A guy, especially a long-term ex, may try to reconnect after some time. He might seek friendship or romance and attempt to re-enter his ex’s life to regain the connection and benefits she once provided. He might say he’s coming back entirely for the friendship or relationship, but in reality, he’s doing it for himself.
The guy wants to get something he used to take for granted or didn’t need at the time. This could be affection, love, emotional support, financial assistance, or help with other issues he lacks the will or skills to resolve.
Such a person will become interested in you all of a sudden and say all the right things. He’ll tell you he thought about you, missed you like crazy, wanted to reach out but couldn’t, and that he never stopped loving you. He’ll completely ignore the past and the reasons he lost interest and left—and focus on the things he can do for you and the emotions he can make you feel.
By doing so, he’ll attempt to reconnect in the quickest time possible and obtain the benefits the relationship provides.
If you’re looking for signs he wants to reconnect, you need to look for a sudden change of interest, attitude, and behavior. A guy who wants to reconnect will tell you or show you that he wants you back in his life. His actions will reveal that his perception of you has improved drastically and that your rejection would hurt him and make him fend for himself.
So pay attention to his thoughts, feelings, expectations, and actions. Observe how he behaves around you and what he wants from you. If he’s shy or uncertain, he might not immediately tell you that he regrets losing you and wants you back. He might drop some subtle hints at first and make you wonder what he really wants.
This depends on his sense of urgency. If something bad happens (something like a breakup) and he wants you back urgently, he’ll probably come on strong. He’ll express himself clearly and leave no room for doubt. But if he’s still deciding if reconnecting with you is the best thing to do, then he’ll likely test the waters. He’ll send you confusing texts and take his time to decide who to choose and be with.
So keep in mind that you may or may not notice signs that he wants to reconnect. Depending on how direct your ex is and how good you are at picking up on these signals, you might recognize his intentions right away—or you might be left guessing.
If, despite going through the signs in this article, you’re not sure what your ex’s end goal is, you can always just ask your ex. Say, “How come you said that?”, “Why did you reach out?”, or “What do you hope to achieve from this conversation?” It may sound straightforward, but it will give your ex a chance to tell the truth and stop stringing you along if he has no intention of reconnecting as partners.
When you’re emotional and lack rationality, it’s best to get to the point and find out what your ex wants. Even if you learn your ex wants to just catch up or be friends, it’s better to find out early than to waste your time and feelings hoping he’ll come back. If you see that he doesn’t want you back, you need to cut him off completely and without hesitation.
Don’t fear upsetting your ex when you know your ex hasn’t redeveloped feelings and isn’t willing to work on the relationship. You’ll do yourself and your ex a favor.
Without further ado, let’s talk about 8 signs he wants to reconnect after the breakup.
1)He treats you really nicely all of a sudden
If he comes out of nowhere and treats you really nicely, especially after treating you badly, he either wants something from you for free (a favor) or wants to make a good impression and reconnect. If he wants to reconnect, you’ll likely see him treat you with care and respect, ask about your happiness and well-being, compliment or flatter you, offer to help, and show interest in the people and things that are important to you.
No longer will his life revolve solely around his own happiness and well-being. When he regrets leaving and wants you back, his focus will shift to you. He’ll try to present himself as caring, empathetic, and valuable—a person you could admire, feel secure with, and want in your life again.
Always remember that an ex who recognizes the value you bring to the table will try to impress you. He’ll do this verbally with words or non-verbally with gestures, actions, or visually – by dressing attractively.
A regretful ex doesn’t have any anger or resentment in his heart. He has already dealt with such emotions and feels a strong desire or need to talk and bond with his ex. His ex makes him feel loved and validated, so he focuses on feeling empowered and ignores the things that caused the breakup. By focusing on the positives, he shows that he’s prepared to move forward and reconnect as friends, friends with benefits, or romantic partners.
If you notice a guy treating you well for no reason, something bad must have recently happened to him. He probably got rejected or dumped and experienced a wave of negative emotions. He dealt with something difficult, reflected on his relationship, and realized that you weren’t as bad as he made you out to be.
A bad post-breakup experience followed by reflection made him stop thinking highly of himself and lowly of you—and urged him to reconnect. By reconnecting with a familiar person, he can quickly extract relationship benefits, deal with problems, and feel important.
You should look for any sudden changes in interest. They usually indicate that he underwent something shocking or painful and that he had an epiphany.
2)He initiates conversations
Exes who initiate conversations lower their ego and pride and want something from dumpees. They want companionship, forgiveness, emotional or financial help, advice, sex, or a relationship. Whatever they want, it’s a sign that they’ve processed the negative parts of the breakup and feel ready to talk and reconnect.
If your ex initiates conversations time and time again, your ex likes speaking to you or wants something only you can give. Your ex wants things to go back to how they used to be and pretend like the breakup never happened. You need to figure out what your ex gets from talking to you and stop him from messing with your head if he doesn’t plan to be with you.
You can do this by asking him lots of questions and saying you don’t want to be friends.
It’s no secret that exes who reach out multiple times don’t regret breaking up. They merely regret losing the benefits their ex provided. They try to reclaim those benefits by breaking no contact over and over again and confusing their ex as a result.
Most regretful dumpers don’t even reach out twice. They say everything they need to say on their first attempt because they’re unhappy and eager to reconnect. When they reach out many times and talk endlessly, they merely want friendship and other non-relationship perks.
3)He brings up old memories and tries to impress you
Nostalgia is one of the best signs that a guy wants to reconnect. It shows that your ex has thought about you for a while and learned to appreciate the things he experienced with you. The more nostalgic a guy is, the bigger the chance that he misses the relationship aspect of the relationship.
