Can Lost Feelings Come Back?

Lost feelings can come back. They can come back during a relationship and also after a breakup. But for them to come back, people must actively work on the reasons feelings went away and the things that are keeping them away.

Most of the time, self-awareness and a healthy relationship mentality are required.

People must mature and learn what lost feelings mean for their relationship and their lives. They must understand that they won’t be happy if things stay the way they are and that they’ll lose their partner forever.

The problem is that people don’t always want feelings to come back. Oftentimes, they feel victimized and resentful and would rather cut off their partner or ex-partner and start fresh with someone new.

By doing so, they would avoid thinking about the person who hurt and disappointed them and experience another infatuation phase with someone else.

They think it’s much easier to end a relationship than it is to fix their problems and negative perceptions of their (ex)partner. And they’re right. It’s way easier to throw a relationship away than it is to forgive, improve unhealthy (thinking) patterns, and accept a person’s flaws.

That’s why so few people regain lost feelings. They determine they aren’t compatible as partners and that there’s someone better suited for them out there. Such people don’t realize that the person they find after their ex will have different shortcomings and that the new relationship will have ups and downs like any other relationship.

It will have both good and bad days. The number of good and bad days will depend on their maturity, which is the ability to communicate efficiently and resolve misunderstandings and disagreements before they grow into bigger problems.

The most committed and mature individuals don’t become resentful to the point where they can’t even look at their partner. They have enough empathy and self-awareness to understand that their partner is a human being who respects and values them and wants to make the relationship work.

Because they’re developed as people, they’re open to individual and couples therapy and other ways of fixing the relationship. Hence, they try to resolve their problems and regain or improve their romantic feelings. 

As for the most detached and bitter people, they don’t want to do anything to bring lost feelings back. They’re too far gone to make plans on how to be better people and closer to their partner. Such people usually do the opposite of what is required to save the relationship.

Instead of communicating with their partner and spending time (bonding) with their partner, they push their partner away, hang out with friends, and focus on their partner’s negative traits. This makes them further fall out of love and creates mental blocks that prevent them from appreciating their partner.

Since they focus on negative things, they typically paint a black picture of their partner and start feeling suffocated. The longer they feel that way, the more relieved they feel and the more elated they appear when they dump their partner.

Therefore, lost feelings can come back. But they need a strong reason to come back. A person must want or need his or her partner to feel fulfilled. Usually, the latter is required. Some external reason unrelated to the relationship must show them their life isn’t going according to plan and that their current and future happiness depends on the person they took for granted.

Some things that can make their lost feelings come back are:

• therapy and self-reflection
• another failed relationship, rejection, or some negative event
• a constructive conversation with friends, family, or mentors
• a realization that they need their partner to survive/be happy

In a long-term relationship, feelings don’t go away on their own. They disappear because couples stop investing in the relationship. They stop bonding and resolving problems and focus on things that feel good but aren’t important for the relationship.

Oftentimes, they look for distractions outside of the relationship and tell themselves their partner doesn’t care about them and give them what they need. Eventually, they convince themselves they’re not a good match and that they’ll be happier without their partner and with someone else.

New couples (short-term ones) normally fall out of love for slightly different reasons. They don’t lose feelings because of neglect or self-neglect but because they’re fundamentally different or emotionally unavailable. Due to unresolved problems or differences, they struggle to connect or stay connected long-term.

Most of the time, they break up as soon as they stop feeling infatuated (2 – 4 months into the relationship). They realize they lost feelings and that their new partner is weighing them down.

This happens because the relationship triggers their unprocessed fears and exhausted mentality and requires effort to maintain. It can no longer run on autopilot, be directionless, and ignore all the issues.

Today, we talk about whether lost feelings can come back. We discuss what feelings require to return and what people can do to reconnect emotionally.

Can lost feelings come back?

Lost feelings can come back. Partners or ex-partners can reconnect and stay together if they set their differences aside and work on their shortcomings and relationship problems. All they need to reconnect is to understand what they’re fighting for.

If they’re fighting for a relationship that is good but needs a few improvements, they can gather the determination and courage to talk about things that need to change. They can work on themselves individually and together as a couple, set relationship goals, and appreciate each other.

Gratitude is one of the most important aspects of a romantic relationship. By telling our partner or receptive ex-partner what we appreciate and how it makes us feel, we can make him or her feel positive about us and inspire him or her to do the same.

We can connect on a deeper level and feel accepted and loved.

We mustn’t, however, try to force things. Overapologizing, crying, demanding, and oversharing tends to have the opposite effect. It shows a lack of emotional stability and puts immense expectations on the other person.

As a result, the person we’re trying to impress feels pressured and thinks we want to be in a relationship significantly more than him or her. This causes a severe difference in interest and power and lowers the chance of getting what we want.

Lost feelings can’t come back if your partner or ex-partner is doubtful and doesn’t believe in the relationship. They can come back only when you let go of control (stop trying to change your partner) and let him or her discover personal reasons for loving you.

Personal reasons can be your personality, traits, emotional maturity, financial independence, children, or anything he or she respects and needs you for. It can be anything positive that gives your (ex)partner security, purpose, and happiness.

