Being On A Break In A Relationship

Being on a break in a relationship is extremely dangerous. It’s dangerous whether your relationship is short or long-term, long-distance or no distance, and healthy or unhealthy. Every minute you spend not bonding and feeling loved, the risk of staying permanently disconnected from your partner increases.

A relationship needs love and connection to thrive. It can’t continue to exist forever if both parties seek happiness elsewhere.

If couples take a break and find happiness and entertainment outside of the relationship, their relationship is over because they lose the drive to put more energy and time into something that drains them mentally and emotionally. 

They’d rather just stick with things that already work and forget about working on a complicated relationship.

You need to understand that a relationship on a break is a ticking time bomb. Couples may not admit it at first, but they’ve already broken up because they have no plans to make things work. They’re okay with not spending time together, bonding, and learning how to reconnect as partners.

Couples like that are actually ex-couples. The only special thing about them is that they haven’t officially broken up. They broke up without ending things properly.

To avoid hurting each other, they (the dumper) asked for a break while the other reluctantly accepted.

The other person had no choice but to agree to the terms the dumper presented as the dumper made the breakup look better than it was. It was easier to accept an unwanted situation that made the breakup seem temporary.

Sadly, a temporary break seldom grows back into a relationship. Most dumpers don’t come back after taking a break because they don’t redevelop feelings. Instead of working on themselves and finding ways to reconnect, they distance themselves from everything related to the relationship and enjoy their space and quiet.

This makes them further disconnect from their partner and encourages them to avoid dealing with relationship problems that they were supposed to work on.

Always remember that couples who love each other don’t take breaks. They work on themselves and do everything in their power to overcome their (personal and relationship) issues and stay connected.

They’re afraid of growing distant and their partner dating someone else, so they continuously put in the effort and make sure they’re on the same page.

Couples who aren’t in love, however, don’t fret about the distance between them and their partner. They don’t lose any sleep over it, nor do they worry about their partner meeting someone else and investing in that relationship instead of them.

They’re fine with not being with their ex, which shows they don’t care about their relationship anymore.

So if you’re thinking about taking a break in your relationship because things aren’t the way you want them to be, know that your relationship likely won’t survive a break (especially a long one).

If during this break you find things or people that make you feel better than your partner, you’ll almost certainly leave your broken relationship and focus on the present.

Bear in mind you won’t have to find something really special to move on from the person you promised to return to. You’ll just need a little bit of space and internal peace. As soon as you feel calm and certain you’re happier than you were before you took a break, it’s game over for your relationship.

You won’t go back to it because you’ll enjoy your new life way more than the life you left behind.

My advice is not to take a break unless 1)you can’t work things out and 2)you both mutually agree that a break will help the relationship. While you’re apart, you need to both work on the issues that split you up and agree to come back on the selected date.

I don’t know your situation so I don’t know how long your break should be, but if you must have one, it probably shouldn’t be longer than a week or two. In my opinion, 10 days should be more than enough time to spend away from someone you claim to love and want to be with romantically.

If you don’t want to break up permanently, I encourage you to find a way to save your relationship with your partner. You’re a team of two, which means you must look for solutions together. The only thing you need to work on individually is your shortcomings.

That’s something your partner can’t help you with much.

You have to want to reflect and develop a desire to become the best version of yourself on your own. That’s how you can make necessary personal changes and have a better relationship with your ex and others. The success of your relationship depends on your ability to adapt and evolve in life.

In today’s article, we discuss how being on a break in a relationship can help your relationship and how it can damage it. We also share some tips on what you should do if you’re on a break already.

What does being on a break mean?

Some people argue that space in a relationship is healthy and necessary. They say you need some time away from your partner once in a while.

And they’re right. “Space can act as a catalyst for the development of a healthy relationship.” It’s not, however, needed and recommended when a relationship is falling apart. Space doesn’t help couples fix their shortcomings, relationship issues, and a lack of connection.

On the contrary, it makes them feel more distant and happier without each other. A break means only one thing – that they’re not prepared to work on the relationship because the break feels better than the relationship.

When a person begins to believe that, the relationship is over because he or she associates problems and stress with the relationship and doesn’t want to do anything about it. A detached person would rather stay at home and do nothing all day than talk to his or her partner or ex and feel uncomfortable.

So bear in mind that a break is not a good thing. It’s an excuse dumpers use to pull away from their partner without breaking up with him or her and getting punished for it. Dumpers are afraid of being honest about their feelings and hurting their ex.

They know that their ex could get emotional and give them a hard time for leaving after saying things like “I love you, I’ll always work on the relationship. I’m not a quitter.” 

That’s why dumpers use breakup excuses and act as if their relationship is on a hiatus. Deep inside, they know their will to work on the relationship is gone and that it will probably not return while they’re away from their ex. 

It will only get worse, especially if things go well for them. And most of the time, things go very well as they feel relieved and excited to enjoy their post-breakup freedom.

To make their dumpees even more confused, they sometimes also say things like, “I don’t know what the future holds. If it’s meant to be, it will be.” These lines are all the proof you need that the dumper has given up control and has left the destiny of the relationship in the hands of fate (things outside of his or her control).

When the dumper says things might fix themselves on their own, he or she also means that they might not and that he or she isn’t bothered by it. The dumper is perfectly happy with the current situation and is not interested in making any changes.

You should run away from a person like that or you’ll get hurt. If you don’t escape, you’ll keep thinking your ex is taking a break from the relationship to work on things that need improvement. You’ll do that until you see that your ex has moved on and perhaps has even fallen in love with someone else.

