My Ex Slept With Someone Else And Wants Me Back

If your ex slept with someone else and wants you back, you need to understand that your ex couldn’t get what he or she was looking for. Your ex tried his or her best to connect, get serious, and feel fulfilled by someone else, but unfortunately for your ex, it didn’t happen.

The new person was just too incompatible or different for the relationship to develop into something meaningful and long-lasting.

Your ex probably expected the new person to have your positive traits minus the negative ones. He or she expected to instantly leave you behind and replace you with an upgraded version of you.

But instead, your ex downgraded significantly. He or she met someone who couldn’t make him or her happy (especially long-term) and saw that the grass wasn’t greener on the other side. It was plenty green before but he or she took it for granted and decided to look for something new and shinier.

Because of disappointment and regret caused by the end of the new unfulfilling romantic/sexual relationship, your ex figured you were the best, most compatible partner and that he or she needed to run back to you before you moved on and found someone new to commit to.

Time was ticking, so your ex got scared and reached out to you to get back together with you.

Before you take your ex back, you need to remember that your ex wouldn’t have come back if he met the right person. Your ex would have stayed with that person and worked on the relationship. The only reason your ex came back is because the new dating prospect disappointed, pressured, or hurt your ex and made your ex nostalgic.

He or she triggered your ex’s negative feelings, forced your ex to reflect, and urged your ex to reconsider his or her choices and actions.

If the new person was developed, ready for a relationship, or more compatible with your ex, you may not even have heard from your ex by now. Your ex (like most infatuated monkey-branchers) would have been preoccupied with the new person and glad the previous relationship ended.

Mature/high-value people don’t need to abandon their partner, date someone else, and fail miserably to understand what their partner brings to the table. They understand their partner’s worth just by spending time with their partner and focusing on their partner’s good traits.

Yes, sometimes dumpers realize their ex’s worth by dating someone abusive, mean, immature, or incompatible. They understand they messed up by comparing the new person to their ex.

Even though this happens from time to time, we shouldn’t normalize it. It’s not healthy to sleep with someone else just to appreciate an ex who loved you.

People shouldn’t have to compare their ex to someone else and realize their ex was a much better option. They should work on themselves and the relationship while they’re still together. By staying together, they can express gratitude, strengthen the bond, and keep their relationship free of breakups and mistrust.

Couples with no breakups trust each other much more and feel much more determined to avoid breaking up than couples who broke up before and slept with someone else. Loyal couples fear breaking up and understand each other’s worth.

Unfortunately, many reconciliations happen because dumpers can’t reflect and realize their ex’s value any other way. They can improve their perception of their ex only when they run into a problem they can’t resolve, understand they messed up badly, and feel sorry for themselves (want things to change).

That’s when they redevelop the desire to invest in their ex and the broken relationship.

So if your ex slept with someone else and wants you back, keep in mind that your ex wanted to replace you with that person. Your ex may even have cheated on you while you were still together and left you for this person, thinking he or she wouldn’t get caught or fail to the point of having regrets.

Soon, your ex learned that things weren’t as peachy as he or she thought and that the new relationship ran its course. When your ex realized things weren’t going according to plan, your ex started thinking about backup plans and went back to you before you moved on fully and saw him or her without the rose-tinted glasses.

In this post, we discuss why your ex slept with someone else before or after the breakup, why your ex wants you back, and what you can do about it.

Why did my ex sleep with someone else?

If your ex slept with someone else while you were still in a committed relationship and left you shortly after, your ex couldn’t resist the temptation to bond (cheat). Your ex prioritized his or her feelings over your health, well-being, and commitment and decided to seek validation from the new person.

He or she didn’t care about your feelings enough to stop getting to know the new person and avoid cheating. The desire to feel desired was too tempting for your ex to resist it and do the morally right thing.

That’s why your ex cheated on you behind your back and left you when he or she became certain it was possible to start a chapter of his or her life with someone else.

Many cheaters become monkey-branchers. They jump from one relationship to the next when the new person falls in love with them and makes them feel stronger emotions than their partner.

Moreover, if your ex slept with someone else after the breakup, then your ex probably just wanted to get the most out of life. You were no longer together, so your ex said yes to the person he or she found visually attractive.

Sex was a refreshing change for your ex as it happened with someone other than his or her (long-term) partner.

Many dumpers take the first romantic or sexual opportunity they get because they feel relieved, empowered, and eager to move on with their life. They think that sex with someone new will help them forget about their ex completely and start a new journey in their life.

And that’s what it does. It serves as a temporary distraction from all the problems they encountered in the relationship or after. Sex boosts their ego too as it makes them feel desirable and capable of finding a new romantic or sexual candidate.

So why did your ex sleep with someone else during the relationship? It’s because the relationship wasn’t working for your ex or because your ex couldn’t resist the temptation to cheat. He or she wasn’t developed enough to figure out what was happening to him or her mentally and pull away in time.

But if your ex found someone else shortly after breaking up, then your ex simply seized the opportunity and let him/herself enjoy life to the fullest. Your ex wasn’t thinking about getting back with you at that time because your ex was in the infatuation phase and felt better than ever.

Everything was perfect and required no effort. The relationship was at its peak.

Things changed when your ex got to know the new person and stopped feeling empowered. That was when your ex and his or her new partner began to experience problems.

