How To Know It’s Time To Break Up With Your Partner?

Most people trust their gut on when it’s time to break up. They listen to their instincts instead of their rationality, and as a result, make emotional decisions to leave their partners.

Because emotions can be deceiving, they often leave a perfectly good man or woman who loves them and wants nothing but the best for them. It takes them at least a few months to realize that they left a good relationship.

That’s why the quality of a relationship should be judged with more than just feelings. Feelings or what people call attraction to our partners constantly change (fluctuate if you will). On bad, stressful days we feel disconnected from our partners and may even be frustrated with them.

But on good days, we feel understood and happy and tend to appreciate our partners for everything they did for us. We can’t even fathom not having them in our lives and being with someone else.

It’s during the good times that people tell their partners how much they love them and promise them the world. Good times make them ecstatic and committed whereas bad times make them wonder if there’s someone better suited for them out there.

Before we talk about how to know it’s time to break up, we need to mention that all couples have ups and downs. All relationships experience disagreements and occasional setbacks. It’d be unhealthy not to disagree at times because that would mean that someone’s holding feelings inside and is too afraid to express his or her opinions and disagree.

Therefore, disagreements are good and expected.

It’s how people disagree that sets relationships apart. If they disagree in ways that make them yell, pridefully defend their views, call each other names, block each other, or assault each other, their relationship is probably toxic or unhealthy at best.

Such relationships have a very small chance of improving because people don’t change much when they’re together. They tend to keep reacting to one another and in doing so, fail to increase their relationship standards.

To change, people need to have a powerful epiphany – some kind of shocking realization that what they’re doing is wrong and that it will have devastating consequences on their relationship if they don’t do something about it.

Fear is often the only thing that can motivate ignorant couples to break their unhealthy patterns and treat each other with care and respect.

I can’t tell you to break up with your partner because that’s a personal decision, but I can tell you that you shouldn’t tolerate unhealthy behaviors from your partner. You especially shouldn’t tolerate them if those behaviors keep repeating over and over again and show no signs of improvement.

At some point, you need to stop giving your partner chances because if your partner hasn’t made the effort to change after numerous requests or demands, he or she won’t change later either. It’s unlikely because every consecutive attempt to encourage maturation motivates your partner less.

So if you’re trying to learn how to know it’s time to break up, observe your partner’s willingness to listen, communicate, and grow together with you. Your partner’s eagerness to work on differences and relationship problems tells you whether your relationship has a bright future ahead or if it’s better to break up and go separate ways.

Today, we discuss how to know when it’s time to break up with your partner. We talk about situations where staying in a relationship would be bad for your and your partner’s happiness and well-being.

The relationship has become toxic

When relationships become toxic, they slowly deteriorate to the point where couples lose patience and respect for each other. They stop valuing each other, so they begin to treat each other in ways couples shouldn’t be treating each other.

Some couples ignore each other, get extremely angry, and give the silent treatment, whereas the most toxic ones become violent, play jealousy games, and say hurtful things.

Before relationships become toxic and get out of control, couples can invest in themselves and become better equipped to maintain their relationships. But because they fail to identify their triggers and shortcomings and work on them diligently, they show their worst sides to each other and destroy the relationship from within.

In toxic relationships, both people are usually somewhat responsible for their abuse of power and desire to be right. Seldom is just one person responsible for the way their relationship turns out. This is because people are emotional and reactive and tend to bring their partners down with them.

If someone is uncaring and mean, the other person tends to defend himself or herself and return the same or similar treatment. Such back-and-forth relationships have moments where couples get along just fine.

But those moments tend to be short-lasting.

Sooner than later, someone does something to irritate his or her partner and cause another fight.

So if you’re in a toxic relationship, keep in mind that very few relationships stop being toxic later on. People in these relationships are usually too close to each other to see things from a clear perspective and change their ways.

That’s why their perceptions of each other and the way they react to unwanted emotions and problems stay the same.

The problem with toxic relationships is that they can be hard to leave. Some couples get addicted to constant highs and lows and feel so emotionally connected that they don’t want to break up. They think their love is strong and worth fighting for when in reality, their relationship is far from being healthy.

Your partner promised to change many times

When your partner promises to quit addictions or improve certain behaviors multiple times without success, your partner lacks determination. Not only that, but your partner also doesn’t care that he or she is affecting you.

Every time he or she does something harmful towards himself/herself or the relationship, your partner shows that he or she is okay with causing you pain and complicating things for you. Such a person has a “my life, my choice” mentality and thinks you should be more patient, understanding, and encouraging.

What a person like this thinks doesn’t matter. Your partner doesn’t see that you’re a team and that team members are supposed to do what’s best for one another.

Because your partner merely promises to do better, he or she is probably just saying things you want to heart. He or she knows that excuses and lies get you off his or her back and kill the need to put the work in.

Your partner could promise you many things. He or she could promise to stop:

• drinking/using drugs
• gambling or wasting money
• texting other people
• lying or cheating
• communicating poorly
• ignoring your calls/needs
• neglecting his or her kids
• and taking you for granted

Don’t give a boyfriend or girlfriend who keeps promising things hundreds of chances to evolve. A few chances should be more than enough because a few missed opportunities signify that he or she isn’t taking you seriously.

Communication is awful

Communication is everything in a relationship. It determines whether couples understand each other and get along.

Those who don’t get along need to improve their communication fast. The longer they express themselves poorly the more frustrated they get and the more damage they cause to the relationship.

