How To Get Over Being Cheated On And Stay Together?

Infidelity is without a doubt one of the most painful experiences a human being can ever go through. Not only does it destroy a person’s self-esteem and trust in love, but it also prevents a person from enjoying his or her life and moving forward from the traumatic experience.

Being cheated on completely messes people up.

It causes killer anxiety, fatigue, depression, loss of hope, and often even suicidal thoughts that require therapy and antidepressants to deal with. If cheaters knew first hand how cheating affects men and women, they wouldn’t wish it on their worst enemy, let alone their loyal partner.

Despite falling out of love, they’d treat their partner with dignity and respect and break up with him or her before they cheated with another person. That’s what they would have done if they respected their partner and cared about their actions.

But because they don’t care about their actions, don’t know how cheating feels, or think that their partner deserves to get cheated on, they make one of the worst decisions of their lives.

They cheat on their partner with someone they barely know and hurt their partner despite knowing that they’re going to get branded as cheaters.

There are many types of cheaters in this world. The most common ones are serial cheaters who cheat all the time, cheaters who cheat once and never tell their partner, and cheaters who get overwhelmed with guilt, sorrow, and regret and confess their wrongdoings.

Today, we’ll talk about the kind of cheaters who want to redeem themselves and win their partner’s trust back. The topic is how to get over being cheated on and stay together.

How to get over being cheated on and stay together?

If you got cheated on and your partner wants to stay with you, you’re probably one of the luckiest unluckiest people out there. The good thing is that your impulsive partner wants to win your love and affection back and repair the damage he or she has caused.

This means that you get to decide what you want and how you want it.

You possess the power to decide how you want your new relationship to work and what you want your partner to be like. You can tell your partner everything he or she needs to improve, starting with self-control, respect, self-respect, ethics, and personal values.

The bad thing about accepting a cheater back is that your partner has caused you pain and suffering and made you fearful of another betrayal (of more pain). He or she temporarily traumatized you.

That’s why you’ll likely stay on the lookout for signs of cheating and doubt your partner’s words and promises even weeks after reconciliation.

You’ll wonder if your partner’s intentions are sincere and if he or she will ever cheat on you again. The phrase, once a cheater, always a cheater will play tricks on your mind and make you anxious about your partner’s every move.

It will often make you wonder where your partner and what he or she is doing without you. So be aware of the fears you’ll most likely face if you accept a cheater back.

Considering the pros and cons of getting back with a cheater, you and the cheater will, therefore, both have a lot of work to do. You as the person who got cheated on will have to work on your fears and anxiety and your cheater partner, on patience, moral values, and unhealthy behavioral patterns.

If you want to stay together after cheating and make your relationship stronger than before, know that many couples have survived cheating and gotten closer as a result.

You can too. But you’ll have to try your absolute best to let go of the past and give your partner enough time to prove his or her commitment.

How to make a relationship work after infidelity?

Before we talk about saving a relationship after cheating, know that your relationship will, or rather, should go through certain recovery stages.

You’ll probably experience them in this order:

• Accepting that the cheating has occurred and understanding both rationally and emotionally that it wasn’t your fault
• Processing the betrayal and getting your strength back
• Deciding rationally whether your partner is worth the trouble
• Taking your power back (not abusing it) and telling your partner about the necessary relationship changes
• Observing your partner’s improvements and commitment
• Opening up to constructive feedback
• Healing and getting over the cheating

As you can see from the points above, to get over being cheated on and stay together, you have to go through many steps. You have to go through anxiety, fears, and insecurities and your partner has to improve his or her shortcomings.

Once you’ve both worked on yourselves individually, you can then come together as a couple and make the relationship strong again.

Also, it would be wise not to allow a cheater to come back immediately after betrayal.

If you allow the cheater to waltz back in as if nothing happened, you’ll make an unpremeditated emotional decision that could backfire on you later if your partner doesn’t live up to your expectations.

So let a cheater back into your heart only after you’ve dealt with the gut-wrenching pain and distress and noticed that your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife is serious about the relationship.

This should occur about 7-14 days after you’ve found out about cheating because that’s when the first dose of rationality will kick in. The time away from your partner will make you see things more clearly.

So give your body and mind enough time for the pain to lessen before you make an important decision. A decision that determines how fast you heal and move on with your life.

Here’s how to survive infidelity and restore your relationship.

