If your ex-girlfriend is asking you for money, she’s doing that not because she loves you but because she needs you. She lacks the financial means to afford her wants or needs and thinks you may be willing to assist her. She doesn’t care that you’re her ex and that her financial situation no longer concerns you.
She just wants the cash so she doesn’t have to worry about taking out a loan or obtaining it through other means. She could always ask her parents or friends as she’s got a better relationship with them, but she’s probably embarrassed to ask them.
She’s not embarrassed to ask you because you had a close bond and went through a lot together. This, of course, happened in the past, but she still considers you her go-to person. She thinks she can rely on you for financial help even if she has nothing to offer in return.
This is what friendship is, but unfortunately, you’re not a part of that anymore. If you broke up recently and someone still has feelings, you’re probably not even talking, let alone hanging out and acting like friends. You’re giving each other space and relying on yourselves for financial and other essential needs.
Whether she broke up with you or you with her, you don’t owe each other anything other than compassion. Compassion is something you owe to everyone, not just your ex. You have to be respectful to people if you want them to be respectful to you. Respect goes both ways.
But this doesn’t mean you should be overly nice to her and give her emotional, physical, mental, or financial support. She’s your ex, so she lost these privileges when you broke up. She has to treat you like an ex rather than a friend she can rely on when she has no one else or better to turn to for help.
This is especially true if she was the one who dumped you because her behavior will make you feel used. You’ll feel like her only purpose for you is to rely on you for things she can’t get on her own. In other words, you’ll be her piggy bank even though you’re not even dating.
You’re ex-partners who work and live for yourselves.
The relationship failed, and so did your financial obligations to each other. You don’t need to give her money just because you dated for a while. You’d need to do that if you had a kid together or shared rent or mortgage, but she wouldn’t have to ask for money directly from you. She would turn to financial institutions to collect what she’s owed or entitled to.
But if you borrowed money from her or received an expensive gift just before you broke up, then it’s only fair to pay her back for it. You can’t just walk away with something like an expensive phone or a watch and pretend that she doesn’t want it back. It may have been a gift, but it was given to you with the expectation that you stay together and with love and commitment, work to repay it.
Maybe you can keep it if you’ve had it for some time, but if she feels like you haven’t earned it, then perhaps you can talk about ways to repay her. You can split the difference between the full price and the value you added to the relationship or simply give the gift back to her.
With borrowing money, it’s a bit different. The money wasn’t given to you as a gift to keep but to invest in something that would benefit you directly or the two of you long-term. Even if it was a gift, its value didn’t depreciate; you can’t just give her back half of what she gave. Considering the inflation, you’d probably need to give her more.
But to make it simple, the same amount should suffice. If she gave you $500 to help pay your college tuition, it was a long-term help and investment in you that you need to repay. Take a loan or borrow from someone. Do it fast so she doesn’t keep asking for it or take you to court.
So if your ex-girlfriend is asking you for money, pay her back if you borrowed money from her. Show her you’re responsible, appreciate her support, and honor your commitment. She’ll respect you if you reassure her that you intend to pay her back. Make sure to tell her when and how you intend to pay because people are very cautious when it comes to their money.
They want to know they’ll see their money again.
However, if your ex is asking you for money that isn’t hers, remember that you’re not obliged to help her. You can politely refuse to give her money, especially if she has a history of not being very responsible with it.
You wouldn’t give your money to an ex-friend either, right? Even if you used to get along and had a good relationship, it’s all in the past. You would focus on the present rather than the enjoyable moments from the past.
You worked for your money, so you get to decide whether you keep it, spend it, or donate it.
No one can tell you what to do. I only hope that you don’t feel bad for your ex and make an emotional decision to help her. Don’t do it thinking she’ll see how reliable you can be, redevelop feelings, and want you back. It’s much more likely that she’ll see you as someone she can lean on for support when she has a hard time paying her bills or living the kind of lifestyle she used to live.
In this post, we discuss why your ex-girlfriend is asking you for money and what you should do about it.
Why is my ex-girlfriend asking me for money?
Your ex is asking you for money because she didn’t expect to run out of it. She thought or hoped that she could afford to pay for her wants and necessities despite breaking up with you. Unfortunately for her, she was proven otherwise.
She learned that she wasn’t as financially independent as she thought and that she needed financial support.
You probably helped her in the past or made things easier for her to manage. Now that you’re her ex, you don’t do that anymore. You let her provide for herself all on her own. Because she can’t provide for herself, she probably feels stressed and wants someone to save her.
