When Your Ex Gets Married And You’re Still Single

Breakups may feel like competition, but that’s just an illusion. Breakups aren’t about finding another person and marrying him or her quicker than your ex-partner. They’re about learning your lessons and growing as a person.

The more time you dedicate to discovering your mistakes and working on them, the better equipped you are for your next relationship/s. A serious long-term romantic relationship requires you to be self-aware, emotionally mature, and capable of resolving differences and problems.

If you don’t develop the skills to maintain a relationship, all of your relationships will fail or be difficult. Either way, you won’t be happy, so I wouldn’t call an ex dating and getting married soon after breaking up success and something you should envy.

I’d call it torture, caused by naivety and a lack of post-breakup reflection and effort.

People who immediately jump into another relationship don’t learn the lessons they need to learn. If anything, they neglect them and blame their ex for their mistakes and unhealthy feelings. This kind of behavior stops them from evolving as partners and being the people they should be.

Monkey-branchers essentially miss the point of the breakup, which is to analyze the reasons behind the breakup and make sure those problems don’t resurface in the next relationship. That’s why they often experience issues later on and project them onto their partner.

If I were you, I wouldn’t worry too much about an ex meeting someone else and getting married. I’d worry about not doing enough to grow and prepare for the next relationship. Many if not most relationships fail because people don’t take the time to be single and address their issues.

They think that single life is unattractive and that their value is measured by the number of people they attract. This explains why they get their ego crushed and see red when a person they love abandons them. They just can’t let go of things outside of their control.

So if your ex got married and you’re still single, know that it’s okay to be single. Single people (whether by force or choice) heal from their traumatic experiences and learn a thing or two about their shortcomings.

They mature.

People in relationships, on the other hand, don’t. They jump straight into action and take a huge gamble on their new partner being better than their ex. Initially, their new partner is better. But that’s only because they don’t resent their new partner (unlike their ex) and go through an infatuation phase with him or her.

Some people indeed find the right partner. But many people don’t because there is no Mr or Mrs right. There are only people who have done the work on themselves and are willing to put more work in.

And that’s it. Marriage doesn’t save a relationship from failing as it’s not the end of the journey.

It’s the beginning of it because if couples don’t understand themselves and each other, they tend to neglect the relationship and become resentful. They convince themselves they feel unheard and that they’re not a good match.

Sadly, such notions often plague the relationship with problems and destroy it from within.

When your ex gets married quickly within a year or so, it’s safe to say that your ex is rushing the relationship. He or she hasn’t gotten to know the new person fully and probably hasn’t had many negative experiences yet.

Your ex will experience more/bigger problems when their relationship slows down and becomes more realistic.

On the other hand, if your ex got married years after the breakup or years after knowing his or her partner, then your ex is probably ready for married life. The relationship isn’t perfect, but he or she more or less knows what to expect.

The question is whether your ex and his/her partner are prepared to communicate properly and maintain their relationship. Many good relationships fail because couples take each other for granted, develop a crush on someone else, and lack the skills to get rid of relationship-damaging thoughts and doubts and negative emotions in general.

In today’s article, we discuss what it means and what to do when your ex gets married and you’re still single.

When your ex gets married and you’re still single

If your ex got married and you’re still single, you’re worrying about the wrong person. Instead of thinking about yourself and what you can do to be happy and prepared for your next relationship, you’re thinking of the breakup as competition.

By doing so, you’re putting pressure on yourself and hurting only yourself. Whether you admit it or not, you’re making your ex look better and more attractive and destroying your self-esteem in the process.

You need to stop doing that. Whether your ex is single, in a relationship, or married, it doesn’t change anything for you. It just makes you obsessed with an ex who doesn’t deserve your thoughts. So try not to take the breakup personally and consider it a competition.

Instead, convince yourself that your ex has the right to be happy just like you.

If you’re single, it doesn’t mean that you’ll stay single forever. It just means that you’re still recovering from the breakup or looking for a person you’re compatible with. You’re figuring things out and don’t want to make an impulsive decision to date and get engaged or married to just anyone.

If you get married on impulse, you could have no choice but to learn to compromise while you’re married. That’s why it’s better to leave the past behind and grow now that you’re single. You’ll grow more that way.

So if it’s bothering you that your ex is married and you’re single, know that you haven’t completely processed the past yet. You’re still somewhat attached to your ex and consider your ex important enough to compare yourself to him or her.

When you get your ex out of your system, you won’t care if your ex is married and the happiest person in the world. You’ll realize that your ex has nothing to do with your happiness and that you’re responsible and in control of your life.

It might take some time to stop stalking and obsessing over your ex, but that’s okay! Remember that breakups take time to process (often longer than you’d like) and that you have to be patient. If the relationship lasted years and was intense, it could take a couple of years to deal with it.

If it was codependent or abusive, then it will probably take longer.