Let’s now talk about these 7 tips in more detail.

Accepting that you got cheated on

To make a relationship work after infidelity, you’ll first need to come to terms with cheating and understand that you had nothing to do with your partner’s betrayal.

It was your partner who messaged the other person behind your back, flirted with him or her, and eventually made a conscious decision to gratify his or her urges.

So don’t ever blame yourself for your partner’s immoral actions. Your partner didn’t cheat on you because of your lackings or because of something you’ve done in the past.

This is almost never the case.

Your partner cheated because the new person gave your partner an opportunity to feel the emotions sex provides.

The reason why your partner looked for these emotions from another person is that your partner found someone new to listen to and bond with and couldn’t resist his or her sexual temptations.

In all honesty, he or she didn’t even try to resist them because the new person supplied your partner with love emotions. With the kind of emotions couples fall in love with.

All in all, your partner desired another person and felt desired by him or her. That’s why your partner lost his or her emotional connection with you and neglected his or her moral values that could have prevented your partner from cheating.

Understanding how initial attraction played with your partner’s mind will help you understand that your partner followed his or her strong impulses and wasn’t thinking rationally.

Processing the betrayal and getting your strength back

After you’ve accepted that you got cheated on, you need to start processing betrayal and getting your strength back.

You need to ge back on your feet.

The best way for you to do that is to distance yourself from your partner for a while (a week or so, depending on your coping mechanism). The longer you stay away from your partner the better.

During the time apart, you’ll encounter pain like never before.

You’ll lie in bed, cry, find it difficult to perform your daily tasks, and have hundreds of questions for your partner.

You’ll want to know why your partner cheated, where your partner cheated, who he or she cheated with, and just about every little detail about the betrayal. You’ll be in so much pain you’ll want to know everything from A to Z just to soothe your anxiety.

It’s important that you don’t demand answers from your partner during the week apart.

First of all, your partner doesn’t want to talk about the infidelity because your partner feels guilty as hell, and secondly (most importantly), you’re not ready to hear the details yet.

Especially not the sexual ones.

What you need instead is to talk to your friends and family. They are the ones who will support you and listen to any questions you have. Not your cheating partner.

You can also seek help from a professional. A person with mental health knowledge can give you some tips on how to recover from cheating and help you process the mental anguish.

That’s what experts are for.

If you don’t want another person’s opinion, that’s okay too. There are plenty of things you can do to get your mind off your partner for a while.

For starters, you can stop looking at reminders of your partner and participate in activities you enjoy. You can play sports, hang out with friends, read, listen to music, or write.

Writing down your emotions, questions, and struggles can be very therapeutic. This is why I encourage everyone who got cheated or broken up with to give it a try.

You don’t have to write a lot. 10 minutes a day should do the job.

You’ll probably experience difficulties focusing and enjoying the things you like, but this doesn’t mean that you should give up on them and lie in bed all day.

Sometimes you just need to force yourself and get things done. And this is definitely one of those times.

To stay healthy and get over being cheated on, stay emotionally and physically active. Engage your mind in challenging activities and fit at least 30 minutes of exercising into your daily schedule.

Deciding whether your partner is worth the trouble

Two weeks into cheating, you’ll still feel incredibly hurt and wonder if the new person’s more attractive or better in bed than you are. You’ll still doubt yourself and question everything you’ve been through with your partner.

But on the bright side, you’ll also be a lot more rational and see your partner for the person he or she is. You’ll understand that you got cheated on and that you couldn’t prevent cheating even if you were more observant of your partner’s behavior.

That’s something only your partner could have done.

By staying away from your partner for two weeks, you’ll slightly detach yourself from your partner and discern if he or she deserves another chance – if your partner can be the loyal person you want him or her to be.

You’ll figure out if your partner is as special as you thought he or she was.

And that’s what makes this stage so important. It will allow you to put your partner under the microscope and evaluate his or her positives and negatives.

It’s a chance of a lifetime.

Most couples can’t analyze their partner during the relationship because they can’t emotionally distance themselves from their partner.

But “luckily,” you can. You got a good reason to take a few steps away from your partner and see your partner from a clearer perspective. From a place that reveals what he or she is made of.

So think of this cheating incident as a rare opportunity for you to re-evaluate your relationship and overall taste in men/women. Who knows, you might even realize that your partner’s not worth the trouble.

