If a guy you dated or wanted to date said he needed space, you probably want to know if his need for space is temporary or permanent. You’re hoping that he just needs a little bit of time to deal with his issues/focus on other things and come back to you to invest emotionally. What you need to understand is that a request for space in, before, or after a relationship is a serious matter.
Guys who ask for space do so not because they’re beaming with love and enthusiasm but because they feel overwhelmed and emotionally drained. They can’t or don’t want to invest in the person who loves them and expects things of them—so they ask for space instead of ending things. Space allows them to reject their partner/dating prospect and push him or her away without facing the consequences of breaking a person’s heart.
Therefore, it’s a cowardly way of saying they lack feelings and the guts to move away from the (potential) relationship. They fear hurting the other person and seeing him or her cry and wince in pain. I suppose they don’t want to feel responsible and take accountability for ending things completely, so they put a pause on the relationship and make the other person think that there is still hope.
Hope, unfortunately, spins their partner, potential partner, or ex-partner in circles, denies her closure, and prolongs her recovery.
This may not be what you wanted to read, but you’ve got to understand that a guy who asks for space doesn’t intend to work on his problems. He intends to run away from them and focus on things that make him happy. A relationship, especially with you, is not on his priority list. If it were, he wouldn’t have quit on you by asking for space. He would have continued to make plans with you, build a strong foundation, and secure a spot in your heart.
Of course, men, just like women, occasionally face problems and stressors. However, mature and healthy people are capable of handling their problems while being in a relationship. They don’t need to ask for space every time something uncomfortable comes up. If they ask for space because of problems unrelated to their relationship, they don’t qualify to be in one. They don’t have the resilience to focus on a relationship and a random difficulty at the same time, so they should work on their mental strength before they get or try to get into a relationship.
A death in the family or something traumatic might justify his TEMPORARY lack of energy and willpower to invest emotionally, especially if a relationship has just begun. But stressors at work, divorce, or co-parenting might not. Life is full of unpredictable moments. If we normalized taking breaks or quitting every time there’s a problem, relationships would fall apart even more often than they already do.
Couples would periodically suggest a break and disconnect even further. Many of them would find happiness outside of the relationship and not get back together.
That’s why couples or about-to-be couples who truly love each other don’t ask for breaks every time there’s a problem. They understand what breaks do to a relationship and fear that they might lose their partner forever. Hence, instead of asking for space, they confide in their partner and do their best to deal with their problems while staying committed.
Again, sometimes life gets tough and makes us question our decisions and happiness. But despite that, there’s no need to ask for space and push the other person away. Our partner is supposed to be our partner – someone we openly share our problems with. If we start seeing him or her as an obstacle to our ability to focus and happiness, then the relationship itself becomes a burden because we associate negative beliefs with our partner and start looking for a way out.
If the person in question is actively looking for ways to be happy without you, that should ring alarm bells. His need for space and lack of interest show that you’re a part of the problem, at least in his eyes. You’re the real obstacle, not the excuses he made when he asked for space. When a relationship is going well, couples, especially new ones, don’t crave space away from each other. They value each other and want to get or stay close.
Only guys who deal with stress poorly propose taking some space for themselves. They consider the relationship or potential relationship a waste of time and effort.
On the other hand, emotionally strong and moral guys who don’t want to be in a relationship handle things better. They may not want to be in a relationship with the person who loves them or has a crush on them, but at least they say they want to break up and explain why they want to do that. They make it clear that the relationship has ended, and by doing so, prevent their ex from holding onto hope and expecting a reconciliation text or call.
One of the worst things guys (and women) can do to their ex-partners is pretend to take a temporary break, make things unclear, and give hope. Hope prevents dumpees from investing in themselves and moving on with their lives. The more they lie about needing some space, the more they make it seem like their problems are unrelated to the relationship and that they will soon return to invest in it.
You shouldn’t convince yourself that a guy who asks for space is actively working on his reasons for needing space. You should consider him emotionally detached and unlikely to return. This is especially true if he’s ignoring your feelings, refusing to update you on his progress, and showing no concern for your feelings.
Passiveness is a sign that he enjoys being alone more than he likes being around you.
Let me remind you that someone who likes and values you also fears losing you. He wants to get to know you and/or stay with you. Space reduces his happy hormones and significantly increases the risk of losing you, perhaps even to someone else. The guy knows that if he leaves you alone for too long, you could fall out of love, lose interest, and find someone or something more available to you.
Despite that, he’s happy to take the risk. That suggests that he’s not as emotionally invested in you as you are in him. He probably disconnected at some point and is using space as an excuse to permanently separate from you. He thinks you won’t give him a hard time if he deceives you into thinking that he wants to be with you, but can’t, as long as he has more important matters to attend to.