Give yourself time to grieve and get back up on your feet. It’s the least you deserve for giving it your all.

I know how hard it can be to accept that your ex has married someone else and moved on. It can be especially difficult if you were planning on getting back with your ex. But now it’s time to let your ex be your ex and stop checking up on your ex once and for all.

Knowing what your ex is doing and who your ex is serious about doesn’t help you at all. It just gives you a false sense of control and keeps you dependent on your ex for validation. If you want to be happy, you have to break that pattern.

You have to admit that your ex has a new relationship and that his or her marriage doesn’t indicate you’re a failure. Comparing your marital status to your ex and putting yourself down because of it serves no purpose. Self-pity is self-destructive and will only make you sad, anxious, or depressed.

So remind yourself that you’re both living separate lives and that your ex’s life is no longer your concern. Just as you don’t care about some random person being happily married, you shouldn’t care about your ex being married and progressing through life stages with someone else.

You should take your ex out of the equation and stop letting your ex’s happiness affect you. Besides, you don’t even know if your ex is happy. You just hear and see a bunch of things on social media and assume everything’s going smoothly for your ex.

You don’t know about your ex’s stressors, fears, health issues, and the problems he or she deals with. All you can see are the things your ex and the people your ex associates with let you see.

The question you should be asking yourself is how to stop caring so much about the fact that your ex is married while you’re still single. How to feel at peace with yourself and be as happy as your ex appears to be?

Let’s talk about that.

What to do when your ex gets married and you’re still single?

When your ex gets married and you’re still single, the very first thing you should do is tell yourself that you’re not competing with your ex. You’re not in a race to marriage, children, or some other relationship milestone.

You’re two different individuals with different experiences, goals, and opportunities. If you expect your life to unfold symmetrically with your ex, you’re expecting the impossible.

It won’t happen because the chances of meeting someone else and marrying him or her simultaneously with your ex are slim. It’s much more likely that someone will get married first. In your case, that someone was your ex as your ex was probably emotionally ready before you.

Your ex was probably luckier too.

You probably wouldn’t be stressing over it if you got married first and your ex was single. I bet you’d be focusing on your new partner and letting your ex worry about his or her life.

The reason you’re obsessing about it probably has something to do with your happiness. Your ex probably left you and caused you immense pain and suffering. Now that you’re suffering, you expect your ex to mend your broken heart and validate you.

Or if you don’t have feelings for your ex anymore, you’d like to find someone who makes you feel special and secure. You’re feeling envious of your ex’s relationship progress and want what your ex has.

This is especially true if you’ve been dating or looking for dating prospects without much success. The more you want to progress relationship-wise, the more it hurts when you see couples succeed.

So try not to be envious or jealous of your ex and the people you know. People get romantic opportunities at different times. Your time is yet to come. Don’t fret about it just because your ex got married. There are bigger problems in the world.

Once you’ve calmed yourself down, ask yourself why you even allowed yourself to discover something that made you anxious and obsessed with your ex. If you learned the news through your friends or on social media, this is the perfect time to do something about it.

Unfollow your ex and tell your friends to stop talking about your ex. You’ll heal faster and feel better if you know nothing about your ex’s new life and happiness.

Next, work on accepting the situation. Things may not be how you want them to be, but some things are out of your control. You can’t control who or when your ex dates. You can only distance yourself from your ex and accept that your ex can and will date other people.

Your ex doesn’t belong to you and owe you anything. Not now that you broke up. As your ex, your ex has the right to be with other people. That probably hurts you if you’re still hung up on your ex, but pain is a sign that you need to do something about it.

You need to detach and heal and come to terms with your ex’s relationship and marriage.

Once you’ve detached and gotten yourself back, it’s time to open your heart to dating other people. You shouldn’t start dating the first person you meet, but you also shouldn’t expect people to just knock on your doors and ask you to date them.

You need to put yourself in social situations that allow you to get to know some new people.

Don’t put pressure on yourself because forced dating/relationships seldom work. Try to relax and enjoy the moment. Dating should be fun and expectationless. When it is, things flow naturally and don’t take much effort.

With that said, here’s what to do when your ex gets married and you’re still single.

You have to give yourself enough time to get over the breakup and stop caring about your ex’s married life. Once you’ve done that, focus on your happiness or the lack of it. Self-focus will help you forget about your ex‘s marriage and encourage you to move on.

Healing takes time. Especially when you learn your ex got engaged or married. Unwanted news like that shocks you and makes you lose too much hope at once. You need to let go of the dumper gradually rather than all at once.

So try not to let your ex’s marriage get to you. Surround yourself with friends, family, and new people instead—and you’ll process the breakup and find someone you like as well.

Did you get hurt when you discovered that your ex got married? Does it bother you because you’re single or because you still want your ex back? Share your thoughts and feelings below the post.

However, if you need help and would like to chat about your breakup with us, click here to sign up for breakup coaching.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.