I know that cutting people off doesn’t seem like the noblest thing to do, but the truth is that it’s extremely self-respectful and oftentimes needed. It’s healthy because not all people are good for you and have your best interests at heart. Some are just looking out for themselves and don’t know or care that their words and actions affect your health and well-being.
People are often so caught up in their own world that they don’t see things from your perspective. That’s why they think their behavior is healthy, acceptable, and beneficial to you and expect you to be flexible.
There’s a reason why people who use you are so self-centered. And that reason is that they have low self-awareness and below-par moral values. They’re ruled by their ego and are convinced that they’re entitled to your services and benefits and that they’re always right.
You need to know how to handle such people so you don’t let them exploit you for their personal gain and make things inconvenient and troublesome for you. You need to know they aren’t on your side even if they express they are and that all they want is to help.
What they say isn’t always what they want and do. Words and actions are two completely different things.
So try not to feel bad about cutting people off. Sometimes cutting people off is needed and the only thing left to do. You don’t have any other option because if you’ve tried expressing things to them and they ignored you, you need to do what’s best for you.
You need to put yourself first, protect yourself, and enjoy your life without them.
It doesn’t matter if the person making things difficult for you is a toxic family member, a user friend, or an ex who no longer loves you. As long as he or she is not giving you what you need and is unwilling or unable to change, it’s time for you to do something about that. It’s time for you to distance yourself from the man or woman causing you pain so you can focus on your wants and needs rather than his or hers.
That’s the only way you’ll be able to feel better and not have to worry about changing people. Changing others is not easy and oftentimes impossible because let’s face it, people don’t change very often. They especially don’t change if you’ve told them they’re hurting you and they brushed it off by calling you weak and oversensitive.
If you don’t cut people out of your life when you know they’re not good for you, you likely won’t be able to accept their behavior and feel better. You’ll most likely keep feeling the way you do and waste your time, emotions, and life.
So think about whether this is something you want. Think long and hard if you want them to continue to affect you with their unhealthy behavior or attitude and treat you worse than you deserve to be treated.
Chances are that you don’t want their kind of treatment and don’t need their kind of people. You probably want people who support you, care about you, and do things that are good for your health, well-being, and growth. Look, I get it, no one’s perfect. But if people make you feel uneasy most of the time, they’re probably not worth your time.
This post will explain why cutting people off when they don’t contribute to your life is healthy and why everyone should reevaluate others’ behavior and intentions from time to time.
Cutting people off
The phrase, “cutting people off” has a negative connotation and may feel like a bad thing, but the truth is it’s anything but. Cutting off those who are harmful to your happiness is essential as putting up with their behavior will make it extremely difficult for you not to get impacted by the things you don’t like or agree with.
Even if you have the most understanding, accepting, kind, and patient personality, those who mistreat you will still bring you down. They’ll make you feel unimportant or inferior and make you wonder why they act the way they do.
The reason for this is that people are emotional beings. We get affected by others whether we want them to affect us or not. We can’t help it because we can’t stop perceiving our surroundings and feeling something about them. We can try to control or improve our perceptions, but if others aren’t willing to see things from our perspective, compromise, sympathize, and do something to make us feel valued, we can’t change how we feel.
We continue to feel unwanted emotions and suffer as a result. That’s why the quality of our relationships is so important. Relationships determine how happy and fulfilled we are in life.
So if you think that cutting people off is a bad thing, rest assured that it’s oftentimes the right thing to do. The only times it’s bad is when you cut someone off without an understanding of his or her reasons for certain behaviors and refuse to talk about them.
If people are using, abusing, undervaluing, humiliating, or disrespecting you, however, cutting them out of your life is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself. It’s the only thing you can do because waiting and hoping for people to change is a waste of time and effort.
It’s better for you to cut them off and move on with your life than to give them the key to your heart. It’s better to have control over your thoughts and emotions than to give them the ability to influence you and hurt you whenever they want to.
