How to Make Your Ex Miserable?

I’m sure we can all think of some nasty things that would make our ex angry, stressed, and miserable. Thinking of ways to bring our ex down isn’t that hard, as we know our ex’s secrets and weaknesses better than anyone.

We could just share them publicly or with people who have no right to know about them—and watch our former partner wince in pain. That would make us look vengeful and drag our ex down with us, but at least we’d prove who’s boss and why messing with us was a bad idea.

Before you emotionally hurt your ex on purpose, you need to understand why you want to make your ex miserable. If you were still together and everything was fine, you wouldn’t be thinking about causing your ex trouble. You’d be focusing on your romantic and non-romantic life and keeping your conscience clear. The only reason you want to get back at your ex is because you feel rejected, unwanted, powerless, anxious, furious, and miserable.

You feel victimized and want your ex to experience all the difficult emotions he or she made you feel. Isn’t it only fair to return the kind of treatment you received? An eye for an eye, so to speak.

Well… it’s not quite fair. Although your ex had no right to hurt you and flip your life upside down, doing the same thing to your ex won’t teach your ex a lesson, fix things, and make you feel better. It might empower you for a brief moment, but it won’t last longer than a few days. Your sense of justice will wane rather quickly, probably when you notice that your ex is moving on while you’re stuck ruminating about the injustice you’ve endured.

Revenge in any form also won’t inspire your ex to apologize and be a better person. It will make your ex justify his or her decision to leave and hurt you some more.

Think back and try to recall a time when unhealthy actions in the relationship achieved positive results. You won’t remember any because arguing and inflicting emotional pain causes people to feel offended and fight back. The only time it might work is when you cause them so much pain that you scare them or force them to change. But in that case, you also make them despise you and want nothing to do with you.

Anyway, you probably don’t want your ex to grow and be a better person. Not unless he or she gets back with you. You want your ex to fail, prove that you weren’t responsible for the breakup, and feel validated.

You may think that the quickest way to do that is to take your pain and anger out directly on your ex, but if you do that, you won’t be any better than your ex.

You’ll be the ex who caved into negative emotions and decided to take matters of justice into his or her own hands. Your ex and others will look at you as a petty, emotionally immature person who couldn’t handle rejection and leave his or her ex alone.

When it comes to punishing people for their misdeeds, always remember that you’re not the one who decides whether people deserve to be happy and what kind of punishment they deserve. You may feel taken advantage of, lied to, or humiliated, but reacting to anger or resentment will only prolong your pain. It will pick a fight with a person who doesn’t need vengeance to feel better and is in a much stronger position than you.

When you try to cause problems for your ex, you won’t only look emotionally unstable, but also weak and unattractive. Your chance of earning your ex’s respect and making your ex envy and desire you in the future will go down the drain. All that will remain is an unpleasant memory of your final stand.

So think twice before you try to make your ex miserable directly with your words and actions. Remember that even if your ex deserves a strong reaction from you, it’s not worth ruining your karma, conscience, freedom, or peace of mind over someone you’re moving on from. If you make your ex regret crossing paths with you, you may find yourself in an unwinnable battle with your ex in which two reactive people compete to see who can sink lower and inflict more emotional pain.

You won’t learn anything from that. Instead of resisting the temptation to act on emotions, you’ll react similarly the next time you feel betrayed and overwhelmed.

I know it’s hard to get rid of the immense urge to make your ex miserable. Seeing your ex miserable would instantly ease some of the pain your ex has caused you. This effect may be temporary, but you might feel a fleeting sense of satisfaction knowing that your ex is just as miserable as you.

You feel better when you see that you’re not the only one suffering. Why suffer and stagnate alone when you have the power to bring a negative reaction out of your ex? Negative reactions from your ex validate you as they tell you that your ex feels no better than you.

So keep in mind that even though you could make your ex miserable by spreading rumors, slashing his or her tires, or causing trouble at work, doing so would only make you look like the bad person. It would turn you into a vengeful ex with no self-control and obliterate any respect your ex still has for you.

