is being honest and transparent about her feelings for you—and that she’s strongly committed to you.

How to deal with a clingy girlfriend?

If your girlfriend appears to be clingy, whatever you do, don’t tell her that she’s clingy!

She likely already knows that she’s codependent on you and that she often expects too much from you.

One way to change that and t subtly get your point across is to encourage her to invest in herself. Tell her you’d noticed she doesn’t have a lot of friends/interests/ambitions, and that you’d like her to become enthusiastic about her life.

She’s an emotional person, so mention to her how proud she will make you feel when you notice that she’s living with purpose. This should instill the desire to make positive changes in her life.

Just make sure you encourage her, compliment her, and show her how happy she makes you when she does something for herself.

You can do this by saying that you feel more connected to her than ever and that you love her so much for listening to your advice.

It doesn’t really matter what you say to her as long as you support her endeavor and frequently motivate her to live for herself first and you second.

Don’t be one of those guys who express discontent and criticize their girlfriend for her clinginess. Don’t ask for space and time for yourself either because you’ll just make your girlfriend more anxious and clingier.

This means that if your girlfriend asks you to show her who’s texting you, show her the text messages. If she asks you where you are and calls you 10 times in an hour, pick up the phone and tell her where you are.

There’s no need to get angry at her for her insecure behavior and deny her the recognition that she desires.

As a guy, you should always do your best to ease your girlfriend’s doubts, anger, and anxiety as soon as possible. It’s your job as her boyfriend.

If you follow the advice up to this point, your girlfriend should gradually relax around you and trust you more. She should become at ease and appear more confident and in control of her life.

And if she doesn’t despite your efforts, you’re unfortunately left with only two options.

1)Accept your girlfriend for the person she is and continue to be a good boyfriend to her.

2)Find the right place and time to break up with her—and find someone who’s less clingy and doesn’t rely on you for happiness to that extent.

I hope you enjoyed reading this article. Are you still thinking, “My girlfriend is clingy/needy?” How are you handling/have handled a clingy girlfriend before? Comment below.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.