Is It Okay For My Boyfriend To Hit Me?

If you’re looking for answers on whether it’s okay for your boyfriend to hit you, know that violence is never okay. Abusive behavior indicates that the guy disagrees with you, is upset with you, thinks he needs to punish you for the way you think, speak, or behave, and that he doesn’t know how to control his emotions.

He’s merely reacting to difficult emotions and believes he needs to teach you not to mess with him.

A guy who hits you essentially wants to be right and in control. He doesn’t accept personality differences and different opinions and gets upset with you when you don’t reach his expectations.

Some guys express themselves during difficult times, and some internalize thoughts and emotions, whereas abusive guys handle difficult situations physically by hitting their partner and making their partner afraid of them. The intention behind physical violence is to tell their partner that they’re right and that they deserve more respect than their partner has shown them.

Little do they know that their partner doesn’t need to be lectured. Their partner is (or should be) equal in terms of power, value, and respect and should feel that way too. They should be afraid of hitting their partner because violence destroys the balance in the relationship.

If you’re still with your boyfriend, you must understand that a slap or a punch is almost never a one-time thing. Most of the time, a person who hits you once will hit you again and again. This is because the abuser is in control (or wants to be in control) and won’t change the way he perceives you and deals with difficult emotions.

An abusive guy or a guy who hits you will change only when he has some kind of negative or self-reflecting experience that encourages him or forces him to change his ways. But that could take years if not decades.

You don’t have that much time to waste on someone who hits you whenever he wants to. Many other men won’t lay a finger on you for being different. You just don’t care about that right now because you’re still in love with your boyfriend.

So if you’re wondering if it’s okay for your boyfriend to hit you, bear in mind that hitting is one of the worst things someone you love could do. Hitting is not just disrespectful but it’s also a sign that your boyfriend is capable of lots of things you might not have been aware of.

He’s capable of punishing you physically and trying to control your life in other ways too.

In this post, we’ll discuss if it’s okay for your boyfriend to hit you and what you should do when you get hit.

Is it okay for my boyfriend to hit me?

It’s never okay for your boyfriend to hit you, no matter what you said or did. Hitting is… just wrong. If your boyfriend thinks you need to improve in certain ways, he can tell you that without hitting you. All your boyfriend has to do is open up to you in a non-judgmental manner and say that the things you do hurt him. Once he’s done that, he can then start making concrete plans on how to improve together with you.

That’s how he can grow closer to you whereas by hitting you, he drives a wedge between himself and you, gain power, and think less of you.

Whatever you do, don’t think that hitting somehow shows passion, healthy possessiveness, and love. People (men or women) who convince themselves that their partner should be in total control of the relationship submit to their partner completely.

They accept their fate and oftentimes live their life the way their partner wants them to live it. In extreme situations, they even get isolated, become emotionally/financially codependent, lose ambitions and purpose in life, and give away their right to wear what they want and express themselves.

Your situation may not be that bad, but you don’t want to develop a battered woman (or man) syndrome and stay in an abusive relationship just because your partner has good days too. It’s not the good days that define success in a romantic relationship.

It’s how people handle the negative aspects of their relationships and how ready they are to adapt and grow. The more they’re willing to lower their pride and see things from their partner’s perspective, the more likely it is that they’ll develop a strong bond and deal with difficult predicaments maturely.

You should never accept your boyfriend’s violence and put up with unhealthy behavior just because you have children together and live in the same house. Some people say, “You need to think about your kids and their future. Don’t do anything stupid.”

Those people don’t understand that leaving the abuser is thinking about the children. Nothing affects a child more and causes more long-term issues than domestic abuse. Not only does domestic violence make a child afraid while he or she is growing up, but it also makes a child into an anxious, highly sensitive, and often abusive person later in his or her adult/romantic life.

In other words, growing up in an abusive family makes it difficult for children to have healthy relationships with their partners after they’ve grown up. They normally need a lot of self-reflection and therapy to identify and resolve their issues and forget the lessons, values, and behaviors their parents instilled in them.

So put yourself and your (future) children before your boyfriend. Make sure you understand what you’re signing up for so that you don’t become okay with your boyfriend hitting you regularly. You can avoid pain, disrespect, and shame today if you take appropriate action.

But you need to be strong and do something about it even if you’re afraid and still in love with your boyfriend.

My boyfriend hit me because of something I did

Whether you talked to another guy behind your boyfriend’s back or called your boyfriend an ugly narcissist, you didn’t give your boyfriend the right to hit you. Nothing you said or did made it okay for your partner to hit you.

Hitting is just an excuse for poor impulse control. It’s something those who haven’t established healthy boundaries within themselves do. I’m not trying to defend something you said because words can cut deep too, but there’s a difference between saying mean things and getting physically hit.

Controlling your body in ways that help you not hurt others is one of the most essential things in life. It’s a skill every person should master before he or she gets into a romantic relationship. The problem is that abusers tend to blame others for their unhealthy actions.

They say things like, “You made me do it, it’s because you did this” and by doing so, refuse to take responsibility. Such people won’t learn their lessons as long as they’re allowed to abuse others. They’ll probably make some healthy changes and adjustments when they get attached to their new partner and their hearts broken.