So try not to be afraid of cutting people off. Sometimes people just don’t have the capacity to lower their pride, listen, understand what you’re saying, look for solutions, and solve things. Many times, reacting with ego and pride feels more natural to them because they’re underdeveloped and feel misunderstood, hurt, or threatened.
Here are some examples of when cutting people off is necessary.
Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes fixing relationships (especially romantic ones) is possible and a good idea because people need to know they’re doing something wrong to have a chance to change. But when you ask them to do something important multiple times and they still don’t take you seriously, you don’t have a choice but to stop interacting with them.
Ending things with them is the only solution that will allow you to keep your self-respect and maybe even encourage them to work on themselves. Nobody knows what they’ll do, but once you pull away, your life isn’t about them anymore.
It’s about you and those who appreciate you.
Not everything is forever
The idea that someone is supposed to be with you until the end is just an illusion. People don’t need to stay in your life forever if their behavior is unhealthy or if you’ve outgrown them and feel held back and influenced badly by them. They can spend time with people who are more like them while you focus on yourself and also connect with like-minded people.
That’s why sayings like, “best friends forever” or “soulmates for life” are idealistic – fairytale-like.
We just don’t know if our friend or partner will always understand us and remain loyal to us when things change or get hard. Life is full of unpredictable moments, temptations, and difficulties that change people. And sometimes, people don’t change for the better.
They change for the worse because they want different things or something more/better. They adopt different beliefs and behaviors and as a result, become unrecognizable to those around them.
How they behave depends on who or what is influencing them and what they want out of life.
So bear in mind that friendships, relationships, and marriage don’t always have a happy ending. Realistically speaking, more than half the time, they end because people change and/or aren’t willing to grow, control themselves, and adapt.
The point is that not everyone is meant to stay connected with you forever. Someone good for you today may not get along with you and be good for you ten years from now. Although personality-wise, that person will remain very similar, his or her beliefs and behaviors could change a lot during that time.
And that’s something you may not like, agree with, and be willing to accept. It could go against your core principles and make you feel like you’re holding unhealthy emotions and opinions inside for the sake of avoiding conflict.
The psychology behind cutting someone off
Cutting people off is important not just because doing so will push your worries away, make you happy, and help you feel in control of your life, but also because it will allow you to grow.
It will make you stronger and help you have closer relationships with people who are similar to you, understand you, and care about you the way you want to be cared for.
The psychology behind cutting someone off is that cutting people off provides you with a sense of relief and self-respect. It allows you to not care about the person making you feel neglected, used, misunderstood, or unhappy and helps you focus on people who do.
By distancing yourself from the person making you unhappy, you instantly cut off the unpleasant stream of emotions and welcome the positive one. That’s how you move on from the past, free yourself from obligations to the person you don’t want to invest in anymore, and start a new chapter of your life.
A chapter that not only feels good but is also morally right.
If you aren’t sure yet whether cutting someone off is the right thing to do, ask yourself the following questions.
- Have I expressed myself clearly and empathetically?
- Have I done that multiple times?
- Is it still possible to fix the relationship?
- Am I okay with the way things are?
- Do I want to keep feeling this way?
- Do I feel fulfilled, respected, and cared for?
- What made me feel the way I do?
- Are we on the same page?
- Have I tried to change the way I perceive this person?
- Have I outgrown this person?
If you understand why you feel the need to cut this person off and know there’s a reason this person is the way he or she is, you’ll see that it’s not your responsibility nor in your power to change him or her.
The man or woman is the only person who can do that provided that he or she wants to.
How to cut people off?
There’s no specific way to cut people off, but if you’re going to do it, do it with kindness and determination. Don’t just ghost them and make them wonder where you are. Ghosting is unnecessary unless you’re being abused and have extreme fears of confronting a person who has hurt you badly.
You don’t need to pull a Houdini on them unless you’ve expressed a few times already that the relationship isn’t healthy or that it’s not giving you what you expect from it.
So instead of doing the most impulsive thing that comes to mind, have one final conversation with the people you’re cutting off. Arrange a date and time to talk and start the conversation politely.