An ex could show signs of nostalgia in multiple ways. He could bring up the good times, places you visited together, inside jokes, and factors unique to your friendship or relationship. When he talks about the past favorably, he proves that he has worked through any negative associations and is now able to view things in a more positive light.
Not only does he respect and value you, but he also wants to reconnect and re-experience the past. He’s nostalgic because his current life isn’t exciting, healthy, or fulfilling. Deep inside, he wishes he could feel as good as he felt when he was with you. That’s why he wants to reconnect and obtain the benefits or feelings he lacks or craves.
Do keep in mind that an ex can miss you romantically and non-romantically. If he misses you romantically, he craves your affection and wants to talk about the intimate moments. However, if he misses you non-romantically (as a friend), he merely misses having someone to confide in and lean on. He has unfulfilled expectations or needs and hopes that you’ll agree to reconnect only as friends.
If you don’t want friendship or aren’t ready for it, you need to reject it and continue/start no contact. Don’t settle for it when you still have feelings for your ex. That will get you friendzoned and make you miserable for a long time.
4)He asks your friends and family about your feelings
Of course, a guy who contacts your loved ones may just be curious about you or feel responsible for helping you cope with the breakup blues. But a guy who messages your friends and family and asks them how you feel about him likely has feelings and expectations. He’s asking others about how you feel and what you want to determine if reaching out to you and asking for another chance is even worth his time and effort.
Some guys want to ensure that their ex loves them before they profess their feelings and risk getting rejected. They want to know that their ex will take them back and give them the things they need to feel complete. If they sense that their ex will say no, they keep their feelings to themselves and find other ways to be happy.
Do remember, though, that very few guys take such a cautious approach. Most guys simply reach out directly and tell their ex what he or she needs to hear. You don’t need to contact your ex to let him know you’re still interested. If you mean a lot to him, he’ll muster the courage to reach out on his own.
5)He keeps contacting you
A guy who keeps contacting you and doesn’t leave you alone, even if you ask him to, likely wants to reestablish contact. He may only want to hold on to you for convenience, but he nonetheless wants to talk. It’s in your best interest to learn why he wants to talk.
Instead of entertaining him and letting him confuse you day after day, figure out what compels him to reach out. You may learn that he’s looking for a chance to tell you how he feels or that he regrets losing the friendship.
Either way, you shouldn’t let him reach out and mess with your healing. Your job as a dumpee is to avoid emotional setbacks and get over him. If he makes your job harder or impossible, you owe it to yourself to do something about it. You must let him know you’re not ready to be friends and that you need space. Your unwillingness to be friends will indirectly imply that you may be open to more, and that unless he gives you more, you need to focus on yourself.
So if you’re looking for signs that he wants to reconnect, remember that constant texting and calling may be the sign that you’re looking for. This behavior shows that the guy is set on frequent communication because he wants something from you. Learn what he’s looking for so you can decide how to respond appropriately.
6)He apologizes for hurting you
Apology is a part of the reconnection process. It usually comes after recognizing past mistakes and taking responsibility for them. Post-breakup apology exhibits self-awareness, realization, and growth—or at least the ability to grow. Exes who apologize for causing problems and pain understand that they’re the reason their ex is hurt and needs time to recover.
If your ex-boyfriend apologized for hurting you, it could be his way of trying to reconnect as partners. Either that or he just feels bad and wants to assuage his guilty conscience. Many dumpers talk to their ex weeks or months after the breakup because they stop feeling pressured and angry and realize they were too harsh on their ex.
Such dumpers reach out, apologize, exchange information, and disappear afterward.
As for those who want their ex back, they do more than just apologize. They also explain why they did what they did and what they’re prepared to do to win their ex’s trust back. They basically show that they’ve learned their lesson and that they won’t make the same mistakes in the future.
7)He wants to meet up
If your ex wants to meet up, he may want to tell you how he feels in person. Some guys find it easier to express themselves face-to-face. They think that an in-person interaction increases their chances of sounding sincere and convincing their ex to take them back.
Although some exes like to hear their ex apologize in person, it’s safer for them to hear the apology and plan to reconcile over the distance. This way, they can choose to decline the meet-up unless it’s about getting back together.
My advice is not to meet up with an ex unless he makes it clear he has something important to discuss. If he just wants to update you on his new life, you should politely decline the meetup and keep moving on.
8)He seems scared or nervous around you
The last sign that he wants to reconnect is when he seems scared, nervous, or both around you. Fear and nervousness are good signs because they indicate that your ex values you and has something to lose. If you don’t take him back, he may feel rejected and have to continue living an unfulfilled or unhappy life without you.
Just don’t mistake fear and nervousness for discomfort. An ex who feels uncomfortable doesn’t want to be around you. He wants to be left alone and focus on other people and things. If you sense that your ex is uncomfortable rather than nervous or scared (of disappointing you), your ex wants to run for the hills.
You must let him so he doesn’t become resentful or more resentful than he already is.
So feel free to consider nervousness a sign of attraction, regret, and desire to reconnect. A nervous ex will be receptive, apologetic, and eager to start a new romantic relationship. He’ll forget about the things that happened in the past and want to be with you immediately. Consider giving the relationship a try if your ex returns the power he stole from you and likes you as a person and partner.
Do you agree with the 8 signs that he wants to reconnect? Are there any signs you’d like to add to this list? Share them in the comments section below.
However, if you’re seeking personalized advice or support regarding your ex-partner, feel free to reach out to us directly. We offer a variety of coaching services to help you navigate your situation.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
