If you love your ex more than your ex-girlfriend, you either weren’t over your ex when you left her or eventually discovered the new person was incapable of fulfilling your wants and needs. When you got to know her, you realized she wasn’t your ex and that your ex made you feel much happier.
Dumpees usually aren’t ready to start a new relationship with someone else. Despite trying to form a new romantic connection with someone new, they tend to fail (rebound) and get hurt even more. They remember that they felt at home with their ex and that they must leave their current partner and get back together with their ex if they want to be happy.
By getting back with their ex, they can stop feeling misunderstood and unfulfilled and think that their life is progressing in the right direction.
Dumpers, on the other hand, are usually ready to date. They don’t have feelings for their ex, so they connect with another person and feel extremely happy with their decision. They stay happy for a while because they go through the love/infatuation stage with the new person and wonder why it took them so long to leave their ex.
Of course, not every person they date is the right person for them. Some people can only fulfill them superficially. Dumpers don’t consider such people long-term partners because they don’t meet all their relationship requirements.
That’s why they compare them to their much more fulfilling ex and abandon them when they deduce they got significantly more out of the relationship with their ex.
If you love your ex more than your current girlfriend, you must ask yourself why you’re with another person when you still have feelings for your ex. Did you rush into another relationship, thinking the new person would fill the void created by your ex?
If you got dumped by your long-term ex, you shouldn’t be dating anyone for a while. You should be taking a break from dating for at least half a year or until you feel excited to start a new romantic chapter of your life.
Dating is for people who feel ready to create a meaningful long-lasting connection with a like-minded person. It’s not for dumpees who feel lost, confused, hurt, anxious, depressed, and in love with their ex.
Feelings for a previous partner indicate that they need more time to fall back in love with themselves and figure out what they want from life and what kind of partner is ideal for them.
When dumpers miss their ex and discover they love their ex more than their new partner, this tends to happen because they undervalue their ex and overvalue themselves. They think they can easily find a replacement for their ex and that the first person they meet will make them feel more positive feelings than their ex.
The new person may indeed make them feel better for a while, but he or she will only do that for a month or two while the relationship is new. When they establish a connection and stop feeling infatuated, they’ll start to learn about the new person’s shortcomings and understand their long-term compatibility with him or her.
If they have different goals, views, and lifestyles that they aren’t willing to adjust for the sake of the relationship, they’re by definition incompatible and unlikely to make their relationship work. It’s better for them to break up and reflect on their decisions in life.
After breaking up, some dumpers think back to when they were with their ex and realize things were simpler with their ex.
They weren’t perfect, but at least they felt they were on the same page. This kind of thinking reignites their feelings and urges them to reconnect with their ex before their ex moves on and meets someone compatible.
Dumpers get scared of being replaced, so they rush back to their ex and try to get back with their ex very quickly. They don’t need to take their time and get to know their ex because they already know they want their ex’s love and commitment.
However, if you had a mutual breakup with your ex or if the breakup happened a long time ago, then you’re probably just not happy with your current partner. You’re either going through something difficult that makes you doubt your relationship or you’re not in love with your partner.
If you’re not in love with your girlfriend, you may have thought about your backup plans (your ex) and slowly fallen back in love with your ex.
Constant comparisons between the two people made you wonder what giving your ex a second chance would be like (and how you would benefit from it). Thinking about your ex forced you to redevelop romantic cravings and made you realize you loved your ex more than your current girlfriend.
Obviously, you shouldn’t stay with a person when you love her less than your ex and don’t want to do anything to change it. This person deserves your full attention, commitment, and love. If you can only give her a little bit of yourself, it’s extremely unfair to her. Especially if she’s emotionally invested in you and has her eyes only for you.
Pretending to love her when you have feelings of love for someone else is deception and a waste of both your and her time. She needs to know how you feel or don’t feel so she can stop investing in you and protect herself if she chooses to.
She has to have the information she needs to decide what’s best for her.
I get that you’re scared (of being alone) and that you’re not sure about what to do. But if you got dumped by your ex (and there’s no way of going back to your ex), your girlfriend needs to know you’re not completely ready to be with her (that she’s your second-best option).
You either need to break up with her and focus on detachment or explain the situation to her and ask her to take things slow.
If she loves you a lot and/or doesn’t feel threatened, she won’t like it but she’ll nonetheless stay committed. She’ll want to stay together and work on the relationship as a couple.
But if she’s had bad experiences with people leaving her for their exes, then she may choose to protect her heart, terminate the relationship, and work on losing feelings. No matter what she does, you must be okay with it by remembering you did the right thing even if things didn’t end the way you wanted them to.
Today, we discuss why you love your ex more than your current partner and what your options are.
Why do I love my ex more than my current partner?
There are a few possible explanations for why you love your ex more than your current partner. The most feasible explanation is that you aren’t over your ex and started a new relationship to patch your breakup wounds.
You expected the new person to ease your separation anxiety and give your life purpose, so you soon learned that no one can make you feel the kind of validation you seek. The only person who can validate you the right way is the person who left you.