Tell them you’ve been thinking about doing this for a while but that you were hoping things would improve. Because they didn’t, you don’t feel like you have a choice but to end your relationship with them. Say it’s not personal and that you mean no harm, but that it’s time for you to choose yourself and do the things the way you want to do them.
This is a very general way of cutting off someone like a friend, which is why it may not be the best way to end things with a partner or an ex. Some exes are going to get extremely hurt by the things you say (especially by the way you say it), so you need to be empathetic and reassuring even if they don’t know what you need from them and weren’t the nicest to you.
Tell them, “I know this is a difficult time for you and that you’re probably confused, but it’s important for both of us to get space from each other. I need space to process the breakup and you need space to come to terms with the separation. I suggest we stop communicating completely so that we can get the things we need to heal.
By all means, reach out if you’re struggling and need answers. But when you’re okay, stay strong and keep detaching. That’s the quickest way you’ll get your happiness back.”
Cutting people off is hard because telling them they’re no longer wanted can make you feel guilty and afraid of what they’ll say and do. But no matter how difficult cutting them off is, they deserve to know you’re leaving their life so they know you’re gone, what they did wrong, and that they need to leave you alone.
They probably took you for granted and don’t deserve explanations and kindness, but if they’re not the worst people imaginable, you should be good to them and at the very least be brave and tell them what they need to hear.
That way, you won’t feel like a bad person for cutting them off without an explanation and they won’t be stunned by your actions.
Are you contemplating cutting people off? Post below how you intend to go about it.
And if you want to discuss this with us, click here to learn about our coaching options.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Zan,
Thanks for the great content. I was dumped by my ex about 2 months ago with my ex after a push/pull relationship with many short break ups (all initiated by her.) We kept talking after the breakup for a few weeks, and she was always willing to talk and after every FaceTime (we’d talk a few times a week) I’d ask if she still wanted to talk and she said yes, and we still said we loved each other.
However, a few weeks post breakup, I called her on a Thursday and she didn’t get back to me until Monday. She called on Monday and we talked briefly since she was in a rush and she said she didn’t think we should talk anymore. I accepted that, but asked for a final talk since she was in a rush. She agreed and then called me a few days later. At this point, my anxiety and emotions were running high, and I felt I didn’t want to speak with her a final time any more since she made it clear she was done, and I wasn’t in a good place emotionally and I didn’t want to hurt my chances any more. So I ignored her call, and then she texted me a few days later and said “If you don’t want to talk it’s totally fine, I just wanted to make sure you saw that I called”. I ignored that message too since, again, I was in an overly emotional mindset and didn’t want to get hurt by her any more.
That was a month ago, and I haven’t heard a peep back from her. I regret ignoring her message, and think I should have been kind and just said “thanks for calling but I can’t talk right now since I’m processing everything.” Did I screw up my chances for good by ignoring her? I don’t think I can reach out and apologize since it was a month ago without looking weak/unstable- do you agree I should just let it stand and let the chips fall where they may? I’m feeling much less reactive and emotional now, but it’s been bothering me how it ended.
Thank you,
Ethan
Hi Ethan.
Don’t worry about how it ended. It wasn’t ideal, but you were super emotional and probably avoided asking her uncomfortable quetions and begging for her attention. As a general rule, you shouldn’t ignore an ex when he or she reaches out. You should respond and say you don’t want to talk. Since it’s been a month since she called, you should just let things be. Don’t explain yourself or anything like that.
No contact all the way!
Best,
Zan
Thanks so much for the reply Zan. I will take you advice and not reach out. I’m concerned that I blew my chances for good because she’s so stubborn and I don’t think she will reach out again even if she misses me, but I guess that’s what I get for being overly emotional and deciding not to respond to her. I read in a different comment reply by you that you once reached out after ignoring an ex because the guilt you were feeling- that’s where I’m at right now. I feel guilty, especially because I’m the one I asked to speak a final time then I just shut down. I wish I had found your blog earlier on in my breakup journey.
