My Ex Acts Like I Never Existed – What It Means & What To Do?

If your ex acts like you never existed (treats you badly or ignores you), your ex feels victimized or overwhelmed with negative emotions and doesn’t feel like treating you with respect. He or she considers you a nuisance and believes it’s okay to do what’s best for him or her.

Your ex doesn’t understand that you have feelings and that his or her actions hurt your feelings and make you blame yourself and think highly of him or her. As long as you emotionally depend on your ex for self-love and feelings of importance, your ex’s uncaring behavior wounds you and makes you think about his or her reasons for treating you like a nobody.

A nobody would at least receive a respectful response. Your ex treats you as if he or she has waged a personal vendetta against you and wants you to get hurt and feel miserable. That’s probably not what your ex wants, but your ex is okay with it.

What your ex wants is to be left alone and not think about the past. Your ex is acting like you don’t exist mainly because it makes your ex push you away by force and lets your ex enjoy his or her post-breakup freedom. It allows your ex to live in peace and not worry about fulfilling your needs and expectations.

Now that your ex is single (or with someone else), your ex can focus on people or things that make your ex feel good and encourage your ex to invest emotions and time. They give your ex a sense of direction whereas interactions with you suffocate your ex and drain your ex’s energy.

Because of that, your ex chooses to act like you never existed and continues moving toward things that are currently more important in his or her life. For your ex, it’s a matter of priority, but for you, it’s about acknowledgment and respect. You may not be together anymore, but you still expect your ex to talk positively about you, greet you, and communicate when necessary, especially if it’s about kids and other important matters.

You didn’t expect your ex to change into a completely different person and ignore your presence. Not after everything you’ve been through as a couple.

Unfortunately, this happens to many dumpees. Many dumpees get verbally mistreated, ignored, and blocked. They get offended and hurt by their ex and see the worst side of their ex. That makes them feel extremely unimportant. So much so that it affects their self-esteem and brings out their fears, abandonment issues, and other unprocessed issues from the past.

The more personal issues dumpees neglect and rely on their ex for, the more their ex’s dismissive behavior confuses, disorientates, and hurts them.

That’s why dumpees with low self-esteem, codependence issues, and lack of purpose suffer the most. They take their ex’s mean and inconsiderate behavior personally and feel rejected and miserable. They need their ex to shower them with attention, validation, care, and support and see their ex stop acting relieved and unconcerned.

So if your ex acts like you never existed, know that your ex’s perceptions of you and obligations to you have changed. Your ex no longer feels responsible for talking to you and reaching your emotional needs and expectations. Your ex considers the relationship done and over with, including the friendship you may have developed prior to the relationship.

Since you’re no longer a couple, your ex doesn’t see a reason to be nice to you. There’s nothing for your ex to gain. He or she only sees the unnecessary energy and time post-breakup friendliness requires. The thought of conversing like nothing happened smothers your ex and makes your ex feel uncomfortable.

That’s why your ex tries to distance himself or herself from you and act like you don’t exist. Your ex makes you feel like the problem is with you when in reality, it’s your ex’s inability or unwillingness to spend time and energy on you. Your ex would rather not feel forced to interact and do what you want him or her to do.

Think of your ex’s uncaring behavior as self-defense. He or she thinks it’s safer to cut you off and be done with you than to risk seeing you hurt and desperate for love. It’s easier for your ex to avoid difficult emotions and problems than to confront them head-on.

That’s how it is for most dumpers. Most dumpers listen to their difficult emotions and run away from them rather than look for a way to work with them.

Avoidance is very common among dumpers. They think they’ve suffered and tolerated enough and that it’s time for them not to worry about their ex’s problems and feelings. Their victim mentality essentially makes them think they have the moral high ground and that their pain justifies their uncaring/immoral behavior.

They completely forget the fact that they broke the commitment and destroyed their ex’s romantic and non-romantic expectations.

Dumpers can’t put themselves in their ex’s shoes and empathize with their ex. They struggle to do that because they have all the power and think their ex’s problems don’t concern them. They stopped concerning them when relationship problems and pain pushed them over the edge and made them realize they weren’t a good match.

That was when their life became all about them and made them stop caring about their ex.

In today’s article, we shed some light on why your ex acts like you never existed.

Why does my ex act like I never existed?

If your ex acts like you never existed and hurts you immensely, bear in mind that your ex has always been capable of acting this way. Your ex has had it in him or her to self-prioritize and ignore/hurt your feelings. The only reason your ex didn’t treat you badly before is because your ex loved you and needed you.

Your ex had romantic expectations of you and valued the relationship. Your ex had no reason to act cold, strange, and disinterested. Your ex developed reasons to treat you poorly only when your ex’s feelings changed because that’s when your ex’s behavior and attitude worsened as well. Your ex didn’t have to hide his or her worst traits anymore and pretend to love you.

It wasn’t necessary because your ex no longer had to impress you and work for your commitment, love, and gratitude. Due to emotional detachment and a lack of relationship goals, your ex stopped relying on you and decided to pursue happiness elsewhere.

Whether your ex focused on friends, work, or another dating candidate doesn’t matter. What matters is that your ex pushed you away and repressed unwanted thoughts and feelings. Your ex ignored negative feelings and felt only positive ones, which further encouraged your ex to increase his or he emotional distance from you.

