A relationship with a bipolar person can be highly intense and passionate, yet unpredictable. It can trap a couple in a recurring pattern of emotional highs (and lows), leading to repeated arguments and breakups. This pattern causes them to experience new relationship stages over and over again, including the honeymoon/infatuation stage where they feel temporarily infatuated (in love). They believe they’re a good fit for each other; otherwise, they wouldn’t feel so strongly about each other.
In their minds, compatible partners feel a constant pull toward each other and always find their way back together.
Sadly, they don’t think that way for long. Infatuation in a reconciled relationship lasts about a week or so, depending on the bond, gratitude, communication style, time spent away from each other, and the fear of losing each other. If they miss each other and want to get back together very badly, they tend to get anxious after a while and go through an emotionally-driven reconciliation process.
During this process, they express their emotions, apologize, promise to do better, and recommit. They feel connected and truly want the relationship to work. The only problem is that they’re not ready for it to work. They haven’t broken the pattern that caused them discontent and emotional overwhelm.
They still think and feel the same, and as a result, soon find themselves in a similar situation. They break up again and put more strain on the dynamics of the relationship. Every time a couple breaks up, whether they’re bipolar, borderline, narcissistic, or completely normal or healthy, they lower relationship standards and make it easier to break up the next time they disagree or feel tempted to leave.
Each breakup significantly impacts their willingness to fight for the relationship and improve their unhealthy traits, habits, and behaviors. It becomes extremely difficult for couples to avoid breaking up once they’ve demonstrated (especially multiple times) that their instinct during difficult situations is to walk away and that they’re not afraid of breaking up.
Threatening a breakup or showing eagerness to end the relationship when tensions rise are not signs of emotional intelligence. They’re signs of uncooperativeness and lack of control that challenge their egos and prove that they work against each other rather than with each other.
To stay together, both partners must agree that reacting emotionally and quitting is not an option. They must value each other and see difficulties as challenges rather than dealbreakers.
All couples occasionally feel unheard, hurt, and angry, and have disagreements. What sets quality partners apart from unhealthy ones is their ability to manage their thoughts and prevent unhealthy thoughts from leading to unhealthy emotions and actions.
Healthy, meant-to-be-together couples understand that if they don’t work on themselves and develop self-control, they won’t show care, affection, and respect—and last in a relationship. They’ll soon get emotionally overwhelmed and break up to focus on themselves and others.
Breakups can be avoided when couples understand what’s at stake, communicate openly, and love each other. Even bipolar couples where one or both partners struggle with bipolar disorder can agree on how to diffuse emotionally charged situations without disrespecting and hurting each other in ways that are beyond repair.
Bipolar or not, they can avoid or break the bipolar disorder breakup cycle by investing in themselves and coming up with solutions to deal with challenging situations. Those who let things escalate out of control and break up lack fail-safe solutions, including the drive to do what’s necessary in the heat of the moment.
Instead of doing what’s right, they do what feels right to them and cause immense damage to trust, love, and commitment.
You need to understand that there are limits to how much mental or emotional strain a relationship can endure. Some couples look indestructible, but they only look that way. Like all couples, they have a snapping point.
Once that point is crossed, emotions become too difficult to deal with calmly and constructively. At that point, they feel victimized and may decide to pursue their goals without each other.
I’m telling you this so you don’t assume that you or your partner will tolerate unhealthy dynamics forever. When someone gets tired of constant ups and downs, he or she will develop doubts and exit the relationship for good.
Remember that breakups can’t be avoided when couples merely react to each other. Reacting without thinking causes resentment and makes the most detached partner give up and seek happiness elsewhere.
Only those who actively work on their triggers (self-awareness) and impulse control stay together and grow over time. Such couples understand the importance of mental health and put their emotions aside for the sake of the relationship.
They know that excuses such as “I felt like saying/doing that” are excuses for their lack of effort and self-control, and that in successful relationships, couples mind their words and actions.
Bipolar relationships may be difficult, but they aren’t impossible to maintain. They require two respectful individuals, with at least one being patient and highly understanding, who knows how to navigate bipolar behavior. Such a person can reduce the friction and turn it into a respectful dialogue.
Ideally, they should both try to soften the mood. But if one person is significantly better at it than the other, then perhaps he or she could take the lead and do it more often. The other person could maybe do a better job at apologizing and expressing gratitude and feelings.
How couples handle problems is unique to each relationship. The key is to discuss their issues, take bipolar disorder into account, and come to an agreement. If they make plans on how to regulate their emotions when things don’t go their way, they may be able to deal with issues before they cause irreversible damage.
If you and your partner or ex-partner are going through a bipolar relationship breakup cycle, you need to understand that you haven’t grown or changed enough to create different results. You still take each other for granted and let emotions control you.
As long as you’re slaves to your feelings, you’re bound to keep running into issues and breaking up. If you don’t find a solution soon, one of your breakups will be the last one. That’s how it is for most couples as they eventually learn that nothing’s changing and that they don’t want to stay unhappy.
In today’s post, we talk about the dynamics of a bipolar relationship breakup cycle and share some tips on how to make the relationship work.
What causes breakups in bipolar relationships?
Bipolar relationships are known for extreme mood swings, uncontrollable anger, depressive episodes, and impulsive behavior that affect couples’ trust, direction, love, and connection. Oftentimes, couples disagree over trivial matters and escalate them into larger conflicts.
