Dumper Ex Came To My Work To Talk

When an ex who left you comes to your work to talk, you have a sign that your ex badly needs something from you. Whether it’s forgiveness, validation, friendship, support, or love, he or she can’t or doesn’t want to get it elsewhere and hopes that you’ll provide it on the spot.

A conversation with you is something your ex craves and must get in order to deal with unwanted emotions and problems and move forward with life.

Usually, it’s dumpees who show up at their ex’s work or home unannounced. Dumpees feel rejected and insecure—and need their ex to make the breakup more manageable. They want their ex to take pity on them and give them another chance as another chance takes their separation anxiety, fear, and self-blame away.

When dumpers come to work to talk, it’s usually about something other than reconciliation. They want to keep their ex around as friends or friends with benefits (people they can benefit from non-romantically).

Many dumpers simply want to hold on to their ex for validation and entertainment purposes. By staying close to their ex, they feel empowered and indirectly play with their ex’s feelings. They essentially give their ex hope, make their ex anxious, and tempt their ex to want friendship and avoid distancing him/herself from them.

They don’t understand or want to understand that their ex needs space to get over the breakup and find other people to distract him/herself with.

Unfortunately, some dumpers are afraid of being left behind and feeling alone. They have low self-esteem and fears of abandonment, so they continue to bother their ex despite dumping their ex. Such dumpers crave approval and make moving on difficult for all parties.

So if your ex came to your work after leaving you, bear in mind that your ex wanted to talk about something that couldn’t wait. His/her desire to talk to you was likely inflated by (negative) emotions and a lack of ability to deal with problems and emotions in healthy ways.

Ex’s breadcrumbing can be confusing, especially if the dumper takes the time to see you in person. It can make you think that your ex needs you back urgently and that you may be able to have a strong, long-lasting relationship with your ex. The more your ex wants to talk, the more your ex makes you think that the relationship can be salvaged.

Whatever you do, try to avoid thinking that your ex has had an epiphany and that your ex wants to be in a relationship again. If your ex wanted to be with you, your ex would have shown you that already. You wouldn’t be reading this post, searching for information because your ex would have secured a place in the relationship with you already.

It would only take one interaction. One interaction is all a regretful ex needs to ask for forgiveness and get back together with you. That’s because an ex who understands your worth is afraid of losing you and wants you back before you meet someone else and move on for good.

If your ex didn’t get back with you but instead talked about unimportant things, it shows that your ex had something on his/her mind that needed your attention.

Attention had nothing to do with romantic feelings and regret. It had everything to do with your ex’s expectations. Your ex probably thought that you were open to talking or that talking in person (even if it was at work) was necessary and acceptable.

If you weren’t taking your ex’s calls, your ex basically forced him/herself into your life and left you with no choice but to engage in conversation. He or she may have felt guilty for hurting you and wanted your forgiveness. That implies your ex came to your work to talk about unwanted thoughts and emotions that had nothing to do with you.

They were your ex’s problems. But because you supported each other when you were together, your ex went to you for help. He or she opened up to you about non-relationship matters, saw how you were coping with the breakup, and probably indirectly obtained forgiveness and reassurance.

In other words, your ex used you for forgiveness, got rid of his or her difficult thoughts and emotions, and made you obsess over him or her.

In this post, we discuss what it means when your ex comes to your work and what you should do during the conversation and after.

Why did my ex show up at my work?

Your ex showed up at your work because your ex didn’t understand your post-breakup boundaries and feelings. Your ex thought it was perfectly fine to go to your work and bother you about problems you didn’t care about. Not only did you not care about them, but you also didn’t want them near you. You had plenty of your own (more important) issues to worry about.

You had to figure out how to disconnect from your ex, stop obsessing over your ex, build up your self-esteem, and find purpose outside of the relationship with your ex.

Your ex made it very difficult for you to do that. He or she acted as if it was normal to go to the dumpee’s work and talk about things he or she wanted to talk about. What your ex didn’t know or care about was that you were recovering from the breakup and that encounters with him or her overload your brain with unnecessary thoughts and feelings.

Because your ex didn’t put him/herself in your shoes and couldn’t sympathize with you, your ex did what he/she wanted to do rather than what was best for you. Your ex showed up at your work unannounced and expected you to talk. I don’t know what your ex needed to discuss so urgently, but your ex clearly couldn’t do it via text or call.

For some reason, he or she had to meet you in the flesh and complicate your recovery process. Maybe your ex was afraid of losing the non-romantic part of the relationship and wanted to bring a reaction out of you. A reaction (positive or negative) tells your ex that you still care and that he or she can control your thoughts and feelings.