So don’t think that a break is an innocent temporary separation. A break without a plan on how to come back and have a stronger relationship is a death sentence for the relationship. It’s a cowardly way of ending a relationship that no longer reaches the expected level of fulfillment. 

Cowards choose this method of breaking up with someone they fell out of love with because they fear their ex would say or do something to complicate their lives.

That being said here’s what being on a break means for the majority of dumpers.

For most dumpees, being on a break means the end of their relationship. Very few dumpers suggest a break to actively address their issues and be with their ex. Most dumpers see that some of their stressors are gone and that life without their ex isn’t that bad.

They think this way because they’ve detached from their ex long before they asked for a break. The break merely hid their lack of feelings and commitment to the relationship.

I wish a break was a healthy method for strengthening the bond with a person you love, but that’s usually not the case. Most people use the break as an excuse to dampen the blow of the breakup and get what they want out of life without their ex’s interference.

What they want is space and time to focus on things and people who interest them and make them feel good.

So if you’re hoping that the break will help you and your ex bond and get along better, you’re hoping for time alone to bring you closer. You’re forgetting that people grow as individuals and partners when they cooperate and search for solutions.

Conversely, they worsen as people and partners when they run away from unwanted thoughts and feelings, blame others for the mess they’re in, and let time and circumstances take them in any direction they want.

Aimlessly moving relationships without goals, commitment, and healthy ways to fix problems are like ships without rudders. They have no destination and purpose—and are likely to crash.

Please be aware that despite the length and strength of your relationship, emotional disconnection can pose a significant challenge. It can break you and your partner up when better opportunities come.

And better opportunities always come. It’s only a matter of time before your ex realizes that life got easier (not harder) because of “the break” and that he or she is finally happy.

Many people I worked with thought a break was going to help their relationship. Even some dumpers pinned a little bit of hope on a temporary separation.

But when they started going out, talking to other people, and living a responsibility-free life, they learned they didn’t need their ex anymore and that a life full of excitement and validation was way better.

Such dumpers became so happy with their decisions that they prioritized instant gratification over commitment and repetitiveness. The last thing they wanted was to reconnect with an ex who no longer excited them.

What about couples who take a break for just a few days?

Couples who take a break in the heat of the moment during an argument typically resume their relationship after a few days. They don’t break up permanently, unlike couples who stay away from each other for weeks or longer.

They normally start talking again when they process their anger and start missing each other.

The bad thing about couples like that is that they don’t argue the right way. Instead of communicating their feelings and problems maturely, they demand a break to hog power and force change.

Sadly, change doesn’t happen that way. Fear without self-awareness and an active plan to make the relationship work is meaningless. Fear only normalizes the abuse of the push-pull mechanics and decreases the standards in the relationship.

If relationship standards keep decreasing and fall extremely low, there’s a big chance couples will break up.

You see, couples don’t have to take a break when they’re facing problems. If they’re struggling to see eye to eye, they should go for a walk, cool off, and then talk about their problems.

If they can’t talk about their problems without hurting each other and causing more damage to the relationship, they should give it some more time (perhaps another few hours). If after not speaking for hours they still feel victimized, they should snap themselves out of a bad mood and start talking.

They don’t need to take a break to deal with negative emotions.

If they do take a break (and they keep doing this every time they argue), the more detached person will eventually quit and get involved with someone else. That will be the end of their on-and-off relationship.

If you’re currently on a break that you initiated, it may not be too late to fix things.

Say you used the time apart to reflect and grow and that it was the only break you needed. Say it made you realize that breaks are unhealthy and that you won’t go on one ever again. This will reassure your partner that you’ve matured and that the relationship won’t face the same problem.

How long should a relationship break be?

If you have to take a break, make sure you both agree on the fact that a little bit of time apart will help you deal with your current issues. You need to make a unanimous decision or someone will suffer immensely.

That someone will be the more attached person.

Bear in mind that a break can help you when you or your partner are still getting to know each other but can’t fully commit due to external reasons such as a death in the family, trust issues, and an unprocessed previous relationship.

By putting a pause on the relationship. you can resolve the issues you can’t deal with as a couple and have a stronger relationship as a result.

Just make sure the break is short and that it includes the plans on how the break will look (will you communicate?), what you’ll work on, and when you’ll give it another go. You can’t have a break without knowing when the break ends.

If your break has no end date, you’ll probably stay away from each other permanently. You won’t magically find a reason to reconnect with your ex because you won’t look for it. You’ll focus on things that make you happy instead.

If the reason for the break is something like poor communication, a week of space should be enough to commit to working on yourselves, see each other’s importance, and miss each other. But if you proposed a break because you’re not emotionally ready, then it may be better to break things off.

Staying on a break when you have no idea when or if you’ll want to be with your partner again is a waste of emotions. It’s also unfair to your partner.

Every person has different reasons for taking a break. For example, if you feel that you can’t focus on your partner because one of your loved ones is sick, pushing your partner away probably isn’t the right thing to do (couples are supposed to be there for each other).

But if you feel that you need to do things alone, then perhaps you’ll feel better after a couple of weeks.

This is just a guess, but every relationship has different issues and ways to fix those issues. Make sure to talk to your partner about the issues and the length of the break so that the break isn’t longer than it needs to be.

Did you learn what it means to be on a break in a relationship? Did you ever go on a break with someone you loved? What was your reason for the break? Share your story below.

However, if you prefer to have a private discussion with us, sign up for our breakup coaching services.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.