Taking back your power and control

Before you decide to give your partner a chance to redeem himself/herself, it’s important that you take your power back. Unfortunately, the only way for you to do that is to show your partner that you’re not afraid of losing him or her and that you possess the power to move forward with your life.

Confidence and high self-esteem are the most attractive traits men and women can exhibit, so again, don’t be afraid to leave your partner alone for a little while after the cheating.

Your partner isn’t going anywhere. Not if you ask for time and space to think about your next step. You can be certain that if your partner regrets cheating on you that he or she will be in pain as well. Your partner will be hoping that you forgive him or her and come back.

In other words, the distance you create after cheating will have a positive effect on you and your partner.

1. It will clear your mind, help you pull through the storm, and give you enough time to think about the relationship.
2. It will shock your partner, encourage him/her to self-improve, and give you the power to control the flow of the relationship.

Taking power back after you’ve lost it is crucial. You need to take it back so that your partner understands who’s in charge and what’s at stake.

If you fail to take the power back after you got cheated on and let your partner do what he or she wants, your relationship likely won’t improve much, if any at all. Your partner just won’t have a reason to learn his or her lessons and may or may not cheat on you again in the future.

So as forthright as this may sound, make your partner understand your worth by taking your partner’s power away. Make him or her become afraid of losing you because nothing makes people reflect more on their behavior than fear and anxiety.

Observing your partner’s improvements and commitment

After you’ve given your partner another chance, you’ll want to make sure that your partner is serious about winning your trust back. You’ll want him or her to continue to learn and grow despite having you back.

Fortunately, there’s a good way for you to do that. You can keep your partner motivated by talking about his or her progress and self-improvement plans every few days and by doing so, continue to remind your partner about the importance of self-development.

The more you convey to your partner that you’re not going to settle for the person he or she was, the more you’ll encourage your partner to grow.

Just don’t pester your partner by nagging, criticizing, and insulting. Putting the pressure on your partner might work for a little while, but eventually, your partner would get tired of hurting and start to argue or pull back.

The key to getting over cheating and staying together is to make your partner see your worth and to motivate your partner to want to grow on his or her own.

If you try to force your partner to be a person he or she isn’t and doesn’t want to be, all you’ll get from your partner is resistance.

So instead of making things worse, monitor your partner’s improvements by complimenting your partner’s improvements and staying firm with his or her post-cheating plans.

You don’t want your partner to get offended or to fall back into his or her old routine. You want to be nice and supportive and at the same time, firm and confident.

Opening up to constructive feedback

There are things that your partner isn’t 100% happy with either. Maybe your partner doesn’t like your nagging or the time you spend playing videogames. Or perhaps he or she doesn’t agree with some of your relationship proposals.

Whatever the case may be, it’s important that you listen to your partner’s criticism just how your partner listens to yours. You have to give your partner some of your power back and strive for equality again.

That way, you’ll let your partner catch a breath and make him or her see that you’re interested in restoring the balance of the relationship.

By restoring the balance, you’ll once again have a functioning relationship where you and your partner can communicate without fears and anxiety.

Don’t be afraid that your partner will take you for granted again if you give him or her some of your power back. While there’s always a possibility that a cheater will cheat again, it’s also possible that your partner’s suffered enough and learned his or her lesson.

All you have to do after you’ve returned the power back to your partner is to keep presenting yourself in a positive light. Hold on to the high self-esteem you’ve started to develop after you got cheated on and exude strength.

Healing and getting over the cheating

The hardest part about being cheated on and staying together is that you have two conflicting responsibilities.

One responsibility is to heal from cheating and the other is to make the relationship work by presenting yourself in a self-sufficient light. As you know, committing to both can be extremely challenging at times as your instincts tell you to ease your anxiety by talking about cheating.

This is completely normal and okay to do.

You can talk to your partner about your concerns, but you need to do so in a way that proves you have your emotions under control. It’s important for your partner to see that you’re going to survive the cheating and be okay even if the relationship fails.

This is the kind of strength you need to develop.

Your partner, however, should be patient with you and highly understanding of your requests. If he or she gets angry with you because you often talk about the same problems, your partner unfortunately, isn’t regretting, nor learning much from cheating.

Anger is a sign of perceived unfairness and self-defense, so think twice if your cheating partner is someone who can support you and learn from his or her ordeal.

