Many couples find themselves in long-distance relationships. Some start together in person before circumstances separate them, while others meet online and transition into a long-distance dynamic. Whether they connected in person or got to know each other solely through the distance with the help of technology, they can make their long-distance relationship work if they choose to do so.
They just need to be compatible as partners and be willing to put the work in.
A relationship, especially a long-distance one, requires a different approach than in-person relationships. Couples aren’t physically together, so they need something else to make the relationship work. They need a strong emotional connection, followed by plans to cut the distance and be a “normal” couple.
If they stay long-distance couples for years and have no intention of moving closer to each other, they may eventually forget why they’re together, develop a desire for a physical connection with someone else, and fall out of love.
They may cheat or simply disconnect and break up.
This is just one of many problems long-distance couples face. If they want to succeed, one person has to be willing to make a sacrifice and move closer to the other. The point of a relationship, after all, is to be close and contribute to each other’s lives in all ways, not just through the distance.
Couples must see the distance as an obstacle they need to overcome rather than an incompatibility they lack the tools to do anything about. By doing so, they can stay together while working on closing the distance.
With the intention to get rid of the distance, they can stay on the same page and show that love is stronger than their problems and worries created by the distance.
So yes, a long-distance relationship can work if a couple understands its importance and is willing to settle for it until a solution to cut the distance is found. They must agree that circumstances prevent them from being a physical couple, but that it won’t always be the case.
When they graduate, fulfill work obligations, arrange alternative care for sick parents, or secure an immigration visa, they’ll have the opportunity to transition into a permanently close-distance relationship.
That doesn’t mean all their problems will go away but that they’ll no longer be constrained by the lack of physical intimacy, long-distance communication, and occasional doubts.
Once they overcome the distance problems and become a physical couple, they’ll appreciate the work they’ve put into the relationship and perhaps even treasure the relationship more than regular couples.
A long-distance relationship has both pros and cons.
These vary for each couple, but typically, LDR couples may argue more and feel misunderstood due to a lack of physical intimacy. It’s well known that physical intimacy releases happy hormones, connects couples, promotes sleep, and makes couples grateful.
All these things combined prevent them from developing too many doubts and wanting someone closer and different who can fulfill their immediate needs.
You must find a way to fulfill or replace these needs. If you can bond intimately without physical closeness, that’s great. But if you can’t, then you must focus harder on making each other happy (emotionally). Compliment each other, express love, make each other laugh, help each other deal with stress, make plans for the future, give each other hope, and show that the distance isn’t a dealbreaker, but a test of resolve.
You don’t need to like the distance, but you must adapt to it and have plans to end it. If you barely talk to your partner (or quarrel when you do), the relationship probably won’t work. It will end when someone gets tired of feeling mistreated or unfulfilled and loses feelings.
It will take a lot of understanding, adjusting, and compromising to stay in a long-distance relationship. Occasionally, you might have to cancel your plans with friends and spend time on the phone with your partner. Creating a perfect balance between socializing and focusing on hobbies and obligations won’t be possible, but you’ll be okay as long as you talk daily and let each other know where you are and what you’re doing.
Like any relationship, a long-distance one requires frequent positive communication. You’ll have to call, text, or email each other and show that the relationship is your priority. If your actions show otherwise, you’ll need to learn from your mistakes, apologize, promise to be more attentive, and offer words of reassurance.
You might also need to save some money for the trips. You’ll want to visit each other to remind each other why you’re together and keep the bond strong. Occasional stressors and arguments about money might arise, so it’s a good idea to set aside some funds for visits and vacations.
Although a long-distance relationship can survive without physical bonding, it doesn’t mean you should completely ignore it. If you can see each other in person, you will fulfill your needs and make the relationship stronger. You’ll be better prepared to deal with doubts, fears, anxiety, pain, and temptations.
So keep in mind that an LDR can work but that its success rate depends on your maturities and what you’re willing to do to make it work. If you’re willing to communicate, solve problems, bond, and look for solutions to be together physically, there’s no reason why it shouldn’t work long-term.
Your determination to be together is the most important factor, followed by your ability to resolve difficulties.
If you fail, you only have yourselves to blame. It won’t be the relationship that breaks you up but rather your poor mentalities and lack of effort and relationship skills.