Your ex-girlfriend can help you love yourself and put your life back on track. All she has to do is take you back and make you feel safe.
Another possibility is that you’re a dumper, ready for a new relationship, but that your partner isn’t who you thought she was and that she doesn’t give you the fulfillment you expected from her. When you started dating her, you didn’t know her personality, flaws, values, and relationship goals, so she seemed perfect.
But as time passed, you got to know her better and realized that you weren’t as compatible as you initially thought. Slowly, you realized the relationship was far from perfect and that it needed much more work than you had anticipated.
You may also be confusing guilt, nostalgia, sadness, or depression for feelings of love. You don’t feel fully supported and needed, so you’re remembering the good times from the past when the relationship was working.
This doesn’t mean that you love your ex but that you want her to help you deal with your inner demons.
Many people don’t “love” their ex until they experience relationship problems and talk to their ex. They feel loved by their ex only when they compare their problems to the good times with their ex.
That’s when they start to develop doubts about their current partner and feelings for their ex. If they don’t realize what’s happening inside their heads, they may eventually stop appreciating their partner and decide to go back to their ex.
Their ex would at least for a while give them the satisfaction they crave.
Having said that, here are 6 different reasons why you love your ex more than your current partner.
Should I go back to my ex if I love her?
If you dumped your ex not too long ago, your ex probably still has feelings for you. She craves your validation and closeness and hopes that you change your mind about the breakup, You need to do that before she detaches and considers you a dangerous emotional investment.
You should go back to her, but only if you truly love her. Don’t get back with her if you’re just unhappy with yourself. If you’re unhappy with who you are or your situation in life, you could use her for emotional support and leave her when you feel better and no longer need her.
The girl or woman must be a worthy long-term investment rather than a temporary solution to your problem.
Your feelings must come from the heart. They must be genuine otherwise your relationship won’t last long. It will end when you feel how you felt the last time you abandoned her.
If your current girlfriend made you realize you’ve lost a good woman, it wasn’t the ideal way of realizing things, but at least you’ve opened your eyes and stopped blaming your ex for your lack of gratitude, commitment, and relationship skills.
You’ve realized that your ex was the right person for you but that you couldn’t see it when you were with her.
You needed to get to know someone else and feel unfulfilled in order to engage in reflection and see your ex’s true value.
This, unfortunately, happens to many dumpers. They see what their ex brings to the table only when they start feeling unfulfilled in a relationship with someone else. That’s when they have an “aha moment” and contemplate running back to their ex for comfort, love, and recognition.
So if you love your ex more than your current girlfriend, keep in mind that you’re not compatible or emotionally ready to be with your current girlfriend. You’re living in the past, expecting the new person to make you feel how your ex made you feel.
You shouldn’t ignore these expectations and cravings.
Instead of passively waiting them out and hoping things change on their own, take action as soon as possible. Tell your partner and your dumpee ex the truth about the way you feel. Once you’ve told them what you needed to say, see how they respond.
If your dumpee ex wants to be with you, get back together with your ex. You’ll hurt your new girlfriend, but one of the girls is bound to get hurt anyway since you’ve started the new relationship prematurely.
If your dumpee ex doesn’t want you back, though, or if your ex is a dumper (who also doesn’t want you back), then you can either tell your partner that you want to:
- Take things slowly.
- Or break up.
What you should do when you have feelings for an ex depends on whether you’re a dumpee or a dumper. If you’re a dumpee, you can’t go back to your ex because your ex was the one who left you. You’ll have to decide between working things out with your partner or leaving the relationship to spend some time alone and process difficult emotions.
You won’t be able to continue the relationship forever. Not when you’re convinced you have stronger feelings for your ex and that your ex is someone you want to be with.
If you’re a dumper, however, then you’ll also have a tough call to make. You’ll have to decide who to be with – your partner or your ex. If you get back with your ex, you’ll hurt your partner’s feelings and probably destroy her self-esteem.
You’ll trigger her anxiety and depression as well as her unresolved personal issues.
If you decide to work on the relationship with your current girlfriend, you’ll have to stop thinking that your ex is better than your girlfriend and that you love her more.
You can only love one person at a time. You can’t have two people to choose from and string them along for your selfish gain. Since you have two options, it’s clear that you did something wrong. You probably took your ex for granted and/or talked to your ex when your relationship was going through a hard time.
Most people can’t have feelings for two or more people at the same time. Normally, they feel infatuated and desired by one person more than the other.
They may like him or her and feel supported or desired, but love is usually shared only with one person – the person they want to spend the rest of their life with.
So figure out who you love and whose validation you crave. Love will ultimately outlast lust, so choose your partner wisely and make sure to invest in her wholeheartedly.
Why do you think you love your ex more than your current girlfriend? What does your ex have that this person doesnt? Is it even about your ex or could it have something to do with your immense desire for validation? Comment below and let me know.
And if you’re looking for personalized coaching with your relationship or breakup, check out Magnet of Success coaching services. We offer a range of services tailored to meet your specific needs.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