Morally, messing with your ex’s post-breakup life is wrong. The relationship is over, so making your ex think or feel a certain way is pointless. I know you don’t want your ex to get away with all the pain and problems he or she has caused, but don’t convince yourself that your ex will get away with it. Your ex may not suffer for hurting you in the near future, but your ex will have to pay the price someday.

It will be months or years later when he or she does the same thing to someone else and causes that person to retaliate. That person doesn’t have to be you. You don’t need to take your anger out on your ex and complicate your life because of his or her mistreatment. You want justice, I know, but justice will be served when the time is right.

And the time will be right when your ex tries the same thing on someone less patient.

Your ex isn’t changing anytime soon. In fact, your ex is staying exactly as he or she is. Your ex can’t grow without reflecting and addressing his or her behavior. As long as your ex sees nothing wrong with how he or she acted, your ex is bound to make the same mistakes in the future under similar circumstances.

Consider it karma. Your ex’s inability or unwillingness to take responsibility and grow is all the vengeance you need. Not only will you outgrow your ex maturity-wise, but you’ll also become the best version of yourself and a better person.

Today, we discuss how to make your ex miserable the moral way.

How to make your ex miserable after the breakup?

Making your ex miserable directly isn’t very hard. You can cause immense suffering just by remembering things that are important to your ex and saying or doing something that hurts your ex’s self-love, damages his or her property or occupation, or ruins his or her image. Hurting people is easy. But hurting them without hurting yourself isn’t.

When you punish them directly with the intention of making them miserable, you either bring out the worst in them (make them fight you back) or turn into a punsher and set yourself up for failure.

As badly as you want to get back at your ex for all his or her bad words or actions, remember that you’re better than that and that you mustn’t let your ex control you that way. You mustn’t let your ex hurt you so badly that you stop caring about your image and dedicate your life to making your ex suffer.

You can probably think of hundreds of ways to hurt your ex and receive a negative, although empowering response from your ex. But those ways don’t exude confidence and make your ex doubt or regret leaving you. On the contrary, they show you’re very disappointed and hurt by your ex’s decision or behavior and that you want to destroy your ex emotionally.

Since you’re not happy, you don’t want your ex to be happy either. You want your ex to be miserable and unattractive to other people. This is a sign that you need to accept your ex’s choices and behavior and heal from the breakup rather than cause havoc.

Look, it’s okay to want your ex to be miserable. You associate your ex’s happiness with your absence and want the breakup to affect your ex as badly as it affected you. Although your expectation is reasonable, it’s unlikely to come to fruition. Your ex probably won’t get affected that much and for that long because your ex is the dumper.

He or she doesn’t feel rejected and is going through a completely different recovery process. While you’re likely to experience denial, depression, and anger, your ex will feel relieved and elated. If you try to make your ex miserable for being a dumper and hurting your feelings, you’ll likely succeed. Just keep in mind that you won’t celebrate for long.

Sooner rather than later, your ex will get over your direct punishment and go back to enjoying his or her life. Your ex will recover, but you’ll stay miserable and be forced to live with guilt on your conscience. I couldn’t tell you how long guilt will last, but if you care about your image and try to live a righteous life, it could haunt you for years.

The more you believe in karma and real justice, the more you will suffer for hurting your ex. Even if you don’t believe in karma, you’ll become a vengeful individual who fights fire with fire. This means you’ll respond to problems impulsively and risk being punished for it by your next partners.

So how to make your ex miserable without ruining both your lives and being miserable yourself?

The best form of revenge is success. Personal success may not make your ex miserable now that your ex feels excited to be free, but it will make your ex curious, envious, or even jealous when he or she gets through the early breakup stages and encounters problems. It will take a while for your ex to process things and hit a snag, but eventually, karma will get your ex.