Because they lack the tools to resolve issues efficiently, they play the blame game and refuse to do the work necessary for building a loving/stable relationship. We could say that instead of talking about problems and looking for healthy solutions, they dwell on negative thoughts and feelings while expecting the other person to fix things.
This builds resentment and deepens their disconnection. It’s only a matter of time before they experience an issue that pushes them over the edge and triggers an emotional breakup.
Bipolar individuals struggle with personal issues on top of relationship issues. There are times when they feel anxious, depressed, hopeless, irritated, restless, guilty, or tired, and want nothing more than to be left alone—but there are also times when they feel euphoric, confident (or overconfident), and act impulsively.
Their feelings and behaviors vary, depending on the phase of the disorder, the dynamics of the relationship, their hormones, and their circumstances. If they feel swamped with negative emotions and expectations, they may take it out on their partner and cause him or her to feel hurt and fight back. Many people retaliate because they think they deserve better treatment.
Bipolar relationships are never boring. They’re emotion-driven, hard to predict, and challenging to manage. One moment, a bipolar person may feel relaxed and excited about the future, and the next, he or she may be stressed, emotional, and full of doubt and fear.
Emotions, thoughts, and behavior can change at a stroke, especially if something bad happens.
This causes a bipolar couple to experience a quick low after a high, followed by a strong urge to patch things up. High highs and low lows are a recipe for trauma bonding. Trauma develops due to an emotional rollercoaster and makes couples get back together even though they’re not ready for it.
Many couples (not just bipolar ones) reconcile for the wrong reasons. They want to re-experience how they felt when they stopped disagreeing and focused on things that made them feel good. Because they crave some relationship benefit or feeling, they get back together without addressing their core issues.
At first, they get along fine as they feel infatuated and appreciate each other. But when reconciliation hormones wane, old problems soon resurface. They remind them that they’re still the same people and that it will take more than another chance to stay together permanently.
Bipolar relationship breakup cycles indicate that couples aren’t ready for a stable, long-term relationship. They may be emotionally compatible, but they don’t fully understand each other’s needs and differences. Until they learn that relationships require self-investment, perseverance, and sacrifice, they keep bringing the worst out of each other and breaking up.
Always remember that couples can have a successful relationship despite bipolar disorder. It’s not the disorder that breaks them up, but their lack of understanding, solutions, effort, and fear of breaking up. Most couples who fail romantically blame the disorder, instead of admitting they treated the relationship passively and refused to make the necessary changes.
Yes, bipolar relationships are hard and not for everyone. Many times, they bring confusion and negative emotions. However, with mutual understanding, patience, proper coping strategies, and time, couples can navigate the challenges and build a stable relationship built on trust, respect, and support.
The success of a bipolar relationship isn’t written in the stars. Its success depends on couples’ willingness to evolve and raise the bar for communication before they fall out of love and become bitter.
Having said that, here are 7 reasons why bipolar relationships fail.
What should I do if I’m stuck in a bipolar relationship breakup cycle?
If you and your (ex)partner keep breaking up and getting back together due to bipolar disorder, keep in mind that your relationship currently isn’t working. Your relationship skills, self-control, mentality, commitment, or understanding aren’t good enough for such a sporadic relationship to survive and thrive. I’m not saying it never will, but do remember that if it fails multiple times, the chances of things changing for the better are slim.
They would have changed already if the two of you wanted them to change badly enough.
Since you didn’t adapt and broke up multiple times, it’s clear that you don’t work well together and that something must be done about it. You must either join forces and look for solutions to bipolarity or break up. You can’t go on like this and let the relationship go in whichever direction it wants.
There must be boundaries and standards that shouldn’t be crossed. If certain actions or behaviors trigger a breakup, you must discuss them and agree to put an end to them. As a couple, you’re both equally responsible for maintaining the relationship. Someone may have more individual work to do, but that doesn’t mean he or she should do all the work and take all the blame.
Blame is counterproductive. It makes people shut off emotionally and builds resentment. The worst thing you can do is blame each other and refuse to forgive and cooperate. That would hasten the end of the relationship.
Be reasonable and accept that you both have work to do. Regardless of who initiated the breakups, you must break the patterns that produce unwanted thoughts, beliefs, expectations, and feelings. Consider signing up for therapy. A professional will remain neutral and provide rational, healthy advice. Medication can also be beneficial.
You like each other at your best. If you improve your worst characteristics and behaviors, you’ll create healthier dynamics and get along better. Growth takes time, so don’t expect instant improvements. You’ll likely need a couple of months for your changes to become permanent parts of your lives.
My advice is to explore different solutions and see what works and what doesn’t. If you take the breakup cycle seriously, you’ll eventually recognize bipolar triggers and know how to successfully deal with them. It won’t always be easy because you’ll occasionally feel stressed and annoyed, but you’ll have proper stress-management techniques that prevent you from acting instinctively and breaking up.
In conclusion, the bipolar person has to work on self-control and communication, whereas the non-bipolar one has to improve his or her patience, understanding, and commitment. As a couple, you must show that you’re on the same team and that you won’t abandon it when things get tough.
I hope you’ve learned a thing or two about bipolar relationship breakup cycles. If you have and would like to talk about the specifics of your bipolar relationship/breakup, leave a comment or sign up for private coaching.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
My Mom was Bipolar, no thanks.