In today’s post, we discuss if a long-distance relationship can work or if it’s better to end it before things get even more complicated.
Can a long-distance relationship work?
A long-distance relationship can indeed work. It comes with its own challenges, but it can be just as successful as a physical relationship, provided couples value it and know what they’re doing. Believe it or not, the most common LDR problem isn’t even the lack of sex, bonding, and solutions to cut the distance.
It’s the couples’ bad relationship mentality.
Many couples are so set on wanting a physical relationship that they don’t give a long-distance relationship a try. Even though they like the person, get along with him or her, and think they could build a meaningful relationship together, they choose not to give the long-distance relationship a chance.
They don’t want to because they believe that maintaining a long-distance relationship is too difficult and that it would waste their time and prevent them from being in a normal relationship. Some had bad experiences with long-distance partners and think that all LDRs have the same problems.
They forget that relationship problems are unique to each relationship and that they’re partly responsible for them.
For example, if they intentionally ignore calls, make excuses, and get caught lying, they’re a part of the problem and can’t blame their partner for reacting strongly and making them feel criticized.
Some long-distance couples find it difficult to resolve disputes through the distance. They find long-distance communication impersonal due to a lack of facial expressions and are less afraid to say what they think and feel. That can make problem-solving feel more difficult compared to physical couples and force couples to react strongly.
Such couples need to remember that disagreements are a part of every relationship and that once they’re an in-person couple, they’ll solve problems in similar ways. Distance or not, they’ll still feel hurt at times and do things they’re not supposed to do.
How couples resolve issues depends on their relationship skills and self-control, rather than how far away they are from each other.
Some couples are more compatible, experienced, mature, grateful, and scared of breaking up than others. All these factors determine the likelihood of their relationship working out in the long run.
Hence, you shouldn’t obsess over questions like, “Can a long-distance relationship work?” and instead, ask yourself if you and your partner or potential partner have what it takes to make a long-distance relationship work.
Are you determined to step up your game and stick together, no matter the challenges you face? If you truly love each other, possess the skills to maintain a serious relationship, and think that distance is just a temporary obstacle, you have everything you need to stay together long-term. You have feelings, problem-solving skills, and the right mentality to persevere when problems arise.
Don’t let others’ opinions discourage you. It’s up to you to decide what’s best for you. If you think and feel that your partner is the right one for you, give the long-distance relationship a go. You may not find a partner so compatible in the near future and regret breaking up, especially if you get hurt by another person.
So remember that a long-distance relationship can work when both parties commit to it and continuously maintain and value it. When they invest in it wholeheartedly, they work toward common goals, grow together, and find ways to make their relationship work even when the odds are against them.
Love conquers all. It’s a force that inspires couples to look for solutions, remain loyal, and avoid giving up. It doesn’t, however, magically make couples grow up and treat each other well. They mature when they reflect on their decisions and actions and acknowledge their mistakes.
That’s what sets successful couples aside from unsuccessful ones.
I suggest not giving the long-distance relationship a chance if you or your partner don’t believe in long-distance relationships. If you think they’re a hassle and feel the need to quickly find someone to settle down with, it may be better to end things instead.
Dragging things on just because you’ve been together for a while will only lead to arguments, pain, and an inevitable breakup. You can avoid this by ending things properly and explaining why you’ve decided to quit.
Long-distance relationships are, therefore, not the right relationships for people who badly crave physical intimacy, a routinous life, children, or other things only physical relationships can give them. Such people should find a more physically available person and learn if they get into relationships because they value people or because they want something from them.
If they just want attention, validation, and security, they may be insecure and/or have some growing to do.
There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be in a long-distance relationship. As long as you make yourself clear from the start, you can avoid giving hope to your dating prospect and hurting his or her feelings.
The situation becomes a bit more complicated when circumstances change the dynamics of a long-term relationship. When couples move away from each other due to something out of their control, they tend to feel more disconnected and need to find a way to reconnect.
Such couples may break up if they don’t establish healthy/regular communication habits and adjust their problem-solving skills.
Couples who become long-distance sometime into the relationship need to remind each other why they started dating, set short-term and long-term goals, express gratitude and love, fix problems as quickly as possible, and refuse to foster resentment and confide in other people.
