Sometimes dumpers regret breaking up with their ex-partner. They realize they still have feelings and attachment to their ex, so they become nostalgic and contemplate how to undo the breakup and fix the damage they caused.
Fortunately for them, most dumpees are willing to take them back. They’re in so much pain they’re happy to reconcile as long as they feel wanted and needed. They know they deserve better but despite that can’t resist the opportunity to stop hurting and feel secure.
When they don’t want to reconcile, it’s usually because their ex waited too long and let them detach and move on. Either that or they wanted to initiate the breakup themselves but got beaten to it by their ex. In such cases, dumpees become dumpers and gain power and control. That means they feel good and decide whether they want anything to do with their ex.
So if you broke up with your girlfriend and regret it, know that the quicker you tell her you regret leaving, the smaller the chance that she processes the breakup and gets over you. If you express your feelings days after the breakup when she’s still in denial, she will probably be thrilled to hear that you still love her and want to be with her.
She may not trust you fully, but that’s something you can work on later. Trust can be rebuilt if couples think it’s worth it.
However, if you contact her months or years after the breakup, she may no longer be desperate to be with you. She may have gotten tired of hurting and depending on you for recognition. In that case, she may reject you even though she’s not completely over you.
Sometimes dumpees reject dumpers because they’re scared of going through another painful separation. Although they suffer longer than half a year on average (those who were in a long-term relationship), they don’t always need to forget their ex and find another dating prospect to reject their ex. They just need to regain control of their thoughts and emotions and improve their self-esteem.
When that happens, they discover their worth and may not want to take a risk with their ex.
Therefore, the best time for you to tell your ex you regret leaving her is before she recovers emotionally, improves her self-esteem, develops negative opinions of you, and becomes afraid of getting close to you again. Breakups can be traumatic for dumpees. Those who redevelop love for themselves usually don’t take their ex back because they don’t want to suffer and depend on their ex for happiness again.
They prefer to keep their ex at a reasonable distance and remain in control of their emotional well-being.
Of course, this isn’t true for all dumpees. Some dumpees (usually the most hurt ones) wait for their ex to return for years. They don’t want to be with anyone else mainly because they can’t find a way to change their perception of their ex and disconnect from their ex.
Such dumpees waste a lot of their time obsessing over their ex and waiting for their ex to discover their worth.
I couldn’t tell you whether your ex will take you back, but if you’re certain you made a terrible mistake, it’s in your best interest to contact your ex and explain why you did what you did and what you’ve realized afterward. If you explain things properly, express regret, and contact her before she’s dealt with the breakup blues, become resentful/guarded, or given her heart to someone else, you may be able to pull her back in and start a new relationship with her.
It all depends on how she thinks and feels about you.
If you ghosted her, cheated, broke promises, and hurt her deeply, the chance of her wanting you back went down significantly. It especially went down if she has decent self-esteem as low/destroyed self-esteem is one of the main factors that compel dumpees to chase their ex. Low self-esteem tends to lead to disorientation and a loss of purpose and identity.
That’s why the best time for you to get back with her is when she still sees you as her savior and needs you to love herself. That’s when she’s the most likely to take you back and invest in you. She will find it incredibly hard to say no when every fiber in her body wants you to love and validate her.
She may also take you back years later or when she’s over you, but don’t keep your hope up. It’s better not to make her wait, detach, think negatively of you, and connect with other people. If you want her back, you should tell her how you feel and what you want before she makes enough emotional progress to think rationally and associate negative beliefs with your persona.
Whether it’s been days or months since you broke up with her, the time to reach out is now. Do it to avoid leaving her to her own imagination and show her you want to help her feel accepted and loved. She must see that you’re serious about her and prepared to work on the relationship.
In today’s post, we discuss what to do if you regret breaking up with your girlfriend.
I broke up with my girlfriend and regret it
If you left your girlfriend and regret it afterward, the good thing is that you may be able to undo the breakup. You’re the dumper, which means you have much more control over the situation than the ex you left. Your ex had no choice but to respect your decision, accept the breakup, walk away, and fend for herself.
She didn’t want to stop giving you love but had to do it anyway.
Now that you regret leaving, you shouldn’t wait for her to reach out. If she’s in no contact, she may not ever reach out. It’s your job as a dumper to break the silence and tell her how much she means to you. Don’t expect her to throw away her dignity and beg you to talk to her.
Some dumpees may do that for a while, but most of them eventually stop. They realize it’s not worth their time and effort to pursue an ex who fell out of love and lost interest.
If you want your ex back, all you have to do is reach out and explain things. Say why you left and thought your ex was responsible for your stressors, pain, or unhappiness. Once you’ve done that, apologize sincerely for leaving and hurting your ex, and say that you’d like to be with her if she still has feelings for you and wants to work on the relationship with you.
Don’t get too emotional because it could pressure her; just express your romantic feelings and expectations and promise to pay more attention to the things that broke you up. Your ex has to see that you’ve learned your lessons and that you’re willing to put in the work if your ex would like you to.
