It can be challenging to tell someone that you aren’t interested in him or her. The hardest part isn’t to never see this person again but to deliver the bad news and see the hurt and disappointing expression on his or her face. Rejecting someone who likes you romantically and wants to be or stay with you can induce strong feelings of guilt and shame.
It can make you feel like a bad person for putting yourself first and doing what’s best for you (and also the person interested in you). The last thing you want is to give him or her the wrong idea and string him or her along. What you want is to end things before he or she develops expectations and gets even more attached.
If you don’t want to feel responsible for getting this person emotionally hooked and inflicting pain, you have to end things quickly and the right way. You have to know how to tell someone you aren’t interested in dating that you don’t want to pursue a relationship with him or her. This will hurt a lot, but if you do it the right way, it will minimize shock, separation anxiety, false hope, and perhaps even feelings of worthlessness and depression.
If you express your lack of feelings and interest in dating empathetically, you’ll also feel better for rejecting/ending things properly as you’ll feel less guilt and blame for how this person feels. You’ll probably still question your decisions and actions, but not as much as you would if you pulled the plug without any forethought.
So plan things in advance by learning how to respectfully tell someone you aren’t interested in pursuing a relationship. When you learn how to communicate your lack of feelings in a way that decreases pain and recovery time, you can talk to the person with a crush on you.
Until then, learn more about how to let a person with feelings down gently.
My advice is to be honest but kind at the same time. Rejection mustn’t be a personal attack, nor a white lie. It must serve as an opportunity to learn and improve. For example, if a person doesn’t want kids but you do, he or she should know about it. An open closure conversation could make him or her rethink his or her relationship goals and develop as a person.
Conversely, if you lie and say things like, “It’s not you, it’s me,” you’ll make it seem like he or she is perfect and deny him or her the ability to reflect and change. You’ll force this person to remain oblivious to his or her shortcomings and unattractive traits and discourage growth. Yes, it’s not your job to educate people about the things they should and shouldn’t do, but telling them why you’re ending things or not interested in dating is the least you could do.
Your post-rejection feedback can be extremely beneficial as it can give a person a kick in the butt needed to get his or her life in order. It can help him or her mature, prepare for the next romantic prospect, and avoid getting rejected for the same reasons.
Sometimes people get rejected for the things they can’t and shouldn’t try to change. Such people still need to hear the truth so they accept the hopeless situation and work on losing hope. If they hear what they need rather than what they want, they can process the rejection and get rid of their romantic expectations quicker than someone who thinks his or her partner is simply not ready to date anyone.
If you recently got out of a relationship and aren’t ready to date, by all means, use your emotional unavailability as an excuse not to date. Just make sure to add that you won’t be ready for many months and that he or she shouldn’t wait. You don’t want this person to think that waiting for you to deal with your emotional baggage is an option.
On the other hand, you don’t want to be too direct either. You want to be sympathetic and convey that you respect him or her as a person and admire the courage to tell you/show you how he or she feels. You should soften the blow by saying something nice about him or her. This can be something others have noticed and appreciate about him or her.
A compliment before a rejection will tell this person that you see his or her positive traits and the value he or she brings to other people’s lives.
You don’t need to overdo it; simply state one thing you like about him or her before you get to the “but…” part.
Rejecting someone isn’t rocket science, but if you don’t want to hurt his or her feelings and expectations, it requires a bit of planning. Knowing what to say in advance can make a huge difference as it can ease the pain of the rejected person and lower the guilt of the one rejecting.
It’s in both parties’ best interest to end things respectfully. It not only avoids pain and guilt but also prevents resentment and post-rejection fighting.
In this article, we discuss how to tell someone that you aren’t interested.
How to tell someone you aren’t interested?
If a person likes you but you don’t like him or her back, you should reject him or her as quickly as possible. The quicker you let him or her know you’re not interested in dating, the quicker you can stop him or her from trying to impress you and be with you. Don’t delay it for too long. It won’t be easy to break a person’s heart, but it seldom is.
When the dumper respects the dumpee and has decent moral values, he or she tends to have a guilty conscience. Leaving becomes difficult due to the fear of causing pain and receiving a sad and hurt response. Avoiding guilt completely may not be possible, especially if you see your admirer get hurt.
But despite that, you should do your best to minimize pain and consequently, your guilt.
When you’re ready to tell the person in question that you aren’t interested, choose a good location and time to deliver the bad news. This is usually the weekend or a non-working day with no obligations. Start the conversation lightly by saying you appreciate him or her trying so hard to make you happy and that you enjoy spending time with him/her.
However, you don’t want to pursue a relationship with him or her because [insert reasons here]. Despite liking him or her as a person and enjoying the conversations, you aren’t ready for a romantic relationship with him/her and would rather focus on yourself and avoid giving false hope.