Thanks again,
Ethan
Hi Ethan.
Most people are really stubborn. They’d rather develop anger and hatred in self-defense than admit to being wrong. She doesn’t need to reach out if she misses you, Ethan. She needs to reach out only if she wants you back. You really don’t want her breadcrumbs.
When you realize you had to put yourself first, you’ll stop feeling guilty for asking her to talk. You wanted to hear her voice and see her side of the story, but that has changed. No need to feel guilty for that. Remember that you’re suffering and she’s not.
Best wishes,
Zan
How easily zen describe everything in words is really exemplary..
In very crisp and simple way..
Thank you, Rakesh!
I appreciate it.
Zan
I was dumped right before the pandemic in 2020. In all honesty I deserved it. I was still living with my ex , and after three years the guy I was dating had enough. I did not beg or plead. I sent his key back in the mail and told him I completely understand. I did not expect to hear from him again, but a few weeks later he texted me that he didn’t want to be in a relationship but we could be friends to see where relationship went. I told him we should meet up in like four months so I could get myself together. We talked mainly through email like a few times but I never bothered him. We met back up maybe four months later, but he never mentioned the break up. It was around the holidays of 2020. I was able to finally afford a place of my own and kick my ex out.
He helped me fix up my place and would always tell his friends he was with me. I did not know really where I stood with him. He made it clear I was just a friend. My birthday came along and he was adamant about taking me out, but when the day came he texted me in the morning, but I never heard from him. By the afternoon I decided to just go hang out with my other friends. The next day he called me and told me he was disappointed that we didn’t go out. I felt that was kinda weird that he called me all the time, but not on my birthday.
It was like when I when I expected him to be a friend he would flake. I lost my daughter at that time we were together which was like four years ago, and he didn’t even acknowledge this as being painful to me. He knew I was feeling bad. I told him I was feeling down and he sent me a heart emoji. I’m not the type of person to let you know I am feeling bad, but he was there when it happened and he didn’t care that it would have been her 19th birthday. I have been always there for him and listened to countless stories about his life’s disappointments but time after time he let me down. Too make a long story short I decided to block him and move on. Wouldn’t you know he showed up at my house with tears in his eyes telling me how hurt he was?
That was his pattern. I’d pull away sometimes for months, but he always weaseled his way back in. When I was with him I was feeling unhappy. There was something so off. He would disappear and just literally show up at my house out of the blue. Like in the middle of the day when I was working. He started really hanging with a married male friend with two kids. They would talk like 10 times a day about Crypto and real estate. It was so annoying because that’s all he would talk about was how great this guy was and how much money he had, and how great his marriage was. I really wanted to distance myself from him but he would not let me breath.
We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas together. He was acting really strange. I was thinking to myself that it was really enough of this. He was insisting we hang out the next day. My gut was like in overdrive that something was off. The next morning I woke up to a text meant for some girl saying that “ looks like we were over charged for our Airbnb today”. There also was a screen shot of a paid rental car and other hotel charges. Come to find out this guy met a stripper while hanging out with this married guy and was paying her bills for like six months. When I called him out on the text he first denied it. Then he called me back to say he was on the way yo my house. He came over and semi confessed that he was taking care of this girl. I was shocked because he wouldn’t leave me alone, but had been playing me this whole time. I was in tears not really about how stupid he was, but because after knowing each other for five years I was in shock. I mean he lied about so much. The next day I called him to let him know I didn’t want anything to do with him. I was not mean but firm. He actually was like you’re over reacting and he did not do anything wrong. He was saying he needed me in his life so I could give him advice about her. Crazy right? I am still healing from the craziness.
Anyway, the point of this long story is that Zan is 100 percent right. People show you who they are. Sometimes it takes a betrayal or smack in the face to believe them.
Hi Nicole.