You may be over your ex and not care about it when that happens, but your ex will nonetheless pay his or her price. There’s no reason why your ex wouldn’t after he or she hurt you and refused to make any personal improvements.

It sucks that you can’t indirectly affect your ex’s thoughts and feelings before your ex is emotionally capable of getting hurt and decides to check up on you, but that’s how breakups work. The dumpee must wait for the dumper to become vulnerable.

No dumpee is happy to wait and deal with pain alone, which is why so many dumpees lose their composure and decide to punish their ex directly. They say or do something that gives them a sense of immediate justice and validates their importance.

If you want to do things right, you have to focus on yourself rather than your ex. Improve your flaws, regain your emotional independence, learn new skills, make new friends, exercise, and live a busy, fulfilling life. Nothing will pique your ex’s interest and make your ex more envious than seeing you happy without him or her. Again, it might take a while for your ex to get in trouble and find a reason to want what you have, but that’s okay.

It’s better than directly hurting your ex.

So if you want to know how to make your ex miserable, know that there are two ways – the direct and indirect way. However, only the indirect way, which involves focusing on yourself and getting the most out of the breakup, will preserve your worth and keep your conscience clear. All other methods will end up hurting you more than your ex, especially in the long run.

Having said that, here’s how to make your ex miserable after the breakup.

We don’t mention this enough, but if you want to make your ex think about you in a positive light and wonder why you’re doing well without him or her, you should forgive your ex. Forgiveness will show that you’re not obsessing over your ex’s mistreatment and craving an apology or love.

Don’t mistake forgiveness for forgetting what your ex did to you and acting like nothing happened. Forgiveness means letting go of resentment and anger, not for the sake of your ex, but for your emotional well-being. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you’ll free yourself from the burden of negative thoughts and emotions.

To truly be happy, you must forgive your ex and focus on healing and self-love.

Your goal should be to find happiness rather than make your ex miserable

If your post-breakup goal is to make your ex miserable, you’ll stay miserable. That’s because you won’t work on things you need to work on. Instead of taking the breakup seriously and learning/improving from it, you’ll ignore your problems and wait for them to go away on their own. Eventually, you’ll process the breakup, but it will take significantly longer than if you stay busy and do the things you love.

You’ll also carry your problems into your next relationship and struggle because of it.

So if you want to make your ex miserable, make yourself happy. You may not be able to fix the past and how your ex perceives you, but you can grow within and ensure a brighter future. If your ex sees your improvements, growth, and success, your ex might think it’s because he or she is no longer around and feel envious or jealous.

Of course, there’s no guarantee that your ex will suffer because of it. Your ex’s suffering doesn’t just depend on how you present yourself, but also on what your ex does after the breakup, how your ex copes with difficulties, who your ex associates with, and whether your ex is capable of reflection, nostalgia, and pain. Every person can get hurt, but not all people dwell on it, miss their ex, and want their ex back.

Those who don’t get hurt typically don’t improve much or at all. They lack the incentive to evolve, so they move forward and face similar issues.

Regardless of how your ex feels, your top priority should be your own happiness and goals. Your ex’s life shouldn’t concern you, as dwelling only keeps you emotionally tied to the past. You must use this valuable time to identify the triggers that lead to obsession and unhappiness and work on overcoming them.

I suggest that you seek professional help and talk to people you consider your mentors. They’ll give you healthy advice and encourage you to forgive and let go rather than seek vengeance and fuel your anger and obsession.

Anger may feel satisfying in the moment, but it’s not a long-term solution. While it’s an improvement from depression, you’ll still need to process the pain and learn to rely on healthier emotions for healing. Once you’ve stopped feeling angry, you’ll understand that revenge is a pleasure for the weak-minded.

Did you learn how to make your ex miserable? What do you think is the best way to do that? Share your thoughts below.

However, if you want to chat with us about the breakup and ways to feel better, subscribe to coaching. We’ll help you recover emotionally and move forward without your ex.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.