It’s not unusual for dumpers to be happy without their exes. In fact, it’s extremely common. Breakups tend to free suffocated dumpers and empower them with relief, control, and happiness. It tells them they’re in charge of their life and that they should have left and secured happiness a long time ago. Because they didn’t and stayed in the relationship despite having other plans, they slowly became frustrated and tired of investing in the relationship they didn’t believe in.
This caused them to lose interest, feelings, and hope and enabled them to slowly detach.
Whatever you do, don’t think that your ex is happy without you because you were a bad partner or person. Dumpers experience elation even when their exes are near-perfect. They feel this way simply because they focused on the negative parts of the relationship and felt trapped in it. Their unhealthy relationship mentality made them pay too much attention to the things that weren’t working for them and not enough to the things that were.
Due to a lack of gratitude and positive thinking, they allowed themselves to crave freedom and independence and couldn’t wait to break up with their ex. They just needed to find or create an opportunity to leave. Eventually, they left and embraced the positive feelings caused by the breakup.
So if your ex appears to be happy without you, don’t think your ex is so happy because you’re unattractive, incompetent, and unworthy of being in a romantic relationship. Even though you weren’t perfect and made mistakes, the thoughts your ex thinks and the feelings he or she feels after the breakup have very little to do with you. They have almost everything to do with your ex’s perception of you throughout the relationship and the things your ex did or didn’t do to eliminate them.
If your ex allowed himself or herself to think negatively about you, your ex is happy because he or she made you into a bad person whom he or she needed to break free from. Your ex convinced himself or herself that you were the problem and that he or she didn’t have to change a thing about him/herself. In your ex’s mind, you were responsible for finding the solution to his or her problems before your ex gave up completely.
That, of course, couldn’t happen, especially if your ex didn’t express his or her issues and the way they affected the relationship. You couldn’t mind read, so your ex should have expressed emotion and communicated better. If your ex did communicate but you didn’t listen, then the breakup needed to happen so that you could start taking your partners seriously and work on various issues alone or together.
Sadly, most people don’t tell their partners what’s bothering them and what they need to change. They merely expect them to understand what they want or don’t want and wait for them to change. Because they don’t change, they become resentful and bitter over time and initiate a breakup. This causes them to let go of all the emotional baggage they accumulated throughout the relationship and lets them feel truly happy for the first time.
This happiness isn’t just any happiness. It’s happiness caused by weeks or months of feeling smothered, unhappy, and repressed. It comes out all at once due to their inability and/or unwillingness to maintain the relationship.
So don’t blame yourself for the breakup and your ex’s post-breakup happiness. I know it’s hard not to take it personally and not think your ex is doing much better without you, but keep in mind that your ex won’t act out of character and feel this way forever. Your ex will soon revert to the person you know and be forced to create happiness.
Happiness will no longer empower your ex on its own because your ex will get used to living without you and encounter problems and unwanted feelings. When that happens, your ex will start to realize that you aren’t solely responsible for his or her problems and concerns and that you weren’t as bad as he or she made you out to be.
Moreover, don’t fall for the things your ex posts on social media. People tend to post the best of their lives on social media. They want others to see they’re doing great and that they’ve got what it takes to support themselves.
As a dumpee, it will be hard not to take your ex’s happiness to heart, but do your best anyway. Consider it a part of your ex’s (temporary) breakup process and refuse to react to it. If you lose your cool and tell your ex how inconsiderate he or she is of your feelings, your ex will feel disrespected and trapped once more and may even ignore or block you, which would hurt you further.
It’s best to let your ex be happy on his or her own or with someone else. Don’t let emotions get to you and show your ex that his or her actions affect you. That would not only give your ex power but also make your ex glad that he or she dumped you. The last thing your ex needs from you is being judged for being happy.
Remember that your ex broke up with you to be happy. The relationship wasn’t giving your ex what he or she wanted, so your ex left to search for greener pastures. Your ex is incapable of feeling blue right after the breakup unless your ex left due to depression, stress, emotional overwhelm, or betrayal. Unless you cheated on your ex or did something that left your ex no choice but to leave, your ex will feel relieved and happier than ever.
Your ex may even be happier than when you first started dating. That’s how strongly the breakup could affect your ex. The longer the relationship lasted or rather, the longer your ex felt trapped and unhappy, the stronger and longer the post-breakup elation will last. Typically, it lasts for a month or two. It depends on what your ex does or doesn’t do after the breakup.
If your ex goes out a lot and/or meets someone else, your ex could prolong his or her happiness for a bit longer. Altogether, his or her happiness shouldn’t last longer than a few months. At some point, your ex should run out of steam and stop feeling like he or she owns the world. That’s when your ex will reach the neutrality stage of a breakup and feel like any other person.
Your ex will stop thinking the breakup was the best thing ever and actually have to earn his or her happiness.
In this post, we discuss why your ex is happy without you and what you should do about it.
Why is my ex so happy without me?
The main reason your ex is so happy without you is because your ex doesn’t have to worry about your wants, needs, and expectations. Your ex doesn’t have any (relationship) obligations that drain his or her energy and waste his or her time. As a single person, your ex can just focus on his or her hobbies and friends and do what feels right.