When a guy asks for space or outright breaks up with you, his actions clearly show that he doesn’t want to be around you. Spending time with you is a hindrance for him because it forces him to invest energy he’d rather invest somewhere else. He’d rather be with people who empower him and make him want to impress them.
If I were you, I’d give a space-deprived guy a chance only if he was dealing with something serious or if I was too clingy for him to focus on his own life. In those cases, I’d be more understanding of his personal space and feelings—and get busier with my own life. I wouldn’t agree to a break and wait for him to come back to me if he had no patience, love, and plans to deal with his non-relationship matters.
Today, we discuss whether a guy who loses interest needs space or if it’s over.
Does he need space or is it over?
I’ve seen plenty of people fall out of love and leave their partners, so I recognize the pattern when dumpers disguise their intentions with excuses. Many dumpers use nice words or white lies, also known as breakup excuses to justify their lack of interest. By telling their ex what he or she wants to hear rather than needs to hear, they get their ex off their backs and take no accountability for their actions and mistakes.
Fear of confrontation is a common fear in dumpers. Most of them worry about what their ex will feel, think, and do when they deliver the bad news. But that doesn’t mean they should act on their fears and worries and string their ex along. Those who are brave enough to start a relationship must be brave enough to end it. They must put their partner’s right to know where they stand before their fear of the possibility of receiving an emotional reaction.
I know that rejecting a person is unpleasant, but what’s even worse is keeping him or her waiting for you. It’s downright cruel to do that when you have no intention of bonding and being together.
So how to tell if he needs a little bit of space or if the relationship is over?
Believe it or not, your ex’s actions and time will reveal how he thinks and feels about you. They’ll reveal whether he’s going through something difficult and needs space or if he needs more than that. If he needs space, he won’t leave you alone for long. He’ll soon get back in touch, apologize for leaving, and recommit to you. The guy won’t keep his distance and stay quiet when he has feelings for you.
However, if he broke up with you and/or merely used space as an excuse to distance himself from you, then he likely won’t reach out. Most dumpers don’t because they appreciate the space and feel uncomfortable at the thought of getting back in touch and being asked to continue the relationship. Some dumpers reach out and say they don’t want to pursue the relationship, but those dumpers have decent values and emotional strength.
They don’t want to keep their ex waiting and feeling bad for ending things without properly ending them.
From what I see, you’re most likely not to hear from your ex for a while. Your ex might eventually reach out, but it might be after he has processed the breakup and determined that you’ve accepted the breakup and/or gotten over it.
If you’re still in contact with your ex, your ex’s behavior will soon demonstrate what needs from you. If he frequently reaches out, tells you or shows you he loves you, updates you on his emotional progress, and reassures you that things will go back to normal once he’s dealt with his issues/goals, he probably needs some space to get his emotions in order. But if he chooses not to talk to you at all, spends time with other people, and pursues his goals and hobbies, then there are likely bigger issues, hidden beneath the surface.
He probably associates negative thoughts and feelings with you and wants things to stay as they are. Silence gives him peace of mind and a feeling of control.
With that said, the following infographic highlights the difference between a guy who needs space temporarily vs a guy who needs it permanently.
What to do when he needs space?
When a guy needs space, the first thing you should do is talk to him about how much and what kind of space he needs. If he tells you that he just needs to focus on his own problems for a few days, give him a few days and talk to him when he’s not busy or stressed. If he still likes/loves you, he’ll be okay with talking, just not all the time. The guy will find joy in conversing and even relying on you for certain benefits.
You should reach out when it’s convenient for him and talk to him when he’s in the mood. Gradually, he should get enough space to finish his tasks or deal with his problems.
However, if the guy has lost feelings and interest, you shouldn’t reach out or talk to him. You shouldn’t converse even if he reaches out to you and seems somewhat receptive. A guy who needs space permanently, as in wants to break up, most likely won’t regain romantic feelings anytime soon. He can’t regain them through conversation or time alone because he believes he can’t connect with you and feel how he wants to feel.
Such a guy must be kept far away. The further away you keep him, the less hope you’ll get and the quicker you’ll process the breakup. Don’t be afraid to push him away. Your heart may tell you to stick to him and impress him, but that won’t make him want to be with you. When a guy falls out of love or doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you, he must usually see what else is out there before he can reconsider being with you.
If you constantly remind him that you’re waiting for him, he’ll friend-zone you and think that he’s the one who got away. Always remember that a guy needs space to enjoy his life, fail, and compare you to other (romantic) experiences. He won’t come back just because you gave him a little bit of space to miss you. He might miss you, but to miss you romantically, something or someone will have to show him that leaving you was a big mistake.
Did you learn how to tell if a guy needs space? Share your views in the comments below.
However, if you’d like to share your complete story and create a concrete plan, subscribe to coaching. Together, we’ll analyze the guy’s patterns and determine if he needs space temporarily or permanently.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