Things started going downhill when the breakup occurred. Relationship dynamics sadly couldn’t return to normal. I don’t know if it’s just because he was paying for that girl, but you shouldn’t have stayed friends with him. Staying friends exhausted whatever was left of the relationship. You also discovered many crazy things about your ex, so it’s a good thing this relationship has ended. You needed to cut him off sooner, but you probably still had some hope left.
Focus on healing from this rollercoaster experience, Nicole. You’ve got to put yourself first now.
Best,
Zan
Zan,
This is probably my favorite all time article from you.
I’m curious—when I’ve spoken to you for therapy, you sounded like a guy in his 30s. You have so much wisdom, always so calming. You mentioned in some of your articles that your failed relationship is the source of your know how. My question—are you either a very old soul with hundreds of past lives to be able to dispense such valuable advice, or do you work with a team of professionals, drawing on their shared experiences? If you don’t answer it’s fine. Just wanted to let you know how much we all have been helped by your writing. It does get better!
Hi Claire.
I’m just an average guy who spends a lot of time learning from others and thinking about the human psyche. I’m not any wiser than you or other writers. I believe people get good at things they’re passionate about. And I just happen to be passionate about relationships, breakups, self-improvement, and behaviors. I love figuring out what motivates a person to do something. And also, I’m a Millennial.🌞
Kind regards,
Zan
Thank you, Zan, for this article!!
This is so so important!
I cut off my ex and the first peso. that I ever did.
he cheated on me and left with that girl… so I didn’t have any other options, but he wanted to talk time
to time. But was definitely the best thing that I ever did for my mental health health.
And you are so so beautiful soul for helping me be in better place.
Have a good Monday tomorrow
Hi Linda.
Cutting him off probably wasn’t easy, but it helped you grow into the person you are today. You’re much better off because of it.
Stay healthy!
zan
After 8 months of breadcrumbing and selfish behaviour there is no choice but to cut her off. I told her i wasnt a fking option last time we sat together as she tells me she misses me etc. all
Jibberish and im done with it all. Thank u for this article Zan. U couldnt have sent it at the perfect time as i was contemplating it anyways..i dont wanna block cause to me its immature but i do not follow her social media ,She still
Follows me though. But i dont care as i barely use it and believe social media is a toxic environment anyways and have distanced myself from it ..ive seen more harm then good with media and as i move forward i will continue stay away..meet people the old fashion way. Cheers to all 🙂 🙌
Hi DR.
Don’t listen to your ex’s sweet talk. If she truly missed you the way she needed to, she would have shown you that. You need to cut her off and move on with your life. You can’t keep her in your life right now as she’s a hindrance.
Let me know if you have any luck finding people the old-fashioned way. I look forward to your success!
Kind regards,
Zan
I have a tricky situation with a sort-of-friend whom I feel I should cut out of my life. He’s been texting me multiple times a week, and gets upset when I don’t text back. I asked him a few times to please text less frequently and to send shorter texts: but he hasn’t been getting it. In my last message, I asked him again to please not text more than once a week, not to expect me to always reply, and to please leave me alone if I didn’t reply.
I don’t feel I can block him on my phone or on WhatsApp, because he isn’t emotionally stable. I blocked him a few months ago because I couldn’t take the incessant texting and his reaction was … frightening to the point that I was physically afraid. For whatever reason, being blocked seems to trigger extremely intense emotions for him. Even if he’s annoying (or disgusting) the hell out of me I feel sorry for him and don’t want to upset him. I think a hard cut-off – behind what I already wrote – could have much the same effect.
I’m trying the approach now of not only muting him but putting his messages on 24 hour disappear. Does this “soft cut-off” sound like a good approach?
Hi min.
Tell him kindly you have nothing against him but that you’re going to stop responding to his messages. Tell him you need to do it for yourself and wish him the best of luck. He won’t like it, but that’s okay. He needs to know you’re not interested in conversing with him. The soft cut-off approach is okay too.