If your ex still has feelings for you and believes the relationship could satisfy her wants and needs, she will be happy to hear that you still crave her affection and commitment. She will take you back on the spot and try to immediately obtain various relationship benefits.
You just need to apologize sincerely and answer your ex’s questions and concerns. If she still wants to be with you, she’ll either take you back or try to learn more about your reasons for wanting to be with her. If she wants to make sure you want her back for the right reasons, answer her questions truthfully. Be an open book and tell her what she wants to know even if the truth hurts her.
She must see that you’re capable of being honest and that you want her back long-term.
You can say something like: “I know I hurt you a lot and I’m really sorry. I learned a lot from the breakup. I realized I acted on my emotions and that you weren’t to blame for everything. I love you. If you still want to be with me, I’m ready to communicate better and work on the relationship with you.”
You can use your own words and make it sound more like you. Just make sure it includes:
- an apology
- an explanation
- a profession of love
- a compliment or admission of guilt
- a promise to do better
- an invitation back into a relationship
Once you’ve invited your ex to be with you, you must let your ex decide what to do. You must realize that your ex is in control of the reconciliation process and that she gets to say and do what’s best for her. You had control up until now, so that needs to change for the balance of power to even out.
If you hog all the power, you’ll have an unstable relationship and feel tempted to leave again when your ex lets you down. That’s why it’s important to let your ex feel in charge for a while. A couple of weeks or so of letting the power dynamic shift to 70/30 should demonstrate that you’re open to compromise and in it for the long run.
Your ex won’t get tired of you if you let her dictate the flow of the relationship. Conversely, she will see that your words match your actions and that you’re different than you were before the breakup.
So if you broke up with your girlfriend and regret it, don’t just wait for your ex to make the first move. If your ex respects herself and has control over her actions, she won’t contact you and beg you for forgiveness. On the contrary, she’ll probably stay in no contact and wait for you to have an epiphany and reach out.
It’s your responsibility to express regret and feelings. You probably already know that but fear being rejected. That means you find your ex valuable and that you have expectations of her. Yes, she might reject you if she’s over you and/or no longer trusts you with her feelings.
But if you don’t apologize and ask for another chance, you’ll never know if she still wants to be with you. Hence, you should contact her while her wounds are fresh and she may still have feelings for you.
Having said that, here’s what you should do if you break up with your girlfriend and regret it.
Why do you regret breaking up with your ex?
Before you get back with your ex, you must understand why you regret leaving her. Did you have some time to think and realize you still missed her? A little bit of nostalgia won’t make all the problems go away, so figure out if getting back together is even a good idea. Figure out if you truly love her or if you’re just struggling to get something without her.
If you feel lonely, bored, or depressed because your social life is not what it used to be, it may not be wise to reconcile. You’ll probably over-rely on her for your lack of socializing and consider her someone who completes you rather than fulfills you.
Moreover, if you feel insecure because she’s talking to someone else and not contacting you, it may also not be a good reason to want her back. Jealousy, envy, guilt, shame, and other similar negative emotions don’t indicate regret and give you what you need to invest and do better. They just remind you that you have lackings to work on.
Get back or try to get back with your ex only if you truly love your ex. If you want your ex in your life as a long-term partner – someone you can go through good and bad times with, you can reach out to your ex and disrupt her healing process. It’s okay to disrupt it when you’re willing to ease her separation pain by giving her love and reassurance.
If you’re not sure about being with her, however, don’t contact her. Don’t confuse her and string her along. That will give her tons of hope and make her feel neglected and used.
You need to understand why you want her back. When your reasons are legit, you can contact her to tell her the things you’ve realized in her absence. Many dumpers realize their ex’s worth when they date another person. Another person helps them compare their present to the past and urges them to seek comfort and stability with their ex.
Your ex deserves to know that. She should know that you took her for granted and tried to move on but failed. When she knows she’s your backup but still your #1 option, she will decide whether she can trust you and build a meaningful relationship with you.
So don’t rush back to your ex. Make sure to first discover your ex’s value and your reasons for leaving and wanting her back. Once you understand your ex’s potential and your feelings, you can reach out and ask for forgiveness and commitment.
What if you’re blocked?
If you’re only partially blocked (blocked on one or some platforms), you can reach out where you’re not blocked. But if you’re fully blocked, it may be better to leave your ex alone. She probably feels disrespected and angry and doesn’t want to communicate.
No matter what she says or does, respect her decision and learn to value people when you’re still with them. Once you break up, there’s no guarantee that they’ll take you back. Especially if you wait months or years before reaching out.
Did you break up with your girlfriend and regret it? What made you realize you wanted her back? Share your story in the comments below.
And if you want to talk to a breakup coach before getting back with your ex, sign up for breakup coaching. Together, we’ll choose an approach that best fits your unique situation.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
