If your ex left you and you’ve been wondering how to know when your ex wants you back, rest assured that the signs will be clear. You won’t second-guess because your ex will be regretful, anxious, and cautious. Your ex will show interest in your life and try to stay as close to you as possible. He or she will suddenly want to make a good impression on you, bond, and talk as if you never broke up.
An ex who wants you back will reach out of his or her own accord and initiate the reconciliation conversation. You won’t have to ask your ex to get back together because your ex will want it more than anything. Your ex may be scared of rejection, but that’s a good thing. Fear of rejection/failure indicates that your ex values you and fears losing you.
Those who don’t fear breaking up/getting rejected have backup plans and don’t truly love their partners/exes.
So if you’re trying to learn how to know when your ex wants you back, a good way to know how your ex feels is to observe your ex’s approach and determine your importance to your ex. If your ex compliments you and makes you seem very important, he or she is probably greasing you up and waiting for the opportunity to get back together.
Someone who likes you romantically won’t let you get away and start dating someone else. He or she will express feelings clearly and make it obvious to you that he or she wants you back. The man or woman will do everything in his or her power to reconnect, create a positive atmosphere, and increase the chances of you saying yes.
Regretful people don’t wait for the dumper to take them back. If they’re in pain and truly want to be with their ex (not merely entertain that idea), they make an effort to explain what they want and why the new relationship will be different. They’re eager, if not desperate to start a relationship and feel loved and fulfilled.
When they want their ex back, they understand that their ex is the only person who can make them happy. Only their ex can boost their ego and self-esteem and transform their problems and pain into a pleasant experience. Others can’t help them because they don’t validate them enough/long-term.
New people don’t understand them and matter enough to them, so they choose exes who may still love them. Such exes can instantly increase their stream of happy hormones and give their life direction and purpose.
A common mistake dumpees make is assuming that the responsibility of getting back together with their ex falls on them. They think they must wait for their ex to reach out and/or show signs of nostalgia or unhappiness before they start reeling their ex back in. Such dumpees often take the initiative when they’re supposed to wait, and by doing so, scare and overwhelm their inquisitive ex.
In other words, they destroy their ex’s doubts, push their ex further away, and feel even more anxious and unwanted as a result.
So if you’re dying to learn how to know when your ex wants you back, remember that your ex will reveal his or her feelings, regrets, and intentions soon after redeveloping romantic feelings. Your ex will contact you, apologize for leaving/hurting you, say what he/she likes about you and why you’re important to him/her, appear nostalgic, anxious, cautious, and receptive, ask for your opinion about the relationship, ask lots of questions and take interest in your life, invite you out, and express feelings and expectations.
Your ex may not jump straight to the point – the moment he or she reaches out, but soon, probably after a few minutes of talking or once you’ve reconnected, your ex will start to prepare you for the reconciliation topic. Your ex will try to make you feel good and present him/herself as a trustworthy and regretful individual.
Your ex will do that to make you take him or her back.
Remember that if your ex wants you back, your ex won’t keep you waiting for long. Feelings and pain will urge your ex to secure a spot in the relationship very quickly. The quicker your ex gets back with you, the quicker he or she will stop hurting, regret leaving, and feel secure.
If you’re talking to your ex after the breakup, you must stop doing that immediately. Talking won’t make your ex miss you and want to be with you. If anything, it will fulfill your ex’s emotional needs for free and turn you into a reliable friend – someone your ex likes as a friend rather than a partner. It will be extremely difficult to climb out of the friendzone with your ex-partner.
Friendship will give you hope and a sense of control, but it won’t change your ex’s feelings. That’s because your ex will get everything he or she needs from you and feel no need to take the relationship to the next level. To want you back, your ex must lack relationship perks and must see that life without you is challenging and unfulfilling.
Your ex will realize this when you pull away (go no contact) and allow him or her to fail and get hurt without you.
Some exes reconcile despite agreeing to stay friends, but such cases are few and far between. Most exes who get back together give the broken relationship space to breathe and learn some valuable lessons. Dumpees often learn their lessons immediately after the breakup, whereas dumpers tend to learn them later when they encounter a serious problem and realize they’re solely responsible for it.
Regardless of what you and your ex must learn and improve, it’s better for your health and happiness to create some distance and let the dumper realize the things he or she needs to realize. By making the dumper take the first step, you’ll reclaim your dignity and restore the balance that was lost when you were abandoned.
How to know when your ex wants you back?
Dumpees who want their ex back often fear that they’ll miss the chance to get back with their ex. They worry that failure to act quickly will make their ex move on from them and start dating someone else. They don’t know that their ex won’t be able to move on if he or she has regrets and a strong desire for validation.