That someone is you. It’s easier for her to ask you for financial help than her friends, family, and coworkers. You’re the person who helped her with many things, not just finances, so she wants you to once again be there for her.
She’s not worried that you’ll think less of her. She’s probably worried that her friends, family, and the people whose opinions she cares about will find out about her financial situation and question her ability to manage financial resources effectively.
She may eventually ask others for help too, but she’ll probably come to you first, especially if things ended on a good note.
If they ended badly, however, then you may be her last chance. She likely already asked others for help and didn’t get the help she expected, so she had no choice but to swallow her pride and reach out to you.
Usually, bitter dumpers don’t ask their exes for help. They ask other people first. If those people can’t or don’t help them, they try their luck with the person they dumped and perhaps even mistreated.
Dumpers who still talk to their ex (at least occasionally) often ask for financial help. Such dumpers think their ex will be willing to help them because they remain in touch and trust each other enough to converse.
On the other hand, dumpees seldom reach out to ask their ex for financial help. They usually reach out to talk, reconnect, and get back together, but not for financial assistance. When they ask for a favor, they do it to feel cared for by an ex who hurt them badly and invalidated their feelings.
A favor usually entails something simple that doesn’t take much effort and time.
So if your ex-girlfriend is asking you for money and you don’t know why she’s asking you of all people, the answer depends on whether she’s a dumpee or a dumper. If she’s a dumpee, she may really be struggling and have no one to rely on.
But if she’s a dumper, she’s either alone in this or thinks it’s better to ask an ex she used to be close to for help than to embarrass herself in front of her friends or family. Money is a sensitive topic. She might not want others to know that she’s in a financial crisis and that her only way out of it is by asking for help.
With that said, here’s why your ex-girlfriend may be asking you for money.
Should I help my ex financially?
In my opinion, whether you should help her financially depends on three things.
- Whether she deserves your help (how she treated you during and after the breakup).
- Whether you still communicate (asking you for help out of nowhere would be strange and make you feel used).
- Whether she’s financially responsible and normally capable of taking care of herself.
If something unpredictable came up and she needed lots of money at once, she probably didn’t have enough savings to pay for it. She was taken by surprise and had no choice but to ask around for help. She came to you because she needed money urgently and hoped you’d be able to help her.
Her request for help was driven entirely by her own wants and needs.
Now, if she mistreated you when she broke up with you, it probably wouldn’t make much sense to help her. It would show her that you love her more than yourself and that you’re instantly willing to forgive and forget what she did.
She might appreciate your help, but she definitely won’t respect you for it because she’ll only see you as someone who can provide financial support.
If you give her the money she needs, she will likely make you feel used as well as abused. You’ll get hurt twice and have nothing to show for it.
You also shouldn’t help her if prior to her asking for her, you hadn’t heard from her in ages. If the breakup happened months or years ago and the first thing she said was that she needed money, she obviously doesn’t care about you.
She cares only about what you can do to make her financial situation better. She will stop talking to you when you give her what she needs.
Money is a superficial matter. It doesn’t give her a reason to talk, bond, and reconcile, so you may as well save a few bucks and say you can’t help her. Don’t give her what she needs just because she needs it. If she wants to be your friend (and you want it too), she should first earn your friendship by putting time and effort into it.
Just as you can’t withdraw money from a bank before you’ve put money into it or have a good credit score to get a loan, she shouldn’t expect favors from you before she’s done you a few favors herself and/or earned your trust and respect.
She should rely on people with whom she is in touch with and has good relations with. They’re the ones who benefit from her, while you lose out.
Think long and hard before you give your ex money. Think about how it will affect you and if you’ll ever even see your money again. If she’s not very good with money, you probably won’t and/or will keep in touch with her when you should be focusing on healing.
Hence, I urge you not to do it. Don’t lend or give her money especially if your ex dumped you. Your ex has to learn to live without you and rely on herself. She broke up with you because she thought she’d be happier without you.
She probably is, at least for now. But she’s struggling financially and needs to figure out how to be independent in every way, not just emotionally.
If you do decide to help, do it without expecting anything. Don’t even expect her to repay it. Consider it charity money and keep your distance from her. If she wants to pay you back, she will do so when or if her financial situation improves.
Is your ex-girlfriend asking you for money? What does she need it for and why do you think she contacted you? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
And if you want our help with your ex-girlfriend’s requests, feel free to reach out to us directly. We provide a diverse range of coaching services tailored to meet your needs.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
