How To Ask Your Ex To Get Back Together?

Asking your ex to get back together requires more than just timing. To get back together successfully, certain conditions must first be met. The most important one is your ex (the dumper) asking you to get back together.

If you’re the one who approaches the dumper with high hopes and expectations, you’ll most likely get rejected and hurt again.

You’ll show that you haven’t accepted the breakup and done much to improve your self-esteem. That will, in turn, push your ex into a corner and force your ex to respond appropriately. Appropriate behavior for most dumpers entails ignoring, blocking, or getting angry.

If you don’t want that, you need to know that asking your ex for reconciliation is the same thing as demanding it. Your ex can’t tell the difference because the moment you show you’re struggling to come to terms with the breakup, your ex feels guilt-tripped and ready to run away.

Your ex just won’t entertain desperation. He or she will find it weak and repulsive.

So if you want to know how to ask your ex to get back together, bear in mind that as a dumpee, you don’t need to ask anything. You don’t need to pester your ex with questions, love, or attention as long as you’re in a position of weakness.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve regained your composure and can handle another rejection. You simply needn’t and mustn’t chase someone who broke up with you and showed you that you’re not wanted anymore.

What you must do instead is depict strength and acceptance. And you can do that by focusing on your hobbies and friends and proving that you’re emotionally independent and happy again.

Don’t date other people and show off how happy you are because of them. Your ex probably won’t get jealous much if at all because your ex has detached. He or she will probably get annoyed instead. Most dumpers do because they think their ex is flaunting the new person on social media and competing with them.

So instead of trying to make your ex jealous, try to find and display inner peace by actually being okay with the breakup. Do things that show you don’t think about your ex 24/7 and fantasize about being with him or her.

When your ex sees that you’ve given up on the relationship, your ex will be able to relax a bit, lower his or her guard, and perhaps even communicate with you. I can’t promise you what your ex will do or won’t do, but I can tell you that your ex currently doesn’t want to be asked to get back together.

If your ex wanted you back, your ex would have told you that already. You need to wait and let your ex apologize and ask for another chance.

The dumpee simply mustn’t exude regret, anxiety, and desperation. He or she must refrain from making it too easy for the dumper to return. You’ve probably heard that people don’t want someone who’s too easy.

They want a person who respects himself/herself and knows his or her worth.

You won’t be that person if you ask your ex to get back together. Heck, you won’t even pique your ex’s interest for a second. You’ll be the desperate ex who doesn’t have any self-love and who doesn’t know when to quit.

So instead of worrying about asking your ex to get back together, worry about how to get yourself back. Figure out what you can do to wean off your ex and present yourself in the best light possible.

When you understand that your ex values only confident traits and behaviors, you’ll finally give up on the urge to ask your ex to take you back. You’ll essentially accept that you’re powerless and allow the universe to take care of you and the relationship.

You won’t completely give up on the relationship and resent your ex, but you will know that some things are out of your control. Things such as what your ex thinks and feels.

So leave your ex alone and make sure that you’re as happy as you can be. If your ex fails to find happiness without you, your ex could realize that you’re happy and expectationless. That could quickly boost your value as a person and make your ex want to be with you again.

I know it’s hard to give up control and watch your ex move on, but you have to give your ex space despite that. You have to give your ex the freedom to choose what he or she wants and doesn’t want.

The only time you can take the initiative is when your ex mentions getting back together. That’s when you can take your ex back under the condition that he or she is prepared to rebuild trust and improve as a person and a partner.

Today, we talk about how to ask your ex to get back together. We discuss what dumpees must do and how dumpers can express regret and desire to invest in themselves and the relationship.

How to ask your ex to get back together as a dumpee?

Even if your ex is talking to you and appears to be receptive to what you’re saying and doing, you can’t be the one to ask your ex to get back together. You must remember that your ex left you and broke your heart. He or she put you through immense suffering and made you question your worth.

You can’t risk suffering another blow like that. One rejection was painful enough. You must now protect your heart and demonstrate you’re not going to try to persuade your ex to give the relationship another shot.

Not now that the relationship is over. Relationship issues can and should be worked on when there’s a relationship to work on. When there is no relationship, it’s time for both parties to pack their bags, leave, figure out what went wrong, and improve themselves.

Sadly, only dumpees work on themselves after the breakup. Real work requires real effort. And only dumpees are hurt (motivated) enough to obsess over the relationship and their mistakes. Because of their obsession, they tend to grow and become better people.

Dumpers, on the other hand, don’t reflect and grow. They despise reflection because it makes them remember uncomfortable moments. That’s why instead of maturing, dumpers hold their ex responsible for the breakup and refuse to make any big changes.

It’s hard for them to make changes when they have a victim mentality and lack the skills and desire to have a successful relationship with their ex or someone else.

The point is you shouldn’t be asking your ex to have mercy and to give the relationship another shot. Even if you made some big mistakes throughout the relationship, reconciliation doesn’t have anything to do with those mistakes.

The problem is different and more serious than that.

