Interview With The Dumper Who Came Back

This is the interview with the dumper who came back.

Special thanks to the advisor of the Magnet of Success Discord channel who interviewed his dumper ex and shared his information with us.

Thanks to the community for asking him questions as well.

Interview with a dumper who came back

1) How long were you and your boyfriend together before you left?

About 3 ½ years.

2) Did you get him back?

Yes.

3) How long did it take you to come back?

About 4 months.

4) How many relationships did you have before you met him? Do you mind telling us how long each of them was?

I had 3 serious relationships. I can’t quite recall, but they all lasted around 1 to 3 years.

5) Did you leave your boyfriend for someone else?

Yes, I did. But I frequently compared the new guy to my ex-boyfriend and soon realized that he could never keep up. After a few months of ups and downs in my new relationship, I got fed up with it.

6) What made you feel that the relationship with your boyfriend wasn’t going to work?

That’s a good question. Honestly, I can’t really tell. I just felt more and more unhappy every day and thought that he is the source of my misery. But he wasn’t. It took me a while to figure it out.

7) How did you let him know that he needs to change or adjust his behavior so that you get along better?

I gave him silly hints and expected him to pick them up. I got very emotional with him. So much so that I oftentimes started an argument out of nothing. Now I know that this wasn’t the right way to go about it.

8) How long did you try to change him until you finally decided to break up?

For a long time actually. I think I wanted him to change for over 8 months.

9 ) If you were deeply connected to your boyfriend, what has stopped you from acting on the “what if” doubts? You know, in case he changes his behavior or if circumstances surrounding the breakup change.

At some point, you simply give up and leave. You don’t intend to return no matter what because you just don’t care anymore. I was certain I did everything right and that he is the source of my unhappiness. I didn’t think he would change so I had no doubts about making the wrong decision.

10) Was your attraction to this person completely gone before you left?

At the time of the breakup, yes. I wasn’t in the mood for sex at all, if that’s what you mean by attraction. Also, I tried to avoid any form of physical contact. Even though I didn’t want to, I stayed physically close to him from time to time just so he wouldn’t know that I was about to leave him.

11) Have you ever thought about returning to your ex while you were with the other guy?

Not right after the breakup. I was happy that I finally told him about not wanting to be in a relationship with him anymore.

12) Did you experience any feelings of regret at all?

Not at first, but after a while, I started to feel regretful. My perspective on the relationship changed and I thought that the breakup was my fault. I felt that I was often too emotional and that I overreacted when we argued. I did a lot of thinking during our time apart and realized that I often tried to control him and that I forced him against his will. Needless to say, this caused arguments in the relationship when we should have handled them like grown-ups.

13) What else did you learn from the breakup?

Communication is so, so, so important in a relationship. We need to express our feelings and talk to each other like adults. Men are terrible at picking up hints. I learned that you should tell your partner whenever something is on your mind. Don’t hold things inside and expect him to mind read. Express yourself. He will understand if he’s the one that wants to be with you.

14) Do you think you would have been there for him if he had a difficult time getting over you?

It’s hard to say, but I think that I would’ve helped him. I suppose it depends on the time when he reached out. If he reached out to me just days after the breakup, I know I wouldn’t have been super happy about it.

15) When did you revisit the idea of getting back with your ex?

I think I first started doubting my decision roughly 2-3 months after the breakup. But that was not when I decided to reach out. It took me another month or so to text him.

16) What did you remember the most about your ex and what were the times when you thought about him?

I remembered that he supported me and understood me more than anyone else. As for the second part of the question, I can’t really answer.

17) Did seeing him move on/not move on affect how you felt about wanting to reconcile?

I never actually thought about him moving on. Again, it depends on what specific time you’re talking about. If you’re referring to the early phases of the breakup, I couldn’t have cared less. But later on, when I felt sad, I most likely would have cared a lot.

18) What if you saw your ex having a great time with someone else on social media? Would that make you reach out?

I can’t really answer that since I didn’t see him moving on. If I saw him moving on when I was angry right after the breakup, I don’t think it would have changed anything. I would probably move on.

19) Have you ever heard of no contact?

Not until I got back together with my ex. He told me about it.

20) Do you think that your ex not reaching out to you made reconciliation easier?

Yes, definitely. To be honest, I was expecting him to come crawling back to me. But it didn’t happen. This really changed the way I felt about him, myself and this whole situation. Now I’m glad that he didn’t reach out because it could’ve changed my mind about getting back together with him. Also, no contact was not a problem for me at first, but after a while, it put me through emotional hell.

21) How did you make it clear that you’re coming back to your ex?

I made an excuse to reach out to him and said that I have something that belongs to him. I basically set up a meetup and he agreed to it. It was very difficult for me to do this though because I was afraid that he’ll reject me.

22) Is there anything you want to say to all the dumpees who are suffering from a devastating breakup?

If your ex left you, leave him alone. Don’t call him or text him. Let your ex do all the work.

Did you find this interview with the dumper informative? Would you like to see more posts like this in the future? Let me know by leaving a comment.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.