The words you choose are extremely important. But what’s even more important is the tone in which you convey them. Your tone will reveal whether you mean and feel what you say. In other words, it will show whether you care about his or her feelings or not.
Always remember that you’re dealing with a sensitive person who likes you more than a friend. This person has high hopes and expectations and expects nothing but the best from you. You mustn’t shock him or her by revealing a side to you he or she hasn’t seen before. If you appear overwhelmed, angry, defensive, mean, or cold, he or she will feel much more rejected than he or she would otherwise.
It’s important to put yourself in the rejected person’s shoes and act as if he’s the most important person on the planet. As far as he’s concerned, he is the most important person. He’s mainly concerned with the things happening to and around him. That means he wants and expects the people around him to treat him as an equal even during times of stress and romantic rejection.
So aim to let him down how you’d want someone you love or crush on to let you down. Do it with a positive attitude and a gentle approach. It will demonstrate respect and empathy—and create a safe space for him to open up and ask additional questions if needed.
The man or woman must see that the rejection isn’t personal and that you truly wish him or her the very best.
You won’t communicate good intentions if you seem agitated, uncomfortable, or distracted (scrolling through your phone or looking at the nearest door). On the contrary, your body language will reveal that you’re disinterested, unempathetic, and in a hurry to leave. Your attitude and behavior will indicate that you’re interested mainly in your wants and needs and that he or she doesn’t matter.
And whatever you do, don’t offer friendship as a consolation prize. Friendship will be extremely difficult after rejection. If he or she accepts or offers friendship, he or she will do it due to pain, fear, and remaining romantic feelings and expectations. In other words, this person will lie to him/herself and make things much more difficult in the long run.
Try to remember that friendship is for friends – people with no romantic desires and emotional ties to one another. When exes or crushes settle for it, they tend to receive unwanted information and prolong their suffering.
You need to avoid suggesting things that might tempt this person to hold on to you and play the long (waiting) game. If it doesn’t help him or her, it’s best not to say it. It’s better to keep it to yourself and offer support.
When it comes to support, you want to invite this person to reach out for clarity and closure. Those are the only things you should encourage him or her to talk to you about. Friendship, sex, or other relationship-like topics and activities shouldn’t be a part of the conversation.
This person must see that you’re serious about not being together. And he or she can see that if you make your actions match your words.
So if you want to know how to tell someone you’re not interested, know that there’s no need to lie. You don’t need to say you’re seeing someone, that you’re not ready to date, or that you’re interested in the other gender. You can just be honest but respectful at the same time. Show that you care about his or her feelings and that you wish to avoid any hard feelings.
You’ll do okay as long as you recognize that rejection is the rejected person’s moment of realization and path toward acceptance.
Having said that, here’s how to tell someone you aren’t interested in dating.
What if he/she doesn’t get the hint and keeps contacting me?
If this person doesn’t want to give up on you, you must remain understanding and patient. Most people don’t instantly accept the rejection. They go through various stages, including denial, anger, depression, and neutrality, before finally reaching acceptance. You may not have been in a serious relationship, but this person nonetheless developed feelings that will take some time to get rid of.
They’ll need some time and work like everything else in this world.
Still, your behavior is very important. It determines how this person thinks about him/herself. The kinder you are, the quicker he or she will see that it’s nothing personal and that he or she must look for happiness elsewhere.
Ask yourself if you’re doing anything to prolong his or her hope and suffering. Are you reaching out, letting him or her reach out to talk about random things, hanging out with the same group of friends, working together, sleeping together, or staying in the same house? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, you have some changes to make.
You have to stop what you’re doing and increase the physical and emotional distance between the two of you. Your admirer may not like that, but it’s necessary for his or her detachment and emotional well-being.
If you don’t stop receiving texts and calls, it’s your job to do something about it as the other person may be too emotional to think rationally. You must say that you both need some time to yourselves and that you’ll feel better if you don’t talk about random subjects. That should be clear enough for the other person to prioritize his or her dignity over frequent communication.
If it doesn’t work and he or she keeps reaching out, you can be more firm. Say that you feel stressed when you talk and that you need time to yourself. If he or she doesn’t stop reaching out after that, you can say you’ll be forced to block. In extreme cases, you can also issue a warning or consider pursuing a restraining order.
I hope you’ve learned how to tell someone you aren’t interested in pursuing a romantic/sexual relationship. If you have or if you have any questions or suggestions of your own, post them below. We’ll get back to you shortly.
Lastly, if you’re looking for guidance with a relationship, a potential relationship, or a breakup, reach out to us. We analyze relationships and breakups and provide advice tailored to your needs and expectations.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