It’s about your ex falling out of love with you and not wanting to fall back in love. In other words, your ex associates unhealthy beliefs with you and lost the will to fight as a result. As long as your ex thinks negatively of you, you can forget about getting back together.

It won’t happen.

No amount of asking, crying, or begging is going to change your ex’s mind. Your ex has a certain perception of you that words and actions can’t change.

The only few things that could change a negative perception that took weeks or longer to develop are:

• pain and anxiety
• fear and insecurity
• regrets and nostalgia
• and negative experiences that make your ex think

Your dumper ex will probably have to fail and suffer before he or she engages in self-reflection and lets go of his or her current (negative) perception of you.

While your ex perceives you this way, you should not only stop yourself from asking your ex to get back together but also stay away from your ex. There’s nothing left to say to your ex, let alone ask your ex. Those days are over.

The breakup made you single, so you need to learn how to be happy and single again. You were happy before you met your ex, so you need to go back to those days and be independent again.

Some dumpees get hopeful when their ex reaches out and asks personal questions. They think their ex is interested in them again and wants to get back together.

But what such dumpees don’t realize is that their ex is just curious. He or she wants to know how they’re doing so that he or she can appease guilt and move on with a clear conscience. It’s got nothing to do with reconciliation but rather with their conscience and curiosity.

Because they mistake their ex’s intentions, they get tired of waiting for their ex to make a move and ask to meet up or get back together. By doing so, they reveal their romantic feelings and pressure their ex. They make their ex see that they haven’t given up on the relationship and that they still expect their ex to love them and invest in them.

This makes the dumper feel overprioritized and more important than he or she should feel. As a result, the dumper says or shows that the feelings aren’t mutual and that the dumpee’s effort has been in vain.

I want you to know that it’s not your job to make your ex fall back in love with you. Your only job is to recover and be happy. Once/if your ex asks to get back together, you can then take back lost power, tell your ex what you expect of him or her, and guide your ex for a while.

This is how you can regain control and make sure the relationship doesn’t go down the same path.

Therefore, you need to wait for your ex to express the desire to reconnect and do better. When he or she does, you’ll finally get a participatory role in the getting back together process. Until then, lie low and wait for the circumstances to change rather than trying to change them yourself.

With that said, here are my tips on what to do when you want to ask your ex to get back together as a dumpee.

How to ask your ex to get back together as a dumper?

If you left your ex and you regret it, all you have to do is reach out to your ex and tell your ex you’ve messed up and realized how badly you want to be with him or her. When you have your ex’s attention, say that you’ve started working on yourself (mention what) and that you’ll never take him or her for granted again.

Your ex needs to see that you’re serious and that you truly value the bond you had.

If your ex thinks you’re not committed to the relationship, your ex could reject you and not want to talk to you anymore. Your ex could also reject you if you left him or her alone for too long and allowed the man or woman to change the way he or she sees you.

Dumpees may be eager for reconciliation, but that’s only because they’re emotional and think highly of their ex. When they recover emotionally, they tend to regain their rationality and see their ex for the person he or she is. They see what their ex is like as a person and how likely it is that their ex will hurt them if they were to give their ex another chance.

If you’re going to ask your ex to get back together, my advice is to do it as quickly as possible. The longer you wait and the more you hurt your ex, the smaller the chance that your ex will value you and crave your recognition.

If your ex detaches, your ex could keep you at a distance and begin to think that getting back together with you would be risky.

Anyway, just don’t overthink it. If you want your ex back after you’ve dumped your ex, talk to your ex and be honest.

Say:

• why you left
• why you came back
• what you’ve improved and continue to improve about yourself
• what the relationship means to you
• how the relationship can overcome the problems
• how sorry you are for leaving and causing pain
• and that you’re prepared to listen, compromise, and grow as a person and a romantic partner

If the breakup happened recently (a few months ago) and your ex hasn’t become resentful, there’s a decent chance that your ex will take you back. He or she will think of your desire to reconcile as the quickest way for him or her to feel validated and stop hurting.

But if it’s been a long time since your ex left and your ex seems content with his or her life, then your ex probably won’t see or feel the need to get back with you. Your ex would have to have a hard time letting go and finding happiness without you.

To take you back, your ex must:

• love you
• trust you
• respect you
• and be willing to go through uncertainty, fear, anxiety, and various problems

If your ex is out of energy to invest in you, your ex probably won’t take you back. Your ex won’t think the relationship is worth it and will instead tell you it’s too late and to move on.

So if you’re trying to learn how to ask your ex to get back together after you’ve left your ex, know that communication and speed are key. The better and the sooner you express your regrets and desires to be an equal partner, the higher the chance that your ex will lower his or her defenses and give you another chance.

Just be prepared for anything as your ex might not take you back. If he or she doesn’t, you need to accept the situation and move on.

Did you learn how to ask your ex to get back together? Do you have any tips for those in similar situations? Let us know in the comments section below.

However, if you wish to discuss your regrets and ways to get back with your ex with us, visit our coaching page for more information.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.