That’s when their personal growth journey will finally begin.

But what if you said something really nasty? What if you wished your boyfriend bad health and called his family derogatory terms?

Well, that still doesn’t justify his actions, but people tend to protect themselves and those they love. It may be something he did willingly (rather than instinctually because he lost control). That would make things a bit different.

It’s unknown to me if he’ll ever hit you again, but if you stay with him, it depends on his maturity and the hurtful things you say in the future.

If you say those nasty things again, he might do the same thing again. You need to make sure to learn from your mistakes and promise not to say them again.

In this particular case, you can probably forgive him for hitting you and allow him to forgive you for saying extremely nasty words. You can consider it even.

But if your boyfriend hit you because of an argument or something you messed up at, then those aren’t forgivable reasons. They’re unforgivable, and it’s highly likely that your boyfriend won’t learn from his mistakes.

Not unless he’s extremely apologetic, signed up for therapy, and showed you he’s actively working on his anger issues.

Your job is to determine whether your boyfriend will change. Your decision should be rational and should depend on how hard he hit you, how quickly he regretted it, and the things he’s doing (not promising) to never, ever lay hands on you again.

Sometimes people improve, but most of the time, they don’t because they lack the emotional incentive (pain and regret) to break the way they perceive the world and respond to it.

Here are my simple tips on what to do when a man hits you under different circumstances.

If a man hits you does he love you?

Love has nothing to do with hitting and other toxic tendencies. A person can beat you and still feel very connected to you and in love with you. It’s just that the way he loves you is wrong (unhealthy) and that he could fall out of love with you when he gets tired of hogging all the power and going through the ups and downs.

You could also get tired of his abuse, of course, but this depends on your self-esteem and the extent to which you need your boyfriend in your life. If you love him more than you love yourself, this, sadly, isn’t love but a lack of self-love.

You need your boyfriend to feel fulfilled and secure. In that case, you should probably leave so you can develop a sense of worth. As long as your boyfriend is around, you’ll have a hard time changing the way you perceive yourself. That’s because your self-worth will be tied to his (explosive) behavior.

So don’t think that a man who hits you loves you or doesn’t love you. Many couples are in unhealthy relationships and they still love each other. They have days when they’re completely in love and days when they can’t stand each other.

But, unfortunately, many of them break up when relationships become exhausting and too difficult for them to manage.

You can avoid delaying the inevitable (the breakup) by identifying your partner’s negative behavioral tendencies. If he’s generally angry, mean, controlling, and disrespectful, breaking up with him would be a blessing for both of you. It would get you out of an unhealthy relationship and (if the breakup hurts him and makes him realize he lost a good person) give him a chance to improve himself and do better in his next relationship.

It’s not your job to punish your boyfriend for hurting you and teach him valuable lessons he needed to learn ages ago. Everyone is responsible for their personal growth. Your job is to pay attention to yourself and protect yourself when people use you or abuse you.

Your boyfriend will learn things when it’s time for him to learn them.

If a man hits you can he change?

Everyone is capable of changing and improving. But most people, unfortunately, don’t want to change. They prefer to blame others for their flaws and behaviors and ignore the need to self-reflect.

If you’re wondering whether your boyfriend can change after hitting you, this depends on how he hit you, why he hit you, and how sorry he is for hitting you. If he gave you a light tap because you endangered him or his family’s health, image, or well-being and he’s sorry for doing that, he may be able to change. But to change, he’ll need to see that you’re not going to say or do similar things in the future.

At this moment, you’re still together, working as a team, so you can overcome problems if you want to. You should figure out if it’s possible to forgive each other and commit to outgrowing your current selves.

However, if your boyfriend hit you because he’s an angry man with poor self-control, then he probably won’t change. He’ll continue to seek control in his romantic relationships and may even do other relationship-destructive things.

That means that he’ll keep feeling victimized and reacting to pain by seeking revenge. You need to dump a guy like that right away or he could destroy your self-esteem and trust in men.

Figure out why he hit you

If the guy didn’t tell you why he hit you and apologize for it, ask him yourself.

Say something like, “I know you were upset, but why did you hit me?” If he blames you and doesn’t start working on himself, break up with him even if it feels like it’s the wrong thing to do. It won’t be easy to break up with someone you love, but you need to do it for your own good.

And if you forgive him and he later hits you again, then that needs to be it. You need to find a way out of the relationship and stop giving him chances.

If he doesn’t value you enough to be the best he can be for himself, you, and the relationship, he’s not going to change for a very long time. He might never change. You don’t know but you don’t need to.

The guy hasn’t learned how fragile relationships can be yet because he’s still taking relationships and people committed to him for granted.

So no matter how old you are and how much you love your boyfriend, know that it’s wrong for your boyfriend to hit you. He may be a guy, but hitting you is abusive and disrespectful. You deserve better.

Are you still wondering if it’s okay for your boyfriend to hit you? What kind of hitting do you think is acceptable? Let us know your thoughts below the post.

And if you want to talk to us about physical violence in a relationship, sign up for coaching with us here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.