At that point, your ex just needed to find an excuse to leave. This could be something like a minor argument about who left the toilet seat up.

The point is that your ex doesn’t feel comfortable around you anymore. He or she associates negative beliefs and feelings with you and craves space and independence. If your ex sees you’re hurt, assumes you want something he or she can’t give, or thinks you blame him or her for the breakup, your ex quickly starts feeling angry, disrespected, or uncomfortable and thinks it’s okay to treat you in a way that protects his or her ego and emotional well-being.

Never blame yourself for other people’s feelings and behavior. If someone’s mean to you, it’s not because you deserve it. It’s because he or she got overwhelmed and reacted emotionally. His or her personality, maturity, and coping mechanisms made the man or woman think it was okay to hurt you and regain control over his or her emotions after.

So if you’re wondering why your ex acts like you never existed, it’s not because you weren’t a good partner, but because of who your ex is. Your ex copes with breakup emotions poorly – by avoiding them and hoping they go away. When your ex feels safe, they indeed go away. But they also reappear the next time your ex runs into you or receives a text or call from you.

Your ex will have to work on negative thoughts and feelings later. If your ex doesn’t, your ex will continue to feel uncomfortable, scared, angry, or guilty when the situation forces him or her to interact with you.

Try not to take your ex’s dismissive behavior personally. I know it’s hard not to do that, but try to remind yourself that your ex’s behavior is a reflection of his or her personality and ability to deal with stress and unwanted situations. It’s got nothing to do with what you were like as a partner and what you’re like as a person.

Sure, if you’re constantly begging and pleading, your ex probably feels smothered, guilt-tripped, and annoyed because of you. But ultimately, your ex’s response is your ex’s responsibility. If your ex thinks you don’t deserve a decent response (especially when you’re depressed and in pain), it’s because your ex lacks empathy and the skills to handle difficulties maturely.

With that said, here are 8 reasons why your ex acts like you never existed.

What should I do if my ex treats me badly?

If you’re not getting the kind of treatment and respect you deserve, you don’t have a choice but to distance yourself from your ex. Telling your ex you’re hurt and that you deserve better probably won’t motivate your ex to care and change his or her behavior.

The only thing that could motivate your ex to change is proof that you respect yourself. If you stop reaching out and engaging in meaningless conversations with your ex, your ex will feel respected and in control of the breakup. He or she won’t have a reason to treat you badly and make your life difficult.

Not unless your ex wants revenge. In that case, your ex will reach out and do unpredictable things that ruin your reputation and happiness. You’ll have to block your ex or get a restraining order against your ex.

However, if your ex is merely reacting to your reachouts, then you can stop your ex from treating you badly. You can do that not by asking your ex to stop hurting you but by walking away from your ex and starting no contact. No contact will prevent you from pressuring and guilt-tripping your ex and ensuring the quickest recovery.

So don’t waste your time trying to fix your ex’s bad opinion of you and attitude toward you. You may really want your ex to be nice to you, but if your ex doesn’t want to improve his or her behavior, talking to your ex about it won’t bring you the results you crave.

It will just cause your ex to become defensive and lose even more respect.

You must remember that your ex isn’t your partner – someone you can talk to about your feelings and problems (the things that bother you and want your ex to improve). Your ex is a person who lost feelings and the drive to improve. He or she can’t be reasoned with.

If you try to reason with your ex, you’ll accomplish the opposite of what you want to accomplish and waste your effort and time. Not only will you irritate your ex, but you’ll also hurt yourself and delay your recovery process.

That’s why the best thing to do when an ex acts like you never existed is to devalue your ex in your eyes and act like your ex never existed. Cut your ex out of your life immediately and refuse to entertain your ex when or if your ex contacts you. You don’t have to be mean like your ex and do things that go against your morals and personality, but do show that you’ve given up on getting along with your ex and trying to get back together.

Show your ex you’ve gotten rid of all expectations of the relationship and that you won’t bother him or her again. That will give your ex the space he or she needs after the breakup and prevent your ex from associating more stress and negativity with you.

It won’t be easy to stop reaching out and caring about your ex, but you need to stop giving your ex power and control over your life. Don’t expect your ex to treat you well if you continue to invade your ex’s comfort zone and make your ex feel what he or she doesn’t want to feel.

Your ex won’t treat you better when you constantly bombard your ex with questions and ask for attention, validation, or something he or she doesn’t feel like giving. If your ex is like most dumpers, your ex will feel more and more pressured, disrespected, and tempted to block you.

The only way your ex will treat you better is if your ex feels better. And your ex will feel better if you demonstrate that you understand and care about his or her space and feelings. It could take months or longer for your ex to cool off. But eventually (if your ex has healthy coping mechanisms), your ex should process the negativity and give you the respect you’ve earned by leaving your ex alone and focusing on yourself.

If you demand respect just because you were with your ex for a while, your ex will probably continue feeling uncomfortable and treat you like you never existed.

In conclusion, leave your ex alone and make your ex respect you. If your ex doesn’t do that, take your ex’s ability to disrespect you and hurt you away (go no contact) and focus on people who appreciate you.

Does your ex act like you don’t exist? What do you think makes your ex act that way? Share your thoughts below.

And if you want to talk about your ex’s negative behavior in detail, get in touch with us via our coaching program.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.