Sometimes exes reconnect years after a breakup. They learn valuable lessons they couldn’t learn when they were a couple, so they redevelop romantic feelings and decide to give their relationship another try. If they let go of negative perceptions of each other, they can start a new long-lasting relationship built on mutual respect, love, and commitment.
They just need to understand each other’s importance and regret breaking up.
Couples can reconnect 10 or even 20 years after the breakup because time can heal their wounds and help them forget some of the bad moments. Time doesn’t necessarily fix everything and change them as people, but it does allow them to grow if they’re open to it. It can help them analyze their mistakes and make healthy changes.
Do keep in mind though that most people don’t change without a reason. They change their beliefs and behaviors when they experience something bad. Something like a warning, an ultimatum, or a devastating rejection. Failure, fear, pain, and loss of self-esteem make them see that they won’t achieve their goals and be happy if they stay on their current path and remain as they are.
Anyway, a lot has happened in 10 years. It may have allowed you and your ex to mature, especially if you were young when you dated. It may be a good idea to get to know your ex before you reconnect as more than friends.
Make sure to ask your ex lots of questions, such as:
- What have you been up to all this time?
- Did you date anyone?
- Why did your relationships fail?
- What have you learned from them?
- Would you do anything differently if we got back together?
- How would you handle problems, stress, and anger?
You should ensure that your ex’s bad traits and habits and reasons you broke up are gone and that he or she is willing to invest in him/herself as well as you. If you get back together just because you got along for the most part, the relationship likely won’t last. It will fail when things get serious, bring out the worst in you, and require work.
You can avoid breaking up and dealing with post-breakup pain by ensuring your ex is emotionally capable and willing to build a meaningful relationship with you. You need to talk about how to handle relationship problems and difficult emotions together as a couple. This conversation will allow you to understand each other and set healthy boundaries even before you develop strong feelings and expectations.
Don’t take this lightly. It’s extremely important to talk about what happened during the 10 years you spent away from each other and how you can avoid going down the same path. You must be honest, build trust, and pave the foundation to grow on. If someone lies, dodges questions, uses too much sarcasm, avoids taking accountability, and appears aloof, something’s off.
He or she may be resentful, doubtful, confused, sexually frustrated, or emotionally unreceptive.
You need to figure out why your ex has come back into your life. What has caused your ex to want to reconnect with you? Has something gone wrong and triggered a reflection or is it completely random? If it’s random, your ex may not want or need you enough to feel something for you. He or she may just want a person to talk to or sleep with.
Hence, you can’t go wrong by asking your ex questions and discovering his or her reasons for wanting to reconnect.
If your ex left you, your ex may have finally improved his or her perception of you. Sometimes it takes years or decades for the dumper to abandon unhealthy beliefs and perceptions and admit his or her mistakes. When growth occurs, he or she may contact the dumpee and express the wish to reconnect as acquaintances, friends, friends with benefits, or partners.
If your ex is a dumpee, however, your ex may still desire your closeness and validation. He or she may want to reconnect to experience what he or she lost due to the breakup. If that’s the case, your ex will try to get back with you very quickly.
Whether your ex is a dumpee or a dumpee, a lot of time has passed since your relationship failed. It may be worth reconnecting as friends or more if you’re both still single and respect each other. Reconnecting when you’re with someone new, on the other hand, is likely to cause problems in your new relationship.
Not only will your partners find it weird, but they’ll also feel insecure and apprehensive. It’s better not to get too close to each other if you’re dating and happy.
Today’s topic is for people who are interested in reconnecting with an ex after 10 years of being broken up. We’ll explain how you can reconnect as friends as well as partners.
How to reconnect with an ex as a friend after 10 years?
Reconnecting with an ex as a friend is pretty straightforward as you don’t have to worry about your ex’s maturity, emotional availability, love, and willingness to stick through thick and thin. You just need to accept the past and focus on the present moment. Focus on things you have in common with your ex and ways for you to benefit from each other non-romantically.
Friends can help one another informationally, emotionally, or physically. They can offer support and be there for one another.
If you want this kind of relationship with your ex, you just have to say it. Tell your ex you enjoy his or her company and that you’d like to be friends if he or she wants that too. Make your expectations clear from the start to avoid any misunderstanding and hurt feelings later on.
Your ex’s response and attitude afterward will tell you if you should pursue a friendship or give up on your ex altogether.
If your ex agrees to be friends and puts effort into it, you should take things slowly and catch up. Talk about the things you did in each other’s absence and the things that would be fun to do together as friends. Your ex must see that you respect the friendship boundaries and that you won’t pressure him or her to be with you romantically or sexually.