10 tips to get over cheating and stay together

If you got betrayed by your partner and you’re wondering how to get over being cheated on and stay together, copy or memorize the following dos and don’ts.

They’ll help you deal with anxiety and minimize your chances of smothering, guilt-tripping, and empowering your partner.

Here are 10 tips to get over cheating and stay together:

1. Spend lots of time with friends and family. They will help you get through the worst and encourage you to see your partner’s true colors.
2. Start therapy as well as couples counseling. You can confide in a professional about your concerns and have him or her create a plan to get over cheating and stay together with your partner.
3. Create a healthy balance between your partner and your own life. You’ll likely feel inclined to lean on your partner for love and support, but that’s the last thing you want to do. You want to show your partner that he or she isn’t the center of your life and that cheating isn’t going to kill you. Confidence is key.
4. Don’t tell your partner how happy you are that he or she came back. Don’t pester your partner with sexual questions either. The answers you want stem from hurt self-esteem. Instead of talking about the act of infidelity, talk about the future.
5. Discuss your partner’s personal-improvement plans and track his or her progress.
6. Encourage your partner to keep growing as a person and remain firm with your requests.
7. Don’t contact the person your partner cheated with. This would make you look very insecure.
8. Start investing in your life. Make new friends, hobbies, and become passionate about life again.
9. Improve yourself and your life so much that your partner will become afraid of losing you.
10. Ask your partner if there’s anything he or she would like you to change or improve.

7 Signs your partner’s going to cheat again

Some cheaters learn their lessons and never cheat again. If they learn really depends on how much they’ve suffered and how important their cheatees are to them.

If they’re very important and they love them, they’ll be on their best behavior and do their best not to let them down. But if cheatees are not that important to them and they come back just to assuage their guilt, then they’ll likely cheat and/or leave again.

They’ll behave as they always do and make the same mistakes.

And that’s because people are fixed creatures that change and improve at a very slow pace. We tend to make big changes only when our desire to change is accompanied by a strong emotional stimulus.

A black or white stimulus that is either enjoyable or painful. More often than not, it’s the latter that does the job.

Here are 7 signs your partner’s going to cheat or leave again. Make sure to observe whether your partner is committed to you and the changes he or she needs to make and if he or she is desperate to make the relationship work.

1. Your partner quickly takes his or her power back and stops working on himself/herself. This is a sign that a person hasn’t suffered/regretted cheating enough to make long-term improvements. It’s highly likely that his or her love and respect for you hasn’t improved either.
2. He or she gets angry and blames you for cheating on you.
3. He or she talks to other men or women and shows no short-term signs of improvement. If a person is serious about personal-development, he or she is going to make a lot of positive changes right away. You will notice those changes within days.
4. Your partner avoids talking about cheating and isn’t interested in easing your anxiety. This confirms two things. 1) that your partner is too self-centered to care about your pain and 2)that you’re dealing with the problems cheating has created on your own.
5. Your partner is unreceptive, cold, distant. Again, a cheater who’s serious about being with you won’t need space and feel a strong desire to be in control of the reconciliation. A committed cheater will try to stay close to you out of fear and anxiety and appear open to all kinds of topics, questions, and concerns.
6. Your partner hides his or her social media/phone from you. Your partner might be a private person, but there’s no such thing as privacy when someone’s cheated. Complete transparency is needed so that trust can be rebuilt.
7. Your partner tries to hide his or her cheating from friends and family or tells them that he or she had no choice but to cheat. Hiding and making excuses doesn’t portray regret and sorrow. It portrays defensive behavior.

How long does it take to get over being cheated on?

It can take a long time to get over being cheated on because you have to accept the cheating and get over your insecurities and fears of it happening again.

How long it will take you nobody can say because each person has different coping mechanisms. Some people get over it in a week or two and others, in months or years.

It depends on people’s self-esteem because the worse self-esteem is, the more anxiety they feel, and the longer it takes them to process it.

Generally speaking, cheating takes at least 3 or 4 months for cheatees to process. If it’s their first relationship and they’ve never been betrayed before, it can take even longer.

It can take as long as half a year (or longer).

But fortunately, cheating is not as bad as breakups because it gives cheatees a cushion to fall on. It allows them to hang on to their partner whereas dumpees (people who get dumped) are forced to go cold turkey.

And that’s it for this guide. Have you ever been cheated on and stayed together? How did you get over cheating? Did your relationship work out? Post your comments below this article.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.