Sincerely,
Zan
This is exactly what I did to my on again off again ex since 2020. He kept getting back together with me and then would ghost dump me and beg for forgiveness and come back into my life yet again only for our relationship to fail. It was the 3rd time around with the help of Zan’s blog that I identified things I wanted to change this time around and he did some changes but mostly stayed the same person. He kept me excluded from his life. We only hung out privately, he turned me down when I invited him out with my friends he never invited me to his social outings. He never talked about a future even when we were doing really good. He was just “there” in the moment. During the 3rd outing I came to realize or saw the pattern that he basically would push me aside for his social life every weekend. Never once inviting me out. Also during the week he would not really text or talk with me until we hung out face to face setting up a dinner date. I would be in the dark for a few days wondering if he’s upset at me or what he’s doing and then I would get a good morning text and setting up a dinner date for that evening of food wine and sex. It wasn’t enough. I was so starved for love an affection most of the time and this was our 3rd go round. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I was adamant we make plans for a Sunday and spend the day together and he complied however the day of Sunday he came up with an excuse to not meet me out I expressed my disappointment via text and hours later he shot back “i’m going to reflect on your grievances” After a few text exchanges Monday and Tuesday I came to the realization he’s never going to change. He’s incapable of loving me back the same way I love him or he doesn’t want to. He just wants me in his pocket whenever he needs. Our first time together in 2020 he was a real boyfriend to me. He made me a part of his life and participated in mine as WELL as dinner dates at home. We were the real deal and I had been trying since then to make him that man again. Fast foward to that Sunday flake moment and text exchange Monday and Tuesday, tuesday evening I came like I said to the realization he’s not changing despite me telling him this 3rd time around I want things to change and I won’t tolerate it, I decided it’s time to end this and move on with my life.
I met him Wednesday evening and told him just that over pizza and beer. He shot back with i’m sorry i’m a selfish guy I want to do what I want when I want where I want and i’m not in a space for dating or getting serious with someone. I shot back why on earth did you come back to me this 3rd time around. He had said I wanted you to know i’m a good person (wrong). I then gave in to his offer of can we at least still be in each others lives somehow and went home with him after a few more drinks and slept with him and slept over.
He went out of town for week the following week and bizarrely enough communicated the entire week with me while he was gone. Good morning how is my day going? Lots of sexting. I obliged because I still loved him and gave in to his affections again. I picked him up from the airport a week later and he was all hugs love and kisses and brought me gifts. He then the next week made a lot of effort to hang out with me, still 1:1 and dinner dates at home but he put all the love and affection on me despite me ending things. It was confusing.
There was a guy that was interested in me and despite my exes bizarre affection turn around I decided to start seeing this new guy. The new guy is giving me everything I want. He’s not “closed off” distant, he’s engaging present. Invited me to social functions introduced me to his friends we also spent time together alone. We had been connecting.
My ex decides to go out of town to OC for the weekend but before he does he texts me he has a proposal for me and when he gets back he will go into detail. I tell him I won’t be in town myself and he says (on a saturday) ill call you in a little bit my phones at 3% god knows what he’s doing as he always kept his social life and everything he did when we weren’t together private, he never was transparent to me.
He gets me on the phone and proposes that I move with him to his townhome in another city and how we’ll both save money and spend more time together like I always wanted. I shot back this dynamic is littered with a ton of problems because I am not going to cohabitate with you in this bizarre friendly fwb thing we are doing even though i’m OK with it now it will only be worse if we live together. We’re not even together right now I pointed out. It took until the very end of the conversation for him to say Ok if we move in together at my townhome we will be in a relationship this will be it.
The weekend passes by i go out of town I get back in Wednesday and since that prior weekend he had started becoming distant again. I could feel it. Monday through Wendnesday when I was out of town I barely heard from him as opposed to when he was on vacation his constant check ins and communications. hot and cold. On Thursday I ask him when he would like to meet to go over his proposal, he shoots back that things are changing as we speak with his real estate lawyer and he can’t see me tonight because he has an obligation (again refusing to tell me what or at least say what he is really doing but i remind myself i ended things 2 weeks ago and so he doesn’t owe that to me anyway) and also he’s going out of town again the next day on friday and he won’t be available for in person until next week maybe monday or tuesday. If I like i can text him or we can talk briefly over the phone when he logs off work before his evening plans.
it’s at that moment I had had enough. I text him that’s ok i’ll say what I have to say via text to you and be done with it one moment. I sent several voice notes to him via text so that way they expire and can’t be shared with anyone else.