You can’t force a person to love you just because you want your feelings to be reciprocated. Love doesn’t work that way. It needs a good motive to redevelop. A good motive is usually accompanied by strong feelings.

If your partner or ex-partner values you and fears losing you, he or she can associate positive beliefs and feelings with your persona and want you close to him or her. He or she can learn what’s at stake and understand that he or she has a limited window of opportunity to fix things.

If the relationship doesn’t go back to normal soon, you could move on and find someone else.

To make lost feelings come back, you must both remember what you like about each other and why you fell in love in the first place. Let the past be the past and focus on things that make the relationship special.

If you do this right and often, you’ll see that you’re perfectly capable of working together and staying in love.

You just need to want it. You must be brave and willing to get hurt. Eventually, someone will say or do something strange or rude. It’s not a matter of if but when. When that happens, avoid taking things personally and remember that it’s okay to be flawed and that it doesn’t mean you’re bad people.

You’re people who make mistakes and occasionally misperceive each other’s intentions.

Simply forgive each other and accept each other. Forgiveness and acceptance are crucial in every relationship. If you try to change everything about each other, you’ll never be happy because you won’t accept personality differences and be tolerant of mistakes and things that didn’t work in the past.

Never pressure each other to think, feel, and act in ways that are logical to you. People don’t react well to pressure. Most of the time, they resist it and respond negatively. When they respond that way, they tend to adopt the idea or belief that you’re not a great match for them and that they can be happier on their own.

So if you want to make someone’s feelings come back, remember that you can’t do that with force. A person has to find you attractive, be ready for a relationship, and want to love you. Rationally, he or she must think you’re a good match/person and that not being with you would be disastrous for his or her happiness and well-being.

When he or she understands your worth, you can then join hands and work on making lost feelings come back. You can take accountability for your actions and prove with actions that your new relationship won’t suffer from the same mistakes/issues.

Once your partner or ex-partner trusts you, you both must get rid of fallback plans. If you’re talking to other people, you must stop doing so. Ceasing contact with them will make your (ex)partner your only plan forward.

He or she will be your top priority and the only person you want to connect with.

Having said that, here’s how to make lost feelings come back.

Always remember that relationships end because people want them to end. They take them for granted and do nothing to disassociate negativity from their partner, improve relationship and personal problems, and restore lost feelings.

Instead of working on problems and resolving them, they consider them dealbreakers and abandon their relationship when their relationship needs the most care and attention.

Falling in love is easy. It requires no effort and planning. Staying in love, on the other hand, requires a certain level of self-awareness, gratitude, communication, and bonding. Only those who value relationships and the person they’re with stay in love and progress through life stages with their partner.

If falling in love is easy and staying in love is normal difficulty-wise, then regaining lost feelings is hard. When feelings are gone, it’s hard to regain them because a person must be willing to regain them.

He or she must want to receive the other person’s love, attention, and validation despite feeling nothing toward his or her partner or ex-partner.

The hardest thing to do is to do the opposite of what feelings tell you to do. If feelings tell you to stay away from your (ex)partner and get closer to someone new, you’ll feel extremely tempted to do that. You won’t think about restoring the connection with the person who admires you simply because you won’t feel like it.

Every fiber in your body will tell you the relationship has ended and that you’ll be happier if you follow your heart.

That’s why dumpers often want nothing to do with their ex. They feel hurt, angry, and pressured and think their ex should respect their feelings and choices. If their ex doesn’t respect them, they often project their stressors onto their ex and disrespect their ex back.

That hurts their ex’s feelings and complicates the situation.

Moreover, lost feelings can come back even if a relationship was unhealthy. Their return doesn’t necessarily depend on the quality of the relationship but rather on how much exes depend on each other.

If they have a trauma bond, trauma can be the reason they crave each other and get back together.

What to do if your ex-partner doesn’t want to fall back in love?

If your ex-partner doesn’t think the relationship deserves his or her effort and commitment, you shouldn’t try to change your ex’s mind. You should avoid telling your ex that he or she is wrong and that you’re right.

Refusing to accept the breakup and reasoning with your ex will make your ex feel unheard and uncared for. It will make him or her think you’re selfish and desperate for love. When your ex thinks that way of you, your chances of getting back together will plummet.

They’ll hit an all-time low because your ex won’t respect you and find you attractive.

Love develops when two individuals respect each other and value what they have to offer. It doesn’t develop when they desperately promise changes and try to sell themselves. When a person turns into a beggar, he or she loses credibility and lands on the backburner.

So avoid rationalizing with the person who abandoned you. Let that person engage in self-reflection and discover your worth on his or her own. If that happens, your ex will come to you and show you how easily feelings come back when people want them to.

You won’t have to persuade your ex. A regretful ex will do the hard work for you as he or she will know that it’s not your job to save the relationship.

What do you think? Can lost feelings come back? Have they come back for you, your partner, or your ex? Share your experiences and thoughts in the comments below. We’ll get back to you soon.

And lastly, if you want to chat with us about lost feelings, get in touch with us here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.