That’s why if no solution is found, couples with poor communication eventually break up and feel angry with each other. Sometimes they also speak ill of each other and become resentful.

You can tell it’s time to break up if your communication isn’t improving. If you and your partner have done your best but still communicate poorly, you most likely won’t improve communication while you’re together.

You’ll grow when some kind of failure forces you to grow.

So don’t delay things unnecessarily. If you’re incapable of maturing and not reacting to each other, you’ll do yourselves a favor by breaking up as you’ll give yourselves a chance to improve within.

Bear in mind that poor communication is:

• not listening
• getting very angry
• being reactive
• shutting down
• mocking your partner
• accusing him or her of things
• bringing up the past
• pointing out your partner’s flaws, weaknesses, or mistakes
• not asking any questions
• using sarcasm

Someone cheated/messed up badly and isn’t repenting

A person who cheats or does something just as stupid needs to apologize from the heart and prove it’s not going to happen again. It could take months to win back his or her hurt partner’s trust, but that’s how trust works.

It takes ages to build and one wrong move to lose it.

Someone who destroys trust must be willing to regain it. He or she must be patient, emotionally expressive, and completely honest and transparent. That’s the only way the person he or she hurt can process pain and forgive him or her.

I strongly encourage you not to stay in a relationship if your partner did something nasty and refuses to take responsibility.

If you forgive your partner on the spot, your partner won’t respect you for it. He or she will see that it’s possible to get away with disrespectful deeds and that being with someone who lacks self-respect is not worth his or her time and effort.

So if you want the best for yourself and your relationship, make your partner work hard for his or her misdeeds. Don’t just let them slide because you’re attached to your partner and afraid of being alone. If you show weakness, you’ll allow your partner to take advantage of you and mistreat you again next time.

You need to take back control and show that you respect yourself.

You’re doing all the work

Power and effort imbalance in a partnership is another good reason to break up with your partner. That’s because a person who has power over you will never invest in the relationship as much as you invest in it. He or she will see that you do all the hard work and that you want the relationship more than him/her.

This will discourage your partner from being grateful and fixing problems as they arise.

You see, a person with too much power is not afraid of losing you. Deep inside, he or she knows you’ll take care of most relationship matters and allow him or her to get away without putting the work in.

So don’t go “all-in” in your relationship. Instead, make sure to also focus on your friends, family, and hobbies and show you’ve got plenty of things going on in your life besides the relationship.

With that said, here are some things a person with power may not have to do:

• apologize and take accountability for his or her words or actions
• express kindness and gratitude
• compliment you
• do the chores
• listen to your ideas and suggestions
• make time for you
• care about your feelings
• understand the importance of self-growth
• want to impress you

For the relationship to work, your partner needs to be an equal partner as much as possible. You’ll never be 50/50 partners because that’s impossible, but you should strive to be so you can have a healthy balanced relationship.

So if you feel that you’re doing all the work in the relationship and that you’re not happy despite talking with your partner about it numerous times, know that your partner could one day take you even more for granted.

He or she could lose feelings for you because a person who doesn’t invest has nothing to lose.

Relationships require emotional, financial, and long-term investments. That’s how couples grow their love.

Your significant other repulses or annoys you

If the relationship deteriorates to the point where you can’t stand being around your partner, you’ve let yourself develop unhealthy perceptions of your partner. You’ve developed beliefs that your partner is not good enough for you and that you’d rather be somewhere or with someone else.

Because you don’t value your partner and no longer feel happy in the relationship, the only thing left to do is to break up. A breakup will allow you to stop feeling smothered and give you some space to be independent and figure out why you see your partner the way you do.

Most dumpers have a victim mentality and think that something is wrong with their ex-partners (even though many had been with them for years). Their perception of their partners has changed because they didn’t focus on the relationship enough and do what it took to get rid of negative thoughts and doubts.

Instead of controlling their thoughts, they entertained them and allowed themselves to associate negativity with their partners. This is how they developed negative feelings and lost love for their partner.

So if you feel annoyed or repulsed by your partner—and the feeling doesn’t go away after a few days, know that your relationship has already ended. It may not have had an official ending, but you’ve already disconnected from your partner and started craving a life without your partner.

You keep breaking up

It’s also time to break up if you keep breaking up over and over again. That’s because a breakup typically motivates couples to reflect and improve their shortcomings. It makes them afraid of losing each other and scares them into becoming the best versions of themselves.

Obviously, couples who break up all the time don’t have any drive to self-improve. On the contrary, they blame each other for the mistakes they made and then reconcile because of attachment and codependency issues.

You need to understand that if couples don’t grow after the first or second breakup that they won’t grow after the 5th one either. They’ll keep breaking up and getting back together until someone gives up.

There are better ways to put it, but couples who waste multiple post-breakup chances to grow need to break up for good.

A real breakup is the only thing that could hurt them enough to want to make a few healthy internal changes.

Of course, I’m not saying you should break up with your partner just to force some changes. If you do that, your partner could get hurt and tired of breaking up and stay away from you for good.

You should break up with a person only if you’re stuck in a relationship that hasn’t improved after multiple breakups because such a relationship has hit a dead end.

And also, don’t confuse slight improvements for relationship progress. People grow a little bit with time. They don’t automatically change enough to disassociate unhealthy perceptions from their partners and start over without prejudice.

When do you think it’s time to break up? Did you break up with someone before or are you thinking of breaking up now? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. They help readers immensely.

And lastly, if you’re looking for help with your relationship or breakup situation, sign up for coaching here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.