If they prioritize others over each other, they could get close to them, develop temptations to monkey-branch/be in a new relationship, and become infatuated.
So if you’re wondering whether a long-distance relationship can work, rest assured that it can. Its success doesn’t depend on the type of the relationship but rather your mentality, feelings, gratitude, commitment, and willingness to stay together.
If you have these qualities, you’ll be able to make it work no matter the challenges that come your way.
Of course, this applies to both people. To stay in the relationship, you’ll both need to invest time and feelings in it and let each other know that distance is a temporary obstacle you must work through rather than something to avoid.
With that said, here’s when long-distance relationships can work.
How can I make a long-distance relationship work?
There are no secrets to making a long-distance relationship work. But since you and your partner don’t see each other as frequently as other couples, it’s important to put in extra effort to communicate more often and more efficiently.
Make time for texting, calling, video calling, sending recordings and pictures, and try to express yourselves clearly. It can be difficult to gauge a person’s sincerity and care through a phone, tablet, or computer, which is why you must try extra hard to get your point across and reduce misinterpretation.
Instead of reacting emotionally to the things your partner says and does and accusing your partner of not caring and doing enough, ask your partner for clarification. Try to understand your partner’s point of view, feelings, and intentions—and avoid making your dissatisfaction sound like a personal attack.
Once you understand what your partner means and how he or she feels, you can express yourself more directly. You can say that you feel hurt and hope to talk about it. A long-distance relationship doesn’t require you to keep your feelings inside and not take action when you feel neglected and hurt.
It requires you to be honest about your feelings, only in a more respectful way. Communication, especially texting, can be more impersonal, so you must take extra care not to criticize or hurt your partner, even if he or she has hurt you first.
It doesn’t matter who did it first. What matters is that you avoid projecting your pain onto your partner and do your best to respond maturely. Instead of saying, “You hurt me, you always ignore me, you’re a cheater/liar,” say things like, “I feel hurt/ignored and fear that you’re seeing other people.”
You don’t want to confront your partner unless you’re certain that he or she has disrespected/betrayed you and urgently needs to fix the mess he or she has caused.
Consistency is key. If you check in on each other frequently and feel good in each other’s company, the chances of breaking up are much smaller compared to long-distance partners who talk twice a week for a few minutes. I’ve had such couples wonder if they’re even together.
Some started dating someone else and thought their relationship unofficially ended a long time ago. Needless to say, they broke up for good and went their separate ways.
Your long-distance relationship can survive anything if you truly value each other. You can make each other feel valued by expressing love and gratitude. Tell each other how you feel and what you appreciate the most about each other.
This will erase any doubts you may have about making the relationship work.
Moreover, set some new relationship goals and discuss how long the distance will last. If you’re waiting for a visa or something out of your control, say you’re not sure how long it will take, but that you’re hoping for positive results in x number of months/years.
The distance needs to be something you’re working to resolve. If you’re not actively working on it, you won’t take each other seriously once you get used to being with each other. That’s why the more you plan your visits and work toward mutual goals, the greater the chance you’ll stay together during difficult times.
Don’t forget to keep the relationship exciting. You may not be able to go out together, but you can still send each other cards and gifts and put more effort into each other’s birthdays, anniversaries, and days that are important to you.
Show each other that you remember important days and want to celebrate them together.
This will keep you close and appreciative of the relationship. Gratitude and trust take a while to build. But once they’re at a healthy level, your relationship will benefit immensely from them.
Also remember that you don’t need to be on the phone all day, every day. Independence is still a desirable trait as it shows you have things to do outside of the relationship. You just need to treat the long-distance relationship as a regular relationship and be there for each other when you’re going through something difficult.
Distance or not, you should confide in each other because that’s why you became a couple.
All in all, you can make the long-distance relationship work if you’re both emotionally ready, mature, and willing to make it work. It all comes down to your determination to stay together.
What’s your opinion on making a long-distance relationship work? Do you think it can succeed? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
And if you’re looking for help with your long-distance relationship, consider signing up for coaching. We’ll analyze the dynamics of your relationship and discuss the best course of action.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