Having said that, here’s why your ex slept with someone else after the breakup.

What if my dumpee ex slept with someone else?

If your dumpee slept with another person soon after the breakup, he or she probably wanted to stop feeling rejected and unwanted. Your ex used the new person to distract himself or herself from bigger problems (separation anxiety, loneliness, and shattered self-esteem).

Instead of focusing on detachment and healing the right (slow) way, your ex attempted to skip the healing and growing phase by getting under someone else. Your ex expected the new person to mend his or her broken heart and end his or her suffering.

Sex with another person may have helped your ex feel better, but it only did so temporarily. It couldn’t make your ex get over you because your ex still had feelings for you and wanted to be with you.

When dumpees get romantically or sexually involved with someone new after the breakup, they usually rebound with that person. They can’t connect or stay connected with him or her because they keep thinking about their ex and wanting to be with him or her.

Sex helps them let go only when they’re almost over their ex. That’s when it can serve as a final push to let go of their ex and look forward to a new beginning.

So keep in mind that your dumpee ex probably slept with someone else because he or she wanted to recover from the breakup. Your ex hoped to feel validated and get rid of the post-breakup blues. Unfortunately for your ex, the new person couldn’t help.

He or she probably made things worse because your ex failed twice in a short amount of time.

When your ex failed again, your ex considered you an even better dating option than before and became even more desperate for your attention, validation, love, and support. The new romantic or sexual failure hurt your ex and told your ex to reconcile with you.

Why does your ex want you back now?

If you dumped your ex, it’s obvious why your ex wants you back. Your ex got his or her self-esteem destroyed and wants you to provide love and reassurance. Due to romantic feelings and cravings, your ex rebounded and realized he or she still wanted to be with you.

Your ex will continue to crave you for months – until your ex regains his or her rationality and ability to love him/herself.

On the other hand, if your ex dumped you and wants you back, then it’s safe to assume that your ex has realized your worth. This happened because your ex failed to find happiness without you and got his or her expectations crushed.

Your ex was basically forced to open his/her eyes and acknowledge that you were a big part of his or her happiness (helped your ex live a more fulfilling life). Your ex just needed some life experience and failure in his/her life to realize that.

Failure (especially a romantic one) made your ex stop craving space from you and let your ex reflect on the abandoned relationship. Soon, your ex realized the relationship had potential and that your ex was happier with you than without you.

That was when your ex decided he or she needed to reach out and convince you to take him or her back.

You have to understand that dumpers don’t come back just because you were a good partner. They return because they’re unhappy and want you to fulfill their wants and needs (mainly the latter). They can’t achieve this on their own (despite giving it their best), so they contact you (or other exes) and try to get back together.

They say they regret leaving and that they want to give the relationship another try.

If you translate their comments, their true words go like this, “I had fun for a while, but fun didn’t last forever. Whether it was due to incompatibility, unrealistic expectations, or lack of maturity, the new relationship fell apart and made me remember and appreciate the relationship with you. I’m here now to fix the issues I couldn’t or didn’t want to fix in the past.”

For dumpers, reconciliation is proof of failure, reflection, nostalgia, and desire for a better life. They want their ex back because their ex can give them what lack and need to be happy.

So why does your ex want you back after sleeping with someone else?

You can only assume that something went wrong. Your ex couldn’t make things work with the new person (or people), so your ex ran back to you for security and safety.

What should you do if your ex slept with someone else and wants you back?

If your ex wants you back after sleeping with someone else, you should first ask yourself if you’re okay with what your ex has done. Technically, you weren’t together (unless your ex cheated and left you), but it wasn’t by your choice. You still had feelings for your ex when your ex slept and/or continued to sleep with someone else.

You hoped your ex would regret leaving and come back without getting sexually involved with another person.

Since your ex slept with someone else and ruined the purity of the relationship, you need to think long and hard about whether sex is a dealbreaker for you. Does it permit you to take back a person who ignored your feelings and loyalty and chased someone else’s validation?

Can you have a new (better) relationship after your ex has been intimate with another person? This isn’t a question of insecurity but a question of morals and standards. Are you willing to risk your happiness and health for an ex who left you and chased the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?

If you’re not okay with it, you shouldn’t take your ex back. You should tell your ex the relationship can never be the same. The breakup itself ruined trust, but sex with someone else affected your respect and ability to invest. It made you look at your ex differently – too negatively to want to get involved with your ex again.

If you’re okay with what your ex has done, though (which many dumpers are because they feel invalidated and hurt), then take your ex back conditionally. Make your ex consistently prove his or her change, improvement, and loyalty for a few weeks until you’re certain your ex regrets leaving and values you.

You’ll know your ex truly loves you when your ex tells you about the person he or she slept with, deletes and blocks that person, listens and communicates patiently, expresses gratitude, and does his or her best to earn your trust back.

Don’t take your ex back if your ex shows no signs of regret, love, and change or willingness to change. An ex like that will probably leave again when he or she feels validated and doesn’t need you anymore.

Think wisely and make sure you can be happy with your ex before you make any rash decisions.

Did your ex sleep with someone else and wants you back? Are you thinking about giving your ex another chance? Can you trust your ex and love him or her after that? Leave your thoughts below the article.

However, if you have any questions or would like to share your breakup story with us, check out our private coaching options. They’re custom-tailored for your specific needs.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.