If their ex truly regrets leaving, their ex will most likely try to reconcile before he or she looks for other ways to be happy. Reconciliation is their backup plan and the quickest path to fulfillment. It’s the only solution to their problems and unhappiness when they understand they messed up badly.
If your ex doesn’t come back to reconcile but moves on to something or someone else, it’s not because you didn’t handle the breakup well, but because your ex didn’t regain respect and/or feelings. He or she associated negative feelings with you and refused to consider you a viable backup option. Instead of thinking of you as someone who completes him/her, your ex remembered your negative traits and moved forward with his or her life.
Moving forward is more appealing to a victimized ex who blames you and refuses to take accountability for his or her part in the breakup.
You can’t change your ex’s mind when he or she is convinced that you’re the problem and that life became better without you. Only time and experience can change that. Something or someone must stop your ex’s stubbornness and happiness streak and bring your ex back to reality. Usually, it takes a super painful (esteem-destroying) event to convince an ex to stop thinking highly of him/herself and negatively about you.
Your ex must basically see that you’re not responsible for his or her misery.
So whatever you do, don’t act prematurely and try to get back with an ex on your terms. You may want to be with your ex super badly, but you can’t be with your ex until his or her opinion and feelings improve. You have to wait for your ex to go through a life-changing experience. Once your ex has gone through that, your ex will shift from a passive approach to an active one.
This means your ex will start paying attention to your thoughts and feelings, hoping to receive commitment and love. Your ex left you because he/she fell out of love. To come back, your ex will have to redevelop love, driven by unmet emotional wants and needs.
Your ex could fall back in love in various ways—through rejection, financial issues, fallouts with family members, being dumped, mistreatment, or simply feelings of unfulfillment. Something painful, negative, or unpleasant that your ex can’t overcome without you could prompt your ex to reflect deeply and recognize your worth.
Your ex won’t return simply because you were nice and got along.
While those are definitely positives, they aren’t enough on their own. The most important requirements for reconciliation are failure, reflection, and change of perception. When your ex sees you as someone who adds romantic value to his or her life rather than stress, you can tell your ex has let go of the past and feels emotionally ready to start a new relationship.
You must wait for your ex to process negative post-breakup emotions and perceptions. You’ll know your ex has processed them when your ex takes an interest in you and wants to be with you. I strongly advise you against trying to change your ex’s feelings by force. Force will tell your ex that you don’t care about his or her decisions and feelings and that you don’t deserve another chance.
When it comes to reconciliations, the dumper isn’t the one who should be offering second chances. Not unless the dumpee cheated or did something equally bad. But even in those situations, the dumper must first realize the dumpee’s ability to grow and be willing to return and invest as if he or she didn’t get hurt.
The dumpee mustn’t reason with the dumper, over-apologize, or promise to do better when the relationship is over. Such actions come across as desperate and often pressure the dumper. The dumpee can explain his or her realizations and display growth, but only when the dumper wants him or her back.
With that said, here are my tips on how to know when your ex wants you back.
Keep in mind that your ex’s return will likely be sudden, not gradual. Your ex will stay away from you until he or she determines that leaving you was a big mistake. But once your ex returns, he or she will want everything and more very quickly. Your ex will want your attention, recognition, love, and exclusivity.
All you’ll have to do is accept your ex’s apology and invitation and set some preconditions for trusting your ex.
What to do when your ex says you’ll never get back together?
People say a lot of mean things when they’re frustrated and angry. They reveal their worst characteristics and sometimes even promise things they have no intention of fulfilling. What they say in the heat of the moment reveals their current state of mind.
If they say they’re not interested in dating anyone for a while, they likely feel overwhelmed and unhappy. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ll turn down new romantic opportunities. From my observations, most dumpers get involved with a new person rather quickly. The new person makes them feel positive emotions, so they forget the promises made to their ex.
They put themselves first and do what’s best for them even if it’s bad for their ex.
So if your ex said you’ll never get back together, take it with a pinch of salt. Remember that your ex said what was on his or her mind at that particular time and has no idea how he or she will feel in the future. Yes, the relationship might never get another chance, especially if your ex does his or her best to stick to his or her words.
But there’s still a chance that your ex encounters issues that change his or her beliefs, perceptions, and feelings.
I don’t want you to get your hopes up and keep waiting for your ex. I just want you to know that dumpers’ words don’t always match their actions. Oftentimes, they say things when they feel pressured and later regret them. When they regret them, they reach out, ignore what they said when they were stressed, and say or show they want to get back together.
You need to let your ex change his or her way of thinking and come to you. Once your ex has come back, things will flow naturally.
What’s your opinion on how to know when your ex wants you back? Did any of your exes come back? Feel free to share their approaches in the comments below.
However, if you want to learn more about how to tell if your ex wants you back, feel free to reach out to us via our coaching program. We’ll dive deeper into the signs of a dumper’s regretful behavior.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