Perhaps your ex thought you owed him or her friendship and that it’s okay to be friends after the breakup. No matter what your ex thought and wanted, your ex had unrealistic expectations and showed no respect for your healing. Your ex merely relied on his or her intuition for guidance.

Unfortunately, your ex’s intuition was wrong. It caused more problems than it solved because it caught you off guard, shocked you, forced a conversation you weren’t ready to have, and triggered repressed thoughts and feelings.

The conversation between you and your ex is a sensitive matter that should not have been made into a public event. It should have been kept private.

If you weren’t willing to talk to your ex, ignored your ex, or blocked your ex, your ex needed to respect your decision and leave you alone. He or she shouldn’t have sought your attention at your work and gone against your wants and feelings. It was extremely disrespectful for your ex to do that.

Your ex may have been worried or anxious even, but that doesn’t mean your ex could do anything he or she wanted. The breakup demanded that he or she either ask for another chance or leave you alone.

He or she couldn’t have the cake and eat it too (relationship perks without commitment). Downgrading from a relationship to a friendship right after the breakup is usually not possible. Most exes need to fall back in love with themselves before they can be friends or occasional friends. They need to enjoy their life again and let go of expectations.

When they let go of them, they can talk about relationship or non-relationship matters.

So if your dumper ex came to your work to talk, bear in mind that your ex wanted an in-person conversation. You either weren’t responding to his/her reach-outs or your ex wasn’t getting what he or she wanted out of them. Either way, your ex thought that the quickest way to get what he or she needed was to locate you at work and force a conversation.

Your ex had no idea that his or her actions would suffocate and embarrass you in front of your colleagues. At that moment, all your ex cared about was his or her wants and needs.

Having said that, here’s why your dumper ex came to your work to talk.

What if my dumpee ex came to my work?

If your dumpee ex showed up unannounced, your ex couldn’t stay away from you any longer and decided to reason with you. He or she acted on negative feelings and sought answers directly from you. You probably refused to answer your ex’s texts and meet up/get back together, so your ex took it upon him/herself to try to convince you not to throw the relationship away.

Your ex figured he or she had nothing to lose and that you either come back or leave things as they are. Your ex didn’t see that it was beyond disrespectful and desperate to meet up with you in person (when you didn’t want to) and try to change your mind at your place of work.

So if your dumpee ex came to your work to talk about the relationship/breakup, know that your ex was extremely anxious and hungry for validation and love. Your ex was afraid of losing you and tired of feeling anxious, so your ex met you where he or she knew you couldn’t get away from him or her.

Your job seemed like the perfect place to show you “how much” he or she cared about you and wanted to work on the relationship with you.

Your ex completely ignored the fact that chasing you and showing up unannounced at your house (privately) or your work (publicly) is a huge breakup mistake and that it would decrease your respect for him or her, rather than increase it. Any kind of begging and dictating the breakup makes you feel repulsed and considerably less likely to get back with your ex when the time is right.

And the time is right when you fail to find happiness without your ex and discover your ex’s worth through pain and suffering (like your ex did).

Hence, it’s safe to assume that your ex wasn’t thinking straight. All your ex could think about was obtaining your validation and decreasing his or her anxiety and pain. This led him or her to believe that time was ticking and that he or she needed to make one last attempt to win you over.

What should I do if my ex comes to my work to talk?

When your ex shows up unannounced, you should tell your ex that work isn’t the place, nor the time to talk about the relationship. Your workplace is a place where you need to focus on your work rather than think about your relationship and breakup problems.

Tell your ex why you didn’t want to discuss things over the distance (if you were ignoring your ex) and let your ex know when it might be possible to have a quick chat.

If your ex left you and hurt you, you don’t have to talk to your ex. You can just say that you need time to focus on yourself and that he or she shouldn’t come to your work anymore. If he or she comes, you’ll have to consider getting a restraining order. You should say that whether you’re a dumpee or a dumper.

An ex shouldn’t mess with your brain at work. He or she should leave you alone unless it’s an emergency.

However, if your dumpee ex comes to your work, then your ex probably needs closure or love. Find out what your ex needs and ask him or her to text or call you later. There’s no need to meet up in person, especially at work to talk about private things.

As a dumper, you have a moral responsibility to help your ex and let your ex feel reassured. If you answer your ex’s questions and offer reassurance, your ex will probably see that you don’t hate him or her and that he or she can accept the breakup and move on.

The more understanding you are, the sooner your ex will stop stalking and bothering you.

Did your ex come to your work? What did your ex want to talk about? Comment below and let us know.

And if you need our help with a stalking ex, subscribe to breakup coaching and get in touch.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.