If you wish to have a strictly sexual relationship, make your intentions clear from the beginning. Don’t pretend you want to be friends and get close to your ex just to make a sexual move on your ex when your ex drops his or her guard. If you take your ex’s friendship for granted, your ex will feel disrespected and angry and might stop talking to you.
So if you want friendship with your ex, respect the friendship boundaries and act like a friend. Show your ex that you’re only interested in talking as friends and that you won’t take the friendship for granted. When you agree to be friends, things should flow naturally. You won’t need any advice from me or anyone else. Just respect the friendship boundaries and be a good person and friend.
If you do that, you should be able to be friends with your ex – at least until you’ve met someone else. When some other romantic person enters your life, you may drift apart, especially if your or your ex’s partner disapproves of friendships with exes.
Instead of being close friends, it may be better to be occasional friends. This means you can reach out from time to time to talk about non-relationship matters. Relationship problems and personal problems should be discussed with your romantic partners or close family members as oversharing problems with your exes may cross the boundaries of post-breakup friendship and cause distrust in your new relationships.
If you’re ready to reconnect as friends because enough time has passed since you broke up, feel free to contact your ex. Tell your ex you needed some time to process things and that you’d like to be friends. Make sure to avoid pressuring your ex by showing your ex that you’ll be okay whether he or she agrees to friendship or not.
Your ex must see that you have no ulterior motives and that you respect his or her decision, whatever it may be.
With that said, here’s how to reconnect with an ex as a friend after 10 years or longer.
How to reconnect with an ex as a partner after 10 years?
We talked about reconnecting with an ex as a friend, but what about as partners? If you want a romantic relationship with your ex, you must understand that romance requires more than respect and common interests. Unlike friendship, romance needs both parties to consider each other attractive, loving, and relationship-worthy. They must meet each other’s relationship standards and give each other what they need to be together.
If you both have feelings for each other, rest assured you’ll naturally gravitate toward each other. You won’t have to woo and convince each other to give the relationship another chance. Things will naturally lead back to a relationship because you’ll desire each other’s affection.
It’s super important not to force each other to feel love and get back together. Force won’t make the least interested person feel the desire to get romantically involved with an ex. If anything, it will tell him or her that his or her opinion or feelings don’t matter.
Reconnecting with an ex is possible only when both the dumpee and the dumper feel the same way about each other. That’s when they can join forces and work toward common relationship and personal goals.
Also, it’s the dumper’s job to contact the dumpee and express the wish to get back together. The dumper must show the dumpee that he or she has engaged in reflection and realized the dumpee’s worth. When the dumper understands the value the dumpee brings to the table, he or she can initiate the reconciliation process and return the dumpee’s stolen power.
If the dumpee tries to reconcile on his or her terms, the dumpee usually gets rejected and pushes the dumper further away.
So bear in mind that reconnecting with an ex, whether it’s been months, years, or decades requires the dumper to want to get back together. The dumper must see romantic value in the dumpee and want his or her ex back. When the dumper falls back in love with the dumpee, he or she must tell the dumpee how he or she feels and be prepared to get rejected.
If the dumpee agrees to get back together, the dumpee must take charge of the reconciliation process. By doing so, he or she can force the dumper to respect the relationship and value his or her forgiveness and commitment. It’s important for the dumpee to obtain power and control otherwise the dumper might think that the dumpee is easy to get.
Consequently, he or she might lose interest again.
It will take time to fully reconnect and trust each other. But if you want to be together for the right reasons, you should be able to let go of everything that happened in the past and treat the relationship as an entirely new relationship. You should be able to trust each other and create a long-lasting relationship.
A common reconciliation mistake dumpees make is that they often try to reconcile on their own terms. They forget that their ex ended the relationship on his or her terms and that it’s their ex’s job to express regret, feelings, and plans to get back together and make the relationship work.
So no matter how badly you want to reconnect with your ex and how long it’s been since the breakup, let the dumper initiate the reconciliation process. Let him or her put the work in and see how the dumpee reacts. When the dumpee responds, it will become clear whether getting back together is even possible.
And no, you don’t have to build a connection with your ex before you reconcile. 10 years may be a lot of time, but your ex already knows how you make him or her feel. If he or she can and wants to fall in love with you, it will happen without your awareness before your ex even reaches out.
Are you thinking of reconnecting with an ex after 10 years? What makes you want to do that all of a sudden? Comment below and let us know.
And if you’d like to discuss whether reconnecting with your ex is even a good idea, subscribe to private coaching. We’ll talk about the relationship and ways to reconnect.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