Things that previously didn’t make your ex happy now probably do. Your ex may be engaging in new activities and social situations. They may bring new opportunities and excitement to your ex. Your ex felt restricted in terms of what he or she could do and feel, so this is your ex’s chance to do things differently. Your ex can go out and party all night or stay home and watch TV all day long.
It’s not about what your ex does but the fact that your ex feels free to do what he wants when he wants it. He or she no longer feels tied to you and limited in any way. This is enough for your ex to feel happy and stress-free. Newfound freedom gives your ex strength and control over his or her decisions and makes your ex feel entirely responsible for being happy.
So bear in mind that your ex is happy without you because your ex has a lot of free time and things he or she wants to do. Your ex hasn’t felt so free and relieved in a while, so your ex wants to keep feeling good and make the most out of his or her time. Every dumper acts differently, but most dumpees feel elated and eager to take their life in a new direction.
They’re in a hurry to leave their old life behind and start a new chapter.
When an ex is suddenly elated and interested in new things, you have a sign that your ex is trying to regain his or her identity. Your ex is doing his or her best to disassociate from you and live life independently of you. Independence gives your ex a feeling of purpose, progression, and happiness.
Another reason why your ex may be happy without you is that your ex is talking to or dating someone new. Most dumpers don’t wait long before they jump into a new relationship. It’s called monkey branching. Dumpers branch to someone else to extract the benefits of a new relationship. And as you know, new relationships can make them feel like they’re on top of the world.
They empower them with validation and make it impossible for them to experience sadness and pain. Not for a few months or unless they’re incompatible. Dumpers typically experience pain months into the new relationship because that’s when they stop feeling relieved, encounter relationship problems, and put their relationship skills to the test.
If they aren’t compatible or ready for a serious relationship, they break up and appear much less happy.
Therefore, your ex may appear happy now that the breakup just happened and that he or she may be getting to know someone new, but your ex won’t stay this happy forever. As soon as your ex gets used to feeling relieved and validated by another person, your ex will stop chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and appear neither happy nor sad.
Your ex will be back to his or her usual/neutral self.
You must remind yourself that your ex felt suffocated toward the end of the relationship and that he or she craved space and independence more than anything. When your ex finally mustered the courage to leave you, your ex felt a weight lifted off his or her shoulders and felt in complete control. You can expect your ex to act out of character and look like a different person for a while.
This is especially likely to happen if your ex finds a new group of friends and doesn’t yet know who he or she is and wants to be. If your ex is in the process of exploring his or her new life, your ex could say or do things that hurt your hope for reconciliation and affect your self-esteem. Your ex has all the power, which means your ex determines how hopeful and hurt you feel.
Having said that, here’s why your ex is so happy without you.
Don’t analyze your ex’s happiness
Whether your ex is happy, unhappy, or neither doesn’t help you feel better, nor get back together with your ex. It just gives you hope or takes your hope away. Either way, hope messes with your head and delays your recovery. They keep you obsessed with your ex and the reasons behind your ex’s happiness.
If you want what’s best for you, you must keep your distance from your ex and avoid seeing how your ex feels. Not knowing what your ex thinks, feels, and does will minimize the amount of pain and suffering you experience as a result of unnecessary information. It will allow you to focus on yourself rather than your dumper ex.
So make sure not to keep an eye on your ex. If you see your ex in public or hear from friends that your ex looks happy, consider it a part of your ex’s newfound freedom. Remind yourself that your ex is happy because the breakup triggered his or her happy hormones and stopped your ex from being sad, stressed, and regretful.
How your ex feels today won’t be how your ex feels months from now. Your ex will eventually stop feeling empowered by the end of the relationship and have to actively work on his or her happiness.
Sometimes your ex will be happy, but sometimes, your ex will also be sad. Your ex’s happiness will depend on factors in and outside of your ex’s control. Factors such as who your ex interacts with, how successful your ex considers him/herself to be, and how your ex copes with stressors.
No matter how happy your ex appears, try not to let it ruin your happiness. Unfollow, mute, or delete your ex on social media if you have to, and do what it takes to physically and emotionally distance yourself from your ex. Distance will help you avoid analyzing your ex’s happiness and thinking your absence has something to do with it.
Tell your friends and family not to talk about your ex and that you don’t want to know what your ex is up to and what he or she is doing. It’s important to do the full no-contact rule and prevent your ex from making you feel scared and insecure.
Don’t think that watching your ex from afar will somehow help you get your ex back. If anything, it will make it harder because you’ll analyze your ex inside out and stay emotional. You could also scare your ex away when your ex decides to check up on you and test the waters.
So use this time to detach from your ex and heal your wounds. Focus on getting yourself back and living your life to the fullest. When you recover to the point of not depending on your ex for happiness, you’ll be the most attractive you can be. That means you’ll be in charge of your life again, see your ex differently, and know if your ex is even the right person for you.
You may be hurt by the breakup and your ex’s happiness, but this will change when you recover emotionally. You simply won’t care about how your ex feels because you won’t rely on your ex for recognition and happiness. You’ll rely on yourself and those who have something valuable to offer.
Is your ex happy without you and that bothers you? Share your thoughts and feelings in the comment section below.
However, if you’d like to chat with us about your ex’s happiness and behavior, reach out to us directly. We offer coaching services tailored to your needs.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