I basically said in a series of notes that he’s dangled the prospect of us being in a relationship too many times and I can’t do this anymore and I said your actions show me how you really feel about me the way you treat me and continue to live your life the way you want without me really in it. You’ve never tried to fight for us fight for me or really try to be in a relationship with me. I also said yes i agreed to still be in each others lives in some way but this is too abusive and hurtful for me and i must move on with my life. I also said i’m going to be transparent with you and that i am slowly and cautiously seeing someone else but I had been holding back because of you well i’m not holding back anymore. I said I had paused my life plans for you because once again I thought we had at last the opportunity to truly be together but your actions say that’s the last thing you want to do, you said it yourself you’re a selfish person. I finally said i’m not holding back anymore on the guy i’m seeing and im going to continue with my life plans and please don’t contact me anymore.
I cut him off just like in this blog and for all the reason’s Zan pointed out in his blog. It wasn’t doing me any favors to be in a half hearted love less bizarre in his pocket whenever he feels relationship with my ex who was never going to give me what I truly wanted. I can say in my decades of dating I have never been abused by a man until now. This type of avoidant attachment style abuse and being cut off from his life and only receiving love and affection in small doses to the point I was love starved was killing my spirit.
I finally feel at this point after so many failed attempts at making it work i’m free of this man. He obviously has some demons or personal development he needs to work on because he’s too selfish to made adjustments in his life to truly include me or it’s not me I had said when I initially broken up with him. I said i came close but you’ll find someone you want to spend your every waking moment with unfortunately it’s not me.
So yes I cut him off. I do miss him I miss the intimacy, the sex, the moments alone together where we connected on such a deep levels however the pain that he inflicted on me far outweighed those moments. And did he fight for me after I cut him off? Did he text back and said ok i’ll change? no he didn’t he didn’t respond at all.
I changed his profile picture to the image of a stop sign and I renamed his contact name as DON’T EVER TEXT with a sub title YOU’RE DRUNK DON’T TEXT HIM.
I feel a lot better having control of the narrative of my life again. I miss him but not as much anymore. And I think now he knows that I won’t accept him back in my life anymore at all. Next time if he does reach out it’s all or nothing. No casual hang outs no more situationship that’s it.
If someone is abusing you emotionally and not giving you everything you want in a relationship and only a situationship and you feel neglected hurt love starved and cut off from their lives. Do yourself a favor, for your sanity and cut them off, because they’re not losing any sleep over you, if they’ve been living their life perfectly happy doing what they’re doing without you in it, let them continue doing it and save yourself the heartache.
Hi All too well.
Your ex gave you all the signs that he doesn’t want a relationship with you, so it doesn’t leave you with any other option than to cut him off. Do it out of respect for yourself and your loved ones.
Best regards,
Zan
After cheating on me and me giving her a chance only to be dumped 6 months later I have no option but to cut my ex off for good.
She made a fool out of me and I’m still healing. I won’t let her back in. Once she pays me the money she owes me which, incidentally she took off me a week before I was dumped, I will have to block her on WhatsApp. I’ve already removed her from social media as I do not want to see her life.
Zan you are right that she is oblivious to her behaviour even saying in a message that as we loved each other she hoped we could have a coffee as we did love each other? She is unreal to think that after her behaviour, leading me on, dumping me at Christmas, we could be ok
Hi Jaytee.
Cut all ties with your ex. The sooner you do it, the quicker you’ll heal and the better you’ll feel. You can block her too if it helps. You know your worth, so there’s no need to go for coffee with her.
Best regards,
Zan